Brit logic in a nutshell | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous MR H POTTER. The Cupboard and the Stairs. 4. Privet Drive, Little Whinging. SURREY 202 KB JPG to keep him Stupid f------ series 06/10/24(Mon) 15:17:12 No. 199967342 >Dursleys f------ hate Harry >Harry is no doubt a financial burden to them >Harry is a freak in their eyes and a possible danger >magic school offers to take harry away for most of the year for the rest of his childhood >Dursleys get upset at this and demand

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Doing it for the thrills | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: ivaZGCus 06/09/24(Sun)01:32:08 No.470580674 191026-crystalcity-al-1119.jpg 132 KB JPG >"So this drug is incredibly addictive to the point where it destroys your life? Huh. Ok yeah, I'll try it." Why are people like this and what's to be done with them

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triggered by physicists and mathematicians, hard | /r/Greentext

File: ffffuuuuuuuuuuu.png (340 KB, 600x583) Anonymous 06/10/24(Mon) 16:19:36 No.16226485 >be me >be an analytic philosopher >start hanging out with mathematician and physicist colleagues >decided to introduce myself to them >tell them i analyze language, do research on philosophical things, logical analysis, and analyze languages >they look at me funny >math anon: are you sure you are a philosopher? you sound more like a scientist who tries way too hard to look cool >physicist anon: yeah, you sound a lot more like a scientist than a philosopher >got a bit butthurt so i asked them "hahaha, okay then, what do you guys think philosophers do all day?" >they replied with: idk, pondering about life and stuff?? >mfw why are these m------------ like this? WE ARE DOING IMPORTANT S--- JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO, YOU F------ PRETENTIOUS COCKSUCKERS

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Anon with the next level larping | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous average day You right now Everyone else right now 06/10/24(Mon) 11:55:33 No.77783192 >wake up roughly 2-4 pm >j------- >grind in whatever game I'm playing for 4 hours >j------- >listen to gf asmr for about another hour 1.75 MB JPG >eat >j------- >watch anime for a couple more hours >j------- >play whatever story-based single player game I'm playing at the time for a few more hours >j------- a couple more times >go to sleep around 6-10 am >rinse and repeat i'm a very social and very talented person with many friends who doesnt feel lonely at all and is surrounded by many women, i am also very rich and handsome, and am not lonely, covered in acne, anorexic, and/or mentally ill

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Anon loses a friend | /r/Greentext

File: 1394137227174.jpg-(30 KB, 500x275, image.jpg) >always referred to me as "DOCTOR" >BLU team approached Anonymous (ID: E/JmhCVX) 03/06/14(Thu)12:20:27 UTC-8 No.535908768 Replies: >>535908926 >>535909206 >playing TF2 >arena mode >whole team rushed out and died > all that was left was me and a heavy, I was playing medic at the time >I ran back to base and saw the heavy AFK > after a while he came back >"OH TEAM I AM MOST SORRY" in a voice that sounded he had food in his mouth > from what I can tell he was probably autistic or something, since he spoke Heavy's lines >"DOCTOR CHARGE ME WHEN BABY TEAM IS NEAR NOW DOCTOR, HIT IT DOCTOR." >Popped the uber, and he killed the whole team >he adds me >every game we play I always go medic and he goes heavy >he always yells the battle cry of the heavy or laughs like him all the time >always thanks me "YOU ARE GREAT DOCTOR" >I think he was poor since he never played any other games besides TF2 >when asked all he responded was "DOCTOR, money is needed. Must collect money, but money is hard now" >he sounds sad and asked if he ever saw meet the medic to brighten up the mood >when he said no, I gave him a link to the video >he was very ecstatic and eagerly asking me about the part when the medic put the uber part on the heart >asked if it was possible to get new heart with uber >I said heart transplants are possible, but without uber >he got sad again >"Maybe in the future" >he then gave a heavy laugh and said "THEN DOCTOR, HEAVY WILL WAIT FOR FUTURE" -Few weeks later >he messaged me saying "DOCTOR, Heavy will not be fighting until later in the night" >it wasn't until tomorrow he got on -For the record he referenced himself as "Heavy" since it's the only class he ever played and it was in his steam name Continued Anonymous (ID: E/JmhCVX) 03/06/14(Thu)12:21:52 UTC-8 No.535908926 Replies: >>535909256 >>535909332 File: 1394137312502.jpg-(32 KB, 264x269, image.jpg) >>535908768 (OP) >got message saying "DOCTOR, Heavy doesn't feel well. I go to other doctors, but they were nowhere near as good as you, DOCTOR" >he sent this message when I was already asleep, I have no f------ idea where he lives > always leave computer on, so that's how I got his messages (if anyone was wondering) >>last message said "DOCTOR, Heavy will go now. But do not fear baby men on other team. You are good doctor. With you, victory is always good. Heavy will join in future." >by the time I read his messages he was already offline >never came back online for a year >yesterday he came online >greeted him and asked why he hasn't been online for so long >it was his mom >"David (Heavy) died of heart failure, I'm sorry. Are you the doctor he was always talking about? You're the only friend on his friends list. He was always going on how him and the Doctor were best friends and always leading the team to victory. I don't know what he was talking about, but I was happy that he was happy. Whenever he was on the computer he always had this smile on his face, and I've never seen him happier. He always stayed strong because he wanted to be with the Doctor. Thank you for always making him happy. I'm selling his computer because we were never really wealthy to begin with. If we were, he'd be here right now. I just wanted to see what was on his computer. Thank you again." >MFW I never replied >MFW I was just staring at that screen for hours

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Anon is such a slut | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 9 KB JPG 06/10/24(Mon)08:23:32 No.77781065 >Meet a girl off soc >We talk and seem to get along just fine >She starts talking about m----------- >Sends me audio of her jilling off >End up sending her a d--- pic I feel like such a w----, I have not know this girl for 48 hours yet and she already knows what my d--- looks like 33 Replies / 5 Images View Thread

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Anon Goes to a School Assembly | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/19/12(Thu)16:16:15 No.3139472 Q File: 1342728975163.jpg-(62 KB, 576x324, nba g_hugo_homet_b1_576.jpg) Oh god, one of these threads? Here we go... >be in third grade at a school assembly >have to s--- real bad, feeling ill and fevensh >we all get seated on the gym floor >holy f--- Hugo the Hornet is here! (Charlotte Hornets' NBA team mascot back when they were the Charlotte Hornets) >still have to s--- so bad that I'm having cold sweats >>wearing gymshorts, no underwear (I had a phase in elementary school where I just didn't wear any, felt good man) >Hugo the Hornet starts picking up kids and flipping them over in his hands and setting back down >starting to feel dizzy from holding in my s--- >see him walking my way >he's coming RIGHT FOR ME >he picks me up and begins to flip me over >he's squeezing my gut >as I'm upside down, diarrhea begins to fly out of my ass and out the leg of my shorts, arcing through the air gracefully >start screaming >gets all over Hugo and sprays all over the kids sitting in front of me,hear it plop on the gym floor as well >it also gets all over my face and in my mouth because I was screaming >Hugo then drops me on my f------ head, into a pile of my own s---, hear him loudly say "WHAT THE F---" >Hugo takes off his head and reveals himself as a black man. He pukes on the floor. >the music has stopped, the room is dead silent >assume the fetal position >covered in my own s--- and can't stop farting/s------- as I lay there >start crying >pass out >wake up with someone carrying me out of the gym, holding me at a distance >the tiny breathable holes in my gymshorts work like a s--- colander, leaking s--- water everywhere, leaving the hard bits in my shorts >pass out again From then on i was "The kid who s--- on Hugo the Homet" Replies to this post >>3139511 >>3139523 3139580 3140593 3140812 3140843 >>3140789

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I'll make a man out of you | /r/Greentext

File: 122852407955.jpg-(46.02KB, 453x604, flyscorpion.jpg) Mer Adder Anonymous 08/12/05(Fri)16:41 No. 1705 Last night some friends and I made a scorpion fly. This wasn't an adventure for our own sick personal amusement, no sir, it wasn't. This scorpion was a p---- and we were going to make a goddamn man out of him. He wouldn't sting anyone, no matter how much you would prod or poke him. He wouldn't pinch anyone. He just sat and took the blows, the same way a three year old would. After tying slip-knots to his pincers, tail, and body, we tied those to a balloon. Instead of making him float straight to the top of the room, though, we added weight, making the balloon virtually neutrally buoyant. The result was this scorpion being able to glide around the room. This must have awoken the man inside of him, because we can't even touch him anymore without him stinging or pinching us. Anonymous 08/12/05(Fri)16:42 No. 1706 File: 122852414055.jpg-(29.70KB, 604x453, flyscorpion2.jpg) look at this man Anonymous 08/12/05(Fri)21:30 No. 1710 File: 122854141760.jpg-(9.54KB, 379x389, 11791725377.jpg) I dont care if this is a repost or cruel. You sir win all my internets for a week. ZOMG!11 I f----- LOL'D Anonymous 08/12/06(Sat)23:42 No. 1721 OH JEEBUZ I LOL'D

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But you have heard of me | /r/Greentext

ile: image jpg (16 KB, 409x307) Anonymous (ID: y8yTxwp3) 05/19/14(Mon)01:31:58 Worst sex story thread? >Be me >Just graduated >Hanging out with qt3.14 girlfriend after Graduation party >Both extremely drunk >On my bed >She starts rubbing my c--- through my jeans >Says that she's never role played and wants to try >"O-okay what do you want to do?" >"I've always wanted to f--- Jack Sparrow" >Wat.jpg >Only thing I have pirate related is an eyepatch and a pirate hat from a few halloweens ago >Letsdothis.avi >She starts sucking me off >in the spurr of the moment shout "THARR SHE BLOWS!" >Realize what I just said >She starts laughing and ends up gagging on my d--- and puking >C-- because she was deepthroating when it happened >Dad walks in >"Hey anon do you...." >Stares at the horrific scene that has just happend >Mixture of c-- and puke all over bed >Look at dad and say "A-ahoy matey" >He backs out and closes my door >Pretty sure he ran after closing the door >Never looks me in the eye again >Mfw

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Come and say G'day | /r/Greentext

>>> Anonymous 08/19/09(Wed)20:24 No.1384243 File1250727893.jpg-(55 KB, 583x594, 583x594.jpg) >>1384227 >I'm glad I live in Australia where the people are nicer Anonymous 08/19/09(Wed)20:25 No.1384247 File1250727939.jpg-(21 KB, 319x329, hugh-jackman-bondi-beach-d01.jpg) > WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE NICER Anonymous 08/19/09(Wed)20:27 No.1384251 File1250728070.jpg-(79 KB, 501x435, JACKMAN.jpg) >NICER Anonymous 08/19/09(Wed)20:29 No.1384267 File1250728158.jpg-(63 KB, 467x404, JACKMAN2.jpg) >IT'S SO NICE IN AUSTRALIA >COME HERE Turtletron !t0of944Ftw 08/19/09(Wed)20:31 No.1384272 >>1384267 IT'S A TRAP Anonymous 08/19/09(Wed)20:32 No.1384278 File1250728375.jpg-(95 KB, 678x525, JACKMAN3.jpg) >>1384272 >SHH JUST COME

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Anon Meets a Girl | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/18/11(Fri)01:36:0 No.310225797 >Meet hot girl in nightclub >Asks me back to her place >Feel like a f------ win >Doesn't tell me she lives with her parents >Dad waiting up for her although she's 22 >Big scary looking f----- orders me to sleep on couch in front room. >Girl and Dad go to bed, leaving me on couch >I am disappoint >Suddenly, feel a s--- coming >Don't know where bathroom is >Don't want to risk wrath of Dad if I walk into wrong room >Trying to hold but can't >Take off sock >S--- in sock >It's a watery beer-soaked s--- >See upper window is partially open >Decide that is where I should throw sock >Spin sock in hand to gain momentum >Watery s--- sprays out netted socks >whatwasithinking.jpeg >Beer-s--- all over front room >Swiftly exit the house > Avoid the nightclub where I met the girl for the next 10 f------ years

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Anons discuss the right background colors for sketches. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/03/18(Wed)21:48:16 No.13326711 ►>>13327444 File: Capture.png (45 KB, 125x146) >artist draws sketches >light grey on white background Anonymous 01/03/18(Wed)22:32:46 No. 13327444 ►>>13333234 >>13326711 >>white background Literally the worst type of people. Please stop assaulting my eyes and just draw on a dark-gray background like a professional artist. Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)08:40:44 No. 13333234 >>13334496 >>13327444 Do you really think it's so offensive? I sketch on white backgrounds all the time and nobody's ever told me it's blinding or anything. But then, I guess I don't pretend to be a professional artist. Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)11:22:43 No. 13334496 ►>>13335306 >>13338381 >>13345011 >>13333234 >Do you really think it's so offensive? Yes. Stop r----- my vision. Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)12:33:54 No. 13335306 >>13345886 >>13334496 Alright, thanks for the input, anon. I'll make you proud someday. Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)00:14:44 No. 13345011 ►>>13345475 >>13391197 >>13399372 >>13400896 File: 71004-1-1446222275.jpg (100 KB, 1012x675) >>13334496 Then you go to the store and buy grey paper for me. Guess what they don't sell grey paper never once in my life have I seen grey paper that wasn't construction paper and even then who the d--- lickings uses grey construction paper other than the creepy testicle flashing 30 year old down the street F------ grey paper f--- right next you'll tell me to use grey white out and drink grey milk and you'll REEEEEEEEE in agony whenever you see me in white socks and I bet you've deliberately stained your tighty whities because every time you went to take a dump the sight of your own pristine white underwear made you rage poop till you prolapsed. Go die in a fire you d--- slapping f----- retard Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)00:55:17 No. 13345475 ►>>13346035 >>13351308 >>13351724 >>13411312 File: Literally Me.png (545 KB, 1080x589) >>13345011 No. Just no. Man, if you're working on paper it's not a big deal. If you're drawing digitally, cut that s--- out. Do you not understand that a pure white canvas unironically makes my brain hurt? Blood is oozing out of my brain, and leaking out of my eye sockets. Just use a dark-gray canvas, h--------. Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)01:43:21 No. 13346035 ►>>13346863 >>13346911 >>13348583 >>13349645 >>13349680 >>13361882 >>13368268 >>13378847 >>13379012 >>13384888 >>13387439 >>13387566 >>13391925 >>13396791 >>13397049 >>13399161 >>13399372 >>13399930 >>13411636 File: 1512372929637.gif (556 KB, 250x250) >>13345475 What the f--- happened to the world. Do clouds and milk hurt you eyes I get if you have your brightness setting all the way up it'll burn your eyes but it's your own fault for making your screen an ocular death star laser. When you post does the white writing space hurt I don't understand I DONT UNDERSTAND NOW WHITE HURTS PEOPLE'S EYES SO THEY NEED GREY PAPER DAFUQIZISHIT ITS LIKE A RESTAURANT MAKING THEIR HOT WINGS MILD CAUSE REGULAR IS TOO HOT THEN DONT GET HOT WINGS IF YOU DONT LIKE HOT YOU CHOCOLATE F------ BURGER R----- I SEE YOU OVER THEIR PUTTING KETCHUP ON A BURGER THAT ALREADY HAS MAYO YOU DISGUST ME YOU AND YOUR DAMN SUGAR SPRINKLED ON SUGAR CEREAL, WITH YOUR F----- ASS GOTTA PUT TOILET PAPER ON A ROLL IT DOESNT NEED A ROLL YOU LAZY S--- CAKED LUNATIC AND WHY THE F--- WOULD YOU EVER FOLD YOUR SOCKS THEIRS NO GODDAMN F------ POINT AND YOU BITCH ABOUT MIXING WHITES AND DARKS IN THE WASHER BUT WHEN PEAS TOUCH THE MASHED TATERS YOU LOSE YOUR S--- LIKE A KID THAT JUST SAW HIS DOG RUN OVER HOW ABOUT YOU TELL YOUR WEAK, P---- WATERING EYES TO MAN THE F--- UP OR GO AROUND WEARING SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT BECAUSE YOU MIGHT HAVE TO S--- DURING YOUR SLEEP AND THAT DIM YELLOW NIGHTLIGHT FROM 1997 BLINDS YOU LIKE A BUCKET OF SAND IN YOUR FACE SO YOU FALL AND CRACK YOUR SKULL OPEN ON THE LID CONGRATULATIONS D--- TARD YOU WERE DEFEATED BY THE MIGHTY BULB OF 4 LUMENS AND A DRY FLOOR THAT SOMEHOW TURNED TO ICE AS SOON AS YOUR FLOPPY UNCOORDINATED HAM SLIPPERS CAME INTO CONTACT WITH IT AND THE BEST PART IS YOU'RE ACTUALLY A SHINING EXAMPLE OF HUMANITY F--- MY LIFE AND ALL OF YOURS TOO YOU SAD GAGGLE OF PASTY SKINNED, NO LIFE, DIAPER WANKING, S--- EATERS. I HOPE YOU ALL DIE the day Waluigi went nuclear Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)03:13:39 No. 13346863 ► File: IMG 2408.gif (1.76 MB, 368x367) Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)03:18:01 No. 13346911 File: 1491095219058.png (752 KB, 926x927) >>13346035 hell yea m------------ Anonymous 01/0 File: 1508947299257 OH MY GOSH Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)09:27:08 No. 13349645 ► File: You have chosen.png (653 KB, 509x437) all is end >>13346035 >>13346035 BASED Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)09:32:35 No. 13349680 ► File: 53C30D19-D664-4E38-AD79-B(...).jpg (157 KB, 727x387) >>13346035 >this >all of this 01/06/18 (Sat)11:00:43 No. 13368268 ► >HAM SLIPPERS 3613.jpg (196 KB, 600x587) Anonymous 01/07/18(Sun)01:03:19 No. 13378847 ►>>1338 File: 1511040132206.png (601 KB, 761x552) >>13346035 BY THE KING HOW RADIANT JESUS CHRIST LAD NOT EVEN A GOD CAN MATCH YOUR RAGE. >>13346035 >>13346035 10/10 Holy f--- I damn near s--- myself laughing. Well put Waluigi, you are a hero to us all. 01/05/18(Fri)06:53:52 No.13348583 ► >THE MIGHTY 17 KB, 271x266) BULB OF 4 LUMENS <B, 755x687) >>13346035 h-------- 365 KB JPG >>13346035 >ham slippers >the rest of this post Anonymous 01/08/18(Mon)04:41:49 No. 13396791 File: 1365451037426.gif (16 KB, 320x288) ERFECT >>13346035 >>13346035 the day Waluigi went nuclear

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Anon talks about Russian jets | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/09/24(Sun)18:47:53 No.61824060 >the first 5th gen fughter loss to enemy combat >not in syria because of an Israeli operation >not in yemen because of a american operation >in russia, because of their own operations Russia is such a joke. They don't even have triple the number of digits.

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