Uncle anon | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 126 KB PNG 01/22/24(Mon)06:39:54 No.195342638 >tfw 35 year old boomer >watching movie with nieces and nephews >need subtitles to understand what anyone is saying >have to get up to pee every 20 minutes >fall asleep halfway through the movie

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon's devious plan backfires | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous this is it 01/21/24(Sun)14:43:44 No.76196989 >live at home >yesterday while playing vidya i get hungry >convince my sister to let me borrow money so i could order food 28 KB GIF >decide to doordash mcdonalds >play vidya while its on the way >go out and get the food a few minutes after i get the notification that its arrived >see that someone already took it inside and put it on the kitchen counter >the bag was OPENED and i was missing a quarter pounder and large fry >i look over and find the missing food items on the dinner table next to my sister who was on her phone >ask her what the f--- shes doing with my food >she said she thought i ordered for everybody because there were 4 sets of burgers and fries >tell her shes a stupid bitch because its all my food and she has no right to touch it >she says she didnt eat anything yet and offers to give them back to me and i take them >while telling her what a retarded bitch she is she just goes to her room and shuts the door in typical femoid fashion >the burger wasnt opened and the fries looked pretty full but i know she definitely took maybe 2 or 3 fries out >devise a plan to let her get a taste of the karma that she deserves >today when she left for her wagie job i go into her room and get up on her bed >pull down my pants and release a big greasy log on her mattress >i then go back to my room, making sure to leave her door slightly open so that theyll think the dog did it >when she gets home later in the day i hear her shriek when she opens her door >feel a great sense of satisfaction hearing her get what she deserves >less than a minute later my mom runs to my room and asks why theres s--- on my sisters bed >tell her that the dog probably did it >she asks me why its human-sized and why theres feet- shaped stains on her bed >dont know what to say so i just shut my door and lock it in her face >now my sister is crying while my mom and dad are yelling at me and banging on my door >they say ill be kicked out and registered as a sex offender because my sister is a minor what do

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Anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/21/24(Sun)14:07:24 No.76196632 551 KB PNG >Be me, sperg f-- >Ask a girl out. She agrees >be honest with her. Tell her Im sperg >She doesnt care, we go out. >Ask if she doesnt mind splitting the bill. >She doesn't mind. >She orders a salad. >I order a burger with fries, toast and chocolate milk. >Date goes well I guess. >Bill comes. Total is 30 bucks >We each pay 15. >She doesn't seem to pleased >She leaves no tip, pretty stingy if u ask me. There wasnt a follow up date. : Anonymous 01/21/24(Sun)14:11:41 No.76196683 : Anonymous 01/21/24(Sun)14:12:07 No.76196691 : Anonymous 01/21/24(Sun)14:14:04 No.76196709 idk anon, seems like you you did everything right. not sure what her problem is

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Anon the human wallet | /r/Greentext

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Anon Larp's | /r/Greentext

File: 1705842516161.png (639 KB, 944x1067) Anonymous 01/21/24(Sun)13:09:29 No.912720278 [Reply] ► >>912720894 >>912720928 Pspspspspspspspspsps >>Anonymous 01/21/24(Sun)13:33:36 No.912720894 File: 15xz0enm.png (667 KB, 915x871) miu? Anonymous 01/21/24(Sun)13:34:44 No.912720928 ► >>912720278 (OP) >pspspspspsps >miao >>912720278 (OP) Yes? What do you want? Anonymous 01/21/24(Sun)13:38:14 No.912721019 ► >KICK......GOO00000000OOOL

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Went out like a baller | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/24(Sun)15:11:27 No.195312433 dr king schulz.jpg 66 KB JPG >says he doesn't like slavery, but still takes full advantage of it >never lets you forget about his german ancestry >introduces a n---- to alcohol, and then arms him >makes a mockery of the healthcare and the medical profession You are now aware that Dr King Schulz is the most American character in cinema history.

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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous WOJAK 21 KB JPG 01/18/24(Thu)14:22:54 No.30582927 >be diagnosed with depression as a teen >develop a major health problem right after finishing high school >become neet for 4 years because of it and slack your ass off living off neetbux and mum's wallet >depression stops, even though you were sick you felt really good everyday mentally >start lifting, reading, playing instruments, making music, make some friends along the way >health gets better, decide it's time to move along with life >go to college >one year in and depression came back, zero willpower to do anything, all you want to do is lay on your bed or scroll mindlessly on the computer why the f--- is life like this

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Anon lurks /hr/ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 227 KB JPG SO old' Stone Cold was lurking /hr/ >WHAT? and he saw a FEET thread >WHAT? I said he saw a FEET Thread 01/04/24(Thu)10:34:37 No.4792621 >WHAT? So he clicks it and sees them TOES >WHAT? The dawgs. >WHAT? The grippers. >WHAT? The tootsies. >WHAT? The stompers. >WHAT? The paws. >WHAT? The piggies. >WHAT? All for Free >WHAT? In this Economy >WHAT? At this day and age. >WHAT? So I clicks on this here thread and I see those pictures. And then I hit click Save. >WHAT? I hit Save again. >WHAT? And Again. >WHAT? and AGAIN. >WHAT? and OVER AGAIN. >WHAT? Until I've saved every last damn post in the thread >WHAT? Will I contribute? >WHAT? Will I pitch in? >WHAT? Donate? >WHAT? Furnish? >WHAT? BESTOW? >WHAT? I SURE AS HELL WONT BECAUSE IM THE TEXAS RATTLESNAKE. AND THATS THE BOTTOMLINE because Stone Cold said SO. >(Glass shatters) >>4792629 # >>4793777 #

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Anon Has Low Hopes for Deadpool 3 | /r/Greentext

File: w-and-d.jpg (115 KB, 640x807) Deadpool 3 Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat)16:58:18 No.195252169 >>195252419 >>195253326 >>195254779 >>195255520 >>195257857 >Release date July 26 >Still hasn't wrapped principal photography >Didn't get the CGI heavy scenes shot before the strike so they still have to render those in about 5 months. >Inevitable reshoots will make them even most timecrushed. >First trailer drops in a little over 3 weeks Is it doomed? Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat)17:01:46 No.195252304 >>195253025 >>195258038 >>195259988 File: 1705730298719705.jpg (129 KB, 1186x1240) christ he looks like s--- Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat)17:19:14 No.195253025 >>195252304 He doesn't want to be there, they're blackmailing him with footage from Bryan's pool parties. Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat)19:13:39 No.195257102 Literally everything is riding on this for Disney, if it flops we could kill capeshit once and for all. ☐ Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat)19:42:33 No.195258038 ► >>195260128 File: 1641499105537.jpg (138 KB, 1600x900) >>195252304 Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat)21:00:46 No.195260128 ► >>195258038 he looks like m----- saber-tooth

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Heavy metal poisoning is for virgins | /r/Greentext

File: metalmaxxing.jpg (15 KB, 360x360) Start metalmaxxing Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat)22:26:52 No.30600072 >Be me. >Always been a scrawny, average-looking guy. >Never really had much luck with the ladies. >Just another skincel in a world full of Chad Thundercocks. >But then I discovered Metalmaxxing. >For those of you who don't know, Metalmaxxing is the art of transforming oneself into a badass cyborg. >Think Terminator, but more ripped and less homicidal. >Started off by hitting the gym and bulking up like crazy. >But that wasn't enough. >Had to take it to the next level. >So I saved up some cash and got some cyborg enhancements. >Got metal-plated abs, bionic arms, and even some laser eyes. >My transformation was complete. >No longer was I a scrawny, average-looking guy. >I was now a f------ ROBOCHAD. >And let me tell you, the ladies couldn't resist. >Their eyes widened in awe as I flexed my metal-plated muscles. >Their jaws dropped as I shot lasers at beer cans in the backyard. >No longer was I a skincel. >I was now a goddamn robochad. >But the best part? I didn't even have to deal with all the b------- that comes with being a human Chad. >No more worrying about my hair, talking to girls, or trying to fit in. >I was above all that now. >An unstoppable, metal-clad sex machine. >So to all you skincels out there, I give you one piece of advice: >Don't just strive to become a Chad. >Strive to become a ROBOCHAD. >Trust me, it's way more badass.

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Anon wants you to be healthier! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat)22:07:56 58 KB JPG No.76191487 remember bots the easiest way to improve your mental health and taking a step towards a happier life is through investing in self care and comfort replace primary room light >multiple pillows and oversized blankets >oversized sweaters and hoodies >essential oils and diffusers : Anonymous >soft lighting fixtures to >shower steamers and moisturizing bath products >meditation cushions >peace inspiring wall art >>76191547 # 01/20/24(Sat) 22:09:25 No.76191501 >>76191487 (OP) # This sounds really f------ gay.

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'Literally me' | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/20/24(Sat) 23:33:35 No.195270961 Collage_20240120_183140.jpg 478 KB JPG >50 year old man is depressed, miserable and whines all the time and is under the thumb of a woman This genre needs a name.

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After the JoCat "Cancelled Because Cringe" debacle. | /r/Greentext

Cringe is now illegal Dystopian Dweller 01/20/24(Sat)21:39:39 No.912703186 >Year, doesn't matter >Sitting at home watching the news. >Government made "Cringe" illegal. >Everyone wears grey jumpsuits as to not be called cringe for their clothing choices. >Go to fridge >F---, out of Grey Sludge Type 2 >Walk To Store >See cops brutalizing a furry >Keep head down, don't want to be beaten >Go into store >Buy Sludge >Prepare to go home and get ready for Museum trip >Saved up Generic Credits for the Van Gogh exhibit >See sign on Museum >Van Gogh Exhibit gone, deemed illegal because Van Gogh was a simp and drew some pictures >Being a simp is illegal. >Sigh >Go home >Eat sludge for dinner as I watch government-procured, non-cringe show; Beeping Squares. >Go to bed Is this the world you people want? Sure as hell feels like it.

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