Anon LITERALLY can't lose | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories

: Anonymous (ID: 7bjbHgk/) 07/16/22(Sat)12:17:12 No.50387660 Children are so difficult! Close >be me >all in crypto >check portfolio after months >get really sad >remember that I'm still a straight white male >instantly feel better

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Room service | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >be college student >3 months summer break >isolate myself only leaving my room to get groceries >female flatmate asks me what I am doing >tell her I am cultivating a small depression with enough apathy to pass time but not enough to kill myself >she starts crying >mfw she is now asking me how I am on a daily basis What the f--- is wrong with normies (women)? 41 KB JPG 07/16/22(Sat)09:53:09 No.69432858 >>69432931 # : Anonymous Bait but still >Literally say you're thinking about suicide >Surprised when they ask how you're doing 07/16/22(Sat)09:56:14 No.69432885 07/16/22(Sat) 09:56:58 No.69432893 07/16/22(Sat)09:57:05 No.69432895 : Anonymous : Anonymous >>69432858 (OP) # OP can you sneak into her room and provide pictures of her panties Thanks in advance

Anon is all sussin and no bussin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 74 KB JPG 07/16/22(Sat)09:32:32 No.882130404 >be me, 22 >get tinder and hinge >age limit 18-21 >90% women are lgbtqia-aA+ >they said teaching kids h--- sex in school won't turn them homos >it did >my whole generation is just an alphabet soup How do I escape the gay /b/ I don't want it

Anon takes the V pill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 73 KB PNG 07/16/22(Sat)17:27:46 No.882132533 >have a s----- lonely life >will never have friends, a girlfriend, a good happy life >one day dream about having a girlfriend >she is extremely cute, after i wake up, i am both happy from the dream and sad that its over >i start dreaming about her or other girls in the next nights >also dream that i have a lot of friends, cool cars, yachts, even superpowers >start meditating before sleeping to influence my dreams >learn lucid dreaming to improve it >after a few months, i became a true dream director >i can now create my own reality in my dreams >spend up to 16 hours sleeping >at this point, my real life feels like a nightmare and my dreams like the life i deserve why havent you taken the dream pill yet anons?

Anon wants to buy Battletoads | /r/Greentext

ile: 1342157412115.jpg-(56 KB. 445x599, ps.jpg) Anonymous (ID: 96q1xtFL) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:32:48 No.411885919 >"gold and silver" >oh man I didnt know you guys are still open >...."yeah we are" >oh okay, im looking for battletoads >"not s--- s--- again, its 11:00 at night" >click Anonymous (ID: 96q1xtFL) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:34:59 No.411886329 File: 1342157699363.png-(114 KB, 200x190, jimmies 16.png) Try to rustle my jimmies again m----------- Anonymous (ID: MIXLgTKx) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:36:00 No.411886517 >gold and silver >"hey I'm really into antiques you guys got any battletoads?" >yeah go to our ebay site we got a handheld one by Tiger >"oh sweet man thanks" Anonymous (ID: KNEOUSjL) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:30:12 No.411885328 >Prank Call pawn stars from history channel >They're open 24/7 >Ask for battletoads >They always rage >lulz will be had >> Anonymous (ID: 96q1xtFL) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:30:29 No.411885392 (702) 385-7912 >press 4 >yep >"bye >click Anonymous (ID: U+S/32YA) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:45:12 No.411888367 >"gold and silver" >Hi, I'm an antique video game collector and I'm looking for a very old, extremely rare title >"if you say Battletoads I'm going to call the cops" >What's with your discrimination on battletoads? >hangs up Anonymous (ID: 10qQE9pk) 07/13/12 (Fri)01:55:23 No.411890545 >hello gold and silver >hello, I'm calling from Texas and I'm interested in purchasing a certain Super Bowl ring >absolutely sir! what team and what year >(boring conversation about the ring) >Are you interested in completing the purchase of the ring this evening? >Yes, but I have a question first >Yes sir? >Does it come with BATTLETOADS!? >click Anonymous (ID: CBN2x14W) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:06:37 No.411892770 >Gold and silver! >Hey do you guys have any signed bat- >What the hell is wrong with you nerds? Calling asking for battle toads not funny or original like are you serious dude? really man? >...bats....signed bats, like from the MLB mainly the NY Yankees or the Mets, maybe even the Dodgers...what were you saying about battle toads though? >Oh sorry sir we're just getting a bunch of prank phone calls lately >Oh that's weird... people have no lives right? (haha)...anyway, do you guys have any signed bats from the Boston Battletoads? >Are you f------ kidding me dude >click Anonymous (ID: CjDOiaMp) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:09:31 No.411893323 >gold and silver >Hey i was wondering if you had the wii matt >yeah we've got it >does it work with webbed feet? >what? >does it come with battletoads Anonymous (ID: 10qQE9pk) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:24:10 No.411895769 Trying it again >Gold and Silver >Hello, I have a few quick questions about. >This better not be about battletoads. >Excuse me? I needed to ask about a sword I've been looking for. >I'm sorry sir, we've just been getting a lot of prank calls tonight. What exactly are you looking for? >It's a very old sword, it is also very small. It fits in a BATTLETOADS hand perfectly. >F--- you >click Anonymous (ID: 7TTI0kdH) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:27:55 No.411896409 >Gold and silver >Hil -- >This better not be about battle toads, im losing patience kid >ummm no its not... what's a battletoad? >its some game everyone is calling about tonight >battletoads? yea that sounds good ill take one if you got it click nonymous (ID: pFk+WkJY) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:31:58 No.411897092 >Gold and Silver >Hi how are you? >What can I do for you? >I'm a book dealer, you have antiques? >What you for? >You have anything from Philip K. D---? >Maybe, whats the title? >Battling on Toad Planet >*click* Callback, cause I'm an a------ >You hung up on me. >Who is this? >*click* >The customer you hung up on. That is horrible customer service. >Listen, we don't have time for your pranks f------ kids. >Pranks? What the hell did you just say to me? I'll have you know I'm prior military, 82nd Airborne "Battle Toads". I do.. >*click* One more time for good measure >Gold and pawn >BATTLETOADS Anonymous (ID: 5iLX8qBG) 07/13/12(Fri)02:40:31 No.411898453 >Gold and Silver >Hey, I'm looking for an engagement ring for my girlfriend. >You are going to have o call back during the day, we don't do any sales after 9 >Oh, well is there any way I can ask you a couple questions? >Sure, shoot. >I want a memorable ring, maybe something from a movie or a game >mhm >Oh! Do you guys have the ring from Battletoads? >-sigh-f------ really, man? You must be giving that to a guy. His insults are amazing Anonymous (ID: rYFKkn5U) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:40:40 No.411898474 >Gold and Silver >Hi, I was calling to inquire about an antique hand-gun >Sure, what's the name of the gun you're looking for, exactly? >1912 9 millimeter battletoad hand- click Anonymous (ID: g8ArJkJF) 07/13/12 (Fri)02:41:06 No.411898550 >Gold and Silver >Hello this is the Las Vegas police department my name is Officer Peterson. My office recieved a call from someone here saying that your store was being Harrassed by someone repeatedly asking for uh "Battletoads?" >Uh sorry sir but I Dont remember calling you can you give me the name of who did? >Yes his name was Le Reddit >Sorry...who was it again? >His name was Austin Russel >He isnt in right now....what was your name again? >Officer Battletoad >Hang up Anonymous (ID: +7ZokLvE) 07/13/12 (Fri)03:07:59 No.411902870 >Gold and Silver >Hey I was wondering if you deal in rare books? >Lemmie guess you want a Battletoad instruction book?? >Excuse me?? >Nevermind. Lot of prank calls tonight >Pfft. kids in the summertime can't find anything else better to do, eh? >Yeah, well we don't really deal in books but we do have some here. What are you looking for? >Do you happen to have anything by Hemmingway? "Old Man And The Sea" perhaps? >I don't think so... you'd have to call during the daytime or come in to find out. >Ah... OK. Well I also have one i'd like to sell off. It's a signed J.K. Rowling first print >The Harry Potter author? >Yeah I had one of her books signed by her. "Harry Potter And The Order Of The Battletoad" >You f----- kidding m- >Click im still laughing

Anon discovers modern schooling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)02:32:40 No.66894250 35 KB JPG >babysitting nephew >11 years old >he's doing remote school >watch in for a bit >teacher is like 15 minutes late >she's obviously high or hungover, is barely able to slur words that were written before, looks like she just woke up and is still in a t-shirt and sweatpants. >after a few minutes of listening nephew just puts on his headphones and starts playing minecraft I'm 28, no kids, so I had no idea this was happening but have kids just been not going to school for the past 2 years

Anon goes to his aunts house | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 16 KB JPG 07/16/22(Sat)10:53:44 No.882118684 >be me, 18 >at aunt's house >go to the living room and see baby laying on the couch >go to play with him >aunt says with another child on her hands, "Leave anon, you are making me uncomfortable" I didn't even look at her once, I was just playing with the baby Why would my aunt see me as a creep 07/16/22(Sat)11:03:39 No.882118973 : Anonymous Your raging erection probably gave it away

Bada-bing-bada-ring | /r/Greentext

$: Anonymous Bada-bing-bada-ring A 164 KB PNG 07/16/22(Sat) 14:45:12 No.69432310 > Circa 2012 there was a number you could call on Skype that would connect you to any business in the US toll free. > With fellow shitbrain friends on Skype (ab)using the service. > Remeber Family Guy episode where Peter grows a moustache and thinks he can speak Italian. > ~\.idea\ > Call a random Italian restaurant in New York City, NY lady answers. > "Ey, Joe's Pizza here, how-you-doin'?" > "Buongiorno, pai-pipi-popo-papa." > "What? I don't speak Italian. Hold on let me get Joe" > Hear loud talking and banging of pots and pans in the background, before man comes to the phone. > "Ey-yo it's Joe her', how you doing?" > "Ciao, papi-dipopo-papa?" > hangs up > Repeat a few throughout a week. Now the hanging up is generally preceded by at least a "Prick" or "F--- you". > Joe gets progressively more irrate with every call. > Comes to the point where NY lady immediately slams the phone down in the middle of my "Buongiorno". > adjust.svg > Ring again, NY lady answers, in my best US accent, ask if Joe's working and if he can come to the phone. > "Sjure hol' on a sec." > I again hear, the now very familiar to my ears, banging of pots and shouting between NY lady and Joe, before Joe picks up the horn. > "Ey-yo Joe her', what-cannado-fo-you?" > "Papodo-pini-ponando?" > Receive a barrage of verbal aggression, I before thought was not possible to convey, through the just 3100hz bandwith. I don't really know, or care, if any of you find this funny. All i care is that it still cracks me up almost a decade later, just thinking about it. Ah Italians. And Joe if you're still out there. It wasn't my fault, I was given access to power I wasn't ready for.$