I'll make a man out of you | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: 122852407955.jpg-(46.02KB, 453x604, flyscorpion.jpg) Mer Adder Anonymous 08/12/05(Fri)16:41 No. 1705 Last night some friends and I made a scorpion fly. This wasn't an adventure for our own sick personal amusement, no sir, it wasn't. This scorpion was a p---- and we were going to make a goddamn man out of him. He wouldn't sting anyone, no matter how much you would prod or poke him. He wouldn't pinch anyone. He just sat and took the blows, the same way a three year old would. After tying slip-knots to his pincers, tail, and body, we tied those to a balloon. Instead of making him float straight to the top of the room, though, we added weight, making the balloon virtually neutrally buoyant. The result was this scorpion being able to glide around the room. This must have awoken the man inside of him, because we can't even touch him anymore without him stinging or pinching us. Anonymous 08/12/05(Fri)16:42 No. 1706 File: 122852414055.jpg-(29.70KB, 604x453, flyscorpion2.jpg) look at this man Anonymous 08/12/05(Fri)21:30 No. 1710 File: 122854141760.jpg-(9.54KB, 379x389, 11791725377.jpg) I dont care if this is a repost or cruel. You sir win all my internets for a week. ZOMG!11 I f----- LOL'D Anonymous 08/12/06(Sat)23:42 No. 1721 OH JEEBUZ I LOL'D

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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But you have heard of me | /r/Greentext

ile: image jpg (16 KB, 409x307) Anonymous (ID: y8yTxwp3) 05/19/14(Mon)01:31:58 Worst sex story thread? >Be me >Just graduated >Hanging out with qt3.14 girlfriend after Graduation party >Both extremely drunk >On my bed >She starts rubbing my c--- through my jeans >Says that she's never role played and wants to try >"O-okay what do you want to do?" >"I've always wanted to f--- Jack Sparrow" >Wat.jpg >Only thing I have pirate related is an eyepatch and a pirate hat from a few halloweens ago >Letsdothis.avi >She starts sucking me off >in the spurr of the moment shout "THARR SHE BLOWS!" >Realize what I just said >She starts laughing and ends up gagging on my d--- and puking >C-- because she was deepthroating when it happened >Dad walks in >"Hey anon do you...." >Stares at the horrific scene that has just happend >Mixture of c-- and puke all over bed >Look at dad and say "A-ahoy matey" >He backs out and closes my door >Pretty sure he ran after closing the door >Never looks me in the eye again >Mfw

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Come and say G'day | /r/Greentext

>>> Anonymous 08/19/09(Wed)20:24 No.1384243 File1250727893.jpg-(55 KB, 583x594, 583x594.jpg) >>1384227 >I'm glad I live in Australia where the people are nicer Anonymous 08/19/09(Wed)20:25 No.1384247 File1250727939.jpg-(21 KB, 319x329, hugh-jackman-bondi-beach-d01.jpg) > WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE NICER Anonymous 08/19/09(Wed)20:27 No.1384251 File1250728070.jpg-(79 KB, 501x435, JACKMAN.jpg) >NICER Anonymous 08/19/09(Wed)20:29 No.1384267 File1250728158.jpg-(63 KB, 467x404, JACKMAN2.jpg) >IT'S SO NICE IN AUSTRALIA >COME HERE Turtletron !t0of944Ftw 08/19/09(Wed)20:31 No.1384272 >>1384267 IT'S A TRAP Anonymous 08/19/09(Wed)20:32 No.1384278 File1250728375.jpg-(95 KB, 678x525, JACKMAN3.jpg) >>1384272 >SHH JUST COME

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Anon Meets a Girl | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/18/11(Fri)01:36:0 No.310225797 >Meet hot girl in nightclub >Asks me back to her place >Feel like a f------ win >Doesn't tell me she lives with her parents >Dad waiting up for her although she's 22 >Big scary looking f----- orders me to sleep on couch in front room. >Girl and Dad go to bed, leaving me on couch >I am disappoint >Suddenly, feel a s--- coming >Don't know where bathroom is >Don't want to risk wrath of Dad if I walk into wrong room >Trying to hold but can't >Take off sock >S--- in sock >It's a watery beer-soaked s--- >See upper window is partially open >Decide that is where I should throw sock >Spin sock in hand to gain momentum >Watery s--- sprays out netted socks >whatwasithinking.jpeg >Beer-s--- all over front room >Swiftly exit the house > Avoid the nightclub where I met the girl for the next 10 f------ years

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Anons discuss the right background colors for sketches. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/03/18(Wed)21:48:16 No.13326711 ►>>13327444 File: Capture.png (45 KB, 125x146) >artist draws sketches >light grey on white background Anonymous 01/03/18(Wed)22:32:46 No. 13327444 ►>>13333234 >>13326711 >>white background Literally the worst type of people. Please stop assaulting my eyes and just draw on a dark-gray background like a professional artist. Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)08:40:44 No. 13333234 >>13334496 >>13327444 Do you really think it's so offensive? I sketch on white backgrounds all the time and nobody's ever told me it's blinding or anything. But then, I guess I don't pretend to be a professional artist. Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)11:22:43 No. 13334496 ►>>13335306 >>13338381 >>13345011 >>13333234 >Do you really think it's so offensive? Yes. Stop r----- my vision. Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)12:33:54 No. 13335306 >>13345886 >>13334496 Alright, thanks for the input, anon. I'll make you proud someday. Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)00:14:44 No. 13345011 ►>>13345475 >>13391197 >>13399372 >>13400896 File: 71004-1-1446222275.jpg (100 KB, 1012x675) >>13334496 Then you go to the store and buy grey paper for me. Guess what they don't sell grey paper never once in my life have I seen grey paper that wasn't construction paper and even then who the d--- lickings uses grey construction paper other than the creepy testicle flashing 30 year old down the street F------ grey paper f--- right next you'll tell me to use grey white out and drink grey milk and you'll REEEEEEEEE in agony whenever you see me in white socks and I bet you've deliberately stained your tighty whities because every time you went to take a dump the sight of your own pristine white underwear made you rage poop till you prolapsed. Go die in a fire you d--- slapping f----- retard Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)00:55:17 No. 13345475 ►>>13346035 >>13351308 >>13351724 >>13411312 File: Literally Me.png (545 KB, 1080x589) >>13345011 No. Just no. Man, if you're working on paper it's not a big deal. If you're drawing digitally, cut that s--- out. Do you not understand that a pure white canvas unironically makes my brain hurt? Blood is oozing out of my brain, and leaking out of my eye sockets. Just use a dark-gray canvas, h--------. Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)01:43:21 No. 13346035 ►>>13346863 >>13346911 >>13348583 >>13349645 >>13349680 >>13361882 >>13368268 >>13378847 >>13379012 >>13384888 >>13387439 >>13387566 >>13391925 >>13396791 >>13397049 >>13399161 >>13399372 >>13399930 >>13411636 File: 1512372929637.gif (556 KB, 250x250) >>13345475 What the f--- happened to the world. Do clouds and milk hurt you eyes I get if you have your brightness setting all the way up it'll burn your eyes but it's your own fault for making your screen an ocular death star laser. When you post does the white writing space hurt I don't understand I DONT UNDERSTAND NOW WHITE HURTS PEOPLE'S EYES SO THEY NEED GREY PAPER DAFUQIZISHIT ITS LIKE A RESTAURANT MAKING THEIR HOT WINGS MILD CAUSE REGULAR IS TOO HOT THEN DONT GET HOT WINGS IF YOU DONT LIKE HOT YOU CHOCOLATE F------ BURGER R----- I SEE YOU OVER THEIR PUTTING KETCHUP ON A BURGER THAT ALREADY HAS MAYO YOU DISGUST ME YOU AND YOUR DAMN SUGAR SPRINKLED ON SUGAR CEREAL, WITH YOUR F----- ASS GOTTA PUT TOILET PAPER ON A ROLL IT DOESNT NEED A ROLL YOU LAZY S--- CAKED LUNATIC AND WHY THE F--- WOULD YOU EVER FOLD YOUR SOCKS THEIRS NO GODDAMN F------ POINT AND YOU BITCH ABOUT MIXING WHITES AND DARKS IN THE WASHER BUT WHEN PEAS TOUCH THE MASHED TATERS YOU LOSE YOUR S--- LIKE A KID THAT JUST SAW HIS DOG RUN OVER HOW ABOUT YOU TELL YOUR WEAK, P---- WATERING EYES TO MAN THE F--- UP OR GO AROUND WEARING SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT BECAUSE YOU MIGHT HAVE TO S--- DURING YOUR SLEEP AND THAT DIM YELLOW NIGHTLIGHT FROM 1997 BLINDS YOU LIKE A BUCKET OF SAND IN YOUR FACE SO YOU FALL AND CRACK YOUR SKULL OPEN ON THE LID CONGRATULATIONS D--- TARD YOU WERE DEFEATED BY THE MIGHTY BULB OF 4 LUMENS AND A DRY FLOOR THAT SOMEHOW TURNED TO ICE AS SOON AS YOUR FLOPPY UNCOORDINATED HAM SLIPPERS CAME INTO CONTACT WITH IT AND THE BEST PART IS YOU'RE ACTUALLY A SHINING EXAMPLE OF HUMANITY F--- MY LIFE AND ALL OF YOURS TOO YOU SAD GAGGLE OF PASTY SKINNED, NO LIFE, DIAPER WANKING, S--- EATERS. I HOPE YOU ALL DIE the day Waluigi went nuclear Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)03:13:39 No. 13346863 ► File: IMG 2408.gif (1.76 MB, 368x367) Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)03:18:01 No. 13346911 File: 1491095219058.png (752 KB, 926x927) >>13346035 hell yea m------------ Anonymous 01/0 File: 1508947299257 OH MY GOSH Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)09:27:08 No. 13349645 ► File: You have chosen.png (653 KB, 509x437) all is end >>13346035 >>13346035 BASED Anonymous 01/05/18(Fri)09:32:35 No. 13349680 ► File: 53C30D19-D664-4E38-AD79-B(...).jpg (157 KB, 727x387) >>13346035 >this >all of this 01/06/18 (Sat)11:00:43 No. 13368268 ► >HAM SLIPPERS 3613.jpg (196 KB, 600x587) Anonymous 01/07/18(Sun)01:03:19 No. 13378847 ►>>1338 File: 1511040132206.png (601 KB, 761x552) >>13346035 BY THE KING HOW RADIANT JESUS CHRIST LAD NOT EVEN A GOD CAN MATCH YOUR RAGE. >>13346035 >>13346035 10/10 Holy f--- I damn near s--- myself laughing. Well put Waluigi, you are a hero to us all. 01/05/18(Fri)06:53:52 No.13348583 ► >THE MIGHTY 17 KB, 271x266) BULB OF 4 LUMENS <B, 755x687) >>13346035 h-------- 365 KB JPG >>13346035 >ham slippers >the rest of this post Anonymous 01/08/18(Mon)04:41:49 No. 13396791 File: 1365451037426.gif (16 KB, 320x288) ERFECT >>13346035 >>13346035 the day Waluigi went nuclear

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Anon talks about Russian jets | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/09/24(Sun)18:47:53 No.61824060 >the first 5th gen fughter loss to enemy combat >not in syria because of an Israeli operation >not in yemen because of a american operation >in russia, because of their own operations Russia is such a joke. They don't even have triple the number of digits.

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Anon is Jigsaw | /r/Greentext

File: Bitchythepuppet.png (209 KB, 454x456) For all the feedees Anonymous 06/09/24(Sun)21:54:20 No.919617599 >You're a gainer >You're at home consuming your 99th burger >You reach through your hundreds of fat rolls to find your penis, the c-- sticking them together painfully snapping off and pulling your hairs >chloroform.jpg >You wake up >Billy le puppet is on a tv, a chain going up your anus is connected to a truck >Le scale nearby with le cleaver >Crane with wrecking ball is nearby >"Hello anon, for years you've neglected your health for nothing more than meaningless pleasure, putting yourself through numerous heart failures, diabetes diagnoses, and bouts of diarrhoea. Today, you will s--- out more than just faecal matter. The chain is hooked directly into your colon. In just ten seconds, the truck will speed off, giving you the mother of all a--- prolapses. The only way to save yourself is to cut off all the weight you have worked years to gain and fap to, and place it on the scale, which will cause the wrecking ball to crush the truck, preventing it's activation. Live or die anon, make your choice."

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Ancient Sins | /r/Greentext

>[ 01/24/08(Thu 23:35:22 No.51907770 Last summer after i was finished administering a good hot dicking to my girlfriend (in b4 i don't think you have etc.) I go to to the bathroom to clean up like i always do. And this time a had to take a s--- so I'm about to throw the condom into the toilet to get rid of it when an idea comes to me. I put four fingers into the open end of the condom and stretch it out and hold it up to my a------ and s--- into the condom. A perfect smooth finely tapered poop. It slides all the way down into the bottom of the condom. Coming to rest in the pool of e--------, and displacing some if it so that it flows up the sides of the turd. Perfect. It fits like a banana in it's skin. Then i look at my creation, wondering if anything could possibly be more awesome. Then i clip my toenails and drop them in there for good measure. I take the whole thing, hold the opening over the faucet and start filling it with warm water. I'm thinking of all the awesome things i could do with my newly acquired disease balloon. Running all the different scenarios through my head. Trying to select the single most awesome one. "This is going to be epic." I tell myself. I take it off the tap, it's about the size of a volleyball now. I go to tie it at the end, and I have the bit stretched around my fingers, ready to put the tip through the loop and complete the knot, when m----------- slips out of grip because the freshly unrolled end was still lubricated. It starts spewing it's payload before it even hits the floor. >> [ 01/24/08(Thu)23:36:09 No.51907834 It lands on my foot, bounces a little and empties itself all over my white socks. My girlfriend, who is still in the bedroom it's startled to hear a loud "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCK" emanating from the bathroom. She then opens the door to check on me and is greeted by the sight of her boyfriend standing in a puddle of s--- stew with a limp condom at his feet. The just stares for a moment. Dumbfounded. Like she can't believe what's happing. Or she doesn't want to believe. There poo and c-- and toenails on the floor. On the walls, the mirror, on me. While her brain tries to make sense of the scene in front of her, I slam the door in her face, which seems to snap her out of the daze. "What the f---?! What the f--- did you do?!" she screams, like she's about to cry. I feel regret. Not for what I did, but for what I could have done. It smells now. I dry off with her towel then drop it on the floor, covering what part of the mess i can. I put on my cool face and exit the bathroom, gently shutting the door behind me. My girlfriend eyes me. I know she's waiting for an explanation. But i don't think she could handle it. So i walk past her without saying anything. I put on my coat and tell her "It's getting kind of late. I'm gonna head home." She just stares at me with that dumb look on her face. I drop my poo socks in her mailbox and walk home. That was the last time i would hear from her. But i had something better now. A dream. I would make another.

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Anon gets anointed with praise | /r/Greentext

2h (06/08/24 16:28) 77768327 • 1 Re. 1 Img JPG 26KB (1002 x 249) 1698801669868.jpg imgflip.com 0 >get catering gig for a local church >bbq for one of their get-togethers >lost of semi boomers >organizer calls me the day after to tank me for the delicious food and also said the people thought i was cute

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Anon might’ve killed someone | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Think i killed some idiot on t(...) 06/07/24(Fri)23:09:49 No.27718927 16 KB GIF >be me going to visit my sister >driving down highway >going the speed limit coz im not a f------ criminal >traffic is conjested as f--- and theres a dude next to me going the same speed >bigass truck starts tailgating me. >refuse to speed up and break the law >truck starts f------ honking at me >car next to me speeds up and switches lanes but i refuse to break the law >have unopened monster energy that I forgot to drink >idea.jpeg >truck switches lanes to pass me >f------ chuck my monster out the window at him as he speeds up >truck swerves and flips over like 4/5 times It sure feels good to be bad Anonymous >>27718927 (OP) # 06/07/24(Fri)23:13:36 No.27718933 He made his choice by buying a truck.

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Yeah, I guess this is character writing now | /r/Greentext

108/32/4 >I just got chased by a guy with a freaking pyramid for a head

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Anon its disappointed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/07/24(Fri)22:01:44 No.77625331 hololive STAGE World Tour 24 New York Jakarta Singapore Atlanta Kuala Lumpur More information to be announced. >world tour >no Europe >no flyover states >no LATAM 1717811924562914.png 1.97 MB PNG © 2016 COVER Corp +

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The last line of defence | /r/Greentext

File: Cat and dog.png (167 KB, 296x300) >They arrest the guy Anonymous (ID: w7iklM6K) 08/06/14(Wed)13:25:02 No.560918306 >Be living with myself and my two pets, a cat and a dog >Dog barks at everything and cat never gives a f--- about anything or anyone >Be asleep >Hear my dog barking >notagain.jpeg >He shuts up after 30 seconds >I try to fall asleep again >After two minutes my dog start barking again like crazy >I go down to tell him to shut up >When I get down there is a freaking burglar on the bookshelf >Ski mask and all >On the floor lies a gun >Beneath bookshelf is my dog barking and jumping up after him >On the couch sits my cat looking like he found my tuna stash >I call the police > I give my dog a sausage for being a good guard dog >A couple of days later a guy calls from the station >During the interrogation the burglar admitted that he broke into my house, kicked my cat and lured my dog into a closet >My dog jumped him two minutes later >The burglar didn't know my dog can open doors >He can't >My cat being "f--- everyone else"-king of the house can though >Taught himself so he can come and go as he please >My cat must had become p----- and released my dog so he could attack the burglar >MFW my cat is a d--- >MFW I added animal cruelty to the charges

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Know Your Meme

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