4chan PI: Part 5 | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)07:04:44 No.36568234 >236568302 >>36568345 >>36568412 Ok then wife story time Not the most complicated of stories but memorable for the s--- involved >Told by boss a client wants us to locate his wife >Has been missing for the better part of a month after taking out a fuckton of money from his accounts >From what we can tell she converted it to cash or moved it into accounts we can't locate >Given all the info, last known location and known habits >Turns out we've done this before. Twice in fact. So we have a fairly good idea of where she could be. Women have a tendency to be creatures of habit >Problem is this ones habits are a bit whacky >Each time she's ran off she's gone to some really f----- up high class sex club and literally spent all her money there until she runs out and had to surface to grab more >First time was your typical 24 hour all year o--- club. There are some who f------ live in the thin dis eme BDSM club. She Needed time in hospital Second time was at an >So we realised this time was going to be worse. At the BDSM club we'd almost lost one of our group to a Gorean dom. Poor girl was never quite the same afterwards. Women rarely last in the job >First thing we did was hit the lists. Complete records of all clubs like that in Europe as she'd never gone outside the continent in the past for this sort of thing >Lot of clubs but we narrowed it down based on her area, lack of any sightings at airports (like f--- she'd drive or take a train) and so on >Went to a particular city infamous for this sort of s---. Lots of places like what we were looking for there. All tailored to the absurdly wealthy >Got off the plane, through customs and checked into a hotel. Declined the complimentary call girl ing Anonymous 09/30/14 Tue)07: 12:22 No.365684 12 2236568456 >>36568485 >>36568520 >236568566 >>36568591 >>365686 15 >Wait till the evening as that's when these clubs open their doors to strangers >Have to use this fancy ass disguise kit as we're known at more than a few of them and they don't like having customers stolen. Fortunately one of us knows how to use the bloody thing and we wind up looking like a group of stereotypical rich scots bushy orange mutton chops and all >Hit some of the clubs with no luck. Have a bad run in with someone who almost recognised us. Managed to escape without any incident beyond having to throw a few bottles at them and scream dog pile de spair that this going to turn into one of those long winded cas Be >lt does s all over Europe. Extra resources are pulled in as the client throwing more money at our bos er. >Eventually we get a tip. Someone has seen our target at a particular club >Celebration all round. Finally a solid lead >Then comes the bad news >lts a new club. Its a hardcore scat club We are talking a place that has never. EVER. Been cleaned >A literal den of filth and disease. They hose you off after you leave with anti-septic >She's in there and she has been in there a while >Call the client to tell him to arrange a discreet hospital stay, pickup and so on >Order some hazmat suits and guns from the boss >There is just no talking with some people Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)07:21:30 No.36568615 >>36568739 >236568786 >Few days later everything is a ged and observation of the club has not shown her leaving Some people do pay extra it seems to stay in the clubs own hotel where they can keep the party going >All of us are by virtue of being in this job a bit....obsessed with cleanliness >Try to convince the boss to send someone else. He refuses >All of us are sat there miserable. Trying to find any excuse to not do this. Not daring to be in the same room as our informant in the club >The gear arrives from the boss along with a bodybag to stuff the target in. An ambulance will be waiting as our escape vehicle >We give ourselves one final rubdown with alcohol gel, disinfectants and whatever else is handy in the shower before we get dressed and wait for everyone to be ready >l can only imagine the doormans confusion when four men in bright yellow hazmat suits carrying shotguns walked up him. >Said confusion prevented him from really acting until it was too late and he got a shotgun butt in the face >Rather than bothering with keys or s--- we simply shoot the lock off and kick in the door. >The first room is pretty much just an airlock. Step in, shoot the second lock and kick in the door. >It was...simply horrific >There was s--- everywhere and people rolling around in it copulating. Doing things that are simply indescribable. A woman shat into a mans mouth as he p----- into hers. People copulated in a pit full of human feces >We all just stood there in shock as people slowly noticed Then the screaming started A few shotgun bla the ling got them screaming more and running, we looked for our target in the crowd >Kicking in doors left and right every door revealing a new scene of horrific waste related kink. >No this was beyond kink. This was just sick. >These people were sick. Probably literally Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)07:26:38 No.365687392236568767 Target was found bathing in pis Target removed from bath and young man repeatedly kicked in corner to shut him u me im. Kicked him until pped moving. That place. It just got t rget was crying in the corner so we stuffed her in the bag a ried her out. A few more bla avin wa back. S--- s on the sides from people trying to get help from them. Guy stood outside it with a truncheon looking sick Ambulance waiting out >Throw target in the back >One of us makes the mistake of >His screams....they haunt me >Target was dropped off at a rather exclusive and discreet hospital >We were hosed off by courteous hospital staff >Foolish one who popped the seals on his suit spent the rest of the evening as a shambling zombie barely responding to anything. Improved after a few hot showers >Got back to the hotel and packed up to leave >Nobody talked >Nobody wanted to talk. >It was just...horrifiq >Since the client had paid so much the boss gave us considerable bonuses for that mess and vacation time. Which was nice >Two guys from the team quit the next day and climb in, guy gets in and drives us the f--- out of there popping the seal on his hazmat suit Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)07:27:52 No.3656 Oh yes forgot I don't like remembering that one. It was truly a horrible one. Smelt like a sewer for days afterwards despite the suit

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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4chan PI: Part 4

I mean dlient corfderiality wos beyand insane in some cases we'd get sold it was fee to stat a shootut wth the caps r e was the anly way ta get away A flew times we got told to kall the warun wed been sent ta retrieve and raie sure the body puise (er sormesmes wthaut) and they ohen had plans regarding ther daughters fture murnage that they ddnt want ther apoled lale princess to an So the business was hons ble ight t the bt shory What do Daughter story :8een workngfor the firm br two years now Two r8rs rd my tree yers dangth ht Thruic re een it all by ti pant and to be far lhad seen a LOT 더쿄 On the plua side we know where she curently is A wry xperive and very wery diaguling reand in the canbbean -Once we're an the ground we send the new guy to handle the gae satel check e and all that sht Rest of us got to ht the paeneest ane t it ucking hand empty handed and mostly anmolested a t----- tryng bo They walked of together Gat to our roorms and uepack the snedlance gear and other sht a going ver the baniing reconds and sa on tom the chent Check to see what her labest banng actsity wa Figae she night be del becately avoliding going 1a the same basks and start glating eut each bank in the resor. see Ewe can get same ebsevation on themoing aving spearyed the majority of the noom wh dianfectant vee braught wi u Run out of the hotel and ple ints the ental car setsng off at besaloneck speed ollowing the rew guys drecans We wed up outside a realy dingy lbeking BOSMstly club. The sen of place whare thay ise te tie up peagle and ave dogs uck tn r the sp doge and have people luck dhom The place is ass way waaaay below e pece range which is Make see the now guy is ok and brity dsoass aeng ousels this is some knd of trap set ap by The ladybos er sheever they work fer Desp breath descand the stairs imto the pit with the new puy in tow wll high an tuck knews what WORRY STORYTIME CONTNUES As he do s se the seund proeling here ws amazing win o being ht in the face by amilion cocks made of sound place Every table had char ed to wn ttegiaest..bously Mag themselves ofthem at wry port they dessed sloneened by a pair af these bege dogs The bar was akong ce, wall and kept out ofthe way ofth" action tor the nost pat ough had a ms. stage above it with some pear nepess genag Me and the other guy ust leak at that ness and before 1 ksaw what is happesing he says eet Patner in crime is now wt and sticky Aaks what was in the cocktal I peuned onm cme gags andjast ton oft there trenting befie l buy a tots" of oda and par alow him 3Patrer tfe feels >Mle se·whr potukly a dead dog an the floor of the tage needing tom its as專Probably eled by same nepos c--- ness sese oor git being ucked ty a grap of mes swho ase trying te see how many d---- they can get in hor bales x eece. All her holes teg orts the stage and almost fal over due to the accumulated fluids and oones Seems they'e prety lwral with the lsbe hare -Pash away bunch of degeesates who try te get ea clothes off, pull out bs ad stant shoutng at then to back aftf Cant hear as due 10 sc Pul eet pstol and -Everyone scream and steps fuckrg est speake rhufthtut Tran the gan on the sorious degeerates around us telling then to back off, clubbing any who get toa clase 3ttestate rtialydu·towing pnt how ity the target ll but gt my teeth and I t her-p by her har, canfeel how zbmy and gooey t.s een though th"glove > Taget is kcking and scrwaming and swearing n ways an igen year old girl sheuild sat be ding The clab now dely sdet by this point aside fhom beavy breatin can bear the aet "splar" as each gob semen sts the Using target as haruan sheld we make oway out wh the buurman shouting as us to drap h >Patrer in crime clubs tte borcer·the やas he epess the door leong th. poorfe ow wit, a beisen jav least Fortaly the baan does sat have the bels te l arich white git and lets us ge without acting on hs threas Thad xprienced gy is in >Ask where the f--- he weet and be said the guy Spped out so he lad to stue in the boot. Clearly ceing dowe ft whatewer the ladybeys gave hi Thraw tanget in back seat and te her ap Ueforunately have to deal wh mane cecing semen This time siewly oouning dowe my leg das to her pesticn nd to me >Grab the kst fhom the beet New guy asss e'ye the nice young en whe have come to take hi to see his grandckidree. Brety wery abe hi b shating boot he target with sanething to kneck hr s p maragemunt appropriately to ksep any Put up sgms outside sur reeen claiming a scene for a fim is curety bing shot thers home F--- knews u Thess of us wha were foturate enough to net have ta clean new guy and target take showers in the letery chasen eeder and don tresh clathing nea gvy and tanget ane cleaned in the show ENDSI HOW C--- HOLD Targst eaas ap and begins sowaning Quickly gaed and drugged agan Stuled back into he suilcase -New guy has sobered up seeve and is noe at least anaeable hose ladybeys. Well mostly being tucked by these ladyboys by there to get manay horei account sehin be noticed the tagt hdg ooled ste and managed to bale it tegethr leg nough 1a lead us so he a pepelation a ndd Stereetypical old school tewn where esyeee nos everyone on14(Tu:10 22 Na 38568552 ablity t d facking money house and gra heec place telling eady to be pcked up eady. The dgags bags The tananmaton is simply shocking and thee e al tnaly caton an to who and whut this guy toast, we depat lder partner in came descsbes her presence as being liks mephine ust makss everything f Oh, t aport chrb aboard pevato pt. on our meny ivay to Genna Ne Guy has recavered in lesaps and bounds Ends sp shagging andant again rar 帆catches thee, as wy had not locked the daa, 1. the 00 wt and powively shocked by tPwv scasdaees behaav Speeds rest of trip usabia to eves look them. >Land in Gennaey Met by a ca' Rlther serous atw Blacked o wndews and aa Quickly everrone is strhd rside hand to make sure doctors don' sake biリty Back Everything is geed. Life is goed n palice casody for drugn. Winds ap haning to go though herapy and rebab Fatsnably employer covrs access t which eling

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4chan PI: Part 3

Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)11:48:49 No.3657659036576808 2236576961 So shall it be written so shall it be done >Began normally. Daddys little girl runs off with a lower class boyfriend >Discourage boyfriend and retrieve girl. Our merry band sets out with the f------ new guy from the first story having since matured into a much more capable and germphobic individual >Quickly realise that the girl has gone to ground after emptying her accounts. Presumably the boyfriend has the money novw >With the easiest avenue of locating her gone the search drags on for a few weeks >Then one day one of the merry band bursts into the office one day saying he's found where she was a few weeks ago >Loads up a video on the titternet. >Yep thats our girl getting railed by around twelve guys. For a sixteen year old they seem to be emphasising that she's 18 a lot >We fly off to the homeland of the professional p--- industry, good old yankeeland >Try to question people involved in the studio that produced the video >They're very non-cooperative >Even threats of legal action over her age don't do s--- >So we take another approach . Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)11:54:11 No.36576808 ·2236577050 >Later that night the four of us roll up to the place in a rental car >Park it in a nearby alley and look for a way into the studio >It's only a small place, really more of an administrative office really doubt they do much shooting there >Yank out my lockpicks and get to work on the lock, no problems there its a s--- lock >A quick careful look around the place with the fancy bendy camera thing (I forget its name) reveals some basic motion sensors in the room. One of our merry band recognises them as cheap ones made by a US firm, these particular ones have a blindspot below a certain height to account for pets >Ask him if that means we have to crawl around lt does >Four grown men begin crawling around on all fours through the office >Locate their hard records >Find targets picture and fake name plus bonus her next scheduled public appearance >World record o--- attempt >Well thats one option gone >Note down the address and crawl out of the place before anything goes horribly wrong >Everything went better than expected Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)12:00:11 No.36577050 >Get some info on the place this is being held and debate to ourselves "right how do we do this?" >Stay up all night arguing options >Everything is covered >Instigating a police raid, smash & grab, trying to bribe our way in, sneaking in with the food, breaking in the night before and hiding, grabbing her when she leaves, etc. >Eventually the former new guy hits on a plan Its a world record attempt. Mother f------ Guinness, Guinness don't do that kind of record but they probably wont know that or be willing to believe they've changed their minod >Next day go out and buy cheaper suits. Practice Irish accents all afternoon and use the disguise kit >Buy a fuckton of Guinness and load it into a rental varn >The day arrives >Four paddies in a van drive up to the place with a load of Guinness and ask to speak to the guys running the shovw >Brief explanation and all that Irish charm we can fake get us past their suspicions. Beer helps lubricate the situation in our favour. >One of us spends a few hours with them going over the participant records and the rest wander the grounds as the o--- kicks off >Couple of hundred heaving bodies all busy sticking or being stuck by others >We see our target right in the middle of the action. F------ rich girls its always about them >See the boyfriend taking some money from other guys. Probably organisers paying for her p---- >Begin to wonder how we'll pull this off onderhow wll plt is ofyng or ● Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)12:04:26 No.36577188 、>-36577476 >Group meets up for brief pow wow over the situation >Decide to try activating the sprinklers and grabbing her in the confusion >Plan requires more work though. Namely a number of doors must be sealed and some smoke generated to increase panic and distraction >Smog generator located among pyrotechnics supplies in a room of the con centre >Doors are chained shut when no one is looking >Smog gens on! Fire alarm activate Initially people don't respond to the sprinklers thinking its part of the o--- >Few women boun >Then the smog rolls in and they start to panic, everyone starts screaming and trying to escape >Locked doors create blockages and more panic >Target is on the move having been grabbed by boyfriend >One of us is waiting by one of the few working doors and clubs the boyfriend as he runs out and grabs the target. >Throw her into van and drive off >Love it when a plan comes together >But plans never come together for long cing around enjoying the water shower CONT Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)12:11:51 No.36577476 ·236577514 >After returning to hotel room and cleaning up the target we lock her in the bathroom while we arrange transport home >Transport arranged, got to sit on her for six hours >Check on her in the bathroom and bitch done bailed! >Turns out the hotel walls are stupidly thin >Obviously we are furious and set out to find her >Call comes in from home, one of the info guys found the boyfriends current address after we'd asked them to f------ ages ago >Useful info now though, unfortunately he lives in a s----- part of the city. Like gangland s----- >Shrug and grab some guns from the car and drive down there >Brief observation of the slum the guy lives in reveals she is not only there but a few of the boyfriends friends are f------ her while he watches TV >Time to go for broke, trigger fire alarm in buildin >F------ things broken and doesn't work >Briefly consider anonymous tip to coppers >Decide against it >Decide that oldies are the goldies and put together some bags of oily rags which we set light to and throw through an open window of his house >Thick smoke starts to fill the apartment >Stupid drug dealer boyfriend does a runner down the fire escape to find us waiting to clobber him. >One of us stays down there to keep kicking him while the rest climb up >Find target on the floor struggling to walk after the savage f------ she'd enjoyed >Throw her in a sack and back in the f------ van >Give the boyfriend a few kicks for good measure then shoot him in the balls per clients request if we got the opportunity >Drive to the airport, get a ride to catch another flight on a s----- cargo plane and then finally homeward bound. >Alls done and payday is sweet due to the bonus Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)12:12:54 No. 36577514 365776012236577834 Forgot to say And now off I f---

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4chan PI: Part 2

Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:11:27 No.36571466Ξ>-36571640 >>36571661 >>36571701 OK The anon who used to work retrieving the whorish daughters and wives of the absurdly rich here. one more tale. Other adventures if you want to read up I shall μst take a moment to collect my thoughts then dive nght in Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:18:50 No.36571701 Ξ>-36571854 >>36571878 >>36571886 This particular story involves a very fat young woman, a fat suit and an unfortunate rather smal thai ladyboy One day at the office, those rare days I'm there actually. Sat around talking s--- with everyone playing retarded office games. Boss comes in with new job Usual story, rich guys daughter has gone off on a party train and he's sick of paying for it. Wants her brought back It is actually the most mundane and normal of jobs. Normaly these girls go off with daddy's credit card and hit a string of bars and clubs with it and anyone willing to pretend to be their friend. This goes on until daddy cuts off the card then they find other ways to pay and fall in with a different crowd. We find her easily enough. Dumb bitch keeps trying to use her cards. >The flight doesn't take long and she is still trying to use them. I mean my god how f------ dense can you be? Locate her in a bland as f--- theme nightclub. Ice everywhere, place is f------ cold, drinks come in ice. F------ whack s--- yo. >She's easy to spot. The landwhale hammering the card reader shouting abuse at the staff. Wonder why nobody has thrown her out yet. We come up behind her and tell the barman well cover the tab, inform her that her father sent us. Normally this is enough to make the young girls become quiet and She pushes us aside and starts running Despite her size bitch can run and we lose her in the crowd on the streets Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:17:39 No 36571661 Ξ>-36571886>-36572101 how would just a regular military f-- get in to a PMC or a group like yours? Ive got 6 years in, no combat but I'm in a combat arms trade, engineer. Would a group even be interested in me or do they only take high speed low drag guys? Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:25:33 No.36571886 Ξ >>36571944 >>36572077 >>36572135 ve got s--- GCSEs and an SIA license. Boss only started throwing me at this due to me having a high tolerance for s--- and unusual skills like martial arts and ng. >The whale vanishes beneath the waves and by waves I mean crowd >We shrug and try to figure out her next port of call. ensues >Younger guy points out that she probably weighs as much as two of us put together >Argument continues until we get another hit on the cards. She's in a restaurant this time >We get there and jesus f------ christ she's sat at this huge table covered in empty plates, the staff reveal she ate it all. y the tab, try to grab her >Better luck is had this time with all four of us grabbing her and trying to pull her out of the restaurant with her screaming and shouting all the while >Some idiots call the cops and with sirens in the distance we gotta bail. She does too fortunately. Good thing as we are not f------ with the Thai police. >Argument changes to discussion of how the f--- do we ensnare the beast? >Call home for advice and info. >Guy back at home suggests a fishing net or something (doho) and reveals a few of her tastes. Namely large quantties of cheap tacky cocktails, fast food and fat guys. >Fishnet does get approval from the group mind you so we procure a net from a nearby theme restaurant >The hunt for the whale resumes. ● Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:34:14 No 36572135 >>36572506 >Bingo. Another card hit >Hit the club and find her arguing with the barman screaming that she needs money for the stripper > Barman is clearly terrified >She's laid on the bar grabbing hold of the barman while a bouncer tries to pul her off >We help and throw the net over her >Critical success. She falls over flat on her face and starts crying Sufficiently restrained >She's left a sort of greasy stain on the countertop and the whole thing seems to have buckled under the strain. Pay for damages >Start dragging her fat ass out of the place >As we leave, notice the stripclub is full of fat women staring at us disapprovingly. Realise we better hurry the f--- up >As we're leaving a fat guy barges through the door past us too. >Wonder for a moment what the f--- is going on then notice the strippers are f------ gigantic >Confused as f---. Noticing the phones, we panic, drag her fat ass into the car and speed away quickly. >One of us fishes the targets phone out of her purse and starts going through it. >After a good twenty minutes of this fat slob sobbing in the car between bouts of screaming at us we hear a loud "ohhhh that explains it from our partner in crime with >Turns out the landwhale had helped finance a "positive body image stripper night" at the club with a bunch of other fatties. Why in Thailand? f--- if I know will be calling the cops >Call the boss and ask for a way out >He says lay low and he'll work on it. Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:45:26 No 36572506 Ξ >>36572751 >>36572755 >>36572828 >We f--- off to a warehouse that had been pegged as our falback location >Some of our mates working another gig are there. >They help us with the landwhale while their target is tied to a chair gagged >Unfortunately she's starting to get a lot more rowdy and fights back. Takes all eight of us to tie her up >lt works for a while and were just relaxing as we hear a loud snap as he she breaks the cuffs and ropes. >What follows is a good hour of chasing this landwhale around the warehouse trying to subdue her >Eventually manage to lock her in a toilet with a load of stuff braced against the door. Windows too tiny for her to escape from >She keeps hammering at the door for the next few hours and we realise we gotta do something >Our man with the phone has been sat there reading for a while now. Being generally useless. >Turns out he was trained as a forensic psychologist or some such s--- and he was just figuring her out >Explains how she wound up here in Thailand. Nothing special just a bunch of her fatty SJW friends wanted to go on a sexual vacation like other women and made sure to tailor it to their tastes. With the rich fatty bankrolling the whole thing. >Thats real fascinating mate but useless to us. > Tels us that all we need to do to keep her under control is to give her the fantasy she wants >Well mate sounds like you just volunteered since she ain't gotten a good look at you yet >oh hell naw he >He points out lack of fatness and we realise this is a problem. Call boss and tell him we need a fatsuit Boss says can do goes. But the IS >Gotta love him sometimes. He just makes s--- happen Realise that someone is gonna have to pork her and it can't be the one in the suit due to his penis not being like a foot long >Cut up the fatsuit and make a cavity someone can hide in. Realise it has to be a small someone ● Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:55:12 No.36572828->>36572972 >>36573264 >>36573508 Lot of the time we charter a small plane or go by boaticar Many times we get private jets courtesy of the client IS on >Consensus achieved. We need a tiny guy with a big d---. >Four of us pile into the car and set off to find such a man. >Eventually after half hour of searching we stop to ask these ladyboys if they know anyone like that >This tiny ladyboy who would be short for a woman who is wearing an oddly long skirt for a ladyboy, lifts it halfway revealing the tip of a substantial c--- >He piles into the car and we try to explain the situation but he just seems confused by it all >After a further ten minutes of explanation get tired of it and stuff the ladyboy in the fatsuit IS >The barricade is removed and our failed psychiatrist or whatever he was pretends he has rescued the fatty from the evil cis scum and come to whisk her away on a romantic adventure or some such s---. We do our best to act defeated >Fatty is whisked away to the airport where the client of our other team has sent a plane to pick them up. We figure lets be green and all go on it >Fatsuit guy takes fatty into the back of the plane claiming its his where there's a rather nice bedroom and spends the flight having the ladyboy pork her while everyone else sits up front and pretends they can't hear her moans and screams ● Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:59:17 No.36572972 >>36573127 >>36573141 >>36573236 >>36573264 >>36573350 >>36573505 We arrange a limo to pick her up and fatsuit guy goes with Ladyboy porks her some more in the limo we are later told Poor ladyboy and fatsuit guy only got a brief break while she was sleeping. Her snoring seeming to shake the plane Fatty is dropped off at her fathers. He shakes fatsuit guys hand but once the daughter starts talking about what happened he becomes concerned and fatsuit guy assures him the penis was not real as he is wearing a fatsuit Fattys father is pleased Fatsuit guy takes off fatsuit to prove point. Fattys father inspects it saying it is very lifelike Fatsuit guy makes up excuses and quickly bails relating all this to us later Poor thai ladyboy is released for good Poor bastard spends the next hour drinking everything in the minibar as the plane continues to the next drop off We wind up paying the ladyboy a full share of the pay and pay for his trip back home dont think he had ever seen so much money in one place. Seemed pretty dam pleased. END There you have it. The story of the fatsuit and ladyboy. Abridged heavily as I am cooking food

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4chan PI: Part 1

Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:14:48 No. 36569901 >>36570002 >>36570053 Wife/daughter it is I warn you now. This story does not have anything remotely resembling a happy ending. It is without any doubt one of the more depressing tales due to what this woman did to her only daughter >Get a call from the boss >He wants his best people at his office now for a job >Four of us are there and he runs down the situation for us. it's rare and urgent as it involves a minor. >Rich guys wife has run off with a small fortune AND their only child. A daughter age 13 >Doesn't give a f--- about the money or the wife. Wants his daughter back. >Boss wants us to get all 3 due to possibility of delicious bonu mething we should do o the child. While we've seen young girls go rew strangers with their moth er than We shrug and go over the note Wife is a repeat offender. Seven times to be exact e this and we've brought her back. Not us specifically but the company we work for. Never t the with her. Many of the note t the f----- off Wife has typically either gone full party train or tried to establish a new life in some s------- each time but surfaced when money runs out due to not having access to the lifestyle she is acustomed to >We fear she's gone new life again. Which means she'll be tough to find even if we find out what country she's in >Quickly realise the child has no passport so she can't have taken a commercial flight >She wouldn't charter anything less than a private jet. No luck on that front >Keep digging into possible routes away from the continent (never tried to set up a new life on the continent) >lt goes on like this for months >Longest case on record at eight months >By this point we were all pretty much exhausted. No leads, no clues, we'd tapped every contact we could think of. She had to be somewhere in Europe >Get a lead. A f------ lead at long last! >A man was caught trying to sell her rolex. The jewellers had been suspicious and checked its number against the books. He was promptly arrested and our client had arranged for us to talk to him first >We get there after a brief plane trip and find an honest to f------ god catholic priest >A f------ priest had been trying to sell her watch. ldiot don't speak no english so only one of us can actually talk to him making the questioning rather long and drawn out >To say he was uncooperate would be putting it lightly but his story was that this woman came to him to get her and her daughter away from her abusive husband. This woman was obviously wealthy as she had paid him a lot to arrange it 冰was then that it clicked. The reason we'd not been able to find her was not because she hadn't taken a plane where she was going. It was because they had traveled using documents issued by the f------ Vatican and nobody f------ checks them. >With s--- figured out all we needed was a destination. A few details he let slip came together. Turned out mother dear had decided to become a nun and take her daughter with her on missionary work. ing Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:31:55 No.36570335 >Client pulls strin et is located Gets more iled info out of the Vatican Yougottabeshittingme m------------ sub saharan africa? Boss is hesitant to send us in but after discussion with the client more money is probably offered and boss loses his mind We get sent to Africa e guys. Alone in enough it We arrive at the airport expecting it to be a total s Turns out the airport is controlled by a western PMC who work in the area and they have been hired as guides and protective detail verything turned out better than expected >Until they s >Four poor white guys completely out of their depth in the middle of what is probably a warzone >Fortunately though they have a decent idea of where the target is as they noticed a small church had been built there recently. Its been torn down since though mercen ta ing random potshots at the wildlife >One of our group is pretty much having a panic attack by this point but h ept sufficiently calm through the proper application of f Eventually land near a really really s----- looking village. It is the stereotypical african s-------. Mu Then you notice things that look a bit out of place. Like the expensive (for the are d land rover, the new clothes on some of the people, the fact that everyone looks well fed despite nothing growingh >PMC goons fan out and do their thing and s kicking down doors. The few shots fired but one would not l ge ng We're out of our depth >Eventually a white women, a white girl and four african men are dragged out of the village by the PMC goons and dropped at our feet. All alive fortunately even if one of the black guys has clearly got a broken nose, arm and probably a couple of ri judging by the bruising thats beginning to show The two whit eed who we're looking for. They dont >One of our unfortunate ta momen xplanation from the PMC goons regarding the men reveals that the one who got beat almost eath was f------ the daughter and the other three were plowing the wife who was clearly enjoying it Wife gets all up in our face almost immediately. All on about how we have no right t >Fortunately the PMC goon pistol whips her quiet after l point out that really we only need the daughter. her how to live her life, blah, blah, blah, her husband point the dau o clue whats going on any in tears more eems The wife gets gagged and tied up then thrown in the choppa and we f mething for the little one to wear for th e back. Spends the whole trip wearing one of the PMC goons jackets ally say anything but fills in the remaining holes in the story for us n but later on decided to marry the local chieftan and showered the place with all the money she'd brought. Then the chie ed for h on to marry th hter. His son who by the looks of him was in Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:45:43 No.36570744 >Nobody really feels happy about this s--- >She's too far into it for an abortion to really be feasible >We arrange for a pickup from the boss and awkwardness ensues. The client f------ shows up in a private jet >His half naked pregnant 13 year old daughter, his almost completely naked pregant wife and four worn out,tired and scrufy looking white guys await him as he comes running down the steps from his plane >For a second we thought he was going to do a 180 without stopping and fly away >But to his credit he did seem genuinely happy to see his daughter was safe. Blamed the wife for everything. Had us take the daughter aboard who by this point was in full PTSD mode tayed outside with the PMC with his wife for a what seemed like forever tead she got regagged and brought into the plane and locked into one of the toilets for the entire trip trussed u >On arriving back home the client gave us his personal thanks and a bonus to ensure proper discretion >Found out the wife died the next day in a car accident >F--- knows what happened to the daughter but she's alive probably. N----- was probably put up for adoption somewhere far far away And that children is probably the most depressing of the stories I have No happy ending for anyone

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anon goes clubbing

Anonymous 01/19/15(Mon)20:30:21 No.30522404 >2305250162230531188 >>30532087 >>30533081 >>30534190>>30536021 >>30536034>>30537174 File: 1421425423642.png (511 KB, 642x479) >finally get /fit/ after a few years >get coerced into going out clubbing with mates >they're all dancing and force me onto the floor >girl takes interest in me and wants to dance >don't know how to dance so I just bob my knees while doing the reload animations for different guns from various games

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If only...

Anonymous r2// 4( l ue)23.2U. N0.30 UZ File: enhanced-11401-1400710355-1 ipg (51 KB, 625x417) >General elections 2015 >Time to count up the votes >Expected to be a labour landslide victory after a vicious wave of hardcore shilling from all media outlets Ed Miliband is standing on the podium in Mark Duggan square >He opens his mouth to speak A RAGING FEL >Sky turns purple >Begins raining beer and pound coins >Nigel Farage Crashes a plane into the podium >"Looks like you're leaking Red, Ed" says Farage >Seats are announced > 100% of the vote went to UKIP >Stepping over the mangled corpse of Shilliband, Farage prepares to make a victory speech >Suddenly it happens >The collective a--- clench of all the Pro-EU hippies causes a black hole to open up in Brussels >It's sucking everything into it. >Farage turns to look at it, then turns back >His true form is revealed >He is half Jesus, half King Arthur >He takes a drag of his cigar, a swig of real ale "Britain is in danger, and I must do my duty to the people" starts playing really loudly, spliced between clips of XTC's "Making Plans for Nigel" >He steps onto the Thames >Walks over to the black hole Turns back, gives a wink and makes the classic Farage laugh face >Steps into the hole It is closed, Belgium is gone and in its place is a crater, carved into the Visage of Farage >The Empire is revived >God Save the Queen becomes the world anthem >Space empire is founded in 2015 >Our new motto >Non minoris molimenti ea claustra ad Farage

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from /k/

Anonymous 01/21/16(Thu)01:35:39 No.28627900 28628093 File: 1445853325488.ipg (2 KB, 125x125) Be inna long term TDY assignment with the whole squadron >Buddy loses his phone Asks female in different platoon to use her electronic device for the day (not phone) because he needs it (forgot why but he needed it) Decide its a good idea to search through her history >Typical white girl quotes >Is Genital Herpes permanent >Can Genital herpes become oral herpes >herpes cure >herpes treatment dealing with herpes >Next day We all go return it to her together without saying a word aside from "Thanks >She knows what happened

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Anonymous 01/10/16(Sun)20:19:19 No.28502571 last deployment >one f------- tweenager stands on his roof and throws grenades at us every time we leave the wire command had gone full DONT SHOOT HIM HES JUST A KID he'd thrown at least a hundred live hand grenades at us, and we were threatened in writing with court martial that the brigade CO outright said he'd pull every string he had to railroad a conviction on every other kid got candy...this little s--- got piss bottles and beanie weenie thrown at him one day after f------ up the free candy for erryone else a 9yo shanked him in the stomach with an AK bayonet that 9yo got ALL THE CANDY, all the MRE's, 2 flats of bottled water, and 1SG's cigar BTW, brigade CO got relieved of command almost as soon as we got off the plane. CID was waiting for us to touch down, apparently someone had emailed a copy of the wiritten threat to their congressman after IG said they wouldn't do anything. >>28502611 # >>28503047# >>28503740 # >>28504038 # >>28504226 # >>28504261 # >228505907 # >>28508499 # >>28509012 # >>28512094 # >>28512140 #

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Anonymous 01/20/16(Wed)20:21:49 No.286238253286239342228624131 2328624272 File: C9.ipg (272 KB, 1024x768) 28612009 (OP) l use them to have hidden in every room of my house, so I'm not caught off guard One hidden in the living room One hidden in the bathroom (in easy reach from both the shower AND toilet) One hidden in the garage One hidden in the kitchen The other two main rooms have the bulk of my other guns It's easy, you just save 35 bucks from each paycheck, and 4 paychecks later, you have 140 dollars, more than enough to buy a used HP C9 at your local monthly gun show, plus some 9mm Never get caught off guard again! I figure I won't need an extra mag for each pistol, because the goal is to fight my way to either my room or the computer room, where the rest of my more powerful guns are Anonymous 01/20/16(Wed)20:53:35 No.28624272 28624328 28624382 >28623825 >middle of the night >boom, boom, crash! >anon was in the garage working on some project >picks up his trusty C9 near him, sees the perps, and begins firing >perps are not deterred and begin to fire back from near the front of the house >anon mov >"click*, picks up new C9 in a flash and keeps firing >perps are becoming shaken by now, how the f--- does he keep firing? >anon leaps from the kitchen to the back of his couch in the living room >click, the >picking up his new C9 from behind the couch, anon lays a few rounds in the advancing perp >with his dying thoughts, he believes anon's humble hi-point c9 was a font of infinite bullets >other perp is beginning to lose his composure, but is still firing >anon moves towards his room and disappears behind the wall es towards the kitchen from the garage, still firing perps hear, and one breaks from cover to rush anon nce, figures the final perp, he's backed into a c >anon bursts from his room, dual C9's blazing, with dozens more tucked into his waistband and various holsters strapped to his body like some sort of new age pirate, he fires round after round, dropping guns as they empty and replacing them with fresh hi point power >final perp has s--- and p----- himself at this point as he becomes riddled by a wave of rounds fired by low cost high reliability all American weaponry

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to go through nych evs hat hough puahing frough to be buying de of highwy and ACHO ady sough o theae someting lx them a ion for the eel low days nge stat comes in and sans yeling at he

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Anonymous 11/14/14(Fri)22:48:07 No.2360188823501933 23301938 2350194 23502000 Ok, moar Hummel >still basic training >kid gets chosen to read The Soldier's Creed in front of the entire company >kid can barely remember how to wipe his ass, much less recite a paragraph >he approaches the front of the formation, nervous and visibly sweating >i am pretty sure spaghetti began to manifest in his cargo pockets >he takes his position in front of the formation, everyone is standing tight at attention >he clears his throat, takes a deep breath THE ARMY CREED! >somehow manages to f--- it up by the second word >1SG is visibly upset, entire formation begins to smirk and chortle >he attempts it again THE SOLDIERS CREED! >he proceeds to the second line, and falters yet again >this repeats for a solid 15 minutes >eventually one of the drill sergeants presents him with a handy notepad, with the creed written on it >f---- it up again, while reading it >eventually approaches the "I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the united states" part >says "T WILL EMPLOY THE ENEMIES OF THE UNITED STATES realizes his mistake, says "F---" out loud, then starts over reaches the same point WILL DESTROY THE UNITED STATES" >everyone is dying at this point >drill sergeant has dropped his military bearings and tripped on them s--- turns to chaos >eventually gets it right, after a good hour or two >1SG makes him the Company Guide for having the balls to destroy the USA O Anonymous 11/14/14 (Fri)22:49:49 No.23601914 goddamn l'd recommend Hummel for OCS if it wouldn't be such a waste of a damn-fine enlisted man Anonymous 11/14/14 (Fri)22:51:35 No.2360193323801974 File: 1413368873966.ipg (116 KB, 673x1005) 23601888 SG makes him the Company Guide for having the balls to destroy the USA swear to god, we'll be reading about Hummel the supersoldier 10 years from now Anonymous 11/14/14(Fri)22:51:49 No.23601936 File: 3797567 ipa (33 KB, 623x556) 2223801974 >"I WILL DESTROY THE UNITED STATES I'm drunk and this s--- i hilarious more pls Anonymous 11/14/14(Fri)22:52:26 No.23601946 2223801974 23601888 >says "T WILL EMPLOY THE ENEMIES OF THE UNITED STATES realizes his mistake, says "F---" out loud, then starts over And this is the moment were my side dies

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Anonymous 10/12/12(Fri)02:28 No.13009880 Replies: 22 13010945 221301102922 13011167 22 13013831 File: 135 34130.ipg-(87 KB, 500x400, 1315038093815.jpg) > Be swedish soldier >Company is in the field, education check > Making sure we can do our jobs with lack of sleep, almost no food, constant physical strain, no idea what's going on etc. Hard as f---. > On last day, they bring us back to base, clean and put away weapons, then gather for formation in a clearing. s Company Commander holds this little speech, ending it with "and the last thing you need to do is run across this clearing to that table over there, stacked with food, coke, candy etc. Go eat!" YOU SON DEA BITCR > Fuckyear.jpg all around > When suddenly a wild spiderman appears! > It is really one of the officers, in a spiderman bodysuit > Jumps around in front of us, screaming "Don't take ma' food, don't take ma' food!" > Does his "I shoot web" pose towards our food-laden table, which promptly explodes. > Machineguns firing errywhere, they tell us to flee! >Spend the rest of the night dodging foot patrols, cars and (or so they told us) dogs. > Rain the whole time To this day, this is mfw spiderman

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