Anon tries gambling | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: 565F22CA-D53C-4CDB-96E3-7(...).jpg (99 KB, 897x697) Anonymous 02/11/23(Sat)05:49:39 No.894184914 [Reply] >>894190447 >>894190494 >be me >study statistics >find a way to reduce the probability of losing while gambling >still a little risk but decide to try it anyway >go to local casino >win for almost 2 hours >be happy >something with a probability of 0.00013 happens >lost everything I won and hundreds bucks >be sad Don't gamble, do drugs instead at least you can be happy

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon talks about how his stepmom said his dad can't earn money because he's a plumber | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 02/12/23(Sun)00:00:32 No.72183650 >my dad is a plumber >step mom complains he doesn't make any money >step mom works at Dunkin Donuts >step mom makes $300/wk >step mom drives with dent in new car and refuses to fix it for 5 years

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Anon misses the old cereal boxes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ori Sip AN UIC 0% F Sun-Pe OP analogus affections For FROSTED FLAKES CACEAN CONSTIT 8 % PU 281 KB JPG trip to Disney! Now 02/15/23(Wed)11:30:11 No.72236746 2000 >Cereal came with light up spoon >Box covered in fun puzzles >Box-Tops you could redeem at the book fair >Go to our websites for a chance to enter our sweepstakes giveaway for a $50,000 >Open the box and the top is shredded to pieces >Open the bag and it rips down the lengths of the bag, spilling cereal all over the inside of the box >No light up spoon >No Box-Tops >One puzzle, it's a spot-the-differencr >Scan this qr code to play more games! W-- happened?

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Anon plays Valorant. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/23(Wed)21:21:22 No.72237908 >be me >never played Valorant before >finally give in and download the game >ready to become the next big thing in esports 133 KB JPG >load into my first game >running around, feeling like a pro >suddenly, I hear footsteps behind me >turn around to face my enemy >get shot in the head >dead instantly >respawn and try again >hear more footsteps >turn around >get shot in the head again >dead instantly >teammate types in chat: "dude, stop turning your back to the enemy" >me: "what do you mean?" >teammate: "you're literally just showing them your head" >me: "oh" >try to play more cautiously >hear footsteps >start to turn around >remember teammate's advice >try to dodge instead >end up running straight into a wall >get shot in the head >dead instantly >decide to try a different strategy >camp in a corner >hear footsteps approaching >ready to finally get a kill >see enemy's head peek >around the corner >shoot >miss >enemy headshots me >dead instantly >me: "I think I need a break" >abandon game >uninstall >never play Valorant again

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Anon hates small American towns | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)12:13:35 No.894360946 AFE7A3D2-DB42-4085-83DB-F31ECE457025.jpg 95 KB JPG there is nothing worse than being born in a small town >no one around >the same 5 people everywhere >every person is an ass hole >it's all white people white people are the f------ worst >no malls parks or beaches >everyone is obsessed with and f---- dogs >everyone is extremely poor and stupid >everyone is addicted to meth and drunk we could kill everyone in small towns and the world wouldn't even blink. life would improve in every way. : Anonymous >>894360946 (OP) # did get to drop rocks down a p--------'s pants one 02/14/23(Tue)12:17:40 No.894361115 : Anonymous >>894360946 (OP) # >white people are the worst Written by a jew. Ugh! It's ALWAYS a f------ jew! >>894361239 # 02/14/23(Tue)12:20:16 No.894361214 : Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)12:20:54 No.894361239 >>894361214 # you're a retard

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Anon learns new depths of psychology | /r/Greentext

dreamt a valentine thing last night Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)16:52:14 No. 72229461 >studying on the couch in some unfamiliar house >get up to look around and find the bathroom >open the door to see a brunette on her hands and knees, who sees me and says smth like "How much does a gal need to grovel for a few kicks in the ass during these troubled times >w-- but ok you asked >proceed to give three kicks to the area specified >no vocal response till afterward, she says "Damn that was great, here you can take this" >opens her mouth revealing a candy and I awaken I may need a shrink more than I did yesterday.

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Anon is cuckold | /r/Greentext

File: Édouard Manet_-_Le_Suicidé_(ca. 1877)(1).jpg (314 KB, 1280x1043) O/adv/ Anonymous 02/13/23(Mon)21:05:25 No.28342266 [Reply] Am I a loser cuckold? >Be me a 23 yo > get a cute alt gith anime gf > had a 2 year relationship with no problems > good sex average 5.5 inches d--- and she is thick af >we had a stupid fight for a misundestanding and dumped her > I regret a week later and tried to get back with her but she didn't want to she is proud af > we still feel something for each other so we continued being friends > after a 6 month break up she finally decided to come back with me > we talked about the dates we had during the break up > I told her I just dated 3 girls and nothing happened not even a kiss >then she told me embarrased that she dated 6 different guys and she f----- all the 6 guys >I tried to be calm but I just asked her how was the sex with the guys >she told me that 5 of thode guys were normal in terms of sex average d--- between 5 and 6 inches like me but she told me I f----- better than them > but then she told me about one of the guys she f-----, she told me he had an 7.5-8 inches d--- >but she told me she f----- the worst and came fast >I became obsessed with that guy, she told me that they met in an anime group and that he was a big nerd and that that was the second time he f----- on his life > but now I feel inferior about that big d--- that f----- my gf

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Anon needs a workout schedule! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:57:40 No.737628777 >be me. 5'11" 260 pounds. Yes I'm fat. >my life consists of cleaning out the trashcans and wiping s--- off of hospital floors >know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks 61 KB PNG now. >he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently >"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that f------ weight so you don't die a fat slob" >he died today I don't know how to feel Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:59:10 No.737628906 Lose the weight fgt

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Anon celebrates Chinese New Year. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/23(Wed)17:49:28 No.72236423 >be me, a foreigner in China 5## >Chinese Lunar New Year was coming up >excited to experience the 7 KB JPG festivities and cultural traditions >get invited to a friend's family dinner on New Year's Eve >arrive at their house and they're already feasting on a huge spread of food >join in and start filling up my plate with dumplings, noodles, and other delicious dishes >feel a sudden rumble in my stomach >oh no, not now >rush to the bathroom and unleash the biggest fart of my life >it echoes throughout the house >can hear my friend's grandma shouting >"Aiya! What is that smell?!" >try to play it cool and pretend it wasn't me >come back to the dinner table and everyone is giving me weird looks >suddenly, my friend's little cousin asks me "Do you know what year it is?" >confused, I reply "No, what year is it?" >he grins and says "The year of the fart dragon!" >the entire table erupts in laughter >spend the rest of the night being teased about my flatulence >well, at least I made everyone's Chinese Lunar New Year a little more memorable

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Anon frequents r/wsb | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)16:27:12 No.894369188 >>894367950 (OP) # >watches mr. robot and sees him use tech to reset the economy >narrative economics book comes out in 2019 890 KB PNG >people post fake company tweets in 2022 wiping billions from their worth (the narrative economics book in action) >chatgpt comes out and can generate text en masse >>894369244 # and there you have it folks

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Anon is loved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 97 KB JPG 02/15/23(Wed)18:56:28 No.72235663 >be me, a lonely anon on Valentine's Day >decide to treat myself to a fancy dinner at home >get dressed up and light some candles >pull out my best bottle of wine and pour myself a glass >sit down to eat my steak and lobster dinner >realize halfway through that I forgot to cook the lobster >oh well, I'll just have to order next year >suddenly hear a knock at the door >who could it be on Valentine's Day? >open the door to find a delivery guy with a giant bouquet of flowers >"Are you anon? These are for you." >confused, I take the flowers and read the card >"Roses are red, violets are blue, I didn't forget about you, you big doo-doo head" >mfw my mom sent me flowers for Valentine's Day >at least someone loves me

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Anon provides life advice and comments on religion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>34078614 (OP) # >boohoo Jesus didn't interfere with my free-will to stop me from making mistakes 02/13/23(Mon)14:19:17 No.34079071 Grow up s------. You're the arbiter of your choices. Don't blame Jesus because you're a s------. >>34079106 #

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Anon Pirates Elden Ring | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 20 KB PNG >cmd opens and closes 6 times >error message boxes popping up constantly >screen flickers a couple times >all files get encrypted and ransomware box asking for bitcoin appears >messagebox opens that says "jk lol" >all files get unencrypted and ransomware file deletes itself 02/15/23(Wed)15:00:33 No.91548281 ok >download pirated Elden Ring >run it >game runs >hits main menu of Elden Ring and a messagebox pops up that says "not jk actually" >computer s---- itself and turns off >have been trying to turn my pc back on for 2 hrs Anonymous 02/15/23(Wed)15:02:50 No.91548310 zoomers are the victims of more ransomware and scams than boomers now

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