Anon is a zoomer coomer. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: Sweat.png (13 KB, 360x378) they f----- up. Anonymous 08/11/23(Fri)21:33:11 No.74353149 >Be me, 20 year old Zoomer >See an old p---- DVD from the early 2000s >Two white people, a man and a woman, having fully consensual sex on a soft bed. >Neither has animal features >They aren't related >Neither is crying >Not a tentacle in sight >There's no feces or urine >Start having an existential crisis, feel like I'm being posessed >Run to my computer >Shove cheese grater up my ass and j------- to video of a tentacle monster r----- a trans gorilla's bussy while a quadriplegic Batman jizzes on its face and a hamster girl tells me nobody will ever love me. >Snap back to reality Man... Millennials and Gen X were into some really weird s---... We need to fix the world

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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chemist anon makes too much quaaludes | /r/Greentext

N. O Anonymous 08/22/23(Tue)18:49:49 No.904806419 [Reply] >be me, chemistry hobbyist >decide to try to make quaaludes >expecting s--- yields, so give no s---- about getting addicted >end up making wayy more than anticipated >now I have a huge stockpile of quaalude and am rapidly succumbing to addiction >no one wants to buy it, don't want to flush it because its special Did I f----- myself?

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anon can't take it any more | /r/Greentext

Mom found the storage No. 19036609 08/22/23(Tue)14:43:00 FuckingKillMe.jpg 23 KB 360x360 >be me, 26 >live alone >furiously slapping my meatloaf >spill my yoghurt on average 4 times a day >usually use a sock, shirt, shoe etc, and when it's filled and/or smells too bad, i store it in my closet >have used the same sock a few weeks now >ThickCrust.exe >ffw to today >mom comes by at work to return my key, she was over at my place to put back a spare mattress she borrowed due to visitors etc "btw anon, i thought i could help you out a little with laundry, so i looked into your closet.. and.. i found something... disturbing.. >InternalScreaming.mp3 >starts sweating and shaking >she hands me 1000 dollars, straight face "please buy new clothes and use tissues or the sink in the future, honey, i threw everything in the bin" This is definently a new low for me :) Can i pretend like this never happend? 0 replies, 0 images

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Anons in his mid 30s | /r/Greentext

File: humor-tv-parks-recreation-screensho(...).jpg (33 KB, 600x334) LandDiruse you Ling] O /r9k/ Anonymous 08/22/23(Tue)04:58:25 No.74470989 [Reply] >be me >Mid 30s >Head to the gun range with my father & brother last weekend to shoot sporting clays >I'm the oldest child but have very little in common with my brother & father >Cept shootan. I'm a pretty good shot and we've been out hunting as a family for the last decade. >Lil bro does the best, but he's a crack shot so no surprise. >Dad doesn't shoot as good as usual. Movements are stiff & he has difficulty tracking the faster/harder clays >Soundly beat my father for the first time >Feel pretty good about it. Up until we are heading back to a rest area and he has to stop & rest because he can't keep up with brother & I. >Reality sets in, realize I don't have as much time as I thought >Mfw it hits hard I've always wanted to win but not like this. Anonymous 08/22/23(Tue)06:00:21 No.74471553 Decent greentext

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Anons a combat medic | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 08/22/23(Tue)10:26:26 No.25736845 File: 1679839254983096.gif (339 KB, 220x208) >>25725826 I'll tell you what... Small greentext >Be me >.milfag >68W Combat medic >Deployed to Iraq >I have one job: Train Police >They're f------ muslims >Easily some of the dumbest m------------ on the planet >They scream that they hate gays >Throw them off roofs >They laugh when they talk about that s--- >Not that I disagree with rooftop f------, but the rest are f------ too >We catch them constantly balls deep in each other >Like anytime they got a moment alone, they're f------ >Superstitious as f--- too >ABSOLUTELY believe they can get turned into frogs or other undesirable animals >One day on training patrol in green zone >Run into crazy old lady screeching >Normally they would just beat her ass and be done with it >This bitch is screaming that she is gonna turn them into pigs or dogs or some s--- >She has unlocked their most primal fear >These greasy Muslim f------ for all the bravado, are pants shittingly terrified of this woman >Normally they would just beat her ass and send her on her way >Not this time >Engage: Halal Snackbar!!! (I know what they're saying before some Eurofaggot tries to correct me) >One of the trainees is screaming at her with his gun pointed like she has her hand on a nuke >Yelling about "Don't do it!" >She is threatening to turn one of the trainees into a dog and points at him >Woman turns and runs away >At this point, I'm mouth agape, dumbfounded. >Trainees breath sigh of relief, all are accounted for, no new dogs around >They literally counted to make sure >One guy says that if he ever gets turned into a pig or dog, to shoot him. >Tell them that they can't get turned into a dog or pig like I tell a 3 year old >They don't believe me and talk about people they knew who did. >Inshallah indeed...

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Anon talks to a coworker | /r/Greentext

image.jpg 58 KB JPG 352 >work with a fat girl >she's worried about getting diabetes >says her parents both have it >ask what kind and she says Type 2 >tell her I can help her lose weight if she wants >she tells me that doesn't matter and she'll get it anyway because weight doesn't cause diabetes >proceeds to snack on a 2lb bag of skittl- I mean genetics on her desk every damn day >mfw

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Anon does not care for climate change activists very much | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/23(Sat)23:00:01 No.186204755 images (7).jpg 27 KB JPG >AHHHHH THE WORLD IS GOING TO BE 0.1 DEGREE WARMER IN THE NEXT 50 YEARS AHHH WHY WON'T ANYONE DO ANYTHING TO STOP IT >*Climbs into one of his sixteen SUVS* >AHHH THE HECKIN' ENVIRONMENT IS BEING DESTROYED BY RICH CEOS AHHH >*boards private jet* >SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING, WHY WON'T ANYONE LISTEN??? WE HAVE TO SAVE THE EARTH!!! >*lands on the runway at his private island. Enters his sixth vacation home, all 17 rooms pre cooled to his exact specifications* >I'M GOING INSAAAAAANE >*heads to the beach to board his yacht*

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Anon lives in Minnesota | /r/Greentext

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Anon is a doctor...... | /r/Greentext

>be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god

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Top fucking kek | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 136 KB JPG 02/13/22(Sun)19:52:58 No.163841156 >2022 >no more gay joke, fat joke, black people joke 02/13/22(Sun)19:54:27 No.163841195 : Anonymous >A gay, a fat, and a black walks into a bar >the bartender turns and says "Hi, OP!" >>163841371 # >>163841815 # >>163842163 # >>163842333 # >>163842466 # >>163844282 # >>163844378 # >>163844533 # >>163844832 # >>163845190 #

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Anon is an alien | /r/Greentext

File: aliens-dancing.gif (1.32 MB, 220x147) https://is2.4chan.org/x/1692688468344205.gif I am an Alien Ayylmao !!FTlcqHEGWXh 08/22/23(Tue)09:14:28 No.35679798 [Reply] >>35680065 >>35680070 >>35680094 I will answer your questions if I can. I'm not so knowledgeable about everything relating to us but I will try my best to answer your questions 10 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. Ayylmao !!FTlcqHEGWXh 08/22/23(Tue)09:36:44 No.35679932 >>35679887 >What is your number? No idea >What is the name of your ship? No Idea >What is your position/function on the ship? Tourist/Immigrant >What is your species? Currently Human, I don't recall my previous species but I was brought to earth by something like those Greys >What is your faction's agenda? To live among Humans or as a Human >so is it true you can't teleport you just create localized wormholes and go through them so fast in your space ships that it doesn't close up on you or was that a lie from nobody in particular and you can really teleport and can you give me the math for making wormholes and why it doesn't stablize easy? uhh, I don't know >>35679915 >>35679924

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femanons game dillema | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous is being bad at video games fembrained? ive spent hundreds of hours into playing games through my life and yet i never mastered, actually not even got good at, any game ive played i just boot up a game for like a round or two or maybe half an hour and play on easy mode with cheats on and thats enough of a fill for me for the day i still have never even actually beaten the dragon in minecraft for example and i stay away from competitive games because theyre just not fun lol 2 121 KB JPG : Anonymous yes, unless its celeste >>32462112 # 08/21/23 (Mon)21:18:59 No.32461200 : Anonymous >>32461428 # 08/21/23(Mon)21:38:28 No.32461424 : Anonymous >>32461200 (OP) # Yes, but you're the perfect vidya gf/wife. You're no threat to your man's ego at gaming ability but want to be involved in his main hobby. Literally me >>32461534 # >>32462112 # 08/21/23(Mon)21:38:57 No.32461428 >>32462112 # 08/21/23(Mon)21:49:11 No.32461534 : Anonymous >>32461200 (OP) # Uuugh competitive games. I always got dragged into them by my friends but I never cared to git gud because I'm not a very competitive person. But my friends played them. So I had to play them. And now a friend I play coop pve games with wants to up the difficulty constantly like, I just wanna spend some time with my friend not stress out. I think guys are just really annoying when they get into a game 08/21/23(Mon)21:59:06 No.32461640 : Flux !!HOR183FojEb 08/21/23 (Mon)22:03:27 No.32461695 >>32461200 (OP) # i'll teach ya to play videogames, anonette. 08/21/23(Mon) 22:37:03 No.32462112 : Anonymous >>32461424 # god no, i would never! no but actually i really hate those types of games >>32461428 # >>32461640 # yea i rlly dont get it either games are supposed to be FUN not a STRESS

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Anon moves into a country house | /r/Greentext

File: pepe.jpg (62 KB, 975x600) F i wasn't expecting that Anonymous 08/21/23(Mon)18:02:28 No.2634462 ► >be me, 20 years old >move into a farmhouse and live alone enjoying my life >decide to invite my friends over and we explore a nearby school at the middle of the night >we make this a "tradition" and keep buying tactical gear to do more "urban exploration", friends end up buying NVGS while i buy a ghillie suit >ffw to last night, friends come fully loaded in tactical gear and we think the schools onto us, so i lay down in a field >friends find a USB in their Admin building and swipe it, plug it into their computer and look at it my ghillie suit and comms >another group of people are seen entering the same school on a bike wearing hi vis and no masks are seen clearly breaking into classrooms. >mfw the school never suspected our group was doing anything >mfw we have competition and dont know who the f--- those people are well anons, i dont know wether or not to be confused or worried about anything but this s--- will be interesting to watch >> Anonymous 08/21/23(Mon)20:11:30 No.2634482 One time I borrowed a PVS-14 from a friend. I laid in a grass field looking at the stars for 10 minutes and caught a wonderful shooting star. I've never seen one like that one since. You should behead the opponents. >>> Anonymous 08/21/23(Mon)20:23:19 No.2634489 ► No idea what's going on here but I'm glad you're all having fun

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