Anon gets a Christmas present | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

88KB, 960x1200, gondola.jpg View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Anonymous Tue 18 Jun 2019 20:56:17 No.466992079 View Reply Original Report >be me >tum 23 >doorbell rings >it's my grandma >"Happy birthday, anon!" >gives me a HUGE gondola doll (pic related) >1 sewed you this woollen toy. I was looking at your Facebook with your mom wondering what you might like and we repeatedly saw this character so I decided to make you one!" Can someone please tell me what the f--- just happened, /w/? Am I dreaming right now? View Same Google iqdb Sauce NAO gondola2.jpg 101KB, 960x1280 Anonymous Tue 18 Jun 2019 20:56:59 No.466992147 Report Quoted By: >>466992520 >>466993730 >>466994375 >>466994541 >>466994916 >>466995009 >>466995126 There it f------ sits.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Spider bro betrays anon's trust | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2.58 MB GIF 08/15/23(Tue)12:03:35 No.188772784 >>188771181 (OP) # >let a big spider bro live in my bedroom for weeks >wake up one morning with a big spider bite on my leg >he's just standing there staring at me >>188772848 # >>188775409 # >>188778551 # : Anonymous 08/15/23(Tue)14:25:41 No.188775409 >>188772784 # this n---- taking a scorpion across the river >>188776621 # >>188777503 #

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"I lift to get girls" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous /mire/ thread 08/15/23(Tue)03:02:49 No.71937593 258 KB PNG Post your spiciest mires, I'll start. This actually happened today >upper day >in the locker room >self miring in mirror >random twink dyel goes "wow, your fizeek is really impressive" >"are you on steroids" It finally happened, I got accused of roiding. Achievement unlocked.

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Anon practices self defence | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/15/23(Tue)22:48:48 No.904395412 I beat up my old roommates best friend and he never found out >live on third floor of condo because of circumstances >hanging out with roommate and a mutual friend >mutual friend and I always talked a lot of s--- to each other >roommate says he has a friend he wants to introduce us to >meet him at ground floor >on the elevator ride back mutual friend and I are talking a lot of s--- as usual >roommates friend says "if you guys don't shut the f--- up I'm kicking both of your asses" >in the condo he leaves his motorcycle gear on a seat >tell him I'm moving it >"if you break it I'm kicking your ass" >time to leave comes for him >tell roommate I'll walk him out >elevator ride is quiet >at the front door he turns around and says "what the f--- do you want anyway, you wanna fight?" >"I'm going to hit you" >swing a wild punch and miss >forearm ends up hitting him in the neck >he makes a clucking noise and starts falling sideways >maybe he's never been in a fight, I don't know >hit him with an uppercut while he's falling >he's looking directly up at the sky while his shoulders stay the same >try to hit him in the liver too but he fell too fast >cracks his skull against the pavement >think I killed him >he's still breathing >he wakes up 5 minutes later >says "you f------ sucker punched me bitch" >he gets up and waddles away, obviously dizzy Given that he drove a motorcycle there I'm not sure how he got home, but I never heard a thing about it. I stayed in contact with my old roommate and he still talks about the time his friend intimidated me, so I guess he was never told

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Anon gets some wishes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous sissy birthday 219 KB JPG : Anonymous 533 KB GIF I'm femboy finougr living in Russia today is my birthday (19!!). What do you wish me today?! 08/16/23(Wed)14:31:33 No.904427217 Joy 08/16/23(Wed)14:32:37 No.904427241 >>904427217 (OP) # : Anonymous >>904427217 (OP) # Rope yourself 08/16/23(Wed)14:37:00 No.904427317

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Anon was lower than expected. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous you watch too much hentai, dude. 04/06/18(Fri)23:50:54 No.765139371 Guys, did I f--- up my first sexual experience? >Be me, be 27 years old >Girl from my college wants to try mutual m----------- together >I'm totally caught off guard, I haven't jacked off in about a week 23 KB PNG >I decide to j------- before I go meet her, so that I don't ruin what might be my only sexual experience in my pathetic life >Zoom ahead a few hours >She jacks me off, it is primo s---, absolutely rad >I c-- a HUGE PILE OF J--- >I say "S---, sorry, that's way more than I expected" >she responds "I was expecting a lot more" >I look at her and say "You watch too much hentai, dude." did I goof it?

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Anon finished Naruto | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/23(Tue)16:53:25 No.188792659 n7500170fm341.jpg 22 KB JPG >finally reaches his lifelong dream of becoming ninja president >gets turned into a soulless wage-slaving zombie who is energy-drained 24/7, doesn't have any time to spend with his family or friends and has a p------------ ungrateful son as a result What did the writer mean by this?

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Anon goes to the gym with his cousin | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >be me at 12-13 years old >visit my older cousin >cousin about 15-16 years old at the time >He's super cool with me. He's the brother I never had >take me to the gym for the first time in my life >Meets his gym bros there, everybody super cool with 92 KB JPG 08/16/23(Wed)17:17:07 No.71956159 me >They make me bench. Fail like a bitch on super low weight >Him and one of his bro pushing me on >"Failure is part of the game anon" >Feels GoodMan.jpeg >afterwards we go out to eat pizza with his bros >afterwards we go home to him and chill and to try out cousins new PC >Cousin needs to take a s--- >"I'll be right back anon, you guys continue without me" >When cousin left room. One of the dudes ctrl+alt to his browser >open up his browser history >HolyShit.Jpeg >S--- is f------ FULL of ONLY s------ p--- and wierd ass furry s--- >His bros sides fly to the f------ moon >meanwhile I just stare in disbelief >He comes back >his bros are totally different now, and soon they leave >"what happened anon? That was f------ wierd, right?" >"Y-y-ye-yeah" I never told him.

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Femanon gets a WoW boyfriend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 281 KB JPEG 8/16/2023, 6:43:34 AM No.67197244 > be me, 14 year old femanon, little if any parental supervision > lets play world of warcraft > get to max level, join a s----- raiding guild > i talk a lot and annoy my guildies, they all call me j------- > one guildie gives me attention, he's a female draenei paladin > kids at school only bully me > talk to him every day, he's nice to me and hangs out with me > find out he's 29 > horny little teenager so I flirt with him > he flirts back > a few months later he leaves his job and all his s--- and takes a train across the country to where i live > he meets me at mine, my mom isn't home > lose virginity > he spends the night at my house, i just leave the door locked > i realize he's homeless now but say f--- it > next morning > mombangingondoor.mp4 > she's looking for her shoes > i tell her they aren't in my room > she insists > i hide the child predator in my shower and let her in my room to look > momsenses.exe activates > first she checks my closet > she's looking around for shoes in places shoes don't usually go > makes her way to the bathroom > ohfuck.png > pulls back shower curtain > grown ass man is revealed > "ANON W--" > he looks at her in horror and immediately grabs his s--- and runs out the door > manage to convince momanon that he was 18 not 29 > tell her we didn't do anything > she believes it and goes to work > i run outside and look for the guy > nowhere to be found > iknowwhatimustdo.wmv > remember he said he would go to the homeless shelter downtown > walk for like 2 miles to the bus stop in a shady part of town > get on the bus and take it downtown > ask a random homeless guy where the homeless shelter is > he offers to take me there > happystrolldownadarkalleywithaweirdguy.jpeg > we make it > i ask the gaggle of homeless people if the draenei paladin is there > a few minutes later he stumbles out and tells me to go home > we break up a few weeks after that because he basically ghosts me > tfw no longer innocent virgin j------- > tfw no longer have 29 year old child predator bf

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Anon just wanted some friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/13/23(Sun)17:17:37 No.74367647 >be me >19 >in discord server >make friends >they make a gc with all the friends >we talk about random stuff, ages get brought up >all of them are f------ 12-14 >already planning a polite way to leave the gc >they start talking about how they obtained cp from other minors by faking their age >unadd them all and leave the server what the f--- i just wanted a new friend group :( 56 KB PNG

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Anon re-watches One Piece | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Something I just noticed when (...) 85 KB JPG 08/13/23(Sun)21:43:13 No.256034349 >Zoro's hand turns black. >*Instantly becomes malnourished* What did Oda mean by this???

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Anon likes sunfishes. | /r/Greentext

TTTT 5d (8/10 22:06). 4589946 PNG 24KB (960 × 960) 1264.png 1 Reply : >>4589935 >perfectly adapted for luxurious sunbathing >most sexual mouth of any fish >intense sexuality leads to 300 million eggs laid at once >idiot sharks think they already ate half of you and leave you alone idk seems like a pretty good life

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Anon has an unpopular opinion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 15 KB JPG 05/10/21 (Mon)12:17:38 No.854094226 >go on reddit >unpopular opinion subreddit >give unpopular opinion >downvoted how do these retards function

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