Anon lost his master | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

No.179379603 File: dying-yoda-return-of-the-(...).jpg (171 KB, 1280x720) >>179374914 (OP). >me 20 6/10 nerd >her 8/10 cutie spanish girl >first and only people either of has ever done anything sexual with Anonymous 01/17/23(Tue)22:56:18 >be good friends for 6 month but both too awkward >be on Vanilla WOW JUST getting a tank for Sunken Temple >get a call from her telling me no one is home, NO ONE IS HOME >tell my group im about to lose my virginity >group goes wild wishes me luck >head over >both nervouse >throw on retuen of the jedi and we start awkwardly fooling around >put my penis in and look over >yoda and my virginty are gone

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anons dad is based | /r/Greentext

>See's my sister getting ready >"going out?" >"Yeah, the Bae is coming to get me" (she f------ used Bae.) >"Oh i'd love to meet him, have him come in!" >sister brings bf in our house >my dad pretended he was in the bathroom. >he was in fact, slipping into something more comfortable >he walks out with my mom's bathrobe (giant fluffy white collar, about 3 feet to short for him.) >his speedo on. The speedo he never wore because it was way to tight, yet he saved it, just for this moment. >walks out >"OH YOU MUST BE JUSTIN" >reaches out for a handshake >kid grabs his hand >dad yanks him over and bear hugs him >"Ohhhh your hair smells nice, what is that? O'ley?" >kid is horrified >"uhhhh...no...uhhh...c-can we go babe? we might be late" >they leave >my dad just looks over and says "Do you think that was legal? My balls are hanging out." Best dad ever.

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L notices a pattern | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/24/22 (Wed)06:05:53 No. 173095521 File: original.png (603 KB, 1280x720) >>173095708 >>173095445 (OP) >LIGHTI >Despite being just 13% of the population, 50% of names in this notebook belong to african americans. >Explain yourself immediately.

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Anon goes whale-watching | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 44 KB JPEG 1/17/2023,7:51:17 PM > NOOOOOO YOU CAN'T SAY THAT SPENDING $100 A WEEK ON MY PHONE GAME IS IRRESPONSIBLE > LET PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS I f------ hate talking to people No.34470495

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Anon should have said Gloc and he won't be bullied anymore. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21 (Fri)06:24:41 No.851663505 > be in middle school English period > was told to write a word starting with the letter "g" and many syllables as possible > cannot repeat words > my turn >mind started to race as I feel judgmental stares > wrote "Gobbledygook" > classmates laughed 430 KB PNG > teacher said, "Don't make up words, anon" > everyone mocked my vocabulary for the rest of the day > went home and found dictionary > next day showed it to the teacher that it exists > rather than explaining it to the class, teacher replied, "Stop being a sore loser." >mfw Also, I scored a 98% in the final English exam yet my English grade on my report card was a C.

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Anon wants to tell you about the best sandwich he's ever had. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/15/22(Thu)00:01:43 No.18698453 ► >>18698491 >>18698605 File: YGOQHnt0Gfl.jpg (78 KB, 1280x720) "Lemme tell ya bout the best f-----' sanwich I eva had, I got one of dose giant gummy bears and put it thru a deli slicer, an put that s--- on some f-----' poptarts, I ain't f-----' aroun here Joe Rogan, the gummy? Got it off a guy I know down in Queens, lemme tell ya sumthin, that m--------- had enough THC to turn 6 elephants retarded and I ate the whole f----- thing on the way here tonight. You're in for a wild ride Roe Jogan cause I aint tell ya the worse part, the gummy was sugar free, an I ate the whole f----- thing. I locked the doors Joe Jogan, I stuffed the vents, that humidifier is pumping out a ridiculous amount of DMT, were fighting god tonight Roe Rogan, an I'm gonna s--- all over that cocksuckers carpet"

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Anon knows the truth | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/20/17(Mon)23:49:59 No.35677680 >>35677741 >>35677803 >>35677844 >>35677916 >>35677958>>35677968>>356779 1482125768052.png (349 KB, 757x632) >be me >see through roasty deceit at an early age >girls in elementary school always telling me I was handsome and had nice hair >knew they were really making fun of me in secret coded women speak >tell them to stop talking about me and punch them in the jaw >female teacher comes in and sends me home for the day >f------ roasty solidarity >dumb girls stop bothering me >girls in middle school always asking me out >I knew they were only doing it as a prank >tell them to f--- off and throw their books out the window >they stop trying to prank me >mission accomplished.jpg >play soccer over the summer >get really hot and take off my jersey >some crazy roasty bitch from my math class steals it >find her house and take a s--- on the welcome matt >in highschool >some girl starts hanging around me >obviously just wants me to do her homework for her >tell her to leave me alone and also go f--- herself >roastard keeps talking to me >eventually tells me she wants to go out with me >she wants money and slave labor from me >tell her she's human garbage and that I'll never date her and hope no one else ever does >2 weeks later she pull out the full roast arsenal and melodramatically "attempts suicide" >her dumb c--- friends ask me to visit her >hell no.png >tell them to jump in a pit and never to talk to me again >working at a diner the summer after I graduated >some female coworker mistakes my politeness for friendship >starts talking to me and asking if I want to hang out outside of work >tell her I'm busy and to stop asking >one day she calls me into the womens room to unclog the toilet >typical roasty, can't do anything by herself >go in >toilet is fine >coworker pushes up against me and starts taking her shirt off >she starts to take mine off too >clearly trying to get me blamed for sexual harassment and sue the business to make a quick buck >don't fall for her tricks >punch her in the gut >leave the bathroom call the police and the manager >she gets fired

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anon cracks his back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 28 KB JPG 01/17/23(Tue)23:19:53 No.892812207 > Be me > Taking my sister to hospital for a routine thing > In waiting room > Back feels weird > Do the ol' twist and crack > Solid second of noise as my spine pops everywhere > Bliss.jpg > Fell my entire back relax afterwards > Woman gives me a weird look and moves away > Continues to give me the side eye like she's afraid of me > Sister finished her thing > Leave without saying a thing

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Anon visists his Boss's house | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/17/23(Tue)11:00:58 No.71858832 ✓ >>71858859 >>71858947 >>71858960 >>71859344 TIL even Gigachads have autism >great software dev company for some reason opened a branch in my 3rd world country >somehow got internship and later hired >half of the others hired literally have never stuided CS or programming >this makes me seem pretty competent in comparison >eventually get to know the director and we have pretty similar personalities >everyone loves this guy, men and women >he's also very good, first person i met that actually meets those "10X developper" descriptions >basically a gigachad in every way >hang out with him a lot outside work >eventually invites me to dinner in his house(he has a wife so no h---) >while walking through his (luxiourious) house, i find a weird picture in his home office/PC room >it's a monkey staring at the cameraman, looking bothered funnyape.jpg >keep looking at it >it's hanged very low >only explanation is that the monkey is looking up, locking eyes with the viewer hmm.wav >ask him later about the monkey >"AH! that's my hard work monkey!" the wut >"when i am working, i get distracted by games on my phone or youtube on my PC, if that happens i just look at the monkey and he judges me" >"he doesn't speak but you can tell he's disappointed, and i don't want to disappoint my monkey friend so i go back to work!" i thought he was joking, but his wife told me the same story. tf?

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Anon is in vietnam | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Wat 150 KB PNG 09/24/18(Mon)23:23:35 No.48329553 >be me >Viet Cong >hear Fortunate Son in distance >mfw

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Anon is a spastic possum | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Skinwalker in Eastern Europe 12 KB PNG 01/17/23(Tue)14:58:21 No.33863692 > be me > 10 yo > coming home after karate training > it is dark outside already > my housing estate is on the other side of a badly lit forest park > hear noises from the dark, off the road > I instantly think it's a f------ skinwalker > I live in Eastern Europe, but I was f------ retarded and watched too many scary stuff at that time > start panicking > get a brilliant idea > I heard a true crime story where the victim just started acting retarded and crazy to ward off the attacker > decide to try it out > start spasming, twitching and gurgling > fall on the ground and double down on being retard > after good 5 minutes I think to myself I scared the skinwalker away > run home > go to bed > next day neighbor comes to talk with my mom about how he saw me spasming on the ground while walking his dog > get appointment at the psychiatrist > they put me on 5 different meds for the next 8 years > mfw

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Anon gets a factory reset | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Finally dated a girl. Became even more incel 32 KB JPG 01/17/23(Tue)21:15:52 No.71864135 >live as an incel until 25 >finally meet a girl I share interests with - anime, series, internet culture >she complains about how she doesnt get along with normies, either >start dating, my first dates ever actually >she is a sperg just like myself! i finally found an IRL fembot! >no stacy that attracts hordes of men, but fairly cute in her own, innocent way >THIS IS THE ONE, IT HAS TO BE.jpg >on one date, I ask her why she even agreed to go out with me. >because you are tall, anon, and I liked your hair and voice >something inside me dies >despite seeming so quirky, so unique, she is just a Stacy in another package, after all >I realize she may have never liked my le ebin personality >I realize no woman ever will >still willing to date her for as long as she is willing, but more jaded about female nature than ever before Finally dating made me more identify with the incel mindset even more, not less.

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Anon has a gamer moment. | /r/Greentext

File: r3124.png (364 KB, 710x842) Gaming stories Anonymous 01/17/23(Tue) 10:00:46 No.892780307 ► >Be me >Playing vidya with my brother. >Beat him like your father used to beat you. >gamermoment.exe >Yell, "I f----- your mother!" to my brother as loud as I can. >We process this for a sec. >Burst out laughing for how ridiculous that was. >Suddenly dad bursts in and tells us to keep it down. >He also chews me out for swearing. >He's probably just mad jealous. [Return] [Catalog] [Top] [Update] [Auto] [Post a Reply]

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