Anon is Pipe Boy | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)07:50:47 No.186023970 >>186024027 >>186025324>>186025524 >>186025945 >>186027154 I've been in a situation quite similar to this as the "host". >be overgrown, gullible teenager that has just moved to a s----- little house in the suburbs >in my weed phase and smoke everyday by myself >out walking during a summer night >meet a dude who is dancing by a bus stop and start chatting >seems nice, very intelligent and open to whatever life has to offer >one thing leads to another and I invite him to my home to smoke some more >we get home and vape >sitting at my kitchen table just shooting s--- and sharing whatever >all is fine but he starts getting a bit weird, insinuating sexual stuff and energy changes completely >i try to just laugh it off and play it cool, saying i'm flattered but ain't gay >he keeps pushing and at one point he looks me square in the eyes and says "If I want to, I will... and I wanna.." >then he gives me this f------ disgusting, deviant grin >l instinctively jump away from the table, rush to my door where there's a basket with umbrellas, random sticks and a heavy copper pipe >grab pipe, open my door and scream at him to get out >he just f------ sits there still grinning >i repeat "GET THE F--- OUT OR I'M GONNA F------ BEAT YOU" >he sighs, nods while putting his hands up in the air, slams them on the table and says "Fine..", chuckles and stands up >i'm still holding the pipe and back away from him as he walks towards the door >walk out, but right after he passes the threshold and I approach to close the door, he turns and says "Good thing you had that lil' pipe there, boy... *sizes me up* See ya around.. Pipe Boy" >slam the door on him >look through my window at him walking away >he turns, looks at me and blows me a kiss >I shout "F--- OFF, F--" and shake my pipe menacingly >he gives a high-pitched laugh and jogs off with his hands raised, then resumes walking a normal pace, turns a corner >never see him again I still have that copper pipe (I call it Copper) as a reminder not to be moronically naive and as a means for protection.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Gigabased Grandpa makes the most out of his last years. | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Is my grandpa retarded or based? : An Is my grandpa retarded or base(...) 381 KB PNG Settings Mobile Home 06/06/23(Tue)14:03:39 No.73579307 > be me > got a granddad who's approaching 80 > was visiting his house last week after uni as he lives close > grandpa type of guy who smokes cigarettes indoors > I enter his house > entire place smelled not of cigarettes but of g---- > not even trying to hide it > walk into the living room > see him in his big fat recliner > smoking a fat one > watching the news > just living his best life > "Hey Anon! How was school?" > asks if I want to try > surprisingly good weed > eventually I asked him why he's just casually doing drugs > he says something among the lines of: > I'm gonna die in like 2 or so years anyway so might as well > fair enough > apparently he's been at it for a solid month or so > apparently he is also planning to try stronger stuff later on > I go to his kitchen to grab a glass bottle of soda > decide to peek into his medicine cabinet out of curiosity > apart from his regular medication and a bag of weed dude's sitting on a few tabs of acid, small bag of powder, colourful pills, less colourful pills, and some sort of crystals (MDMA maybe?) > return home later that night > scolded by parents for smelling like skunk weed > you should stop hanging out with your friend Martin he's no good for you blah blah blah > they don't know > will defo visit based grandpa this week as well, might even bring pizza The part that puzzles me the most is that I have no idea of how he managed to get ahold of all this s---. Like I barely know any dealers, and I strongly doubt he's sitting on dark web marketplaces ordering with with bitcoin and stuff.

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You just answered your question anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous why cant i find gf? 704 KB PNG 05/13/23(Sat)12:26:41 No.73299526 i dont know why i cant find a gf. i shuck oysters for a living, making 13 dollars an hour at a hotel restaurant. i am an alcoholic and a drug addict. i am 100 pounds overweight. my d--- is almost a micro penis. my favorite movie is taxi driver. i should be a catch, right

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Anon is one of us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Everything in this world is a (...) 06/06/23(Tue)16:11:23 No.900511066 img.png 9 KB PNG >bored of games >decide to browse 4chan >see a funny greentext >steal it and post it on my reddit >karma galore How does it feel to be part of my game /b/?

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Anon is Chinese | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 6vAEaMyU HERE 06/06/23(Tue)21:07:47 No.429618980 >>429617966 (OP) # >wake up >be Chinese >turn on Glorious Republic's local news >that girl I liked was eaten by an 1.39 MB WEBM escalator yesterday >eat my breakfast rat and head for work >train I was on derailed, killing 12,000 >crawl from wreckage and make it to factory >I was 0.3 minutes late >my social credit score has been lowered, will receive visit from my local beating police tonight >start day printing bootleg Ben 10 merchandise stolen from stupid white pigs on the internet >3 dozen co-workers died horribly, including my neighbors in s----- cramped apartment >days over, head home >2 semis with tankers of gas tipped over, destroying the highway and killing 1,456 >kick unsupervised toddler >finally make it home after stepping over a corpse in front of my apartment >eat the rest of that cat I fried for dinner last night >hop on the internet to the incredibly narrow list of government-approved websites >defend China as the greatest country on Earth

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Anon gets his hair cut | /r/Greentext

file.png (318 KB, 1920x1210) google yandex iqdb wait BARBER SHOP Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)11:14:01 No.73580735 >Always go to the same lady at the barber shop, let's call her "Alice" >Alice is always extremely nice to me, she is actually someone I look forward to meeting, which I can't say for the majority of people I interact with >She always seems genuinely interested in what I have to say and small talk is easy with her when she's cutting my hair, rather than awkward like it is with everyone else >I keep my hair really short, so I go every two weeks or so and it only costs me 15 bucks >Always tip her 5 bucks, which I though was good because it's 33% >Today, I got my hair cut, everything was great as always, except when it was done and I went to hand her the tip, she gives me this weird look and says "Anon, am I doing something wrong?" >I am taken aback and don't know what to say. Just stare at her with probably a stupid look on my face and still holding out my 5 dollar bill >She takes the bill and says "It's always just this, huh?" >I feel shocked when I realize she's saying I'm not a good tipper, I instantly pull out another 5 dollar bill and hand it over, saying "I'm so sorry" >She takes that too and smiles brightly at me, a gleaming smile that makes me feel a little dizzy >She says "Thanks! See you next time!" >Go to the front desk to pay for the cut itself, don't even hear what that cashier is saying as she swipes my card because I'm so confused by what just happened >Walk out the door, feeling a little nauseous Is 66% tip normal if it's a girl who always cuts your hair and is nice to you?

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Anon crafts an exquisite sandwich. | /r/Greentext

File: 1391575644227.jpg-(13 KB, 332x152, lolsubway.jpg) SUBWAY eat fresh: Anonymous 02/04/14(Tue)23:47:24 UTC-5 No.530855814 Gimme some awesome subs Anonymous 02/04/14(Tue)23:50:39 UTC-5 No.530856360 >cold cut >no bread >no cheese >toasted (double toasted thankyou very much) >all veggies >extra sub sauce >a fly just landed on it, throw it out, i'm not hungry anymore Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)00:02:10 UTC-5 No.530858462 >Ask for the hearty italian >When he asks you what you want on it, start at him blankly >Deny all offered toppings and condiments >Get it toasted, no cheese >Ask for a discount due to the lack of toppings >Claim that you know the manager personally >Ask them to put it on 3 on the microwave, claim that you order this regularly in other stores >Bread will be almost burnt, and red hot to the touch >Right before this abomination gets sold, request oil >F------. Smother. It. >Place heavily oiled "hearty" Italian abortion under the drink refills >Drown it with Fanta until someone stops you >Never return

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Yeah how about we don't do that to people | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 123 KB JPG 05/04/23(Thu)16:18:02 No.30818104 >doctor refuses to prescribe me a mammogram even though I have a lump in my chest unless i can prove I was born female as they dont do mammograms on males at this hospital What the f--- is wrong with america Anonymous 05/04/23(Thu)16:26:45 No.30818245 nocap I had a similar thing happen to me, I had a UTI and one place said "umm we only treat those for women" and I had to go to another place where I told them very clearly that I was pissing blood and in pain and definitely had a UTI, they told me "you probably have an STD, men rarely get those" (on questionaire I told them I don't engage in sexual activity) but did tests and said yes, I did have a UTI 05/04/23(Thu)16:28:26 No.30818263 Anonymous >>30818104 (OP) # most physicians are helplessly obedient to their doctrines, regardless of the reality infront of them. the others tend to be malicious. : Anonymous 05/04/23(Thu)16:29:02 No.30818271 atleast you getting validation in the fact that the healthcare system doesn't take women seriously at all ever

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Anon gets dating advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)15:31:15 No.900509422 FvUAIrcXsAAOXHL.jpg 23 KB JPG >be me. >texting girl. >no idea how to talk to girls >she is venting to me about her being jealous about her friend. >have no idea how to respond. >she notices and is getting silently annoyed. >idea.jpg >start using chatgpt to respond. >mfw it works. Even an Al is better at talking to girls then me.

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Anon is based and gun-pilled | /r/Greentext

No. 45999125 2 days ago >>45999051 Something similar has happened to me a few times >At friends apartment at college. Just bought my first pistol from a gun show (I was 18) >Drinking with friends >Show them my new Jericho >Try to manually decock >Thumb slips on hammer, ND into celling >Upstairs neighbors too high and drunk (underage and illegal drugs) to call the police. Second time >At range >Showing friend pistol >Think gun is unloaded >Point at ground show him how to wrack and pull the trigger. >Forgot loaded mag in >Shoot between his feet Third time >At parents house. >Just bought a sig from a guy >Get home >Try swapping slides with another sig I had >Forgot the other sig slide was chambered. >Pull trigger >Shoot parents wall Fourth time >At my new house >Playing with a friend's 5.56 AK >Release bolt Slam fires round into ground Fith time >Showing a friend how to use it >No idea how but a round got chambered >Show him how the trigger works, >Pull trigger >Shoots round into floor in the same place as before Sixth time >Thought maybe the house was haunted >Grab a sig >Physically clear it, (racked the slide 3 times) with no magazine in > pull trigger at the same hole >Round goes off Seventh time >Friend brings over a used Glock wants me to look over it >I grab it and pull the trigger without clearing it >Didn't even realize the thing was loaded. Eighth time >Friend brings over his transferable Mac 10 >I had no idea how open bolt guns worked. >He's showing it off to me >I put a loaded mag it and decided to try and release the bolt (1 thought it shot from a closed bolt) >Pulled the trigger for some reason >Shot 3 rounds into my wall ... Overall you shouldn't feel too bad about NDs. It's part of owning guns, and you should get used to them. 15 replies

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Anon has a message for you all | /r/Greentext

#1, No. 73578428 6/6/23 2:56:03 AM a_ov_Pepe_160928 JPG 1920x1080 117.0 kB >be greentext >random redditor is now seeing this >he likes what he sees >he just screenshoted it >he heads over to the r/greentext tab to post it >will either get 7 or 11k upvotes >redditfags are now viewing this wassup redditfags

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anon has questions | /r/Greentext

NHQ-{BADCY} 06/06/23(Tue)01:13:31 No.900493857 >>900492103 (OP) # Hwy you make of post with city name of Country of Ner? Are you Preškan officer or forgeong/foreign otherwise nationa I itry? Why you makr of thread? >>900493926 # >>900494198 # : Anonymous >>900493857 # 06/06/23(Tue)01:15:26 No.900493926 1686028504485.png 14 KB PNG

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Haunted house | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous How do I free myself from the (...) 04/17/23 (Mon)19:00:58 No.72995182 55 KB PNG >add a girl I'm romantically interested in >talk to her for a few days, she's cool, we seem to get along, everything seems to be going okay >say something I feel is kind of cringeworthy and/or she just doesn't respond for a bit (likely for completely ordinary reasons) >start feeling a little anxious and insecure >log out so I don't have to feel the pressure and disappointment of repeatedly checking for new messages and not seeing anything (and I don't want to seem clingy and double-send, or something) >stay off the rest of the day >feel bad for doing that and don't immediately log on the next morning >plan to log on later that day but still feel too much anxiety to log on and then it's night time and I know she'd be off anyway >then it repeats the next day and I feel like I don't have a justifiable explanation for why I was off the previous day >then another day passes and I feel even more pressure like I can't reasonably explain why I've been avoiding her >then a few days pass and by then I feel like I can't possibly show my face again and apologize >then a week passes >then a month later I'm still off and a year later I'm still off and I've basically ghosted her even though it wasn't my initial intention

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