anon tries new food | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 08/15/24(Thu)17:03:55 No.2697568 >>2697571 >be me >with friend >he wants to eat >"You should try japanese food bro. It's so good bro, You gotta try i >never ate japanese food before, hesitant at first but ok >food comes >hesitantly take a bite >lukewarm, taste is horrible, texture feels like a live worm in your mouth trying to escape >immediately vomit is this why Japan has a lower obesity rate than the west? sage 08/15/24(Thu)17:07:47 No.2697571 >>2697568 (OP) its probably autism anon sage

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon doesn’t have social media. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous dress for the job you want 32 KB JPG 08/14/24(Wed)17:52:05 No.78493603 >1st day of class in college >professor makes us do one of those forced icebreaker things >girl sitting in front of me turns back and we talk for a bit >seem to be hitting it off nicely >she says we should meet up later >i agree >shes asks for my snapchat >i dont use it >she asks for my instagram >tell her i dont use any social media and offer her my phone number >her nose scrunches up, and without a single word she turns back around and immediately begins talking to someone else >aggressively ignored me from that point forward College was so blackpilling ⠀ Anonymous >>78493603 (OP) # 08/14/24(Wed)17:55:02 No.78493624 Man, I hate social media. Lacking it apparently also gives corpos the ick. What happened to not connecting any information to yourself online?

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8 day mission turn to 8 months | /r/Greentext

leell >Be Boeing BED DEI hires build a ship.jpg 205 KB JPG >Hire DEI poojeet wagies >Planes they build are literally falling out of the sky >Who cares, have them work on space ships Imao. >Astronauts now stuck in space. >We lost contact with them and there isnt a clear way to get them back home. Are we getting another Titan submarine scenario?

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Love story | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: kзeazSnQ) 70 KB JPG 09/26/20(Sat)20:43:43 No.279414971 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her in a boat trip for 2 days >millions of women consider this a great love story Why are women like this?

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Anon writes a comic about Quirk Chungus | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_20240814_182554.jpg (163 KB, 910x740) QUIRK CHUNGUS -fails to realize she has already become her mother BIG_ED -some dogs are doggos, some are puppers -missed out on being a w---- WAG VARS ☐ Anonymous 08/14/24(Wed)22:40:28 No. 144957212 >>144965033 >>144965054 MAN CHILD -lacks all personality and will; this has, in turn, become his entire personality -his own existence is okay with him somehow CHILD REPLACEMENT Write a plot for cartoon about Them >>144957228 >>144957254 >>144957292 >>144957359 >>144957404>>144957518 >>144957560 Anonymous 08/15/24(Thu)13:09:30 No. 144965033 >>144965049 >>144965124 File: dgen5ya-629d7fe6-87ff-43c(...).png (324 KB, 1000x1000) >>144957212 (OP) I'd tell a classic tale where one partner is a serial killer and desperately hides it from the other Only my twist would be they are both doing it Anonymous 08/15/24(Thu)13:11:54 No. 144965049 >>144965110 >>144965124 >>144965033 >Man Child is a Dexter/Hannibal Lecter style killer. Super emotionless, overly planned, feels numb and trying to shake a feeling loose >Quirk Chungus is more impulsive. A waitress will accidentally spill coffee on her and she'll pretend it's fine - "Ummm I can haz dry cleaning?? Haha it's okay!" - only to show up at the end of her shift with a hatchet Anonymous 08/15/24(Thu)13:21:21 No. 144965110 File: GRBQR-XWUAAdTm4.jpg (168 KB, 942x942) >>144965049 >>144965124 >She's bought a new shirt from etsy, it arrived today in a neat little plastic bag. This one is a cross between Baby Yoda and Baby Groot. Across the breast the phrase "I am Grogu!" is plastered in a gouache font. I ask her how that is funny. She tells me it isn't, that's why it is funny. I smile as if I understand but its white noise to me. The way these people live... I can't fathom it. Maybe Mr. MacGregor down in my work shed could help, once I remove his gag that is. >F---. F--- fuckity f--- f---. Whenever Buffy gets sprayed with blood she's always clean the next scene! Why can't I get the stains out? Whedon you lied to me!! Awh, poor wittle Grogu, all covered with some nasty slut's blood. It's not like I can stop wearing it, my huggy bear will notice after he pointed out how le epic it was. Just breath, remember you tips from Headspace, gotta Keep calm and carry on. Besides it's not my fault, what was I meant to do? She said she uses reddit but doesnt know what time the bacon narwhals? Fakes ass poser skank. Guess I'll have to cash my disability cheque and get another. >> Anonymous 08/15/24(Thu)13:24:02 No.144965124 >>144965033 >>144965049 >>144965110 I'd actually read this

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How do you respond anon? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/15/23(Fri)13:54:13 No.650918878 1694783101577944.png 81 KB PNG >drop game because it's s--- >"anon, how can you tell the game is bad if you haven't finished it?" >finish game and call it s--- >"if it's s---, why did you finish it?" What's the proper response to this?

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Day in the life | /r/Greentext

⠀ Anonymous (ID: TYGpr1FO) 239 KB PNG 08/14/24(Wed) 06:09:56 No.58861819 >work early in the morning >wake up tired >go to work >jump on Google meet >boss is also tired >we all log off and go to bed Why doesn't this ever happen?

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"why yes i am perfectly sane, how did you know?" | /r/Greentext

RYAN GOSLING THE EMILY BLUNT FAH ONLY IN THEATERS MAY Anonymous 08/15/24(Thu)01:08:38 No.202494892 >>202495596 >>202496672 >>202498130 >>202498270 >>202498294 >>202499760 >>202499783 (You) My wife sucks and doesn't like my drinking. Today she took me to see Fall Guy. Big mistake. First off I call my wife toilet brains because she can eats up practically any info you give her, like a good toilet. She's extremely intelligent and it's been nearly impossible to hide the gay stuff I do behind her back, so when you see me call her that don't take it the wrong way. For three full hours I watched Ryan Gosling do the sickest f------ stunts imaginable and violently rip apart Emily Blunt's dead body in car crash after car crash I'm pretty sure. I was drunk. But it got me thinking... What if my wife and kids died doing stunts for a movie and I got all the money just like Ryan Gosling in Fall Guy? So when that horse s--- finally f------ ended I beaned her temples with my palms like they were bongo drums and said "hey toilet brains shut the f--- up, you don't talk when I drink, I'm gonna make you famous ya worthless idiot" My wife and kids died doing what they love, riding in the car with me while I do drunk driving donuts. She wasn't wearing a seatbelt so when the car started rolling my wife flew out the window and tumbled through the sky head over heels like a beautiful angel or a throwing knife in CoD, rip my wonderful wife and kids I hope I win big in Vegas with your insurance money so you didn't die completely in vain and forgotten.

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Nazinon tries being funny in Germany | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/18(Wed)07:23:29 No.5245454 >On 18 July 1944, during a strategy conference in the Wolfsschanze,[6] a fly began buzzing around the room, allegedly landing on Hitler's shoulder and on the surface of a map several 73 KB PNG times. Irritated, Hitler ordered Darges to dispatch the nuisance. Darges suggested that, as it was an airborne pest, the job should go to the Luftwaffe adjutant, Nicolaus von Below. Hitler took Darges aside, dismissed him on the spot and had him transferred to the Eastern Front.[3] >>5245936 # >>5245994 # >>5246135 # >>5246730 # >>5246850 # >>5246877 #

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Anon gets the Dull Machete | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/20/23(Fri)09:22:41 No.654768470 1664612635984696.png 245 KB PNG >Guy gets bisected by piano wire >"HOLY F------ S--- THAT WAS AWESOME, GOLDEN CHAINSAW FOR SURE!!" >Camera zooms in on girl's ass >"yeeeah... this movie didn't age too well. Hey, any film- makers watching? Maybe... don't?"

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Last ditch attempt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/23(Tue)21:12:19 No.651415797 1664133857232596.jpg 335 KB JPG >every RE game some guy turns himself into a horrific monster to kill the heroes what is their plan if they win? be a giant monster thing forever?

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anon cant believe it | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Human technological and Societ(...) 431 KB JPG 08/14/24(Wed)15:12:01 No.16960962 >modern humans first developed around 300,000 years ago >humans are estimated to have reached every continent except Antarctica 60,000 years ago >It took us 240,000 years to walk everywhere we could go without boats >after nearly a quarter-million years of discovering what our planet has, and finally reaching every corner of it, it will still take us another 48,000 years to learn that seeds make plants ??? >ffw another 7,000 f------ years and we've finally collectively made like 4 civilizations, and in another several millennia a couple more will pop up >ffw 5,000 more years (the 20th century) and we've gone from horse wagons to 7,000 MPH jets within a human lifetime taking this at face value, why has humanity developed exponentially? Is it literally just us deciding to spend more time making new stuff? IMO there had to be some sort of massive civilizations that are lost to time, there's no way we spend so long doing so little. Its unbelievable

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Anon gets girlfriend to stop vaping | /r/Greentext

Anonymous ADORLA SALTS WARNING: This product contains ARNING:This ProNicotine. Nicotine tans nicotine No is an addictive an addictive chen chemical. 152 KB JPG 05/05/24(Sun)18:50:06 No.917941448 >girlfriend has a bad vaping addiction >gets very frustrated with herself because she's tried several times to quit >idea >figure out how to take apart the juice bottles she uses and put them together all without looking like they were tampered with >use dilution formula to decrease the nicotine concentration from 50% to 49%, hiding the extra bottles of juice I used >she went through a bottle a week on her own >over the course of last year, I would lower her juice's nicotine percentage by 1 every bottle >she just hit 0% a month ago >unsure how to tell her, I waited >she quits vaping 8 days ago, saying she felt less and less urge to hit it >just told me this is the best and most confident she ever felt on quitting, and she's amazed with herself >hug her and tell her I'm extremely proud of her Yeah I'm not gonna tell her what I did, it boosted the hell out of her self-confidence thinking she quit on her own, and I'm not taking that from her

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