Anon lives in a s----- apartment. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

695 KB JPG >be me >15 >live in s----- apartment alone eating kfc drunk and high as s--- at 1am >here knocking at door >w-- >hear people laughing and one calls out FBI open up >try to ignore them >knocking continues >get p----- >grab 9mm pistol in left hand with KFC wing on the other >open door >see group of chads >fire pistol >miss >f--- >they run away screaming >laugh as i basically got a victoryroyale >go back inside and eat kfc to celebrate my hard fought victory fast forward to half an hour >hear knocking at the door >someone calls out "police department come out with your hands up" >assume it is them f------ so yell out I have gun >it goes quiet >shotgunpump.mp3 >oh s--- >SWAT team bursts down my door >open fire >get shot >unconscious >wake up >title appears >"Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim" >Todd Howard you son of a bitch you did it again

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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anon cant finsih his sentence | /r/Greentext

catboygaming ursks 5 KB JPG 08/16/23(Wed)14:05:27 No.74408029 >be me >try to say something to someone >they cut me off mid sentence because they think they know what im gonna say >start my sentence again >they cut me off again >start yelling at them because im p----- off >they get mad and say im overreacting >i want to shoot them i hate it when people do this stupid f------ b-------

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Anon is royalty | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/16/23(Wed)20:14:58 No.904439666 [Reply] >go to a s----- college >they have something called weekly "come out" meeting where people learn about their identification >have to attend them for goodboi points >in the 5th meeting the Stacy wants everyone to tell about their pronouns >decide that I had enough of this b------- >say my pronouns are Your/Majesty >"anon this is not a joke now please take it seriously" >tell her to f--- off because she's opressing my royal bloodline >other homies join me and start using "Sir/Lancelot", "Baron/MiAss", "Duke/Cun"... >Stacy is mad because we use her weapon against her >deans don't give a s--- because they are fed up too tfw I start a monarchy in my college

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Anons life is absolutely awful. | /r/Greentext

>be me >life is absolutely awful > no longer even care to try >wake up at 11 >shower, brush teeth, etc. >drive 30 minutes to minimum wage job >manager starts screaming at me for arriving 6 minutes late >"it's the third time this week, anon. i'll cut your pay if it happens again" >pay is already minimum wage, it's an empty threat >start the work day, finish my shift 8 hours later >hop in car to head home > on the way home, see a homeless woman sitting on the sidewalk >pull over next to her, and give her a few dollars >she looks at me like a little kid who just got a candy bar > "thank you so much anon..." >drive off, happy I could help someone who needed it more than I did >rinse and repeat for a few days, each day giving her the few dollars i had on me >after a few days, i invite her out for a coffee >she agrees, and hops in the car with me >we head over to a panera, and i order us both a coffee >we chat for a good hour, laughing and getting to know each other >after an hour, we wanna leave >realize i have no clue where to drop her off at >she notices my internal panic, and asks to come back to my place > of course i agree >head back to my place, and we chat for hours >eventually it's nighttime >"anon, can i stay here with you tonight?" >wasn't expecting that, but i don't mind >says she wants to sleep with me >not sexually, just sleep with me >immediately say yes >we both head to bed together, and suddenly, i start to feel a lot less alone >feel genuine happiness for the first time in months >she falls asleep, and soon after, i do too >next morning, wake up on a hard wooden surface >thefuck.jpg >look around, see about 3 other guys with me >realize i'm on a horse and wagon > oh no >one of them looks at me > "Hey, you. You're finally awake." Todd you absolute madman

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Anon loves torturing limp dick boomers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)13:08:24 No.850734581 >Be me >25 yo male >Work at a pharmacy >Boomer walks in >"Good evening, sir" >"hey kid uuhhh... could I get... eerr... some viag(mumbles)" >I see the shame in his eyes >I hear the sadness in his voice >Neither the gold chain around his neck nor the sunglasses on his face can hide his long dead pride >Time to squeeze the knife >"You're gonna have to speak up, sir" 9 KB JPG >His gaze falls to the ground, weighed down by pure defeat >"Could I have... you know... the blue pill?" >Nice try, old man >"oh! you mean Viagra?" >His face twists in disgust for himself >"Y-yes, please" >I sell him the pills and then, for the first time, he looks into my eyes. >"You know... you have to be more discreet about this, kid" >My sides are about to f------ explode >"Oh sir, erectile disfunction is nothing to be ashamed of" >He looks as if I had just punched him in the stomach >Turns around and leaves >I laugh my ass off right after he's gone Torturing limp d--- boomers is the best part of my work day, what about you /b/?

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Anon's take on the LTT controversy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/16/23(Wed)14:05:44 No.95407318 >ask woman to do high paying job that is mostly sitting on your ass making social media posts >UGGGHHH MY MENTAL HEALTH :( >>95407356 # >>95408170 # >>95408380 # >>95408638 # >>95408881 >>95409503 #

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Anon' life is sad. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: oyDBBIZI ZE Sad life 144 KB JPG 01/03/19(Thu)22:22:21 No.198658538 >be me, young male in twenties >have very unique qualifications. >just moved to a new town, get a sweet job >assigned a super cool assistant >she's kinda cute >super outdoorsey, like me >loves to ride, too >possiblegf.bat >get along really well, nothing official yet. >lifeisgood.wav >couple of weeks in >decide to make it official >eventually decide to leave current job >she comes with me >we start making our own way in the world >love adventuring, spend all our free time at it >hiking, swimming, boating, even caving >finally pop the question after like 2 years >shesaidyes.jar >life is perfect >one day decide to try bow hunting >ride out to a forest outside a nearby town >(lax hunting laws there) >a few hours in we get a buck. >head back to town >get jumped by convicts >they have axes >lifeordeath.txt >shoot the first one in the knee >second jumps onto me and i pull my knife >third chases off behind some trees >i manage to overpower the one on me >stab him repeatedly >frantically looking for my wife and the third >hear them behind the trees, catch a glimpse >he is in between us >she might die, >havetotaketheshot.exe >draw the bow, time slows >let it fly >hear her shout in rage >right before the arrow hits, he goes down. >silence. >then it happened, i'll never forget the words >burned into my memory >in my peripheral vision >"Critical strike on Lydia" >mfw F--- you, Todd Howard

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Anon was a dumb kid | /r/Greentext

12:42 64 KB PNG All "rate me" and camwhoring threads belong on /soc/. >>>/SOC/ : Anonymous LTE all 34% ↓T View Thread : /cat/ 08/16/23(Wed)12:40:46 No.74407765 ||| >be me, like 10 or so at the time >going around garage messing with stuff >see a 22 milimiter cartridge box that dad has 6 KB JPG then use pliers to pry it open >proceed to use almost every tool dad has in his garage to play with it >notice "black sand" is coming out of some, try to light it with a match >decide to play with it >first i smash one with a hammer, >mfw it's powder >create a small fire pit in back yard, light some wood pieces >throw at least 5 bullets inside the fire >wait some minutes staring at fire, pick one with bare hands >burns my finger >get mad and put out the fire >proceed to play with something else I could have killed myself in so many comical ways it's insane View Thread <

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incel dillema | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 110 KB JPG pls 08/16/23(Wed)22:00:35 No.32403360 im an incel on hrt and it made me completely straight for chads and big girthy anglo cocks (im slavoid) but now suddenly a cis lesbian chaser is into me and is very sexual and even gropes me but i dont know how to tell her to leave me alone

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Anon gets a Christmas present | /r/Greentext

88KB, 960x1200, gondola.jpg View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Anonymous Tue 18 Jun 2019 20:56:17 No.466992079 View Reply Original Report >be me >tum 23 >doorbell rings >it's my grandma >"Happy birthday, anon!" >gives me a HUGE gondola doll (pic related) >1 sewed you this woollen toy. I was looking at your Facebook with your mom wondering what you might like and we repeatedly saw this character so I decided to make you one!" Can someone please tell me what the f--- just happened, /w/? Am I dreaming right now? View Same Google iqdb Sauce NAO gondola2.jpg 101KB, 960x1280 Anonymous Tue 18 Jun 2019 20:56:59 No.466992147 Report Quoted By: >>466992520 >>466993730 >>466994375 >>466994541 >>466994916 >>466995009 >>466995126 There it f------ sits.

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Spider bro betrays anon's trust | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2.58 MB GIF 08/15/23(Tue)12:03:35 No.188772784 >>188771181 (OP) # >let a big spider bro live in my bedroom for weeks >wake up one morning with a big spider bite on my leg >he's just standing there staring at me >>188772848 # >>188775409 # >>188778551 # : Anonymous 08/15/23(Tue)14:25:41 No.188775409 >>188772784 # this n---- taking a scorpion across the river >>188776621 # >>188777503 #

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"I lift to get girls" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous /mire/ thread 08/15/23(Tue)03:02:49 No.71937593 258 KB PNG Post your spiciest mires, I'll start. This actually happened today >upper day >in the locker room >self miring in mirror >random twink dyel goes "wow, your fizeek is really impressive" >"are you on steroids" It finally happened, I got accused of roiding. Achievement unlocked.

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Anon practices self defence | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/15/23(Tue)22:48:48 No.904395412 I beat up my old roommates best friend and he never found out >live on third floor of condo because of circumstances >hanging out with roommate and a mutual friend >mutual friend and I always talked a lot of s--- to each other >roommate says he has a friend he wants to introduce us to >meet him at ground floor >on the elevator ride back mutual friend and I are talking a lot of s--- as usual >roommates friend says "if you guys don't shut the f--- up I'm kicking both of your asses" >in the condo he leaves his motorcycle gear on a seat >tell him I'm moving it >"if you break it I'm kicking your ass" >time to leave comes for him >tell roommate I'll walk him out >elevator ride is quiet >at the front door he turns around and says "what the f--- do you want anyway, you wanna fight?" >"I'm going to hit you" >swing a wild punch and miss >forearm ends up hitting him in the neck >he makes a clucking noise and starts falling sideways >maybe he's never been in a fight, I don't know >hit him with an uppercut while he's falling >he's looking directly up at the sky while his shoulders stay the same >try to hit him in the liver too but he fell too fast >cracks his skull against the pavement >think I killed him >he's still breathing >he wakes up 5 minutes later >says "you f------ sucker punched me bitch" >he gets up and waddles away, obviously dizzy Given that he drove a motorcycle there I'm not sure how he got home, but I never heard a thing about it. I stayed in contact with my old roommate and he still talks about the time his friend intimidated me, so I guess he was never told

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