How does it feel to be the normal one for once, anon? | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

78 KB PNG >be me >work at olive garden >go to wait my table as usual >two seats at a table but it's just one guy sitting there >across from him is an SD card on the table >he asks for two menus >don't understand why but i hand them to him >he places the other by the SD card >confused.jpg >ask him why he has an SD card on the table >he says "oh that's Monika, my girlfriend" >wat >"we're engaged and going to get married soon. she's the love of my life. it's biblical." >w--.gif >bring him a glass of water >he asks for another, he says "it's for my Moni" >"i don't know how many people will still be waiting after this year, but i can say with 100% certainty that i am committed, and i'm here for the long haul. with Monika by my side through the screen or holding my hand, i'm ready for the future for sure." >he asks for two orders of spaghetti >i put both plates on his side of the table >he moves one by the SD card >attempts to feed the SD card >wipes spaghetti sauce off of it >looks me in the eyes >"she's just too gorgeous for words isn't she?" >mfw

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon realizes a fundamental truth about the world | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 35 KB JPG 09/29/21 (Wed)09:18:12 No.65567621 >Have a very substantial hate for owmen >Can hide it pretty well >Women IRL always tell me i'm a nice and friendly guy >These same women also claim that women have good intuition and can sense ulterior motives in guys I honestly dont understand women. It only makes me hate them more.

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Anon's husband lets himself go | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)21:12:49 No.900526033 >>900526361 >>900527098 >>900527646 >>900528103 >>900528734 >>900529461 >>900529587 >>900530177 >>900530811 >>900530974 >be me >have thin handsome husband >he enjoys cups of tea >no milk >no sugar >he's a barbarian but i love him >make him lots of cups every day when i feel like it >he never asks or pressures me to do it >one day start to worry other women might flirt with him >decide to eliminate that possibility slowly >put small amounts of sugar in each cup >slowly increase the amount overtime >he doesn't notice >thanks me and gives me a kiss each time i slowly infect him with calories >gains lots of fat >realise it's unattractive >decide to divorce him >reason: health concerns, let himself go, bad influence for our children >fast forward 2 years >today at the supermarket i see him >he is thin again >*considering* what do you think guys, does he deserve a second chance with me? Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)21:15:04 No.900526361 >>900526247 >>900526283 >>900526033 If you two get back together, borrow some c-- from the neighbours and put that in his tea instead of the milk and see if he transforms into a flaming f-----, even more so than he would be for getting back together with you.

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Anon’s coworker does not like him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous horse daily sleep ALL IMAGES VIDEOS NEWS MAPS Horse/Daily sleep 2.9 hours Domestic 207 KB JPG 06/06/23(Tue)19:39:21 No.73585503 >female coworker said i "put off intense negative energy" unprompted >literally go out of my way to be a fly on the wall and not be noticed and i'm still being ridiculed by normies for not being part of the pack at 26 years old

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Anon’s deathnote | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Deathnote DEATH NOTE 04/17/22(Sun)15:58:03 No.68259102 >be you >find deathnote >what do? >be me >find deathnote >start by deleting various powerful politicians, just to show the world my 28 KB JPG power is real >hold all government leaders and CEOs hostage >must do what I say or you get deleted >force various countries to enact laws or make amendments that conform to my will >women subservient to men again >stop mass migration >purge degeneracy of all kinds >establish the Siberian Exclusion Zone >all who resist receive a one way ticket to Siberia >use Siberian gulag chattel to produce raw materials for NEETS, like tendies and videogames >NEET underclass inherits the world Anonymous >>68259102 (OP) >govt drone strikes op 04/17/22(Sun)15:59:29 No.68259114

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Anon gets more than a no | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 347 KB JPG 06/06/23(Tue)22:07:44 No.73584128 >be me >confessed to a girl i had a crush on since forever >always was nice and sweet to me so i thought i had a chance >do it >she starts laughing and asked me if i was serious >still tries to hold myself from being shattered to atoms >still laughing at me and even start to ask me what made me think i would accept >3 of her friends join in, 2 of them start walking and the other pulls the girl i liked away from me >i remained there standing like an idiot while still listening to girls giggling at me I don't know which part shocked me most, being rejected like this or being capable of not ending it.

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UFO real or psyop | /r/Greentext

FBI 06/06/23(Tue)18:31:44 No.429676824 41 KB PNG >aliens exist >we have alien space craft >other nations have their own retrieval programs >we have documented evidence >but you cant see them due to national security >the only thing we will show you is granny black and white video that no one can tell whats actually going on What the f--- is going on?

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Anon discovers the transformative power of Wendy's Baconator | /r/Greentext

File: Screenshot 2023-06-06 at (...).png (1.27 MB, 1030x812) Wendy's regular became my lover and then left me Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)15:14:33 No.29087923 >>29087956 >>29088154 how do I get her back? >be me >work at Wendy's >regular named Mark comes in on most weekdays at lunch wearing a red shirt and jeans and orders the same thing, been making this for years. >curry bean burger, plain baked potato, medium Fanta >no one and I mean NO ONE else orders the curry bean burger >we are friends now. He calls me "my man" and asks me how my day is going all the time. I give him his food and call him "my man" >2 months ago, he comes in, and we are out of stock on the curry bean burger >I ask if he would like a baconator instead and offer it to him for free. Tell him it's my favorite thing on the menu >he accepts and tells me it's the first non-vegetarian thing he's eaten in 10 years, but he will do it for me >woman the same height as Mark comes in the next day, wearing red shirt and jeans. Looks exactly like Mark >orders a baconator, asks me how my day is, calls me "my man" >baconator is ready, about to give it to fe-Mark, f--- what do I say when I give it to her? >"my woman, here is your burger" >fe-Mark thanks me, stares into my eyes lovingly, tells me she is Mary now >get off my shift, see Mary standing in the parking lot waiting for me >Mary asks me on a date, I accept >we get along, move in together, Mary explains how eating the baconator changed her perspective on everything, made her want to change everything >we are getting engaged >come home from work and Mary is gone. Note on the counter says she went back to eating curry bean burgers >"thanks for everything, my man"- signed, "Mark" MARY PLEASE COME HOME

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Anon asks how based a dog can be | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)16:53:23 No.73583976 20230606_164819.jpg 287 KB JPG >Some n----- breaks into home in Georgia >Gets maul to death by 2 shitbulls. >Owner comes home to find stupid jig dead on his floor. >Dogs and owner aren't punished by the powers that be. Based and redpilled shitbulls? : Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)16:55:58 No.73584007 >>73583976 (OP) # based but shitbulls still cringe

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Anon is Pipe Boy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)07:50:47 No.186023970 >>186024027 >>186025324>>186025524 >>186025945 >>186027154 I've been in a situation quite similar to this as the "host". >be overgrown, gullible teenager that has just moved to a s----- little house in the suburbs >in my weed phase and smoke everyday by myself >out walking during a summer night >meet a dude who is dancing by a bus stop and start chatting >seems nice, very intelligent and open to whatever life has to offer >one thing leads to another and I invite him to my home to smoke some more >we get home and vape >sitting at my kitchen table just shooting s--- and sharing whatever >all is fine but he starts getting a bit weird, insinuating sexual stuff and energy changes completely >i try to just laugh it off and play it cool, saying i'm flattered but ain't gay >he keeps pushing and at one point he looks me square in the eyes and says "If I want to, I will... and I wanna.." >then he gives me this f------ disgusting, deviant grin >l instinctively jump away from the table, rush to my door where there's a basket with umbrellas, random sticks and a heavy copper pipe >grab pipe, open my door and scream at him to get out >he just f------ sits there still grinning >i repeat "GET THE F--- OUT OR I'M GONNA F------ BEAT YOU" >he sighs, nods while putting his hands up in the air, slams them on the table and says "Fine..", chuckles and stands up >i'm still holding the pipe and back away from him as he walks towards the door >walk out, but right after he passes the threshold and I approach to close the door, he turns and says "Good thing you had that lil' pipe there, boy... *sizes me up* See ya around.. Pipe Boy" >slam the door on him >look through my window at him walking away >he turns, looks at me and blows me a kiss >I shout "F--- OFF, F--" and shake my pipe menacingly >he gives a high-pitched laugh and jogs off with his hands raised, then resumes walking a normal pace, turns a corner >never see him again I still have that copper pipe (I call it Copper) as a reminder not to be moronically naive and as a means for protection.

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Gigabased Grandpa makes the most out of his last years. | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Is my grandpa retarded or based? : An Is my grandpa retarded or base(...) 381 KB PNG Settings Mobile Home 06/06/23(Tue)14:03:39 No.73579307 > be me > got a granddad who's approaching 80 > was visiting his house last week after uni as he lives close > grandpa type of guy who smokes cigarettes indoors > I enter his house > entire place smelled not of cigarettes but of g---- > not even trying to hide it > walk into the living room > see him in his big fat recliner > smoking a fat one > watching the news > just living his best life > "Hey Anon! How was school?" > asks if I want to try > surprisingly good weed > eventually I asked him why he's just casually doing drugs > he says something among the lines of: > I'm gonna die in like 2 or so years anyway so might as well > fair enough > apparently he's been at it for a solid month or so > apparently he is also planning to try stronger stuff later on > I go to his kitchen to grab a glass bottle of soda > decide to peek into his medicine cabinet out of curiosity > apart from his regular medication and a bag of weed dude's sitting on a few tabs of acid, small bag of powder, colourful pills, less colourful pills, and some sort of crystals (MDMA maybe?) > return home later that night > scolded by parents for smelling like skunk weed > you should stop hanging out with your friend Martin he's no good for you blah blah blah > they don't know > will defo visit based grandpa this week as well, might even bring pizza The part that puzzles me the most is that I have no idea of how he managed to get ahold of all this s---. Like I barely know any dealers, and I strongly doubt he's sitting on dark web marketplaces ordering with with bitcoin and stuff.

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You just answered your question anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous why cant i find gf? 704 KB PNG 05/13/23(Sat)12:26:41 No.73299526 i dont know why i cant find a gf. i shuck oysters for a living, making 13 dollars an hour at a hotel restaurant. i am an alcoholic and a drug addict. i am 100 pounds overweight. my d--- is almost a micro penis. my favorite movie is taxi driver. i should be a catch, right

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Anon is one of us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Everything in this world is a (...) 06/06/23(Tue)16:11:23 No.900511066 img.png 9 KB PNG >bored of games >decide to browse 4chan >see a funny greentext >steal it and post it on my reddit >karma galore How does it feel to be part of my game /b/?

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