Anon is loved | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 97 KB JPG 02/15/23(Wed)18:56:28 No.72235663 >be me, a lonely anon on Valentine's Day >decide to treat myself to a fancy dinner at home >get dressed up and light some candles >pull out my best bottle of wine and pour myself a glass >sit down to eat my steak and lobster dinner >realize halfway through that I forgot to cook the lobster >oh well, I'll just have to order next year >suddenly hear a knock at the door >who could it be on Valentine's Day? >open the door to find a delivery guy with a giant bouquet of flowers >"Are you anon? These are for you." >confused, I take the flowers and read the card >"Roses are red, violets are blue, I didn't forget about you, you big doo-doo head" >mfw my mom sent me flowers for Valentine's Day >at least someone loves me

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon provides life advice and comments on religion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>34078614 (OP) # >boohoo Jesus didn't interfere with my free-will to stop me from making mistakes 02/13/23(Mon)14:19:17 No.34079071 Grow up s------. You're the arbiter of your choices. Don't blame Jesus because you're a s------. >>34079106 #

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Anon Pirates Elden Ring | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 20 KB PNG >cmd opens and closes 6 times >error message boxes popping up constantly >screen flickers a couple times >all files get encrypted and ransomware box asking for bitcoin appears >messagebox opens that says "jk lol" >all files get unencrypted and ransomware file deletes itself 02/15/23(Wed)15:00:33 No.91548281 ok >download pirated Elden Ring >run it >game runs >hits main menu of Elden Ring and a messagebox pops up that says "not jk actually" >computer s---- itself and turns off >have been trying to turn my pc back on for 2 hrs Anonymous 02/15/23(Wed)15:02:50 No.91548310 zoomers are the victims of more ransomware and scams than boomers now

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Edit: thank you for the gold, kind stranger uwu | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous REDDIT AWARDS (S Silver Spend 100 Gold Platinum Spend 500 Spend 1.800 75 KB PNG 4 Replies Anonymous >>72234255 # Anonymous Somebody awarded my post with reddit gold. 02/15/23(Wed)12:45:32 No.72234230 Did you edit your post to say thanks for the gold kind stranger 02/15/23(Wed)12:42:42 No.72234201 I'm not sure what to make of this. >>72234230 # I edited it to say: View Thread >>72234411 # >>72234619 # 02/15/23(Wed)12:47:27 No.72234255 Edit: Kill n------. Behead n------. Roundhouse kick a n----- into the concrete. Slam dunk a n----- baby into the trashcan. Crucify filthy blacks. Defecate in a n------ food. Launch n------ into the sun. Stir fry n------ in a wok. Toss n------ into active volcanoes. Urinate into a n------ gas tank. Judo throw n------ into a wood chipper. Twist n------ heads off. Report n------ to the IRS. Karate chop n------ in half. Curb stomp pregnant black n------.

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Anon hates the word "wholesome" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The word "sweet" was killed by(...) PEMAI 02/12/23(Sun)00:25:49 No.72183898 >"thats kind wholesome my dude" One of the greatest crimes against the english language commited by reddit is the fact that people completely dropped the expression "sweet" to refer to anything good, kind, charitable or cute because a bunch of redditors starting to use the word "wholesome" everywhere instead, to the point it completely lost its original meaning and purpose. 63 KB JPG >"dude thats like so wholesome" >"woah dude those kittens are so wholesome" I have seen REAL NORMAL ASS PEOPLE call things wholesome IN REAL LIFE until i REMINDED THEM that the expression "AW THATS SWEET" has existed FOR LITERAL CENTURIES and WAS NOT popular until like 6 OR 7 YEARS AGO. The world "wholesome" has now been accepted as part of spoken language and has been tormenting me ever since i started to seriously becoming acquainted with internet culture like 5 years ago and i swear every time i hear it one of the neurons in my prefrontal cortext straight up f------ dies. Im so sick of this s---, makes me murderously angry.

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Anon agrees with Omni man | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 180580432 26.8 kB JPG He did nothing wrong >completes his duty >raises his son to be strong 3 hr ago ... >protects earth better than an entire team of "heroes" >loving husband despite his inferior wife >sees humanity for what it is and wants to help them be more useful to the galactic community >"but hurr durr he killed some people so he is le bad!!" and? He saved far more 4 REPLIES 8 IMAGES REPLY

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Anon cant shit without his toilet stool. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous So i need one of this to poop 14 KB JPG 02/12/23(Sun)12:56:33 No.72199572 >Be me >Need a toilet stool to s--- >I cant s--- without my toilet stool >Mexican guy comes to repair some pipe s--- on my bathroom >Sees my s------- support thingy >Laughs >Embarrassed.jpg >Forget about it and continue with my day >Urge to s---.xml >Go to the other bathroom >Need my s------- support thingy >Return to my main bathroom >He is still repairing the pipe >Grab my toilet stool >Leave >Hear mexican guy laughing What, why is it so funny, he doesn't knows that it helps me get the correct position to s---.

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Anon give advice | /r/Greentext

File: 194ndzF.jpg (47 KB, 396x385) I turn 20 tomorrow Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu)16:26:59 No.25957 Anything I should know for my 20s that you would like to share? Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu)16:49:31 No.25957818 ► >>25957833 >>25957759 (OP) >Do hard things now before you feel "left behind" in your 30's; take care of your future self >Save as much money as you can and take advantage of compound interest/crypto >DO NOT rush to get married/have children; wait a minimum of 5 years in a relationship >Don't make your job your whole life >Learn patience - work, home, school - multitasking isn't everything, slow down >Friends (and family for that matter) come and go - don't let toxic people ruin your life >Take calculated risks >Have fun but be responsible Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)03:31:54 No.25618366 ► >>25618382 Improve yourself until you become a person that you like being.

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Anon goes on a field trip | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue) 13:29:23 No.894357322 >>894357753 >be me >2nd or 3rd grade >class trip at pilgrim museum, something to do w old america or other >pilgrim guide tells class about traditional dance done in pairs >guide pairs up boys and girls in class >get paired with prettiest girl in class >she makes a disgusted face at me >dance w her reluctantly >she keeps making faces during dance >dance over >idea.png >to get even, i tell her "you disgust me" >go to sit down and listen to pilgrim guide >tap on shoulder >turn around >its the girls mom, she was chaperoning on the trip >"don't you ever talk to my daughter like that ever again, and i mean ever" >ok.jpg why did she suddenly care enough to babble to her mom? stupid wench

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literally (You) tonight | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 128 KB JPG 02/14/23(Tue)18:26:55 No.180583049 >you: the scorpion jacket stays ON during sex >her: whatever, so long as I get my money after this

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Anon saves his virginity | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 39 KB JPG 02/14/23(Tue)17:08:19 No.894365999 >be me, computer science university student 5 years ago >lives in a "relatively free no rule" dorm >everyone there are literature major, except me >im that science guy who hang out outside class time late at night with delinquents >one night, all drunk, these 2 cousin russian literature major chicks invite me to 3 >to me, who everyone knows is a virgin religious weaboo >i thought they were joking >so i respond jokingly with "In the name of Christ, begone lustful demon, for it is written" >waiting for the laugh >the two chick has poker faces, amazedly stared at me >they say i gain their respect >since that day, literally, not a single woman in the literature faculty teases me or jokingly flirt with me >some even consult to me about their love lives, dudes or girls >that time when a joke makes one faculty full of delinquent saw me as a father figure >which makes me single for the rest of my bachelor degree years

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Anon visits a coffee shop | /r/Greentext

IS YOUR BARISTA SECRETLY CONSERVATIVE?!? 4 KB JPG >be me >go to coffee shop order an iced latte (so i can s---) and a small cuban sandwich >barista who has that Kardashian style makeup says "perrrrrrrfect" >"That'll be $27.45 would you like whip cream with that?" >Say yes sure >"Great that'll be 29.75." So this is it, huh? The new normal? I'm not a wagie but I bet it must really f------ suck for wagies

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Anons coworker is a gamer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 69 KB JPG eard of it? 02/14/23(Tue)11:38:51 No.894355631 >>894355629 >hey anon do you play videogames? what's your favorite game? >uh yeah I like a variety of genres really I don't like staying with one game for too lo- >haha ok, my son plays fortnite, have you

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