Anon lives in China | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

>live in China >try to prepare breakfast but one of my 7 concubines drank the last of the leaded milk >get in car >car won't start because intake is clogged with a toddler's torso >oh yeah, forgot about that >pluck it out >car is still immobilized due to several human heads jamming up the wheel as well >no time to fix it, I'm late for work >use concubine #3's bicycle >bike is broken because it's chinese just like you >f@#*! >have to walk, I guess >put on standard outdoor chinese facemask >visibility is 20 feet due to smog >best it's been all year, what a beautiful day >see neighbor lady sweeping her dead child into trash bin >again?! >she shrugs and says "china will go larger" and goes back into house >a sewer explodes, I narrowly dodge a flying manhole cover >get to train station >doors open, suffocated and smothered dead bodies pour out >oh this is the dead body train, I'll take the next one >living people train arrives >doors open, suffocated and smothered dead bodies pour out >trample over them because I'm late, dammit >driver announces "scheduled derailment in 10 seconds, please hold on" >train derails, me and some other guy in the back row survive >he waves to me with the one arm he has left and smiles >says "We will live in prosperity!" >finally get to the wilderness park where I work >take escalator up to office to clock in >plate at the top of escalator gives way, gears and torque would've eaten my left leg if I still had one >feed it my left hand instead as an offering >for China >get in car to drive a visitor and her family around tiger enclosure >remind them that one of them has to die here as per the rules of the park >daughter says it's her turn and jumps out, mom says "bull (bleep)" and jumps out after her >Tiger kills the mother but breaks its leg while trying to kill daughter due to calcium defiency >I have to apologize to the daughter: "sorry, Tiger is broken today, come back tomorrow" >China will grow larger

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Yurop anon illustrates life | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/15/23(Mon)12:25:33 No.899296476 >be me, europeen >live in a 400 euros/month apartment in a walkable city, have licence but don't need a car >live on junk food, nicotine and wine, stay fit by biking everywhere >sometimes go on walks through the 500-year-old cobblestones, looking at castles and historical churches just for fun >breathtakingly beautiful university girls sit at cafés and in the parks, in short skirts and heels because they like feeling pretty and none of them grew up going to church that'd tell them they can't do that >condoms are free and abortions easily accessible >they don't mind that I'm ugly as s--- for as long as I'm funny >can walk to the library whenever I please, no books are banned for displeasing religious militants >bike right past it every week on my way to a highly educated and licensed therapist whose sessions are reimbursed by free national health care system >making progress in therapy, still on sick leave with a government pension until I'm fully recovered >still a depressed p------------ with childhood trauma and an eating disorder, but at least I'm not living in some Bumfuckistan, USA

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anon hears a noise | /r/Greentext

File: sd.jpg (12 KB, 474x219) 50 O Anonymous 05/20/23(Sat)23:26:39 No.899620677 >>899622546 >*chirp!* Anonymous 05/20/23(Sat)23:29:26 No.899620805 Always in the middle of the night when I'm the only one up.

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Anon have a doll | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: NQRRG5bi) 02/25/20(Tue)11:38:39 No.245243961 >>245244329 >>245244405>>245244465>>245244507 >>245244786 >>245244899 >>245245760 >>245245772 >>245246171 >>245247133 >>245249325 File: gretasexbot95.jpg (61 KB, 1024x680) >>245242014 (OP) . I spent 3400$ to commision a sexbot based on Greta. Its being constructed by a Japanese company. She will be here in 2 more months. I am going to rent her out on craiglist for 300$ a night. So hot. the best part is her voice is now programmable. I am goign to tech her to say: "Dump your carbon in me Daddy", "And I dont even have to shave it", "Stop teasing, they are NOT misquito bites", and of course when anally penetrated she will exclaim "How dare you." Also she will have her n------ pierced, and a tongue stud. This is the endgame dude. They will all be turned into Al sexbots.

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Can confirm it works. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous akmator: 14 KB JPG >profit 05/21/17(Sun)14:36:47 No.733287790 >go on akinator >say yes when asked if your character is a p----star >answer in accordance to what you want your p----star to look like >akinator gives you a hand-picked p----star to fit your preferences

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Anon is an online school casualty | /r/Greentext

File: 20220204_232317.jpg (59 KB, 400x415) ME DUMB AND NO KNOW HOW SPEAK Anonymous 05/20/23(Sat)21:03:20 No.28982443 >Be me, 20 year old autist >Ugly as s--- for majority of my life, was kinda bullied in middle school >Have major glowup, go from a 4 to around an 8 out of 10. >Parents decide to have me put in Online School because their scared of Public Schools being violent >Online School for all of High School, never talked to anyone but my teachers and a couple guys from my Middle school >Me now, out of school but have virtually no friends and my social skills are almost non-existent outside of a small friend group >Meet cute chick I like but half the time I talk to her I start stuttering like a retard or say something autistic as f--- that I don't realize until after I say it What the f--- do I do? I feel like I missed an extremely important piece of youth by not being able to actually talk to people my age during High School. She's nice, I don't want to be a weirdo and make her uncomfortable because I literally just don't know how to talk to people.

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Anon listens wrong people and now house smells funny | /r/Greentext

21m (5/21 6:56) 73394960 21 Re . 7 Img PNG 1MB (1108 × 1079) · 1681548332030504.png 5 Replies >fell for the piss down the air conditioner floor vent meme >urine accumulates at the bottom of the vent and not all of it evaporates >smell won't go away so now parents questioning it All I wanted to do was be able to piss at my desk with no cleanup. Every one of you assholes said it would be fine.

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Anon responds to pronouns | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 6ghMRXw0) 05/20/23(Sat)14:22:01 No.427727678 >>427727947 >>427734196 File: 22C769EC-DE94-4E74-89CA-B(...).jpg (1.16 MB, 1546x2399) >>427725528 (OP) Whenever I'm forced to sit through someone's "preferred pronouns" are, I follow it up asking then they weight and their age. Every response is the same. Shock at first and then ask me why. I say because they're identifying themselves, so needing to know their age and weight is also required. They get confused and embarrassed and then wished they had never mentioned their pronouns.

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Anon tries to play a game | /r/Greentext

>> File: download.jpg (16 KB, 187x269) Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)16:56:56 No. 266004227 [Reply] Post a character whose name starts with the last letter of the previous character Samus 349 posts and 10 image replies omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue) 18:09:27 No.266012605 ▶ >>266012607 Samus >>266012552 Samus Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)18:09:29 No.266012607 >>266012695 >>266012707 >>266012503 Samus Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue) 18:10:19 No.266012695 >>266012729 Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)18:10:28 No.266012707 >>266012607 Samus Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue) 18:10:38 No.266012729 >266012695 Samus

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Anon meets a jester in a clown world. | /r/Greentext

!!Qox+zTVtFKD clowns. all of them 70 KB PNG 05/19/23(Fri)17:24:08 No.73381666 >me, a week ago >working boring job >new guy, hated the company using the product and now works here >he's working in HR, I'm a programmer >hear about his antics >one day, attempt to talk to roastie >get the expected "assault! don't touch me!" >I wouldn't touch her if I had to to keep my job >get email from boss about a meeting with HR >okay, great, get to have a meeting with the new guy >log into zoom call, turns out she's here too >he asks me to tell him what I think happened >I tell him >he asks her what she thinks happened >she tries to talk, but loud circus music comes out of new guy's mic >"oh, sorry, what was that?" >tries again, it happens again >happens every time she tries to speak >she leaves, he's cackling >he leaves I think he might just be a good guy. unfortunately haven't heard from him since the end of that day

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Anon learns what being an alpha really means | /r/Greentext

File: 1318048194.png-(20 KB, 800x1000, that feel.png) Anonymous 10/08/11(Sat)00:29 No.9559967 itt we post stories of us being alpha Anonymous 10/08/11(Sat)00:31 No.9559971 that's what he gets for being a poofter >at a (straight) club with my bros >some obviously drunk f----- comes up to me >tells me i have really nice nice eyes and that he just had to come talk to me and he wants to buy me a drink >i have a mind to knock this guy the f--- out >tell him i'm not a f----- and push him really hard >he's on the ground soaking wet from spilling his drink on himself >call my bros over >we're surrounding him and verbally abusing him >he literally starts crying >we tell him to just get the f--- out of here >> Anonymous 10/08/11(Sat)00:32 No.9559988 >>9559970 how was i not alpha? if i'm not alpha then no one is. >>9559967 F---, that's alpha...if you were in 6th grade. take it from a real Alpha >>Go to the library often during finals (junior year) >>Notice this one kid who is always there >>After finals he is still there >>Me and my crew take him in >>Make him feel wanted >>Talk to him >>Find out he's actually a cool guy >>He hides the fact that he's homeless Anonymous 10/08/11(Sat)00:30 No.9559970 Sounds stupid and not alpha, OP. >>Hear stories about homeless college students who sleep in libraries >>Feelsbadman.jpg >>Has no money >>Dude is Auschwitz mode >>Decided College was all he had left >>Grants don't cover room and board >>He was reluctant at first >>He opens up to us about his situation (end of junior year) >>Homeless after his mom died >>Never knew his father >>No brothers or sister 26. >>Told us in a group, we were all crying. >>Manly tears >>No bro left behind >>We offer him our places to stay >>We make sure he take care of him >>4 years go by >>I no longer have a friend >>I now have a brother who is /fit/ >>Dude was pretty prideful, didn't do well taking help >>Made a deal, he accepted our help and he would help me out at the gym as my spotter as well as study (smart m-----------) CARA MENY >>(My family actually adopted him) >>brother has his own place and was crawling in bitches and took one and put a ring on it. That's real alpha mode you d---.

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Anon sucks at life | /r/Greentext

[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] File: 317F253B-3E1A-45BA-A0AC-1(...).jpg (40 KB, 180x170) 17 Anonymous 05/19/23 (Fri)22:20:10 No.28976719 >>28976729 >high IQ (130-135) >verified by WISC test >incompetent at literally everything (social interaction, working in groups, following simple f------ instructions) Anonymous 05/19/23(Fri)22:31:10 No.28976750 >>28976729 >/adv/ is a board for advice Archived/2/0 I seriously don't know why. I am skilled in learning things such as mathematics, and can construct meaningful philosophical arguments, but my intelligence has given me nothing more. I end up looking like a complete f------ retard in front of other people. I even quit my last job because I was so f------ embarrassed. ☐ Anonymous 05/19/23(Fri)22:24:15 No.28976729 ► >>28976750 >>28976719 (OP) You're retarded lol Source: I'm smart Maybe you should quit being such a frickin nerd

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Anon creates an abomination | /r/Greentext

#1, No. 73387239 34 minutes ago IMG_4465 JPG 1200x1200 101.4 kB > love grilled cheese sandwiches > one day, decide to try a new recipe > get creative with ingredients > instead of regular cheese, use moldy cheese from the back of the fridge > also, decide to add pickles and ketchup for some extra flavor > grill the sandwich until it's crispy on the outside > take a bite with high hopes > immediate regret fills my mouth > the moldy cheese tastes sour and funky > the pickles clash with the cheese and create an odd combination of flavors > the ketchup adds unnecessary sweetness > struggle to swallow the bite > take another bite to give it a second chance > it's even worse than the first > can't bear to finish the sandwich > look at the leftover moldy cheese, pickles, and ketchup > realize it was a terrible idea to combine them in the first place > learn my lesson: stick to the classic grilled cheese recipe > from that day on, never experiment with weird ingredients again

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