Anon is put in place. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

1 REPLY > be me > have naive 24 yo girlfriend > works in a smoke shop > talks to skeezy guys all day > tries to make friends despite skeeziness > friendly 40+ yo guy is a regular > has fat wife and 4 kids > they talk a few times, then exchange numbers > this continues for a few weeks > one morning the texts change > guy talks a lot about sexual desires > "me and my wife are thinking about adding a third person to the bedroom" > "we'd love to find someone hot like you" > gf reminds him she's in a relationship > he replies: "i know, I didn't mean you" > she ends conversation politely and tells me everything what's the play, /b/? Anonymous 10 minutes ago >>817854302 (OP) F--- his fat wife and treat her like s---. Slap her around and spit in her face. Film it and send it to him. Wait three solid months, then show up at his house and beat his ass with a baseball bat. Tell him your planning to f--- his wife again and to let her know to get her a------ ready for you. Tell him this is only the beginning and if he wants to f--- around you can always cripple one of his bitch ass kids. Make it a point to come around every three or four years and repeat the lesson. Destroy his life. 817855095

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is a cat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 82 KB JPG 1 Reply 01/10/19(Thu)12:24:45 No.50347100 Roast me. >Yes, this is my actual pic. Page 2 View Thread : Anonymous >>50347100 (OP) # Why would I roast a cat? That's something the Chinese would do. 01/10/19(Thu)12:33:46 No.50347178

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Go to schewll | /r/Greentext

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Grinder has Been Successfully Installed on Your Device. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 31 KB JPG 4 Replies 03/10/23(Fri) 18:59:47 No.72521985 >26 years old never had a gf. >people think i am gay >they even trying to talk to me saying its ok >even though I say I'm not >they keep pushing s--- on me I do not know what to do I think that i will r--- a woman in front of them View Thread

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Anon understands non-verbals | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/10/23(Fri)18:36:38 No.895661122 >>895661188 >>895661403 >>895662294 >>895662523 >>895662764 >>895662915 >>895662994 >>895660577 (OP) >girls say "i have a boyfriend" >instead of "i don't want to" >it's not that they wouldn't >but they can't right now >i don't want him to find out >shouldn't break his heart >he might get upset or he might get angry >his reaction might hurt me or my life >i need to keep his trust until i'm his wife >then i'll say that i'm married but >my husbands not here tonight so we could touch >you can stay the night and sleep in his bed >just lay back on the bed and we'll start with head >nod your head up and down just like that >if you promise me a climax i'll remember that fact >it's not that i don't want to >it's just that i can't right now Anonymous 03/10/23(Fri) 18:43:04 No.895661403 >>895661427 >>895661475 >>895661528 >>895661858 >>895662528 >>895663131 >>895663289 >>895663467 >>895663744 >>895664324 >>895664886 >>895665263 >>895665440 >>895665706 >>895666159 >>895666714 >>895666948 >>895667274 >>895667698 >>895667957 >>895668360 >>895668789 >>895669503 >>895670201 >>895670646 File: first warning.png (764 KB, 1404x932) >>895661122 Sometimes they can tell you without opening their mouths.

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Anon hates the USA | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/11/23(Sat)01:40:24 No.178964720 ► >>178964768 >>178965876 >>178966009 >>178963581 We unironically owe you nothing >be nascent amerishart republic >beg for French help against the British, receive 1 billion livres worth of weapons and supplies as well as the military support of France and its allies (Spain and the Netherlands, three global empires) >finally defeat the British as the French navy breaks the naval siege of Yorktown and lands reinforcements >fast forward 20 years later, France has a revolution of its own, amerishartia refuses to keep paying its loans to France because of the regime change (despite being the product of a revolution itself) >breaks alliance with France and signs the Jay Treaty of Amity and Commerce with its old British masters (only to get bitten in the ass 20 years later as the British burn the White House) >fast forward to WW1 >the British and French are holding the line and starving the Germans while the rest of the Central Powers are on the verge of collapse >America uses the Zimmermann telegram as an excuse to join the war (but really Wilson wanted to ensure Britain and France were in a state to repay their loans after the war) >land in France, contribute absolutely nothing beyond assisting in the rout of a demoralised German army >Wilson actively opposes an invasion of German territory, thereby preventing the allies from driving the point home that they lost, leading to the stab-in-back-myth >at the Paris Peace Conference, shoot down every French demand to ensure its security against Germany-promise France a defensive alliance instead in the event of another German chimpout (lol) >create an utterly inefficient Treaty of Versailles, referred to as a "20 year truce" by Supreme Commander Foch, who was posthumously proven right >in the 1920s, team up with the British to actively prevent France and Belgium from obtaining reparations from the Germans despite the utter devastation in northeastern France and Belgium >in 1939, be nowhere to be seen despite former promises to intervene >in 1944, "liberate" France by bombing Normandy and wrecking a lot more havoc than the Germans did in five years of military occupation (rapes, civilian murders) >refuse to recognise France as a victor despite contributions by the Free French Forces >try to turn France into a puppet state but be prevented from doing so by the fact that de Gaulle's large army of partisans would have made it a hassle, as well as Churchill's vouching for a French seat at the UNSC >fast forward to the Suez Crisis, utterly betray both your British and French allies, indirectly destroying both empires >fast forward to the Iraq War, feel "betrayed" when France refuses to join your misguided crusade and start calling us surrender monkeys History is written by the victors so this might be forgotten, but I won't forget. Americans are not trustworthy, we owe you nothing and you are only our allies on paper. If Washington DC was reduced to ashes tomorrow, I would cheer. America is not only a nation of trannies and crooks, you're also the worst thing that has happened to Western civilisation. Total mutt death.

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Anon buys a GOTY collector's edition. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)21:50:08 No.226042642 [▼] >>226042746 >>226042752 >>226042768 >>226042820 >>226042905 >>226042930 >>226042945>>226042973 >>226043064>>226043080 >>226043326 >>226043330 >>226043335 >>226043450 >>226043538 >>226043542 >>226043567 >>226043576 >>226043617 >>226043750 >>226043921 >>226043991 >>226044047 >>226044086 >>226044126 >>226044153 >>226044248 >>226044314 >>226044664 >>226045665 >>226046278 >>226046442 >>226046473 >>226046497 >>226047086 >>226047184>>226047259 >>226047324 >>226047487 >>226047490 >>226049449 >>226049746 >>226050095 >>226050120 >>226050447 >>226051565 >>226052227 >>226052757 >>226052814>>226053026 >>226053878 >>226054179 >>226054472 >>226055069 >>226055958 >>226056608 >>226056836 >>226056889 >>226057132 >>226057335>>226057573 >>226058282 >>226059678 >>226060909 >>226061492 >>226062482 20140106_142115.jpg (144 KB, 640x480) google iqdb SORCERYSAGA >>226042642 Hahahahahaha PRVITA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SORCERYSAGA Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:16:24 No.226046278 [▼] 1365420349518.png (278 KB, 406x385) google iqdb >>226042642 >playing a game literally for toddlers Didn't it come with a diaper as well OP? Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)21:51:03 No.226042746 [▼] >>226044047 Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)21:51:06 No.226042752 [▼] 1280837759369.png (54 KB, 145x145) google iqdb >>226042642 >>226042642 >It doesn't come with complimentary diapers 0/10 would not buy Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:48:31 No.226050447 [▼] >>226051793 SORCERYS Anonymous 01/07/14(Tue)00:05:05 No.226060909 [▼] 1376298384083.png (448 KB, 455x395) google iqdb >>226042642 Late to the party but this is solid f------ gold Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:37:48 No.226049050 [▼] 1389030958248.jpg (248 KB, 600x636) google iqdb >>226048974 33 >>226048974 THIS N---- Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:05:55 No.226052761 [▼] 12314710.jpg (24 KB, 600x450) google iqdb Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:10:04 No.226053317 [▼] >>226048974 how can one OP be so based? Jesus Christ, you magnificent bastard. Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:25:06 No.226055337 [▼] 1345767706370.gif (1.88 MB, 480x270) google iqdb >>226048974 >>226048974 What the f--- -AYSAGA APIVITA Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:35:58 No.226056946 [▼] its an abstract kind of h(...).gif (2.44 MB, 260x195) google iqdb >>226048974 when i think you guys amused me enough, then a surprise i f------ love you /v/ Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:44:08 No.226058021 [▼] 1368563893791.jpg (64 KB, 685x564) google iqdb SORCERYSAGA Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:11:31 No.226045665 [▼] >>226042642 the peak of vita library Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:49:21 No.226050550 [] Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:45:58 No.226050086 [▼] holy shet.jpg (969 KB, 5000x5000) google iqdb >>226048974 ORCERYCIF >>226042480 Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)21:48:55 No.226042480 [▼] >>226042642 >>226042668 >>226042930 >>226043991 >>226048489 >>226049532 >>226049746 >>226057132 >>226062482 20140106 141901.jpg (128 KB, 640x480) google igdb Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:29:10 No.226055958 [▼] >>226056212 26781.jpg (6 KB, 230x220) google iqdb Wow...uh t-thanks alot...I guess you p------------ Anonymous 01/07/14(Tue)00:31:14 No.226064252 [] >>226064593 >>226042642 this is the point when you realise your life is over Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:40:18 No.226049363 [▼] 1386653173072.jpg (65 KB, 500x538) google iqdb I love you. phil_face_by_brianc 1006-d(...).png (96 KB, 794x932) google iqdb >>226048974 >>226048974 Is this the end of everything? nice >>226042642 First great thread of 2014. Great job OP, enjoy waddling to your crib. SORCERYSACH Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:00:38 No.226044086 [▼] 1374945882174.gif (1.28 MB, 960x540) google iqdb not much later, our stallion of an OP drops this final bomb. Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:37:15 No.226048974 [] >>226049050 >>226049191 >>226049212 >>226049231 >>226049234>>226049363 >>226049379 >>226049387 >>226049419 >>226049421 >>226049486 >>226049537 >>226049647 >>226049689 >>226049746 >>226049869 >>226049927 >>226050086 >>226050156 >>226050240 >>226050335 >>226050343 >>226050550 >>226051125 >>226051317 >>226051390 >>226051468 >>226051489 >>226051697 >>226051718 >>226051840 >>226051889 >>226051921 >>226051943 >>226052217 >>226052375 >>226052401 >>226052575 >>226052585>>226052612 >>226052651 >>226052757 >>226052761 >>226052779 >>226052786 >>226052854 >>226052962 >>226053075 >>226053104 >>226053115 >>226053148 >>226053196 >>226053234 >>226053290 >>226053317 >>226053325>>226053329 >>226053342 >>226053369 >>226053414>>226053470 >>226053485>>226053502 >>226053602 >>226053667 >>226053713 >>226053754 >>226053757 >>226053791 >>226053878 >>226053953 >>226053976 >>226053981 >>226054006 >>226054091 >>226054119 >>226054171 >>226054259 >>226054306 >>226054371 >>226054438 >>226054451 >>226054563 >>226054663 >>226054786 >>226054838 >>226054878 >>226054992 >>226054993 >>226055240 >>226055316 >>226055325>>226055337 >>226055546 >>226055663 >>226055702 >>226055718 >>226055837 >>226055861 >>226055978 >>226056159 >>226056180 >>226056280 >>226056340 >>226056462 >>226056550 >>226056590 >>226056670 >>226056709 >>226056724 >>226056776 >>226056786 >>226056946 >>226056952 >>226057025 >>226057039 >>226057117 >>226057132 >>226057191 >>226057410 >>226057573 >>226057649 >>226057696 >>226057796 >>226057884>>226057909 >>226058021 >>226058057 >>226058282 >>226058326 >>226058384>>226058515 >>226058587 >>226059189 >>226059334 >>226059392 >>226059645 >>226059731 >>226060295>>226060416 >>226060919 >>226061103 >>226061219 >>226061250 >>226061395 >>226062206 >>226062306 >>226062791 >>226062957 >>226063364 Snapshot_20140106.jpg (39 KB, 640x480) google iqdb Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:06:06 No.226052786 [▼] >>226048974 you're a beautiful m----------- Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:15:34 No.226054091 [▼] 1389013766567.png (26 KB, 154x191) google iqdb >>226048974 Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:17:58 No.226046473 [] >>226046879 1306143040343.gif (517 KB, 115x86) google iqdb >>226048974 I have no words. >>226042346 Oh yeah! My goty came in today! Lets see the cool s--- it came with! Oh boy it fits. Now it is time to cook some curry ber >>226042642 >game comes with a literal 'Eat Sony's S---' kit for the vitoddlers So >>226042642 The thought of OP playing this with the bib had me laughing for a solid 10 minutes. Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:34:29 No.226056709 [▼] 151356485413.png (62 KB, 170x192) google iqdb Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:35:37 No.226056889 [▼] 1377298279905.png (74 KB, 171x278) google iqdb Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)21:55:28 No.226043326 [▼] >>226044047 >>226042642 Take Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:42:34 No.226057796 [▼] 1385944683077.png (204 KB, 415x280) google iqdb >>226048974 WELL I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:40:45 No.226049421 [▼] 1388371058349.png (33 KB, 413x516) google iqdb >>226048974 You look exactly like I expected beautiful >>226042642 god f------ dammit this really is too much s--- on the bowl. Please. Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:03:02 No.226052375 [▼] 1356897144152.jpg (34 KB, 544x400) google iqdb Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:11:17 No.226053502 [▼] drwhat.gif (911 KB, 320x200) google iqdb >>226048974 what Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:17:39 No.226054371 [▼] 1388287776143.png (199 KB, 376x383) google iqdb >>226048974 you are a man of peerless might OP i hope one day i get to be as glorious as you >>226048974 Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:23:33 No.226047184 [▼] Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)22:56:26 No.226051489 [▼] 1378248706209.jpg (100 KB, 682x600) google iqdb >>226048974 OP you are a f------ god Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:24:18 No.226055240 [▼] 1361025781886.jpg (33 KB, 500x465) google iqdb >>226048974 God bless you, OP. Anonymous 01/07/14(Tue)00:07:21 No.226061219 [▼] >>226048974 I'm not even upset, I'm just impressed. >>226042642 You have earned the f----- title of all of 4chan. I wanted to calm down before I went to bed and then I come across this s---. I've been laughing with the power of a nuclear explosion for ten minutes and the tears keep rolling down my cheeks Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:16:10 No.226054179 3.jpg (45 KB, 640x412) google iqdb >>226042642 Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:40:45 No.226057573 [▼] 169779840.jpg (78 KB, 1009x729) google iqdb >>226042642 >>226048974 im simply out of words Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)21:53:32 No.226043064 [▼] 1370441074349.jpg (16 KB, 229x204) google iqdb >>226042642 Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:10:15 No.226053342 [▼] m-my pipes.jpg (10 KB, 260x260) google iqdb >>226048974 WHAT IS HAPPENING Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:04:50 No.226052612 [ >>226048974 his powerlevel is off the charts Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:18:09 No.226054451 [] >>226054631 1369238291383.png (3 KB, 184x172) google iqdb >>226048974 >you will never be this based Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:21:16 No.226054878 [✔] 1340494836287.jpg (66 KB, 438x600) google iqdb >>226048974 The end of /v/ for today. OP wins Anonymous 01/07/14(Tue)00:00:30 No.226060295 [▼] 1382129000439.jpg (70 KB, 330x319) google iqdb >>226048974 too much. I'm gonna wet myself Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)23:53:16 No.226059334 [▼] 1365948478198.jpg (170 KB, 1000x1562) google iqdb >>226048974 I have no words. May you live forever, OP.

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Anon discovers the secret of happiness | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Boymoder MRI 03/11/23(Sat)23:21:59 No.72530491 5 Пятерочка «51 Tamepouka 06.19.2019.3-1.jpg 212 KB JPG Just had to go shave, take a moonlit walk to the store, eat some frozen mango and I'm feeling alive again after being depressed all day. Guess that's all it takes to be happy bros

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Welcome to Nightvale | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/27/19(Wed) 22:51:17 No.22418409 >>22418416 >>22418997 I think I found a fake town last year, like Truman show fake >be me >last summer >cross county road trip, hitting up some national parks for /out/ >in central/southern Utah >it's getting late, like 10pm (been driving since 6ish) >it's dark as f---, no moon, can only see what's lit up by my headlights >decide to find someplace to rest for the night at next exit >see a town off in the distance, turn off on only pull off I've seen for over an hour heading towards town >pull off is unmarked and unlit, not on car gps, no cell service >town is directly ahead though, keep going >road turns to dirt road and is about 5 miles until it turns to pavement again right at the town where businesses and houses started showing up >immediately town strikes me as weird >nobody is on the streets, no cars on the streets or in the businesses parking lots. >jazz music is being pumped through the streets for some reason, not loudly but loud enough to hear >this town that looked to be about 7 blocks wide from some miles out has every major fast food chain I've heard of and 7 hotels on the main street >still no cell service, still not on car GPS >go to get food >KFC was fully illuminated and unlocked, nobody there. Same thing with Jack in the Box. >McDonald's has a cashier and cook when I go there, both look annoyed >take my order, give me distinctly non McDonald's nuggets and fries >leave >start going to get a bed for the night >Hampton Inn, empty parking lot, 3rd annoyed looking person informs me they're all booked up >La Quinta, person I'm now convinced was the cook at McDonald's is behind the check in counter, also empty parking lot, also fully booked >Holiday Inn Express, empty parking lot, person that was clearly the f------ cashier at McDonald's is behind the check in counter, surprisingly they have rooms >ask him if he's the guy from McDonald's "uhh, no, that's my brother" >f--- it, good enough for me >get to room, wifi exists but nothing loads, shower, crash Cont >>22418409 # >wake up next day, no breakfast in lobby, no other guests, >McDonald's guy still there for check out >ask him how to get out of town >"same road you came in on" >head to McDonald's to get something to eat >town is still playing smooth jazz >still nobody on the street >order at drive thru >drive thru lady is definitely lady from the Hampton Inn >ordered a f------ mcgriddle and black coffee, she hands me a microwave English muffin sandwich and what I assume to be some kind of instant coffee >place is too f------ weird to stay and argue >heading down the only f------ road in and out of town >maybe 3 miles onto the 5 mile dirt road notice big metal-wire fence on both sides of the road in the desert, meet on the road in a big motorized gate that is open >soon as I pass thru, gate starts closing >get back onto road, finally get onto 62? That's not right, could've sworn I was on 89 when I decided to pull off and there's mountains in between >finally get cell service, nothing matches description of town, none of the charges ever show up on my card I've told some people and 1 suggested it was Richfield but I know I was south of there and you know, they would've actually charged me for stuff. pileofknives: derinthescarletpescatarian: opened-rootbeercan: prudencepaccard: axmxz: "Sir, axmxz: makiruz: OP be like "No, we apparently the phoenixonwheels: can't I just can queenofthefaces: update: i started and he was like towns?" ok are Oh my god, the story's real? i love how King, and fake CIA towns", the OP knows Let's and Convention do Dashcon Thank u @tiwaztyrsfist for context HSJDKFKGL show https://www.fbi.gov/services/training-academy/hogans-alley OP describes something straight out of Stephen like "yeah it's one of them things everyone but of those a bunch This is so much funnier from the POV of the staff Center tiwaztyrsfist still salvage Op accidentally drove onto a government training site. Most of the major agencies (FBI, CIA, etc) supposedly maintain small fake, but fully built and realistic, towns for training exercises. The people in town were base staff and they were all p----- off at him because they were gonna have to fill out long and tedious reports about a civilian getting onto the site. Piute Reservoir east bank. Military installation that is blocked on google maps. It's visible from 89, and the road south passes through a (google maps censored) security gate right before 62. thegaysociallyawkwardcat telling this story to my military brat husband, "oh like one of those fake special forces training only ones out of the loop?? has a non-secret one of these: and I the FBI OP 2 at the like about him my ID of people are it's just one this. and Put Undisclosed tell on him to leave?" the McDonald's uniform." CIA Plausibly Deniable La Quinta Inn

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Anon meets his soulmate | /r/Greentext

File: sdasdaafffgwwe.jpg (12 KB, 250x202) Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 18:21:37 No.59224205 [Reply] >Be me >Have best friend since 5th grade >You know you're close to someone when you can fart in their face and laugh about it >Ever since I've known him, every once in a while I'll grab him by the back of the head, shove my ass in his face and let out an epic flatulence >First time we smoked weed, at a bar, prom (in the back), at the movies park bachelors party etc >He does it to me too >Develop a fart fetish over time because of it >Start to watch fart p--- regularly >Want nothing more then a loving gf that'll use my nostrils as her personalair-vent whenever she needs to fart >Go to party with friend, tons of girls there >Be in small circle away from all the noise, consisting mainly of my friends coworkers >One of them is a QT 8.5/10, blond, green eyes >We all get wasted, the next few hours are a blur for me >Wake up next morning, everyone knocked out >Get an idea that gives me a raging hard-on (I'm gonna fart in QT's face, since she's knocked out) >Pull down pants, place my bare ass inches from her nose and unleash an eldritch abomination >Pull my pants up >To my surprise, I hear a loud inhale, followed by a sigh of satifaction and a cute giggle >Look at her crotch... she's getting wet >She whispers "I love you" >We both look at eachother for a few moments of bliss, hearts in our eyes and butterflies in our stomachs >Mfw I end up marrying her >Mfw she has 3 sets of octoplets in a row >Carefully monitor their browser history during and after puberty >Mfw they all become fart fetishists because of me and my wife's fart gene >Mfw I've contributed 24 fart fetishists to the world >Mfw I've made the world a better place What the f--- have you done?

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Anon is against DINKWAD | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Q8nkit3h) DISEWNECRA 03/11/23(Sat) 19:46:09 No.419276807 Go on, go be a f------ DINKWAD then, I dare you > 50 years old You've grown distant with friends and family 37 KB JPG - Family have started dying, friends always busy with their own lives, families, kids, etc - - You're a 50 year old DINKWAD at best, all you do is work, play video games, watch all the latest cartoons and movies, buy the latest tech, "CONSOOM" you tell yourself, "where's my onions at", "ohhh the new Avengers movie" >Black disabled transgender Thor appears on screen - If you're single, good luck finding someone at this point - At least you've got some money, right? Not even enough to support a gold digger though - Women this age aren't gonna have kids, very rare, not even the desirable at this point, you're generations behind 50 years old, and all you've got is cats, dogs, your house smells like a f------ barn, you turn your Reddit and look at the latest funny cat videos

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Anon gets bamboozled | /r/Greentext

File: sdasdaafffgwwe.jpg (12 KB, 250x202) E Kiume Anonymous 08/24/20(Sun)02:21:37 No.82443929 [Reply] >Be me >19 year old newfag >Be mega-coomer >Years of fapping have completely desensitized me to p--- as a whole >Been fapping almost daily since I was 7, before i could even c-- (would orgasm but nothing would come out) >As a result ive been progessively getting into weirder and weirder s--- just to attain a boner >Be into watersports (piss fetish) >Be January, before shitdemic >Have online gf that I've been regularly texting/video calling since I was 17 >She knows about my fetish >Asks if I would drink her piss if she sent it to me >"Hell yeah I would" >Says she'll piss a few times in a bottle till its full, I agree to record myself chugging it >Few weeks later >Its finally here (literally feels like christmas morning) >Open box and sure enough, there's a full two liter bottle of golden nectar all for me >Open cap and smell it, get a raging hard-on from the smell of my gf's peepee >I set up my camera and chug that s---, send it to her >20m later I get a response >She send me one of those s----- laughing while crying emojis and tells me to call her >"Omg I can't believe you actually drank it hahahahahaha" >...what do you mean? >Hear voice of a balding middle-aged man laughing like a f------ hyena (its her dad) >"You really drank all of my piss son?" >They both are laughing hysterically >I hang up >fuckmylife.jpg >She later sends me a pic of her dad's passenger seat (hes a truck driver) >Its littered with 2 liters full of old piss >"That was my dad's piss Anon Imao" I've held a hateful grudge against her ever since she did this. Should I just break up with her /b/?

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Anon is a patriot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous bow 121 KB JPG >be me 03/10/23(Fri) 16:51:14 No.895673596 >live in America >wake up to the sound of eagles screeching >get out of bed and put on my cowboy hat >grab my gun and shoot a few rounds in the air to start my day >head to the kitchen and make a big plate of bacon and eggs, because nothing says America like a heart attack on a plate >turn on the TV and watch Fox News, because I love getting my daily dose of fear mongering and propaganda >head out to my pickup truck, which is covered in American flags and Trump stickers >crank up some classic rock and drive to work, because if it ain't made in America it ain't worth listening to >arrive at work and spend the day bragging about how America is the greatest country in the world and how everyone else is just jealous >leave work and head to the local bar to drink some Budweiser and watch some football, because that's what real men do >get into a heated argument with some liberals, because they hate America and want to destroy everything I stand for >go home and go to bed, feeling proud to be an American and knowing that I'm living the American dream

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Know Your Meme

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