Anon becomes a water tester | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: Water DropGuy.png (45 KB, 776x900) How I became a water tester Anonymous 02/25/24(Sun)03:38:12 No.914461438 ► >be me >have a flesh room >finally got a woman to enter my house >my coworker at large grocery store chain #487 >asks to use restroom >down the hall, last door on the right >hear water running for like 5mins >curious.mp4 >autism takes hold, must see beyond the door >t--- is in there drinking from our bathroom sink >w-- >butch it up and ask if she was thirsty after "watching me work earlier" >says some nonsense about how water is super f------ cool >literally pulls a f------ water bottle out of her pocket like she had one this whole time to drink from, then drank straight from our kitchen sink instead >"is this lead pipes?" >no >"then it's safe, right?" >I had never thought about it until this point >fastforward.mpreg4 >am now obsessed with f------ water >make every weirdo I meet watch me open different faucets across town and test for lead >12 different water filtration systems in basement of the house >unnecessary but man we must test >become f------ professor snappynipples with all the gadgets >go from working job to traveling speaker showing kids that water safety is very important >even do a tour along the great lakes speaking about all the life there >life is good >make a few phone calls >get my dumb ass blacklisted in the science community for "fraudulent data" and a few other things >call them communists >realize I've went all in on this water thing at this point >the only career I've had that I loved >come home tonight after another hard day of speaking about clean water >honeyimhome.mp3 >no answer >hear thumping sound in room next to bathroom >open the door >flesh room got her Is it over for me?

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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He didn't tip it's over | /r/Greentext

Anonymous ITT: YOU ARE AMERICAN 1.6 MB PNG 02/23/24(Fri)20:51:50 No.194106970 >be american >wake up to the sound of perfectly constitutional AR-15 gunfire >get in massive lifted pickup truck >realise someone's replaced your truck with a completely identical truck with a manual transmission >get confused, shart, and run over a small child >you sue him for being in your way and win >go to walmart with your earnings >buy 500 burgers at the in-store mcdonalds >eat them all and then shart in the mart >go outside >get shot >have to pay 10 million dollars to set foot in a hospital >die because you don't have 10 million dollars

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Anon Religion and Time Travel | /r/Greentext

Hanna-Barbera's GREATEST STORES FRO! 15 TOB! 8) JOSHUA and the BATTLE of JERICHO irtovero MARIETTE HARTLEY cuch Bad Wilus Hops CC ASNE un 51h9j19-KwL._AC_UF1000,1000_QL80_.jpg 111 KB JPG Can we take a moment to talk about what an absolute mindfuck this series was? The series acknowledges the existence of the Christian God as confirmed fact (omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent) but the explanation as to why they can't actually intervene is "We don't need to change anything or can't change anything because of the divine plan." How would God's divine plan even work if one of them decided to do something unbiblical or alter a biblical event? How have none of the three had a crisis of faith after witnessing all of the world's suffering? How does the afterlife sorting system work if people can jump through time at random? How does time have a beginning or end if the creator of time is just shifting people around the timeline for no other reason than "I kinda felt like teaching some Bible stories" and why do the characters all act like they're hearing these stories for the first time despite all 3 being believers?

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Anon is mad about boomers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/24(Sat)22:29:56 No.914422530 72 KB JPG >complains about illegal immigrants "ruining america" yet continues hiring them >complains about everything being made in china yet continues blindly consuming and blindly supporting free trade and calls any attempt at imposing tariffs or protectionism "communism" >expects his kids and grandkids to just magically have christian values when his generation is the one that removed god from the schools >expects his kids and grandkids to just magically have discipline even though he never disciplined them >complains about homeless people yet owns 8 vacant homes >complains about how america has "lost its way" yet is willing to take his own kids to court for not paying rent >complains about young men having long hair and tattoos when his generation is the one that normalized it and gave them that freedom >preaches the importance of "diversity" to young people while he conveniently lives in a 100% white retirement community >owns 99% of america's assets, property, and wealth and refuses to give anything up yet expects young people to just obtain wealth from out of thin air >expects the government to bail his ass out whenever he goes bankrupt because no one wants to buy his overpriced 8 vacant homes >needs dialysis, pills, insulin, viagra, and blood transfusions every week just to survive then says young people are too dependent on technology >says young people have no "skills" when he doesn't even know how to do basic tasks like open a pdf file, slide a credit card, or plug a printer into a wall >thinks stock market numbers reflect life for most americans >says government programs don't work while collecting a social security check every month >complains about young people not knowing how to cook when it's his generation that popularized microwaves, fast food restaurants, and "instant meals" >calls young people and homeless people lazy for not having jobs that don't exist anymore because his lazy generation sent them all to china The mind of a boomer.

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Anon doesnt get to bring friends | /r/Greentext

File: 1344804677677.jpg-(41 KB, 398x393, bane2.jpg) Movie Night Anonymous 08/12/12(Sun)16:51:17 No.3400 >be 16 at new high school >months pass, still no friends >people ignore me, bully me >decide to host movie night to make friends >people show up but don't like the movie >they tease me next day in school >no options left but to try another movie night >20 people show up just to make fun of me >put on my favorite Jim Carrey movie >they actually like it >next day in school people start defending me >"hey don't pick on anon, he's pretty cool" >have a bunch of friends now >mfw no one cared who I was until I put on "The Mask"

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Anon was banned for this post about his wife. | /r/Greentext

File:1234986403.jpg-(8 KB, 200x265, americanpsycho.jpg) (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST) Anonymous 02/18/09(Wed)14:46:43 No.118143524 My wife has 2 problems. One is the fact that everytime she gets drunk she gets mean. She always looks for a fight, or a way to make me feel like s--- me. The other problem is that every morning after she gets drunk she has an explosive watery s---. One night she pushed me to far. She was drunk of course and felling a little frisky so we we messing around and I tried to put it in the butt, she got mad and started talking s---, about how I'm no good and my d--- is small, and that she probally wouldn't even feel it. so we never did have sex. After she went to sleep I couldn't get the pain of her saying my d--- was small out of my head. I wanted to embarrass her as much as she embarrased me. So I got an Idea I went to my sons room and got his bad of marbles. i then went to my secret stash and got a bottle of lube. I could just image her reactions when you s--- marbles the next morning. I lubed them up one at a time and slowly pushed each one in. About a hundered in all. I got so excited I jerked off then giggled my self to sleep. The next morning I woke up so excited I couldn't stand it. I made allot of noise getting dressed so she would wake up. She did and not 3 minutes later she said " oh my stomach. not again" and ran to the bathroom. I was in thee brushing my teeth. Usually she would tell me to leave but the urge was to intense. She sat down and let it rip. She dam near had a heart attack from the noise. The marbles hitting the porcelin sounded like a machine gun going off in the bathroon. She turned white as a sheet and stood up. Still s------- all over the place. Marbles rolling all over the floor as they bounced around. It took her a couple of minutes to put it all together. She said "What the ****" I just laughed and laughed as she packed her s--- and left. I really do kind of miss her though. >> Anonymous 02/18/09(Wed)14:47:32 No.118143652 haha w-- 02/18/M90od14:18 14 No 118113766

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Anon's buttons are pressed | /r/Greentext

File: 1681237427393486.png (2.6 MB, 1534x2048) RID ING ☐ /v/ Anonymous 02/24/24(Sat)07:06:25 No.668141854 >be me with nintendo switch because im stupid >get joycon drift on both sets of my joycons >get really tired of putting up with s----- controllers >get a switch pro controller cause i heard its better >use the d-pad instead of the sticks so i dont drift again >fast forward 6 months later >d-pad s---- itself a week after playing Puyo Puyo Tetris >goes up instead of right when i press right on it >mfw #1 company in japan fellas amirite

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/Fit/izen is now a mime | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/14/15(Sat)05:29:01 No.31370134 So this happened about 5 hours ago and I'm still curled up cringing >qt receptionist at gym I always smile and say Hi to, it's never gone beyond that >finally today on my way out, she says "Wow you're lookin' big!" >at this point a regular human may have said thankyou to the compliment, or even taken it further and began to develop a conversation >for some reason I decide I'm now a mime >a f------ mime >instead of walking out the door I pretend that I'm too wide to fit through >walk forward a few times but mime bouncing back as if I'm simply not large enough to walk through >turn sideways and wobble out making a "bub bub bub" noise for a sound effect >once through I turn around smiling and look at her >she looks at me like I broke in her house on Christmas day and p----- on her kids welp that's a certified never >>31370193 # >>31370267 # >>31370294 # >>31370352 # >>31370488 # >>31370537 # >>31370963 # >>31371089 # >>31371143 # >>31371285 # >>31371653 # >>31371675 # >>31371692 # >>31371803 # >>31371889 # >>31371910 # >>31371976 # >>31372391 # >>31372551 # >>31372896 # >>31373586 # >>31373610 # >>31374307 # >>31374548 # >>31374841 #

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Anon has a bone to pick | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Vw9n8J5+) 30 KB JPG 07/19/21 (Mon)15:36:51 No.330658712 >I won't invest in my children >I will outsource my youth job >I will dismantle my union job >I will secure my pension >I will lower your wage >I will contract foreginers >I will open borders >I will jail you for having wrong opinions >I will abort your brother and sister >I won't leave you a penny >I won't hire your friends >I won't let you inherit my home >I will sell the my home to foreign investors, I will sell the whole country too >I am boomer, eater of children >No generation had so much and money and left so little >Apre moi, le deluge >>330661761 # >>330666449 # >>330667224 # >>330669107 # >>330670483 #

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BTTF if it was good | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/24(Sat)09:28:43 No.196581279 169 KB JPG >Woah Doc, you're saying I've gotta impregnate my mom?! >Yes Marty, it's imperative! >But... you're saying I've gotta plap her brains out until she has a crippling orgasm all over my throbbing c---?! >Yes Marty, and don't forget the kissing! >Wait a sec Doc, are you saying I've got to ram my tongue down her throat while I power thrust my diamond c--- as deep as it can reach into her soft, warm, dripping wet p---- until I shoot the biggest load of my life into my own mom? MY MOM?! >There's no time to waste Marty! You must do it now! Your future depends on it! >But Doc.. >Hurry Marty! >Doc, I gotta tell you something! The Plutonium, it messed with my... It damaged my.. Ah jeez Doc, how do I say this? I'm shooting blanks Doc! >That's impossible Marty! The photo! You and your siblings are returning to the photograph! Your brother's head, it's no longer faded... Hold on Marty! What's this!? >Doc, his hair, it's all white and frizzy, kinda like.... >Great Scott! Powerful stuff

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Tomboy manifesto | /r/Greentext

Love tomboys. Marry tomboys. Kiss tomboys. Rigorous sex with tomboys. Slam dunk baby batter into tomboy vaginas. Cheer for tomboys at athletics competitions. Make sure tomboy's food is nutritionally balanced. Launch tomboys into prominence. Disrespect authority with delinquent tomboys. Get mistaken for a gay couple with your reverse trap tomboy. Admire tomboys. Civil rights for tomboys. Worship tomboys.

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Anon Has Low Hopes for the Borderlands Cinematic Universe | /r/Greentext

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Anon is on the mark | /r/Greentext

File: 1708590621965137.jpg (416 KB, 1496x1572) >> >> 3 Anonymous (ID: IRiHznCT) 02/24/24(Sat)11:34:15 No.19659558 >>19659582 >>19659662 >>19659955 >Be Polish >Get invaded Anonymous (ID: ffrcCPlv >>19659558 (OP). Gotta get that bussy somehow. Z 02/24/24(Sat)11:40:12 No.19659582 ► Anonymous (ID: X2fPhdZ) 02/24/24(Sat)11:45:25 No.19659603 ► File: 1707322002048270.png (15 KB, 360x546) Anonymous (ID: ocD8CIB7) still the higheset win rate 02/24/24(Sat)11:48:57 No.19659616 >>19659656 Anonymous (ID: Dz31nxT8) 02/24/24(Sat) 12:03:18 No.19659656 ► >>19659616 huh? Anonymous (ID: LBxvoad4) 02/24/24(Sat) 12:04:59 No.19659662 >>19659558 (OP) that's Moldova in 5th place btw Anonymous (ID: 5Z710RtZ 02/24/24(Sat)13:43:54 No. 19659955 >>19659558 (OP) hard to disagree, we're kinda f----- location - wise on the other hand - we've never lost our culture and national identity in over 1K years while you are going to s--- in just few generations not that there was much lose in the first place...

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