Anon has a pet fish......... | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

308 KB JPG Ok /b/ros this is the story of the day my dad stopped loving me >it happened a while back >I was 13 >had recently started jacking off >had a friend who was a 14 year old chad >he got a b------ from some thot at the winter dance >fuckingcoolguy.jpg >asked him what it was like >"it's the f------ best anon, nothing feels better than lips around your d---" >gotta get me some of that. >but am anon, am ugly, am not athletic >have never ran without holding down X >idea.wav >we have a koi pond in the backyard.. >so one night I act on my idea and sneak out and abduct one of the fish from the pond >look it in the eye because you have to respect your lady amirite? >shove d--- in fish mouth >f------ the life (literally)out of this koi's throat >dad just f------ barges in my room >sees me with my d--- in the fish's mouth >I stare at him in horror >the koi stares at him with hope >he just shakes his head says "god damn it" and leaves >he didn't say a word to me for 13 years.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon searches for a therapist | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_1289.jpg (143 KB, 1125x1538) Anonymous 09/12/23(Tue)08:31:42 No.74710315 >>74710331 >>74710353 >depressed >loney >want to kms >decide to go to a shrink >mfw im finding myself looking for female only shrinks that are also attractive in hopes i might get a relationship with them I dont really need a shrink do i? I just need a f------ gf. Will a shrink teach me how to get a gf? Anonymous 09/12/23(Tue)08:34:47 No.74710331 File: image.png (1.09 MB, 1280x720) LOONEY TUNES >>74710315 (OP) # >loney >>74710352

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Jamie, pull up vids of polar bears. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/11/23(Mon)12:02:57 No.189749834 a1wlijkfxma51.png 1.19 MB PNG >"No Joe, I don't think anyone froze to death when I turned summer into winter." >"In fact, I think you'll fine more cold-related deaths in the average Arendelle winter. Jamie, pull those numbers up."

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Anon is of noble stock | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/12/23(Tue)00:39:45 No.905940697 >>905940364 # >be me big boi >eating my tendies in the ball pit at McDonald's 410 KB JPG >bitch mommy got caught drinking silly juice again on the way here and is playing grownup wrestling with the police so she doesn't get in trouble >some stupid c--- comes over and tells me I'm scaring the children and I should be ashamed of myself and some b------- >try to explain to her that I'm using my well earned goodboi points >bitch is still talking >I relax my belly and let out a extra stinky stink >her nose twitches >she immediately pukes starts crying and runs away >"hehestupidbitch.wav" >next thing I know Ronald McDonald comes over and tells me to leave >now I have a lot of respect for Ronald McDonald I think he's a business genius but if this is how he treats his customers then he's lost his roots >OH YE CLOWN OF OF BURGER LAND I MUST BEAT YOU WITH MY HAND! NO RESPECT TO ME WAS SHOWN IN THIS SACRED BURGER HOME >with that I whip off my diapie orange brown s--- flying everywhere I swing it like a lasso and hit him so hard his head literally explodes >everyone in the place freaks out for some reason >the all run away screaming like f------ women >heywaitaminute.mp3 >realize the kitchen is totally unguarded >run with s--- smeared all over my legs to the kitchen and gorge myself >I hear police sirens >thank god finally they're coming to arrest Ronald McDonald for treating me like that >he's dead but I'm sure he'll wake up on time when they get here >smirk thinking about how many free tendies I got >this was the best 30th birthday party ever It's hard being a goodboi sometimes lads but we truly are a noble breed

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anon has an average football experience | /r/Greentext

Anonymous ESPI TERH 144 KB JPG What the f---? 09/02/23(Sat)11:30:10 No.905416316 >new in America >turn on ESPN with American football show on >host yells "COCKS COCKS COCKS" >crowd roars in excitement >turn off tv before mom hears it

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Germanon proves Germans can be hilarious | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous [] 08/27/23(Sun)15:11:26 No.134451602 >>134447254 # Never met a funny german person. Your women must be f------ bored to death >>134453702 # : Anonymous : Anonymous : Anonymous >>134451602 # Okay wanna hear a funny joke? An english man and an american go into a bar. It was a gay bar. 08/27/23(Sun)15:50:29 No.134452753 08/27/23(Sun)16:17:54 No.134453612 08/27/23(Sun)16:20:57 No.134453702

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Hello Mr. Nice guy | /r/Greentext

1h (9/11 23:38) · 74703566 0 Re - 0 Img JPG 13KB (563 × 475) 9f60a6153a0d55d8e8c31953a65ba3d4.j pg ●●● : >be a------ to woman i don't care about >woman starts liking me and being nice >starts dating >become nice to her as start to like her more and more >she gets cold as i stop treating her badly and being mean >we broke up >i start treating her and other women badly once again >repeat why can't women like nice people?

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Two world wars | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/12/23(Tue)14:17:39 No.650495360 file.png 1.15 MB PNG >300 years in the future >.45 outperforms most future weaponry what did Todd mean by this

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Anon visits Manchester | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous A 01/23/23(Mon)18:21:45 No.18849095 13 5576.jpg 74 KB JPG Visited Manchester today and what the f---

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Modern Problems | /r/Greentext

5m (9/11 20:57). 905907131 0 Re - 0 Img : JPG 86KB (1000 x 1184) 6809b0fb-37e5-4725-b33c-93c7b763e9e 6.jpg >be me >22F, more feminine than most, short and curvy >go on blind date with recent whateveristan immigrant because i'm feelin' dangerous >all is fine and dandy, we make out in his car >he presses my neck to start erotically choking me but he starts having a panic attack >"AdAm'S APPLe?!?!" >"it's my larynx, everyone has one" >he keeps accusing me of being trans and i think he's joking, laugh it off >we go home >immediately he pulls down my pants and underwear, starts staring at my hoochie coochie >i think he's gonna go down on me, so i'm just vibing >instead starts violently inspecting my vulva and peelin' it apart like a got dang grapefruit to check for stitches or something >also opens my mouth and checks my teeth for some reason >he gets upset and accuses me of lying about something, won't say what, sends me home >he texts later in the week and asks for a dna test to prove i'm female >i send a 23andme result with the xx showing >he still thinks i'm a troon and tells me to block him Accuse woman of being male, get indubitable proof that she isn't, refuse to adjust prior in the presence of new information. Based?

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Anon is too smart to believe in 9/11 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: MhgTk1+R) 578 KB JPG 09/11/23 (Mon)15:34:14 No.440979665 >imagine not knowing that the US hired Spielberg and Cameron to help them fake it >imagine being so gullible that you think 9/11 actually happened >imagine thinking the towers ever even existed in the first place >imagine being so naive you didn't realize this is just an elaborate prank the boomers are playing on zoomers and millennials Imagine being this roled. You're not that red, are you anon? : Anonymous (ID: 15EZCBNI >>440981896 # >>440979665 (OP) # Ive went to the top of one of those towers about a month before 911 511 KB PNG 09/11/23(Mon)15:47:03 No.440980753 : Anonymous (ID: MhgTk1+R) 09/11/23 (Mon)15:59:51 No.440981896 >>440980753 # Fascinating story, is this you?

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Caught in the jailbait's web | /r/Greentext

1m (9/12 12:22). 905945567 0 Re - 0 Img JPG 7KB (250 x 250) 1689474519010344s.jpg Well /b/ how f----- am I >recently got into a ldr >Said she was 18 >Asked for proof >She sends document >Screen everything incase I'm paranoid so I have to >We dated for 4 months now >she starts up with >"Hey, anon... I hope you don't mind but I'm actually 15" >Everything was forged even documents >Deleted her and cut contacts with her >Couple months ago by and get visit from law enforcement >put into questioning and everything >Luckily I had my screenshots >Explained everything >They let me go I'm not trusting a woman again :

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tfw you will never get jettisoned out into the cold vacuum by space pirates | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 392 KB JPG 09/11/23(Mon)21:48:00 No.650414031 >Born too late for 1960s Space hype >Born too early for widespread Space travel >Born just right for a shitload of s----- Space games. where do we go from here?

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