Anons life is absolutely awful. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

>be me >life is absolutely awful > no longer even care to try >wake up at 11 >shower, brush teeth, etc. >drive 30 minutes to minimum wage job >manager starts screaming at me for arriving 6 minutes late >"it's the third time this week, anon. i'll cut your pay if it happens again" >pay is already minimum wage, it's an empty threat >start the work day, finish my shift 8 hours later >hop in car to head home > on the way home, see a homeless woman sitting on the sidewalk >pull over next to her, and give her a few dollars >she looks at me like a little kid who just got a candy bar > "thank you so much anon..." >drive off, happy I could help someone who needed it more than I did >rinse and repeat for a few days, each day giving her the few dollars i had on me >after a few days, i invite her out for a coffee >she agrees, and hops in the car with me >we head over to a panera, and i order us both a coffee >we chat for a good hour, laughing and getting to know each other >after an hour, we wanna leave >realize i have no clue where to drop her off at >she notices my internal panic, and asks to come back to my place > of course i agree >head back to my place, and we chat for hours >eventually it's nighttime >"anon, can i stay here with you tonight?" >wasn't expecting that, but i don't mind >says she wants to sleep with me >not sexually, just sleep with me >immediately say yes >we both head to bed together, and suddenly, i start to feel a lot less alone >feel genuine happiness for the first time in months >she falls asleep, and soon after, i do too >next morning, wake up on a hard wooden surface >thefuck.jpg >look around, see about 3 other guys with me >realize i'm on a horse and wagon > oh no >one of them looks at me > "Hey, you. You're finally awake." Todd you absolute madman

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon loves torturing limp dick boomers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)13:08:24 No.850734581 >Be me >25 yo male >Work at a pharmacy >Boomer walks in >"Good evening, sir" >"hey kid uuhhh... could I get... eerr... some viag(mumbles)" >I see the shame in his eyes >I hear the sadness in his voice >Neither the gold chain around his neck nor the sunglasses on his face can hide his long dead pride >Time to squeeze the knife >"You're gonna have to speak up, sir" 9 KB JPG >His gaze falls to the ground, weighed down by pure defeat >"Could I have... you know... the blue pill?" >Nice try, old man >"oh! you mean Viagra?" >His face twists in disgust for himself >"Y-yes, please" >I sell him the pills and then, for the first time, he looks into my eyes. >"You know... you have to be more discreet about this, kid" >My sides are about to f------ explode >"Oh sir, erectile disfunction is nothing to be ashamed of" >He looks as if I had just punched him in the stomach >Turns around and leaves >I laugh my ass off right after he's gone Torturing limp d--- boomers is the best part of my work day, what about you /b/?

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Anon's take on the LTT controversy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/16/23(Wed)14:05:44 No.95407318 >ask woman to do high paying job that is mostly sitting on your ass making social media posts >UGGGHHH MY MENTAL HEALTH :( >>95407356 # >>95408170 # >>95408380 # >>95408638 # >>95408881 >>95409503 #

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Anon' life is sad. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: oyDBBIZI ZE Sad life 144 KB JPG 01/03/19(Thu)22:22:21 No.198658538 >be me, young male in twenties >have very unique qualifications. >just moved to a new town, get a sweet job >assigned a super cool assistant >she's kinda cute >super outdoorsey, like me >loves to ride, too >possiblegf.bat >get along really well, nothing official yet. >lifeisgood.wav >couple of weeks in >decide to make it official >eventually decide to leave current job >she comes with me >we start making our own way in the world >love adventuring, spend all our free time at it >hiking, swimming, boating, even caving >finally pop the question after like 2 years >shesaidyes.jar >life is perfect >one day decide to try bow hunting >ride out to a forest outside a nearby town >(lax hunting laws there) >a few hours in we get a buck. >head back to town >get jumped by convicts >they have axes >lifeordeath.txt >shoot the first one in the knee >second jumps onto me and i pull my knife >third chases off behind some trees >i manage to overpower the one on me >stab him repeatedly >frantically looking for my wife and the third >hear them behind the trees, catch a glimpse >he is in between us >she might die, >havetotaketheshot.exe >draw the bow, time slows >let it fly >hear her shout in rage >right before the arrow hits, he goes down. >silence. >then it happened, i'll never forget the words >burned into my memory >in my peripheral vision >"Critical strike on Lydia" >mfw F--- you, Todd Howard

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Anon was a dumb kid | /r/Greentext

12:42 64 KB PNG All "rate me" and camwhoring threads belong on /soc/. >>>/SOC/ : Anonymous LTE all 34% ↓T View Thread : /cat/ 08/16/23(Wed)12:40:46 No.74407765 ||| >be me, like 10 or so at the time >going around garage messing with stuff >see a 22 milimiter cartridge box that dad has 6 KB JPG then use pliers to pry it open >proceed to use almost every tool dad has in his garage to play with it >notice "black sand" is coming out of some, try to light it with a match >decide to play with it >first i smash one with a hammer, >mfw it's powder >create a small fire pit in back yard, light some wood pieces >throw at least 5 bullets inside the fire >wait some minutes staring at fire, pick one with bare hands >burns my finger >get mad and put out the fire >proceed to play with something else I could have killed myself in so many comical ways it's insane View Thread <

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incel dillema | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 110 KB JPG pls 08/16/23(Wed)22:00:35 No.32403360 im an incel on hrt and it made me completely straight for chads and big girthy anglo cocks (im slavoid) but now suddenly a cis lesbian chaser is into me and is very sexual and even gropes me but i dont know how to tell her to leave me alone

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Anon gets a Christmas present | /r/Greentext

88KB, 960x1200, gondola.jpg View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Anonymous Tue 18 Jun 2019 20:56:17 No.466992079 View Reply Original Report >be me >tum 23 >doorbell rings >it's my grandma >"Happy birthday, anon!" >gives me a HUGE gondola doll (pic related) >1 sewed you this woollen toy. I was looking at your Facebook with your mom wondering what you might like and we repeatedly saw this character so I decided to make you one!" Can someone please tell me what the f--- just happened, /w/? Am I dreaming right now? View Same Google iqdb Sauce NAO gondola2.jpg 101KB, 960x1280 Anonymous Tue 18 Jun 2019 20:56:59 No.466992147 Report Quoted By: >>466992520 >>466993730 >>466994375 >>466994541 >>466994916 >>466995009 >>466995126 There it f------ sits.

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Spider bro betrays anon's trust | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2.58 MB GIF 08/15/23(Tue)12:03:35 No.188772784 >>188771181 (OP) # >let a big spider bro live in my bedroom for weeks >wake up one morning with a big spider bite on my leg >he's just standing there staring at me >>188772848 # >>188775409 # >>188778551 # : Anonymous 08/15/23(Tue)14:25:41 No.188775409 >>188772784 # this n---- taking a scorpion across the river >>188776621 # >>188777503 #

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"I lift to get girls" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous /mire/ thread 08/15/23(Tue)03:02:49 No.71937593 258 KB PNG Post your spiciest mires, I'll start. This actually happened today >upper day >in the locker room >self miring in mirror >random twink dyel goes "wow, your fizeek is really impressive" >"are you on steroids" It finally happened, I got accused of roiding. Achievement unlocked.

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Anon practices self defence | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/15/23(Tue)22:48:48 No.904395412 I beat up my old roommates best friend and he never found out >live on third floor of condo because of circumstances >hanging out with roommate and a mutual friend >mutual friend and I always talked a lot of s--- to each other >roommate says he has a friend he wants to introduce us to >meet him at ground floor >on the elevator ride back mutual friend and I are talking a lot of s--- as usual >roommates friend says "if you guys don't shut the f--- up I'm kicking both of your asses" >in the condo he leaves his motorcycle gear on a seat >tell him I'm moving it >"if you break it I'm kicking your ass" >time to leave comes for him >tell roommate I'll walk him out >elevator ride is quiet >at the front door he turns around and says "what the f--- do you want anyway, you wanna fight?" >"I'm going to hit you" >swing a wild punch and miss >forearm ends up hitting him in the neck >he makes a clucking noise and starts falling sideways >maybe he's never been in a fight, I don't know >hit him with an uppercut while he's falling >he's looking directly up at the sky while his shoulders stay the same >try to hit him in the liver too but he fell too fast >cracks his skull against the pavement >think I killed him >he's still breathing >he wakes up 5 minutes later >says "you f------ sucker punched me bitch" >he gets up and waddles away, obviously dizzy Given that he drove a motorcycle there I'm not sure how he got home, but I never heard a thing about it. I stayed in contact with my old roommate and he still talks about the time his friend intimidated me, so I guess he was never told

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Anon gets some wishes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous sissy birthday 219 KB JPG : Anonymous 533 KB GIF I'm femboy finougr living in Russia today is my birthday (19!!). What do you wish me today?! 08/16/23(Wed)14:31:33 No.904427217 Joy 08/16/23(Wed)14:32:37 No.904427241 >>904427217 (OP) # : Anonymous >>904427217 (OP) # Rope yourself 08/16/23(Wed)14:37:00 No.904427317

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Anon was lower than expected. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous you watch too much hentai, dude. 04/06/18(Fri)23:50:54 No.765139371 Guys, did I f--- up my first sexual experience? >Be me, be 27 years old >Girl from my college wants to try mutual m----------- together >I'm totally caught off guard, I haven't jacked off in about a week 23 KB PNG >I decide to j------- before I go meet her, so that I don't ruin what might be my only sexual experience in my pathetic life >Zoom ahead a few hours >She jacks me off, it is primo s---, absolutely rad >I c-- a HUGE PILE OF J--- >I say "S---, sorry, that's way more than I expected" >she responds "I was expecting a lot more" >I look at her and say "You watch too much hentai, dude." did I goof it?

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Anon finished Naruto | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/23(Tue)16:53:25 No.188792659 n7500170fm341.jpg 22 KB JPG >finally reaches his lifelong dream of becoming ninja president >gets turned into a soulless wage-slaving zombie who is energy-drained 24/7, doesn't have any time to spend with his family or friends and has a p------------ ungrateful son as a result What did the writer mean by this?

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