Anon does a microscopical amount of cellular tomfoolery | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 430 KB JPG 06/05/23 (Mon)18:35:40 No.900462245 >be me >macrophage >virgin virus thinks I'm a regular cell >be invaded >trololol.jpg >mfw I trapped him and warned the other cells >good ol' bait and switch always works

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon use reddit | /r/Greentext

129 KB JPG >be Redditor >just finished leaving a wholesome award on a post about someone committing suicide (I'm pretty much a comedian) >see the funniest dank meme ever >chuckle in between bites of Cheetos, careful not to choke >go to comments to say "finally a good post on <sub> for the 1,000th time >notice someone used an emoji >start huffing and puffing >realize this person has NO respect for the rules of the internet >it's my duty as (unofficial) moderator of the sub to report and downvote >downvote, tell the person to kill themself and dox them >chug a bottle of Mountain Dew as I watch the downvotes come in >smile because I know I'm superior for not using emojis >think about all of the mad p---- I'm gonna get for being the emoji police >c-- >continue to browse >repeat

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Anon imagines timeline without ESG | /r/Greentext

1h (6/42023). 185924705 41 Re-18 Img JPG 52KB (710 x 500) IMG_2141.jpg 6 Replies ging myCast THE GOUTER S F--- Disney We live in a world where Mackenzie Foy exists but is not cast as Snow White because she's too white and beautiful 1h (6/4 2023) 185924738 >>185924705 (OP) The thought of what Disney would be if Hollywood didn't hate White people troubles my sleep

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Anon is a sleepcel seething over a birdchad | /r/Greentext

AI T #1, No. 73565963 6/4/23 10:58:52 PM sad looie PNG 790x624 813.7 kB >be me >just got back from vacation >work tomorrow Monaday morning >exhausted >go to sleep >bird singing wakes me up >birds normally start singing between 4 and 6 in the morning >OH S--- AMI LATE >DID I OVER SLEEP? >look at clock >not even midnight >bird is singing at incorrect time I panicked over a bird having autism >want to shoot bird from tree >can't because I live in suburbs #2, No. 73566142 6/4/23 11:28:31 PM tumblr_pjfyw0YeD21 ujlc7oo1_1280 PNG 1224x1632 2.6 MB >be me >be bird >nervous about singing ability because autism >practice at midnight when everybody's asleep to conquer shyness >schizo human yells at me for waking him up I just wanted to practice my singing for the ladies >s--- on his car tomorrow as a surprise before work

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Anon made it | /r/Greentext

>be an autistic incel >start visiting prostitutes >after the tenth or so visit I have become completely comfortable being around women, flirting with them and being touched by them (which used to freak me out) >end up finding a gf Why are prostitutes bad again?

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Anon misses the early 2000s | /r/Greentext

File: Owen-Wilson-Reveals-What-(...).jpg (2.98 MB, 1659x2000) □ Anonymous 06/05/23(Mon)08:44:07 No.185973798 [Reply] ► >watching 2000s comedy >broke slacker character constantly sleeps with beautiful women I miss this archetype

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Anon´s name is Sh*niqua | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/03/23(Sat)20:10:24 No.73551532 ✓ >>73551541 >>73551619 >>73551653 >>73551707 >>73551826 >>73552061 >>73552289 1 8 >>73551521 (OP) i'm not telling you my name, f-----. lol but it is a good name. probably the best name too. i should start asking people to guess my name, because i don't think i look like my name, thoughever 8 Anonymous 06/03/23(Sat)20:11:48 No.73551541 >>73551576 >>73551849 >>73551532 Shut up, Shaniqua. Anonymous Anonymous 06/03/23(Sat)20:18:56 No.73551619 ✓ >>73551626 >>73551849 Anonymous 8 Anonymous 06/03/23(Sat)20:22:24 No.73551653 ✓ >>73551666 >>73551849 >>73551532 Nobody f------ cares shaniqua >>73551532 kill yourself shaniqua we're sick to death of you Anonymous Anonymous 06/03/23(Sat)20:29:13 No.73551707 >>73551532 Lol is your name really shaniqua? That is so god damn ugly. You are so f------ ugly >73551820 >>73551849 Anonymous Anonymous 06/03/23(Sat)20:44:35 No.73551826 >>73551849 >>73551532 ooooh, I wanna guess your name. Is it Shaniqua?

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Anon feels a watery sensation up his butt | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)18:41:17 No. 182809413 [Reply] ► >>182811226 >>182810733 >installed a toilet bidet >hooks up straight to the pipeage >drop my pants >test it out even though i dont need to poo >try out first level >"hmm ok" >turn the pressure up by one >"hey this is pretty good" >switch it to max setting >penetrates my a------ >watery s--- comes out for the next 10 seconds non stop >am still butt hurt two hours after >can feel my a------ not puckering >feel like i could s--- myself even at the slightest of farts w-- /int/ told me these things were good for you? Showing all replies

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Anon has a unhealthy relationship with alcohol | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous What is your relationship with (...) 24 KB JPG 06/05/23 (Mon) 07:39:30 No.73565837 >Be me >Semi-alcoholic >Contract a stomach flu (viral gastroenteritis) >Diarrhea, cramps, headache and light headedness >Decide to get drunk on beer anyway >Start drinking at normal pace >Have to poop real bad >Poop out liquid poop >Discover my body is expelling liquid from binge drinking beer through diarrhea instead of urinating a lot like normal >A------ become irritated from pooping and wiping like 10 times I'm thinking this isn't a healthy relationship.

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Anon is confused | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 100 KB PNG >Kiss her. >She aggressively pulls me in and kisses me, we make out for about a minute. >She sits there in silence. >Says "That was really unpleasant, can you just take me home?" >Fall for a girl. >Go on a date with her. Dude what the f---? : Anonymous 09/24/21 (Fri)08:25:37 No.863709057 >Drink a six pack, sitting on my car. >She takes off her glasses and tells me to kiss her. 5 Replies / 2 Images 9 KB PNG View Thread 09/24/21(Fri)08:44:37 No.863709798 >>863709057 (OP) #

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Anon,is it really your fault? | /r/Greentext

File: SoyjakPointing.png (82 KB, 760x792) Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)07:47:26 No.73555447 >>73555450 >>73555475 >>73555513 >>73555599 >>73555795 >>73555854 >>73555931 >>73556092 >>73556227 >>73556318 >>73556694 >>73557064 >>73557829 >Everything wrong with your life is YOUR FAULT!!! True or false? >> Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)07:48:18 No.73555450▶ >>73556168 >>73556613 >>73555447 (OP) True. We can choose how to react to the circumstances we find ourselves in tomado occurred >> Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)07:51:21 No.73555475 ► >>73555447 (OP) You need two to tango. Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)09:28:01 No.73556091 File: 1671447330373779.png (101 KB, 640x640) >walking to work >get rained on >it's my fault that it rained Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)09:39:01 No.73556194 File: 1392867862220.png (10 KB, 500x500) Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)09:44:58 No.73556244 File: 1398239465380.jpg (23 KB, 446x362) >be driving home from work >car in front of me hits a pothole and loses control of vehicle >swerve out of the way but hit the guard rail >it's my fault the pothole was there O Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)09:34:27 No.73556153 File: 753219496.png (20 KB, 638x547) >be watching TV >random tornado comes out of nowhere >wrecks home, leaving it demolished >it's my fault the >be driving >sudden sinkhole >car gets caught in it >it's my fault the sinkhole appeared O Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)09:35:50 No.73556165 File: 1385902817792.png (12 KB, 400x400) >be stargazing >satellite falls from sky >it hits my home and kills entire family >it is my fault the satellite fell from the sky formed Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)09:42:56 No.73556223 File: 1398233503906.jpg (6 KB, 250x197) >be sitting him >sudden lightning storm develops without waming >lightning bolt hits the house and sets it on fire >it's all my fault the storm FU Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)09:41:14 No.73556215 >be sitting on my day off from work >undiscovered meteor lands in the middle of the ocean >creates a tsunami that will swallow most of the coast >it's my fault the meteor hit the planey Anonymous 06/04/23(Sun)12:48:34 No.73558243 File: 31ruA1PYZ9L.jpg (15 KB, 368x500) >Be minding business at home on March 30,2017. >Basically has no idea about Club Penguin. >Club Penguin is kill. >It's my fault that Club Penguin shut down.

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Femanon has a Reddit moderator boyfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 1.08 MB PNG 06/05/23 (Mon)10:44:14 No.73566850 > be me > femanon living with a neckbeard bf > my bf wont ever leave the house > never wants to be public with me > sits all day on his computer > Ask him whats so important > Im working all day long give me break femanon > he is a Reddit moderator and calls it work > we are currently running out of money and this has a toll on my mental health > I write my feelings down and send it to him, maybe he will understand. > left on read Am I cursed? It has gone 4 hours since he left me on read.

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Anon seems to have morals?.. | /r/Greentext

>17 year old little sister and her cute friend are having a weekend long sleepover >Little sister gone out to buy some stuff, her friend's sleeping >I could easily r--- her friend at any moment but I'm not it's so hard bros why am i such a moralfag 139 KB JPG : Anonymous >parents out for a week on vacation 90 KB JPG 06/10/19(Mon)21:55:24 No.52849926 >>52849891 (OP) # why don't you just try flirting instead

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