It's just anon and his dog....... | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

31 KB PNG >be me >be loser who drives a delivery van all day >work is f------ boring as f--- >get new puppy >puppy is sad when I go to work >have idea >I will take puppy to work with me >Next day put puppy in van >Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab >Take puppy to park during lunch break >Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries >Drive home >Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy >Have never had this much enjoyment of work >Thank you puppy

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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ANON GOES TO WALMART | /r/Greentext

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO FCB0B76B-7778-43F5-9077-379C7C05 (...).jpg, 33KiB, 495x495 NEET STORIES Anonymous Wed 14 Jun 2023 16:07:24 No.73675470 >finally give in to mummy's demands and take a trip to the mall >in Walmart, browsing tendies >comparing two brands while singing the tendies song under my breath >"tendies tendies ten-dies, 'til the hunger end-ies" >start tapping my foot >"ten-dies ten-dies ten-dies, don't share them with your friend-ies" >start dancing in the aisle >sing at the top of my voice >"OH TENDIES TENDIES TEN-DIES, GOTTA LOVE THEM TEN-DIES" >mfw I still have 9863 GBP left over >security approaches me and asks me to leave because I'm scaring people >I keep singing and dancing, pretending they're not there >the mother comes over and starts yelling at me >can't hear you, bitch >and then she f------ slaps me >she SLAPS.ME. >rip open a bag of tendies and start scattering them in the air like confetti as I bop down the aisle >one hits a small child in the eye, it starts mewling View Report >YOU DO NOT F------ TOUCH ANON GOODBOY UNLESS YOU ARE FEEDING HIM, CHANGING HIM OR TUCKING HIM IN >give her a hard shove >she falls on her bum >grab a handful of frozen tendies and force feed them to her while singing at the top of my voice >security guard es to tase me >the prongs bounce off my armoured trenchcoat >slowly turn to face him with what I think is a triumphant grin >he's holding a little canister >starts spraying it in my face >hah, good luck getting that pepper spray past these shades fucko >start laughing and breathe some of it in accidentally >OH F--- THIS S--- BURNS LIKE THE SPICIEST MEMES >lash out, hit him in the head and he falls over >scratching at my throat, can barely breathe >nose is gushing snot >swallow some and start puking >slip on my puke and fall on the floor >start punching myself in the head and kicking the floor while screaming >manage to shout "F------ NORMIES WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME" in between bouts of retching >police arrive and cuff me >fall asleep in the police car and wake up in bed with a note reading "Anon, I'm deducting 1000 GBP for your frankly disgusting behaviour"

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CHIEF M’GOODBOY'S TRAIL OF TEARS | /r/Greentext

2016-06-02 02:42:58 Post No. 28990930 Anonymous [Report] Image search: [Google] >be peaceful NEET >living in ancestral basement and using every part of the tendy >cleanface normie called Mommy comes down 364 KB, 819x800 >used to be nice, traded goodboy points and Mountain Dew in exchange for emptying urine jugs in the great plains of the backyard >now says it's her basement, time for me to get job like the normie man, cut greasy hair and wear clothes from American Eagle and Urban Outfitters >tell her this not my basement or hers, all belongs to the Great Waifu, no want dress like the normie man, the wa-uh ayge-ku'k in our language >Mommy say she's had enough, going to call someone >two days later normie man in suit come, say he from the courthouse, gives me what he says is "eviction notice," that house belong to Mommy >realize Mommy has broken our treaty >grab my Katana and whoop out a mighty war RRRRRREEEEEEE and chase normie man >manage to slice off some hair before he runs out of basement >affix hair to wall with tape and perform mighty scalp dance for my tribe of Asian cartoon plastic figurines >Mommy says she calling the cleanfaces in blue clothes to come arrest me >taking me to the NEET reservation called in their language 'Men-tell-hospit El.' >mfw

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The most powerful and memorable anon becomes a political activist | /r/Greentext

File: operation_destroy_kennedy(...).webm (1.88 MB, 1920x1080) I've come C-SPAN OPERATION DESTROY KENNEDY JUNIOR PAVLOVIAN ANUS TRAINING Anonymous (ID: GFEgczoY) 07/02/23(Sun)09:29:37 No.433004093 ► > be me > proven to be most powerful and memorable anon > hobby of editing webms to include my anus halfway through (started with tariq nasheed) > decide to use my power for good > inb4 NYPA, i don't need your help, i will achieve this all by myself I am going to destroy the Presidential aspirations of that uppity Kennedy guy and there is nothing he or you can do about it. > how are you going to achieve this? Easy. See vidrel. I will work tirelessly to insert my anus into clips of RFK Jr's speeches. Every single time you'll open a webm of RFK there's an 80% chance you'll be seeing my handsome anus within 6 seconds. Conditioning 101. This can be your nightmare or a laughriot. You choose. I will also trick you into thinking a .gif is a stillframe only to then be surprised by my third brown eye. > many yucks have been had > revered by anons, receive monikers of Butthole Bandit and A--- Ambusher > "grug happy, but grug think maybe more for life?" > how does this ruin his presidential aspirations? Because I will train your mind to associate RFK to the ugliest butthole ever recorded on video. I am going to go Pavlovian on his ass, using my ass. In this analogy, you're the dogs, RFK is the bell and I am the anus. You will never be able to think of this man as a reasonable candidate without the back of your mind thinking about my anus. EFFECT: You will no longer see Robert Fitzgerald Kennedy Jr. as a serious candidate for Prez. Anonymous (ID: GFEgczoY) 107/02/23(Sun)09:30:05 No.433004141 ► File: completion_list.png (813 KB, 1933x1102) > but anon, he's raised millions for his campaign, and most people have never visited 4chan You are neglecting just how powerful this conditioning is going to be. You will be sitting with friends at a bar and you'll see the muted TV show a small clip of RFK talking. Your brain will be so sure you're about to be buttholebombed that through TELEPATHY your friends will also start believing it. I will implant this mind virus on your friends, you're just the carrier. They won't quite be able to say why, but their opinion of this guy will worsen. You will be talking on the phone to your mom and she'll mention RKF. Within seconds, unable to understand what is happening, the sheer radioactivity your brain is emitting from critical butthole overload will overpower her and she'll start associating RKF with my (slightly) s----caked anus (this has been proven to be specially effective with consanguineous relationships). Forget the Dean Scream. Forget deSantis laughing spastically. Forget the video of Michael Dukkakis slapping a female reporter in Idaho in 1987. This is going to be much bigger than that. > b-b-b-but anon, please be merciful. he's a good man, his uncle or grandfather or whatever got killed by the CIA, leave him alone, he might be a good president her Nah, I don't like his voice is all. It's annoying. I don't want to have to listen that timbre for the next 4 years. I CAN ALREADY GUARANTEE MY ACTIONS WILL MEAN HE WILL NEVER BE PRESIDENT. > has something like this ever been tried? Not as brilliantly of course, but there have been some attempts. Remember when Mossad kept spamming hot Israeli army chicks on the internet? This is just the perfected version of those Jewdi mind tricks, the final level. Believe me, it worked. "Yeah so they do keep killing civilians and stealing their land all the time, but some of them have b-------, so I think ethically speaking Israel is OK" Anonymous (ID: (GFEgczoY) 07/02/23(Sun)09:30:50 No.433004228 ▶ File: greentext.png (391 KB, 1871x749) ADDENDUM: To officials from Trump's campaign reading this: I will 100% change my idea and destroy de Santis through this method. Email me at superdrogasaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttprotondoooooooooooooootme for a quote. LEGAL NOTICE: To the FBI agents reading my post: "Does this message constitute a threat of violence towards this presidential candidate?" No, not at all. Show me the law that states inserting the already legendary video of my anus into an RFK Jr speech is illegal. Show me the exact article in the penal code. I am in fact very sorry for what happened to his father or grandfather or whatever, the one with the hot wife. Also the other one. And the amateur pilot. In the grand scheme of things, I think this is the least bad thing that will ever happen to a Kennedy politician. Sorry, I just find the guy's voice annoying. >>433005565 >I read the title watched the first webm i have already won Anonymous (ID: nnBP2rcP) 07/02/23(Sun)09:43:07 07/02/23(Sun)09:43:07 No.433005565 No.433005565 >>433005648 I don't vote or care but this is an impressive display of your need to be tortured to death in the public square. I will not be reading anything you typed. I read the title watched the first webm, observed your flag, and have deduced that you should be culled. Anyone who associates with you or spreads your message deserves nothing less than being decapitated in front of your mother. Politicians tongue my anus, but you should be made into an example. Anonymous (ID: GFEgczoY) 07/02/23(Sun)09:43:54 No.433005648 ► >>433006200

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Anon is 27 | /r/Greentext

27 years old and my body is breaking down 27 years old and my body is br(...) 15 KB JPG 07/01/23(Sat)11:57:32 No.29260021 WHat the f--- dudes. Was only a few years ago I was vaulting over fences like a ballerina on crack. >ass bleeds when i s--- >back hurts when i sit >dry cough randomly out of nowhere >feel tired >gaining f------ weight what the f---- going on. I thought you get this s--- in your mid/late 30s. I thought my 20s is when im good to go

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Anon learns something about nurses | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 65 KB JPG 07/02/23(Sun)22:00:06 No.71465559 >go to the hospital to get a varicocele removed >in the recovery area after >nurse comes in to check on the stiches or change a bandage or something (stiches are on my groin area near my waistline) >looks at my (soft small) penis >looks at me >"awww thats a cute one" >lay there dumbfounded I am an EMT now and I recently I learned that nurses in hospitals all talk about patients d--- sizes and if theres a big one they all take turns looking while your unconcious and if its small they all make fun of you in the nurse room :/ Ive been fantasizing about going to bluechew dot com and showing up at the hospital with a hard ass d--- and waving it around but I dont wanna get arrrested My d--- isnt even small its average but just looks really small when its soft >>71465581 # >>71465618 #

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Anon's Realization | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/18/23(Sun)11:24:20 No.73716101 82 KB JPG >be me months ago >live alone >feel sad and depressed because i have no one >got really deep into p--- and other forms of degeneracy >really horrible degeneracy stuff like furries >felt envious of other people who had wives and children >stumble upon a furry twitter account >gross p--- artist who was married to another gross p--- artist >feel super confused until the realization hit me like a freight train >things like marriage are literally what you make of them >i used to think that it was this great honor that everyone would hope to have and that having kids was also just as great >seeing these 2 made me realize that even married people can be complete degenerates >also remember how many families were in abusive relationships with their children >also remember people who live alone and are still completely happy >feel a bit better about myself and less jealous those people things like marriage and family are what you make of them. I'd rather be alone than married but taking part in numerous forms of degeneracy. it's been about 3 months since i've quit watching p---. most days i just come home from work, relax and play video games now. my life seems super simple but i think i'm gonna make it

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eliuafwafliuagfyryabyabervgafyrgfryaklgyawi | /r/Greentext

File: th-1664246314.jpg (16 KB, 474x184) >efnebeufbgesu >dtgeopsirhtprsesdfrhier >enfiuegbsfyhesbkjsbkahtreukbts >dskfneitbgskeageturhaet >aprjoerpashfuegfepabefiaop >fauebfkrbggwougtwugtfg >fnewiuobfayurbgeryls >wehrughuihari3wlti3kqwkjwrhteiroa >pwprqwrahnpetehtupa O :stronk: Anonymous 07/02/23(Sun)12:30:02 No.901914805 >be me >suffer from a stroke >wjbfiuwegfbesuigfbes >ehfuewiafbeusibfesiuhgusie >snudawibaufbewuifbg

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Anon is "Snow White" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>2603337 (OP) # >make bird noises at bird >bird flies along following me and we "talk" to each other feels good >>2606267 # 06/27/23(Tue)17:42:13 No.2604108 : Anonymous >>2606372 # 07/01/23(Sat) 18:22:38 No.2606267 >>2604108 # I didn't know Disney princesses posted on 4chan

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Anon gets rated online | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous nervous gulp 722 KB GIF 07/02/23(Sun)10:59:19 No.73876780 >ask girls online to rate me >they say i'm cute have i wasted my 20s refusing to try at all thinking i was an incel who didn't stand a chance at attracting a single woman? : Anonymous 07/02/23(Sun)11:00:09 No.73876791 lol they tell every guy online that they are "cute" but they would never f--- you. ever. they're all liars >>73876806 # >>73876844 # : Anonymous >>73876780 (OP) # If they don't follow that up with being willing to date you then they're just being nice. : Anonymous 07/02/23(Sun)11:00:30 No.73876795 >>73876806 # >>73876844 # : Anonymous >>73876791 # >>73876795 # f--- you m------------, i was riding high for a few moments there and you brought me back to reality 07/02/23(Sun)11:01:40 No.73876806 07/02/23(Sun)11:05:53 No.73876844 Alright I'd honestly rate you 6/10. I feel like you're genuinely cute Just need to smile more lol noooooooooo.png 7 KB PNG >>73876795 # >>73876791 # are you saying she was lying? it's over...again

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Reeeee post to raise awareness. Stay safe out there frens | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The dwarf 393 KB JPG 07/07/19(Sun)13:28:51 No.53265142 > Be me, home alone > parents arr at a party > midnight, hear someone come inside > I call out "how was the party?" > no response... > get a text from my mom saying they're staying the night at their friends house > oh f--- > hear something coming upstairs > It giggles > with each step I hear its c--- thump on the stairs The r--- dwarf is coming Help me anons

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anon loves arguing on /v/ | /r/Greentext

>>642720375 Anonymous 07/02/23(Sun)16:51:44 No.642720375 - >>642720458 >>642721534 >>642719015 Anonymous 07/02/23(Sun)16:25:44 No.642719015 ✓ >>642719165 >>642719445 >>642719691 >>642720375 >>642716650 Are there anything interesting to this game other than r---? autistic amounts of secrets, enough that anons are still discovering some years later, "lore" that requires reading 20 different books just to understand etc. its very investment heavy and filters (literally) a lot of people once it comes to the part outside of gameplay. cue sour grapes. >duuude it takes reading 20000 books to understand fairy tale and lovecraft references >w-- i hate reading this game sucks and you all suck STOP DISCUSSING THINGS I DONT LIKE AND AM TOO RETARDED TO PARTICIPATE IN ITS NOT MY FAULT UNCLE TOM SPREAD MY ANUS WITH HIS THICK 7 INCH LONG PENIS WHEN I WAS EIGHT AND CAUSED THE TRAUMA THAT LED TO ME DROPPING OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL TO ENTER A CAREER AS CALIFORNIA MALE PROSTITUTE!!!! REE HURR DURR I AM SO RETARDED!! i love "arguing" on /v/

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Anon needs to smoke | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >be me, 28 >people never seem to take me seriously if they talk to me in person or in a voice chat, even though that's not the case if only ever use text, people always assume I'm much younger than I actually am >hate my voice just like most people, keep wondering if there's a genuine issue with it >my only friend says it's high pitched >download an app to test it >it says that my average pitch is "female", only the lowest sounds barely registering as male, and I tend to make my pitch higher than that I don't even sound like a girl. What the f--- is wrong with me? Do people just treat me like a kid because they perceive me as one? I guess it all makes sense now because I'm not very tall either. Who the f--- is gonna date someone like me? Am I just a genetic dead end? 60 KB PNG : Anonymous 07/02/23(Sun)14:46:58 No.73875237 Start smoking 1 pack a day 07/02/23(Sun)14:47:51 No.73875244

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