Anon learns new depths of psychology | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

dreamt a valentine thing last night Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)16:52:14 No. 72229461 >studying on the couch in some unfamiliar house >get up to look around and find the bathroom >open the door to see a brunette on her hands and knees, who sees me and says smth like "How much does a gal need to grovel for a few kicks in the ass during these troubled times >w-- but ok you asked >proceed to give three kicks to the area specified >no vocal response till afterward, she says "Damn that was great, here you can take this" >opens her mouth revealing a candy and I awaken I may need a shrink more than I did yesterday.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is cuckold | /r/Greentext

File: Édouard Manet_-_Le_Suicidé_(ca. 1877)(1).jpg (314 KB, 1280x1043) O/adv/ Anonymous 02/13/23(Mon)21:05:25 No.28342266 [Reply] Am I a loser cuckold? >Be me a 23 yo > get a cute alt gith anime gf > had a 2 year relationship with no problems > good sex average 5.5 inches d--- and she is thick af >we had a stupid fight for a misundestanding and dumped her > I regret a week later and tried to get back with her but she didn't want to she is proud af > we still feel something for each other so we continued being friends > after a 6 month break up she finally decided to come back with me > we talked about the dates we had during the break up > I told her I just dated 3 girls and nothing happened not even a kiss >then she told me embarrased that she dated 6 different guys and she f----- all the 6 guys >I tried to be calm but I just asked her how was the sex with the guys >she told me that 5 of thode guys were normal in terms of sex average d--- between 5 and 6 inches like me but she told me I f----- better than them > but then she told me about one of the guys she f-----, she told me he had an 7.5-8 inches d--- >but she told me she f----- the worst and came fast >I became obsessed with that guy, she told me that they met in an anime group and that he was a big nerd and that that was the second time he f----- on his life > but now I feel inferior about that big d--- that f----- my gf

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Anon needs a workout schedule! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:57:40 No.737628777 >be me. 5'11" 260 pounds. Yes I'm fat. >my life consists of cleaning out the trashcans and wiping s--- off of hospital floors >know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks 61 KB PNG now. >he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently >"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that f------ weight so you don't die a fat slob" >he died today I don't know how to feel Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:59:10 No.737628906 Lose the weight fgt

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Anon celebrates Chinese New Year. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/23(Wed)17:49:28 No.72236423 >be me, a foreigner in China 5## >Chinese Lunar New Year was coming up >excited to experience the 7 KB JPG festivities and cultural traditions >get invited to a friend's family dinner on New Year's Eve >arrive at their house and they're already feasting on a huge spread of food >join in and start filling up my plate with dumplings, noodles, and other delicious dishes >feel a sudden rumble in my stomach >oh no, not now >rush to the bathroom and unleash the biggest fart of my life >it echoes throughout the house >can hear my friend's grandma shouting >"Aiya! What is that smell?!" >try to play it cool and pretend it wasn't me >come back to the dinner table and everyone is giving me weird looks >suddenly, my friend's little cousin asks me "Do you know what year it is?" >confused, I reply "No, what year is it?" >he grins and says "The year of the fart dragon!" >the entire table erupts in laughter >spend the rest of the night being teased about my flatulence >well, at least I made everyone's Chinese Lunar New Year a little more memorable

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Anon frequents r/wsb | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)16:27:12 No.894369188 >>894367950 (OP) # >watches mr. robot and sees him use tech to reset the economy >narrative economics book comes out in 2019 890 KB PNG >people post fake company tweets in 2022 wiping billions from their worth (the narrative economics book in action) >chatgpt comes out and can generate text en masse >>894369244 # and there you have it folks

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Anon is loved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 97 KB JPG 02/15/23(Wed)18:56:28 No.72235663 >be me, a lonely anon on Valentine's Day >decide to treat myself to a fancy dinner at home >get dressed up and light some candles >pull out my best bottle of wine and pour myself a glass >sit down to eat my steak and lobster dinner >realize halfway through that I forgot to cook the lobster >oh well, I'll just have to order next year >suddenly hear a knock at the door >who could it be on Valentine's Day? >open the door to find a delivery guy with a giant bouquet of flowers >"Are you anon? These are for you." >confused, I take the flowers and read the card >"Roses are red, violets are blue, I didn't forget about you, you big doo-doo head" >mfw my mom sent me flowers for Valentine's Day >at least someone loves me

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Anon provides life advice and comments on religion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>34078614 (OP) # >boohoo Jesus didn't interfere with my free-will to stop me from making mistakes 02/13/23(Mon)14:19:17 No.34079071 Grow up s------. You're the arbiter of your choices. Don't blame Jesus because you're a s------. >>34079106 #

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Anon Pirates Elden Ring | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 20 KB PNG >cmd opens and closes 6 times >error message boxes popping up constantly >screen flickers a couple times >all files get encrypted and ransomware box asking for bitcoin appears >messagebox opens that says "jk lol" >all files get unencrypted and ransomware file deletes itself 02/15/23(Wed)15:00:33 No.91548281 ok >download pirated Elden Ring >run it >game runs >hits main menu of Elden Ring and a messagebox pops up that says "not jk actually" >computer s---- itself and turns off >have been trying to turn my pc back on for 2 hrs Anonymous 02/15/23(Wed)15:02:50 No.91548310 zoomers are the victims of more ransomware and scams than boomers now

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Edit: thank you for the gold, kind stranger uwu | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous REDDIT AWARDS (S Silver Spend 100 Gold Platinum Spend 500 Spend 1.800 75 KB PNG 4 Replies Anonymous >>72234255 # Anonymous Somebody awarded my post with reddit gold. 02/15/23(Wed)12:45:32 No.72234230 Did you edit your post to say thanks for the gold kind stranger 02/15/23(Wed)12:42:42 No.72234201 I'm not sure what to make of this. >>72234230 # I edited it to say: View Thread >>72234411 # >>72234619 # 02/15/23(Wed)12:47:27 No.72234255 Edit: Kill n------. Behead n------. Roundhouse kick a n----- into the concrete. Slam dunk a n----- baby into the trashcan. Crucify filthy blacks. Defecate in a n------ food. Launch n------ into the sun. Stir fry n------ in a wok. Toss n------ into active volcanoes. Urinate into a n------ gas tank. Judo throw n------ into a wood chipper. Twist n------ heads off. Report n------ to the IRS. Karate chop n------ in half. Curb stomp pregnant black n------.

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Anon hates the word "wholesome" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The word "sweet" was killed by(...) PEMAI 02/12/23(Sun)00:25:49 No.72183898 >"thats kind wholesome my dude" One of the greatest crimes against the english language commited by reddit is the fact that people completely dropped the expression "sweet" to refer to anything good, kind, charitable or cute because a bunch of redditors starting to use the word "wholesome" everywhere instead, to the point it completely lost its original meaning and purpose. 63 KB JPG >"dude thats like so wholesome" >"woah dude those kittens are so wholesome" I have seen REAL NORMAL ASS PEOPLE call things wholesome IN REAL LIFE until i REMINDED THEM that the expression "AW THATS SWEET" has existed FOR LITERAL CENTURIES and WAS NOT popular until like 6 OR 7 YEARS AGO. The world "wholesome" has now been accepted as part of spoken language and has been tormenting me ever since i started to seriously becoming acquainted with internet culture like 5 years ago and i swear every time i hear it one of the neurons in my prefrontal cortext straight up f------ dies. Im so sick of this s---, makes me murderously angry.

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Anon agrees with Omni man | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 180580432 26.8 kB JPG He did nothing wrong >completes his duty >raises his son to be strong 3 hr ago ... >protects earth better than an entire team of "heroes" >loving husband despite his inferior wife >sees humanity for what it is and wants to help them be more useful to the galactic community >"but hurr durr he killed some people so he is le bad!!" and? He saved far more 4 REPLIES 8 IMAGES REPLY

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Anon cant shit without his toilet stool. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous So i need one of this to poop 14 KB JPG 02/12/23(Sun)12:56:33 No.72199572 >Be me >Need a toilet stool to s--- >I cant s--- without my toilet stool >Mexican guy comes to repair some pipe s--- on my bathroom >Sees my s------- support thingy >Laughs >Embarrassed.jpg >Forget about it and continue with my day >Urge to s---.xml >Go to the other bathroom >Need my s------- support thingy >Return to my main bathroom >He is still repairing the pipe >Grab my toilet stool >Leave >Hear mexican guy laughing What, why is it so funny, he doesn't knows that it helps me get the correct position to s---.

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Anon give advice | /r/Greentext

File: 194ndzF.jpg (47 KB, 396x385) I turn 20 tomorrow Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu)16:26:59 No.25957 Anything I should know for my 20s that you would like to share? Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu)16:49:31 No.25957818 ► >>25957833 >>25957759 (OP) >Do hard things now before you feel "left behind" in your 30's; take care of your future self >Save as much money as you can and take advantage of compound interest/crypto >DO NOT rush to get married/have children; wait a minimum of 5 years in a relationship >Don't make your job your whole life >Learn patience - work, home, school - multitasking isn't everything, slow down >Friends (and family for that matter) come and go - don't let toxic people ruin your life >Take calculated risks >Have fun but be responsible Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)03:31:54 No.25618366 ► >>25618382 Improve yourself until you become a person that you like being.

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