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Greentext Stories - Image Gallery Page 11

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Image #247,181

□ The Duke 02/03/12(Fri)13:00:15 No.1311185 File1328292015. gif-(973 KB, 350x260, iRFvl.gif) >Britfag >Be in New York for the first time NHSMUN >Staying in the Hilton >H-------- AMERICAN FOOD >Take a s---, lush etc. and walk out >Couple of hours later >Sitting down in the lobby, talking with a friend >Guy I'm sharing a room with asks us to come upstairs and take a look at something >That s--- from earlier is still there, and has blocked the toilet >Friend has the idea to try pissing on it to break it up >Instead turns into a curry-like mess, blocking the entire toilet >Still won't flush >Leave it, hope things get better >That night, need another s--- >Go down the hall to friend's room >He thinks that the worst is over >Deploy shitternaut MK2 >Block up his toilet >Next day, need a third s--- >We prey on an unsuspecting guy from our group >Needless to say, somehow block his toilet, blame his room-mate >Hear rumours in my conference room that people on the floors above me can't flush their toilets due to blockages in the system >Holy crap what have I unleashed >Stay completely silent on the issue, pokerface my way through >The other two guys in my room had apparently had a rather messy incident because we'd not told them about the toilet being blocked >My bathroom was now no-man's land >Wait it out with the creature residing within my bowels >The next day, me and friend heading downstairs >See cleaning lady coming in the direction of our rooms >Pokerfaces > She enters my room, as we walk towards the stairs >From down the hall, hear the big black cleaning woman shout "AW HELL NO >Run down those stairs and never look back >TL DR I destroyed the plumbing in the Hilton hotel >MFW I unleashed the Kraken >MFW I s--- dark matter

Image #247,179

□ op 02/03/12(Fri)12:42:30 No.1311067 My last one, will probably think of more though. >Arachnophobia >Have stomach problems most of my life >In long car journey through British countryside >Suddenly need to s--- with the force of a million baboons >Wait as long as I can >Get parents to pull over at an old playground with an outside toilet >Run in, already half s------- my pants >Make it, constant stream of liquid fire coming out my ass Look around >Spiders, HUGE F------ SPIDER EVERYWHERE shitshitshitshitshitshit >Paralyzed, still copious amounts of diarrhea exploding out my ass >The spider all just looking at me sOne of them falls off of the ceiling onto me >Traumatized for life Anonymous 02/03/12(Fri)12:45:59 No.1311085 1310868 That mental image was just too f------ funny. Please post moar, OP!

Image #242,480

← -> Oboards.4chan.org/b/res/377740601#377741861 File 1327933933 247 KB, 612x800, 773444 orig.jpg) Anonymous 01/30/12(Mon)09:32:13 No.377740601 >16 years old >At the library alone, as usual >Minding my own business, as usual >Incredibly hot girl comes walking in >Wearing short skirt, datass.jpg >She grabs a book >Starts gracefully walking towards me >She grabs my shoulder >l can't speak >She sits on my lap >l can't move >She's not wearing underwear >I am in disbelief >Rubs up on me until she gets comfortable have the hardest wood ever >I still can't move >Realize I'm a chair >Do nothing, because l am a chair P2 Anonymous 01/30/12(Mon)09:34:55 No.377740866 Wow Anonymous 01/30/12(Mon)09:36:15 No.377740992 snorted Anonymous 01/30/12(Mon)09:37:10 No.37774 1089 lool Anonymous 01/30/12(Mon)09:37:10 No.377741090 Alright, I chuckled

Image #241,181

□ Anonymous 12/07/11 (Wed)16:28 No.5220706 Reposting my all time favorite greentext. >playing soccer in gym ball is up in the air >think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal stry >miss ball >kick goalie in the face try to ask "Are you okay?" and "I'm f------ sorry."at the same time instead end up yelling "ARE YOU F------ SORRY!?" goalie is choking back tears

Image #241,180

□ BROther Laughing Man !!6Ltud83uedV 11/20/10(Sat)03:18 No. 12863338 8 File 1290241136 jpg-(54 KB, 380x373, ist2_136840-lucha-libre-wrest(...).jpg) >playing half orc monk >decide to play something beyond weeaboo i am a master of martial arts >spend 100 gp on inlaid mask with intricate tribal designs sewn on the side with a fin >BECOME LOS TIBURON, THE SHARK OF THE LAND, MASKED WRESTLER take feats revolving around grappling >grapple EVERYTHING >EVERYTHING >EVERY. F------. THING sincluding, but not limited to, a bear >final part of campaign >OH S--- DRAGON >dragon acts like a f-----, ducking into water and popping up to use breath weapon >f--- that, I'm charging his ass >brother, playing warforged fighter, assists my MIGHTY LEAP into the air, where I pose in mid-air, shouting about the HONOR OF THE MASK >TACKLE A F------ DRAGON >deal unarmed damage, latch on, take deep breath in preparation for the underwater struggle >dragon goes up. forgot they can actually fly >DM gives me option to let go before he goes up. F--- that, I'm still wrestling. >200 FEET IN THE AIR, STILL WRESTLING A DRAGON AND DEALING UNARMED DAMAGE >Dragon actually starts hurting me. Have to come up with a plan. BRILLIANCE STRIKES ME. >"I roll to pin.' >Entire table is silent. >l roll to pin' his wings behind his back, so he can't fly anymore. >ENTIRE TABLE IS LEANING OVER SO I CAN MAKE MY ROLL OF DESTINY >NATURAL. F------. TWENTY >I pin the dragon's wings, sending it and me hurtling into ground. I have six seconds to make my final statement. >"I AM LOS TIBURON! And I am...a lucha!!! >Dragon's neck snaps on impact >Through sheer luck or GM fiat, possibly both, I survive with -4 HP >Cleric puts me back at one, picks me up, holding one arm into the air >My brother immediately bangs his shield twice, making a bell noise >Party's bard/diplomancer: "And the winner is....Los Tiburon!" high fives all around And that was the story of how I made it to level four. □ Anonymous 11/20/10(Sat)03:22 No. 12863367 □ Anonymous 11/20/10(Sat)03:29 No.12863425 12863338 you win d&d forever

Image #240,227

File 1326146785 png-(23 KB, 300x289, 1318785391707.png) □ Anonymous 01/09/12(Mon)17:06:25 No.373179525 >only had 1 friend in my childhood >she was femanon >fall in love with her >friendzoned >stay friends as she's all I got >both move to different uni after highschool >0 friends at uni stry to stay in contact with her epic ignore >go visit her at her university as a suprise >see her kissing some alpha >okay.jpg >talk to her the next day >was nice, still friendzone >don't see for years after that >decide to do something with my Sjoin the army >get sent to fight somewhere in the east >be there for a few years >made 1 friend in army >he got shot and died >think about the girl I love everyday >write her letters >no response >leave the army after returning home >buy own house >after a few years the girl comes to my house >she's in deep s--- and has nowhere else to go >happiest time of my life >still cant bear only being friends with her ife >tell girl I love her (again) >everything went better than expected have sex with her next morning >she's not in the house anymore >don't see her for a few years again >few years later I get a message from her > go visit girl >she has a child >my child wants go marry me >we get married >1 year later she dies >single father >no chance of ever getting a woman again >my name is forest gump | Preload images (113 □ Expand images Fun Funnier and FunPlaze.com

Image #187,910

File 1281729005 ipg-(12 KB, 242x238, 1281622206139s.jpg) □ Anonymous 08/13/10(Fri)15:50 No.701 78XXX >At a track meet >Chilling out on bleachers, waiting for my race >Cute girls in skimpy track uniforms EVERYWHERE. >A group of them are on the field stretching CAMELTOE SPOTTED >Begin thinking naughty thoughts Massive boner is hidden by roomy track pants "HEY ANON WE CANT FIND JOE YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIS SPOT." >Slip Mr. Johnson into my waistband as I stand up >Solid Snake my way >Take pants off, am now only wearing bright yellow short-shorts >Walk quickly to my blocks >Bend over to hide the massive bulge >THE MOMENT OF TRUTH IS AT HAND across the field >Race starts >Boner immediately frees itself >Begins bouncing and waving dramatically >A loud slap can be heard each time it hits my thigh >THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE >It begins spinning as we round the corner >D---: "DONT WORRY BUDDY, IVE GOT YOUR BACK." HELICOPTER MODE: ENGAGED >D--- propels me into first H-------- I FEEL LIKE A SUPERHERO >Beat the black kids >Receive prophetic vision of one day creating a helicopter made of d---- >Still have to walk all the way back across the field to the starting line to retrieve my pants >Let my boner shamelessly protrude AND NOT A SINGLE F--- WAS GIVEN

Image #162,091

File : 1296595194.jpg-(49 KB, 400x272, Jonestown.jpg) Anonymous 02/01/11(Tue)16:19:54 No.306365196 Go to Psychology of Religion class Sit next to girl I like, tell her funny stories of what I did this weekend She laughs, we talk a bit more and she asks if I wanna hang out tomorrow F--- yeah Lecture starts, Professor starts talking about group mentality of small cults >Shows touching slideshow of Jonestown massacre, sad music playing, a few girls start crying, overall somber mood in the room >Being the desensitized /b/tard that I am I dgaf and start playing snake on my phone >Look up at the last slide, see picture on left >Start laughing Since I'm in front, the professor sees and asks why I'm laughing >Class is dead silent, everyone looking at me >Face goes red, trying to hold back more laughter >f------ awkward >Finally gather my breath and reply "Who's gonna feed the poor parrot?" >One guy in the back laughs >Everyone looks at me disgusted >Glance at the cute girl, her mouth is open in disbelief >Get up and leave, entire class still staring Guess my plans tomorrow got canceled :

Image #155,678

Dean 07/29/11 (Fri)11:08 No.8287004 File 1311952103 ipg-(25 KB, 350x329, 1311695472904.jpg) be relaxing at the watering hole >hougarth is swimming and having fun he tells the iron giant to jump in and join him the iron giant does >suddenly tsunami NOPENOPENOPE Anonymous 07/29/11 (Fri)11:08 No.8287005 >Be out on the front porch >Petting the neighbor's cat >Hear someone call my name from the direction of the house's mail slot. >Cat and I: NOPE!

Image #155,675

□ Vlad the Implier !!8UBW7Q0g2P 07/29/11 (Fri)13:38 No.8287567 OH f--- I forgot one. Be 15 >Share a room with little brother who is 13 >One night, chillin' in bed, facing the wall Hear footsteps pacing around my room >Hear them come over to me >Think it's my brother picking something up from the floor by my bed Hear little brother grunt and move around in his bed >Footsteps still there >Stop dead still >NOPE NOPE F------ NOPE >> □ Anonymous 07/29/11 (Fri)13:39 No.8287568 File 1311961148.ipg-(43 KB, 486x486, holyshit.jpg) Be 3 years old (My memory is VERY good >Live in an apartment building >There were mirrors in the elevators Mom and dad explicitly told me not to go out alone >One day, the door was open for some reason Venture outside, elevator door was open too >Get in THERE'S A F------ BLACK, HAIRY MAN-THING THING IN THERE > INSIDE THE MIRROR NOPE THE F--- BACK HOME >Some months later >My sister and a female friend of hers had an argument >My sister told her to leave When the elevator doors opened, IT WAS THERE >Except not inside the mirror, HE WAS F------ RIGHT THERE >My sister's friend does seem somehow scared, it wasn't like she could see it >She gets in the elevator FACING the thing >Elevator door takes longer than usual to close To this day I am convinced this was not a dream.

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