Anon wants to f--- his turtle | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: 1648955740175271tm1648955(...).jpg (69 KB, 949x842) O Feels Thread Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)09:19:31 No.72456857 >>72456920 >>72457246 >>72458118 >Tfw your pet turtle will never become an anime girl >Tfw she will never thank you for taking care of her and feeding her >Tfw she will never cuddle with you >Tfw she will never go to school >Tfw people will never,istake her shell for a backpack >> Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)09:28:50 No.72456920 >>72456857 (OP) Please don't f--- your turtle anon □ Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)10:09:36 No.72457246 >>72456857 (OP) That's Tank and this is a Barney thread.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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NOOOO! my ARMy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous DLLdFm2C 4 hours ago 1677945516943822.gif (353.9 KB, 500x491) 17168829 > be ARM > invented in 1985 > used only in one line of computers computer built by Acorn > they sold poorly but were amazing computers > spends the next 34 years in mobile devices and microcontrollers > nobody cared > apple decides to use ARM > apple creates nothing revolutionary or amazing > itoddler child molesters convince themselves that the "entire industry" will move to ARM > ~3 years later.. absolutely f------ nothing happened > industry had a laugh and continued on making machines with CPUs that aren't f------ s--- as ARM > apple still can't get more than 20% market share after existing as a company since the mid 1970s amazing progress, itoddlers. maybe by 2050 you'll have 30%? my sides.

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Anon's girlfriend thinks fumos are cringe | /r/Greentext

04/29/21(Thu)00:57:22 No.34494857 My girlfriend called my fumos "hentai stuffed animals". When I tried to explain that Touhou isn't a hentai and explain that Reisen isn't a normal rabbit, she is a moon rabbit who deserted the Lunar Defense Corps during the war of 1969 she didn't even care and said that was cringe. Should I kill myself? 1.12 MB JPG Anonymous >>34494862 # >>34494936 # >>34495099 # >>34495147 # >>34495279 # >>34495592 # >>34498263 # >>34507304 # >>34511682 # >>34527612 #

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anon hacks the system | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 232 KB JPG 03/05/23(Sun)19:59:45 No.72456927 > inherit fair amount of cash > buy s----- house which has been converted into 5 small flats > live in one, rent others out > free money for life, property is still entirely mine, get paid for doing nothing > choose tenants carefully > 18-23yo females, crappy jobs, no money, always broke > don't tell them i own the place, pretend i pay rent too, tell them i'm a graphic artist... never made a penny from it in reality > every month they freak out about not having enough to pay their mystery landbaron > i occasionally come to the rescue, offer to pay part/all of their rent that month, as long as i get it back > immediately get given it back without them knowing it, then double when they repay > hero > no longer undersexed Is it true love, /r9k/?

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Does anyone have the story of anon going on autopilot for a week after taking some drugs/medication? At the end he said that he was a crane operator or something similar | /r/Greentext

File: gettyimages-1133279591.jpg (284 KB, 1600x1067) 03/03/23 (Fri) 20:42:33 No.178661609>>178661988 >>178662195 >>178662219 >>178662344 Anonymous >Be tiny French town in the 1980s >Garfield phones wash up on the shore >No one knows where they're from >35 years pass, Garfield phones constantly wash ashore >Finally locate a shipping container on the bottom of the ocean that's wedged between rocks and is leaking Garfield phones >Government says it's cheaper to let the phones wash ashore and remove them than to remove the crate >Town just has to deal with Garfield phones for the foreseeable future Anonymous 03/03/23 (Fri) 20:57:36 No.178661988 ► >>178666095 >>178661609 (OP) # I hate Monays

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Anon likes fat girls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)22:19:00 No.66508853 48 KB JPG >be me >23 >never had a gf before >decide to put into plan a basic idea I had years ago >only go after fat girls >spend a lot of time looking at very good looking women online who used to be fat >can now tell easily whether a fat woman would be very attractive if she lost the weight >fat girls are easier to date, they're most of my tinder matches, they're the ones who react the most positively to cold approaching >find a literal 10/10 a---- goddess but she's tall and fat, looks like s--- but you can tell there's potential under all that fat >ask her out and she says yes, very enthusiastic about it, have very pleasant date >lose my virginity to her, she was also a virgin (something i found to be very common among fat girls compared to other girls) >talk her into starting to go to the gym with me, first phase >then talk her into changing her diet, second phase >in a few months she loses most of the weight >now i have an extremely loyal and loving 10/10 gf who I'm probably going to marry >mfw i beat the game Tbf my stats aren't that bad and I'm definitely not Chad material.

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Anon drives home from work | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 63 KB JPG 03/05/23(Sun)20:38:48 No.72459486 >be me, driving home from work late at night >need to fart >turns out its not a fart, its nasty ass diarrhea >oh well, ill be home soon >get pulled off by police like 30 secs later >cop tells me to roll down my car window >instantly gets hit with the smell of liquid s--- >asks w-- is that smell, i tell him the truth - i s--- myself > he looks at me with a disgusted look on his face, tells me to go >oh well, ill be home soon and at least its pretty late >park in front of apartment, 4 neighbors are sitting on the porch for whatever goddamn reason >they act like they didnt notice but i know they did >run home asap to clean my s--- ridden jeans Im pretty sure the whole building knows i s--- myself, everyone is acting strange and awkward when they see me. Also, i still have diarrhea

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anon is a femanon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)22:57:48 No.72458636 346780822072211.png 1.85 MB PNG >be me >femanon >fembot >cisgender female >vagina between my legs >bleed once a month out of my uterus >did i mention i was assigned female at birth >did i mention i was a girl >wheres my 300 reply thread : Anonymous >>72458636 (OP) # here's your first (You) 03/05/23(Sun)22:58:42 No.72458641

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Fly the Nest | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)07:35:39 No.72456976 What's the most retarded and quirky thing a woman has ever done to you? >be me 17 >ex-gf with big boobs just turned 18 (severally autistic and carried a bunch of ex-boyfriend baggage) >we were having casual sex >starts making jokes about how she's a p-------- now >starts doing mommy roleplay and calling me her 366 KB JPG son >one day at school I tell her to cool it with the p--- jokes >she tries to kill herself by overdosing on her antidepressants the same day >tries to blame her attempt on me because I didn't love her enough >break up with her later on

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Hired help | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 71 KB JPG 03/05/23(Sun)10:17:07 No.72458509 >be me, 26, no gf, no friends, started living on my own 5 months ago >started visiting a brothel 4 months ago after I reached a mental low point since being alone in an empty apartment really confronted me with my social situation >frequenting the brothel made fear about sex and women fade for the most part >used to last 30 sec to barely a minute fapping, now last 10 minutes easily as p--- stopped being exciting >getting all the cuddles and kisses Ive craved for so long >still not great at sex but slowly making little improvements, which the hookers remark to me >met a new qt chubbo arab h----- last week, super chill and honest girl >visited her again yesterday >it clicks so well between us we went 15 minutes overtime "on the house" >feeling less lonely, more confident, more masculine, less bored, g----------- every 2 weeks also works as a good reminder for grooming and haircuts >tfw visiting hookers actually has a positive influence on my life Any robot should give it a shot.

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Anon's sister is a big fan | /r/Greentext

This thread just reminded me >family Christmas party circa 2014-15 >sister's husband and kids head home early while she stays to drink and chat with some cousins >sometime close to midnight, she's very drunk and asks for a ride to her house >offer to drop her off on my way back to my apt >wasn't as drunk but really should not have been driving >she's yammering and jabbering drunkenly the whole way >say something like "damn [sister] you're drunk as a skunk right now!" >she suddenly confides in me that she had the biggest crush on Pepe Le Pew when she was younger and would wish constantly that he would chase her around and smooch her >start laughing >we're both laughing now >joke that she should try lying back and imagining her husband is Pepe Le Pew next time they do it (kind of a gross quip but again, I was drunk) >she meekly admits she actually does sometimes >quickly change the subject for a bit before getting to her house and dropping her off >my f------ face the whole way home I think (hope) she was too drunk to remember that because it's never come up again at any point since. Berry, if you're in this thread, yeah I admit I am still kind of embarrassed for you.

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Anon is a racist trumpy | /r/Greentext

File: Engineerava.jpg (20 KB, 146x146) Anonymous 01/04/16(Mon)01:46:55 No.661277454 ITT: Best online gaming experiences >Playing TF2 >Set my name to President Donald Trump >Join red team >Start talking to the guys on my team >Start saying we need to build a wall to keep the terrorists out >Entire team becomes engineers >We fortify the everloving s--- out of our intel room with sentry guns and dispensers >Entire game I was the top player on my team >Vote kicked a kid on our team who said he was Mexican

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Anon slipped up | /r/Greentext

: ENTJ H-------- im retarded 42 KB JPG >>72455247 # : Anonymous >>72455190 (OP) # youre prolly a n----- urself so its fine. kys n----- btw : ENTJ >>72455282 # 03/05/23(Sun)20:07:08 No.72455190 I spent all weekend on /r9k and went out in public for the first time to fill up gas and I accidentally called the cashier a n----- : Anonymous 03/05/23(Sun)20:11:56 No.72455232 >>72455232 # Yeah but im also hot so I can pretty much get away with anything >>72455247 # >yeah but I'm hot Shut up n----- 03/05/23(Sun)20:14:15 No.72455247 03/05/23(Sun)20:19:19 No.72455282

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