Anon LITERALLY can't lose | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories

: Anonymous (ID: 7bjbHgk/) 07/16/22(Sat)12:17:12 No.50387660 Children are so difficult! Close >be me >all in crypto >check portfolio after months >get really sad >remember that I'm still a straight white male >instantly feel better

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Room service | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >be college student >3 months summer break >isolate myself only leaving my room to get groceries >female flatmate asks me what I am doing >tell her I am cultivating a small depression with enough apathy to pass time but not enough to kill myself >she starts crying >mfw she is now asking me how I am on a daily basis What the f--- is wrong with normies (women)? 41 KB JPG 07/16/22(Sat)09:53:09 No.69432858 >>69432931 # : Anonymous Bait but still >Literally say you're thinking about suicide >Surprised when they ask how you're doing 07/16/22(Sat)09:56:14 No.69432885 07/16/22(Sat) 09:56:58 No.69432893 07/16/22(Sat)09:57:05 No.69432895 : Anonymous : Anonymous >>69432858 (OP) # OP can you sneak into her room and provide pictures of her panties Thanks in advance

Anon is all sussin and no bussin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 74 KB JPG 07/16/22(Sat)09:32:32 No.882130404 >be me, 22 >get tinder and hinge >age limit 18-21 >90% women are lgbtqia-aA+ >they said teaching kids h--- sex in school won't turn them homos >it did >my whole generation is just an alphabet soup How do I escape the gay /b/ I don't want it

Anon takes the V pill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 73 KB PNG 07/16/22(Sat)17:27:46 No.882132533 >have a s----- lonely life >will never have friends, a girlfriend, a good happy life >one day dream about having a girlfriend >she is extremely cute, after i wake up, i am both happy from the dream and sad that its over >i start dreaming about her or other girls in the next nights >also dream that i have a lot of friends, cool cars, yachts, even superpowers >start meditating before sleeping to influence my dreams >learn lucid dreaming to improve it >after a few months, i became a true dream director >i can now create my own reality in my dreams >spend up to 16 hours sleeping >at this point, my real life feels like a nightmare and my dreams like the life i deserve why havent you taken the dream pill yet anons?

Anon wants to buy Battletoads | /r/Greentext

ile: 1342157412115.jpg-(56 KB. 445x599, ps.jpg) Anonymous (ID: 96q1xtFL) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:32:48 No.411885919 >"gold and silver" >oh man I didnt know you guys are still open >...."yeah we are" >oh okay, im looking for battletoads >"not s--- s--- again, its 11:00 at night" >click Anonymous (ID: 96q1xtFL) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:34:59 No.411886329 File: 1342157699363.png-(114 KB, 200x190, jimmies 16.png) Try to rustle my jimmies again m----------- Anonymous (ID: MIXLgTKx) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:36:00 No.411886517 >gold and silver >"hey I'm really into antiques you guys got any battletoads?" >yeah go to our ebay site we got a handheld one by Tiger >"oh sweet man thanks" Anonymous (ID: KNEOUSjL) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:30:12 No.411885328 >Prank Call pawn stars from history channel >They're open 24/7 >Ask for battletoads >They always rage >lulz will be had >> Anonymous (ID: 96q1xtFL) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:30:29 No.411885392 (702) 385-7912 >press 4 >yep >"bye >click Anonymous (ID: U+S/32YA) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:45:12 No.411888367 >"gold and silver" >Hi, I'm an antique video game collector and I'm looking for a very old, extremely rare title >"if you say Battletoads I'm going to call the cops" >What's with your discrimination on battletoads? >hangs up Anonymous (ID: 10qQE9pk) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:55:23 No.411890545 >hello gold and silver >hello, I'm calling from Texas and I'm interested in purchasing a certain Super Bowl ring >absolutely sir! what team and what year >(boring conversation about the ring) >Are you interested in completing the purchase of the ring this evening? >Yes, but I have a question first >Yes sir? >Does it come with BATTLETOADS!? >click Anonymous (ID: CBN2x14W) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:06:37 No.411892770 >Gold and silver! >Hey do you guys have any signed bat- >What the hell is wrong with you nerds? Calling asking for battle toads not funny or original like are you serious dude? really man? >...bats....signed bats, like from the MLB mainly the NY Yankees or the Mets, maybe even the Dodgers...what were you saying about battle toads though? >Oh sorry sir we're just getting a bunch of prank phone calls lately >Oh that's weird... people have no lives right? (haha)...anyway, do you guys have any signed bats from the Boston Battletoads? >Are you f------ kidding me dude >click Anonymous (ID: CjDOiaMp) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:09:31 No.411893323 >gold and silver >Hey i was wondering if you had the wii matt >yeah we've got it >does it work with webbed feet? >what? >does it come with battletoads Anonymous (ID: 10qQE9pk) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:24:10 No.411895769 Trying it again >Gold and Silver >Hello, I have a few quick questions about. >This better not be about battletoads. >Excuse me? I needed to ask about a sword I've been looking for. >I'm sorry sir, we've just been getting a lot of prank calls tonight. What exactly are you looking for? >It's a very old sword, it is also very small. It fits in a BATTLETOADS hand perfectly. >F--- you >click Anonymous (ID: 7TTI0kdH) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:27:55 No.411896409 >Gold and silver >Hil -- >This better not be about battle toads, im losing patience kid >ummm no its not... what's a battletoad? >its some game everyone is calling about tonight >battletoads? yea that sounds good ill take one if you got it click nonymous (ID: pFk+WkJY) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:31:58 No.411897092 >Gold and Silver >Hi how are you? >What can I do for you? >I'm a book dealer, you have antiques? >What you for? >You have anything from Philip K. D---? >Maybe, whats the title? >Battling on Toad Planet >*click* Callback, cause I'm an a------ >You hung up on me. >Who is this? >*click* >The customer you hung up on. That is horrible customer service. >Listen, we don't have time for your pranks f------ kids. >Pranks? What the hell did you just say to me? I'll have you know I'm prior military, 82nd Airborne "Battle Toads". I do.. >*click* One more time for good measure >Gold and pawn >BATTLETOADS Anonymous (ID: 5iLX8qBG) 07/13/12(Fri)02:40:31 No.411898453 >Gold and Silver >Hey, I'm looking for an engagement ring for my girlfriend. >You are going to have o call back during the day, we don't do any sales after 9 >Oh, well is there any way I can ask you a couple questions? >Sure, shoot. >I want a memorable ring, maybe something from a movie or a game >mhm >Oh! Do you guys have the ring from Battletoads? >-sigh-f------ really, man? You must be giving that to a guy. His insults are amazing Anonymous (ID: rYFKkn5U) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:40:40 No.411898474 >Gold and Silver >Hi, I was calling to inquire about an antique hand-gun >Sure, what's the name of the gun you're looking for, exactly? >1912 9 millimeter battletoad hand- click Anonymous (ID: g8ArJkJF) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:41:06 No.411898550 >Gold and Silver >Hello this is the Las Vegas police department my name is Officer Peterson. My office recieved a call from someone here saying that your store was being Harrassed by someone repeatedly asking for uh "Battletoads?" >Uh sorry sir but I Dont remember calling you can you give me the name of who did? >Yes his name was Le Reddit >Sorry...who was it again? >His name was Austin Russel >He isnt in right now....what was your name again? >Officer Battletoad >Hang up Anonymous (ID: +7ZokLvE) 07/13/12 (Fri)03:07:59 No.411902870 >Gold and Silver >Hey I was wondering if you deal in rare books? >Lemmie guess you want a Battletoad instruction book?? >Excuse me?? >Nevermind. Lot of prank calls tonight >Pfft. kids in the summertime can't find anything else better to do, eh? >Yeah, well we don't really deal in books but we do have some here. What are you looking for? >Do you happen to have anything by Hemmingway? "Old Man And The Sea" perhaps? >I don't think so... you'd have to call during the daytime or come in to find out. >Ah... OK. Well I also have one i'd like to sell off. It's a signed J.K. Rowling first print >The Harry Potter author? >Yeah I had one of her books signed by her. "Harry Potter And The Order Of The Battletoad" >You f----- kidding m- >Click im still laughing

Anon discovers modern schooling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)02:32:40 No.66894250 35 KB JPG >babysitting nephew >11 years old >he's doing remote school >watch in for a bit >teacher is like 15 minutes late >she's obviously high or hungover, is barely able to slur words that were written before, looks like she just woke up and is still in a t-shirt and sweatpants. >after a few minutes of listening nephew just puts on his headphones and starts playing minecraft I'm 28, no kids, so I had no idea this was happening but have kids just been not going to school for the past 2 years

Anon goes to his aunts house | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 16 KB JPG 07/16/22(Sat)10:53:44 No.882118684 >be me, 18 >at aunt's house >go to the living room and see baby laying on the couch >go to play with him >aunt says with another child on her hands, "Leave anon, you are making me uncomfortable" I didn't even look at her once, I was just playing with the baby Why would my aunt see me as a creep 07/16/22(Sat)11:03:39 No.882118973 : Anonymous Your raging erection probably gave it away

Bada-bing-bada-ring | /r/Greentext

$: Anonymous Bada-bing-bada-ring A 164 KB PNG 07/16/22(Sat) 14:45:12 No.69432310 > Circa 2012 there was a number you could call on Skype that would connect you to any business in the US toll free. > With fellow shitbrain friends on Skype (ab)using the service. > Remeber Family Guy episode where Peter grows a moustache and thinks he can speak Italian. > ~\.idea\ > Call a random Italian restaurant in New York City, NY lady answers. > "Ey, Joe's Pizza here, how-you-doin'?" > "Buongiorno, pai-pipi-popo-papa." > "What? I don't speak Italian. Hold on let me get Joe" > Hear loud talking and banging of pots and pans in the background, before man comes to the phone. > "Ey-yo it's Joe her', how you doing?" > "Ciao, papi-dipopo-papa?" > hangs up > Repeat a few throughout a week. Now the hanging up is generally preceded by at least a "Prick" or "F--- you". > Joe gets progressively more irrate with every call. > Comes to the point where NY lady immediately slams the phone down in the middle of my "Buongiorno". > adjust.svg > Ring again, NY lady answers, in my best US accent, ask if Joe's working and if he can come to the phone. > "Sjure hol' on a sec." > I again hear, the now very familiar to my ears, banging of pots and shouting between NY lady and Joe, before Joe picks up the horn. > "Ey-yo Joe her', what-cannado-fo-you?" > "Papodo-pini-ponando?" > Receive a barrage of verbal aggression, I before thought was not possible to convey, through the just 3100hz bandwith. I don't really know, or care, if any of you find this funny. All i care is that it still cracks me up almost a decade later, just thinking about it. Ah Italians. And Joe if you're still out there. It wasn't my fault, I was given access to power I wasn't ready for.$