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: Anonymous 360 KB PNG 08/08/20(Sat)21:36:09 No.59475320 >on a Swedish cruise ship >I have to s--- really badly >take a nice huge dump and try to flush the toilet >toilet's broken >no matter how hard I try, the s--- won't flufh >go find a cleaning lady >I don't speak Swedish, she doesn't speak English >grab her hand and pull her to a man's toilet >point at the giant s--- you took >the only word I know in Swedish is "titta" ("look") >s--- flushes normally >mfw

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: Anonymous 10/26/24(Sat) 10:58:14 No.204864976 maxresdefault (3).jpg 73 KB JPG >you're gaslighting me! >you're love bombing me! >you're stonewalling me! >you're mansplaining to me! realistically, how do you respond to this?

GE Anonymous "I will refund 11/27/24(Wed)23:23:27 No.695792406 Valve Just Put Game Publishers On Notice. 1.1M views 5 days ago Bellular News your game." aa 17:58 IMG_7847.jpg 332 KB JPG >DUDE, IM THE WHOLESOME VIDEO GAME SANTA, WE DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT MONEY LMAO >destroys indie devs by forcing them to accept refunds even though the small game they released was literally under the 2 hour threshold for playing and being able to refund F--- Gabe. He's a scumbag. Anonymous >>695792406 (OP) # 11/27/24(Wed)23:25:51 No.695792505 The customer is ALWAYS right >>695793068 # >>695794602 # >>695795310 # Anonymous >>695792406 (OP) # 11/27/24(Wed)23:26:12 No.695792525 If your game is s----- enough that even people who bought it on steam instead of pirating demands a refund it's your fault Anonymous 11/27/24(Wed)23:26:42 No.695792549 Be thankful for Gabe. The second he dies, a brainless profitbot 9000 takes his place, undoes everything he did, and guts Valve like a fish for private equity wealth.

Anonymous 89KB JPG 01/18/20(Sat) 12:25:09 No.818739837 >be me >been having a s--- week >take long shower >lay on back buck naked on bed and close eyes >try not to cry >feelsbadman.jpg >doggo snoozing on bed suddenly wakes up and stretches >Starts walking over my legs but stops over my genitals >shakes head and violently slaps my d--- and balls multiple times with floppy ears >laugh uncontrollably for 5min straight Instantly feel better. Thanks doggo bro.

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Anon could’ve joined | /r/Greentext

23 KB JPG >be me >16 >go on my first adventure >go into a ditch which leads into the sewers >so far so good >hear grunts >whatthefuck.png >flash light towards the sound >I see two homeless men having the nastiest sex ever >I scream and they turn towards me >ohfuck.avi >Sprint outta there >go home and sit on bed trying to fathom what the F--- I just saw >mfw

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Anon discovers socializing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 111 KB JPG 06/19/22(Sun)07:15:52 >friends forced me to go to a party >got drunk and actually made out with a girl for the first time No.69100659 i didnt even put any effort into talking with her, w--? im legit spamming parties until im no longer a virgin : Anonymous anon losing his virginity any% 06/19/22(Sun)07:19:01 No.69100678

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Anon has a VERY specific type... Part 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous vampire gf 89 KB JPG 02/06/23(Mon)22:39:21 No.72127973 Would you date a female vampire? >looks 15, but is actually 90 >was a romani jew that got sent to a labor camp during WW2 and somehow became a vampire and escaped >will live at your home cause she has none >will stay inside during daytime >pretty good at credit card and identity fraud so she can help with rent and bills >will go out and murder people for blood every couple weeks or so. prefers you not ask her about it >will also go out at night to break into mailboxes or cars for more fraud s--- >doesn't like being called a vampire, declares she isn't one >former vagrant who used to never stay in one place for long >longer she stays in the area more likely feds will start investigating her killings >can beat you in chess >likes shoegaze >knows how to skateboard fairly well >will kill anyone who tries to bring you harm >loves you >can fly >does not want to turn you into a vampire

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Anon wanted to help | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/23(Tue)20:02:55 No.72133167 >Be me >Very depressed >Always in my room. Never help parents with house chores. >Decides to change things >Goes to the kitchen. Dad is cooking stew. I decide I'll help him. >He gives me the ingredients but I'm not sure what to do with them since I don't know how to cook 28 KB JPG >Asks him a question >He turns to face me and accidentally drops the broth >awshit.jpg >He starts shouting at me >"Anon this is your fault for being a useless p------------! Go back to your room!" I feel like s---. I just wanted to help.

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Anon goes head over heels for pizza | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/23(Tue)08:42:32 No.72132709 1661627006410983.jpg 356 KB JPG >was 14 or 15 y/o >playing WoW >home alone / ordered pizza one weekend >*ding dong* at the door >wanted to get the pizza and get back to computer fast >bolt out of my room and try to run down stairs >slip and fall down the stairs very hard >got the wind knocked out of me, completely laid out >takes a bit of time to recover >hobble to the door, completely out of breath and can barely talk >tell the delivery guy sorry for taking so long while looking like I just ran a marathon, give him $20 and he leaves that's all, that really f------ sucked though. I was only like 5'5 and well over 200lbs at the time, so I took a pretty hard fall down like 12feet of stairs >>72132722 # >>72132730 #

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Anon thinks Batman is racist | /r/Greentext

File: 1340667601734.jpg-(103 KB, 394x600, Batman comic.jpg) Anonymous 06/25/12(Mon)19:40 No.38129422 Batman is a racist character, he himself is the archetypal white hero, with blue eyes no less. All his villains are caricatures of races and groups. The Penguin is a jew Hugo Strange is a psychiatrist and sociologist Poison Ivy is an environmentalisy lesbian Bane is a hispanic man with communist ideals The Joker is a representation of the criminal justice system and it just goes on and on and on Anonymous 06/25/12(Mon)19:44 No.38129606 File: 1340667876272.jpg-(81 KB, 576x534, 1320524999826.jpg) >Batman is racist because he is white and has blue eyes.

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Anon on zoomer girls. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 8 VV. 680 KB JPG 02/08/23(Wed)03:48:17 No.72136254 >22 >Demisexual >Pansexual >Atheist >Dyed hair Why are zoomer girls so appalling?

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Water is the essence of wetness | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.73 MB PNG 07/05/21(Mon)11:09:48 No.64453400 >be me >look for entry level jobs on the ads on the joblist site >"water tester" >"competitive salary" >you have to understand that I am stupid to the point of almost being mentally disabled >I show up thinking I'm going to taste test water >no >but my interviewer laughs and tells me I'm hilarious >I get a uniform and a schedule >all I have to do is put strips of paper into samples and record colors onto a pad of grid paper and then write a report >my job is so boring I'm literally posting on 4chan on company time

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Anon did the impossible | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.09 MB GIF 08/02/21 (Mon)16:57:07 No.8602 >Read 314 pages of terms and conditions >Clicked 'disagree'

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anon hates the british | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10 KB JPG 01/06/19(Sun)10:53:20 No.789251811 >be me >over the border racist >sleep with underage niece >hate the British for humiliating my country's people >cool mustache >spend a lot of time outside of said county >can give firebomb public speeches >write a book about how my people are oppressed >people favor me 4 Replies >rise to power >consider WW2 as the opening of opportunities >be Gandhi >pic unrelated View Thread

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Anon sees something he wasn’t supposed to see | /r/Greentext

>be 19 >alone in own house >house is grade Il listed building in england - at least 500 years old >cat and labrador keeping me company in living room >gets to midnight >start hearing foxes out in garden scratching and screaming (foxes scream like banshees - that's the sound a fox makes) >suddenly they stop >cat and labrador raise heads and look toward garden window >lab growling, cat just stares >something scratching at front door >stops scratching >hear knocks a couple of times >notleavingmyseat.avi >hear the letterbox being opened >something being pushed through it >shut room door and bolt it the f--- shut >thing outside starts growling >weird lights at window >hear it rubbing up at house walls >close curtains and blinds >turn off room lights >turn on outdoor lights >see outline >s--- self >immediately dig out ecstasy and take tablet >ferociously message friend on Facebook >call police >say "f------ monster in garden pls send help" >lab is going crazy at this point, whining and burying its face in the sofa >cat is in my lap, under dressing gown >thing outside is quadruped, bout the size of a car >neighbour yells out to shut the f--- up >presumably sees it >nopes the f--- back in and calls police >apparently police don't ignore two separate prank calls >police car shows up >officer sees thing in driveway >thing in driveway sees officer >thing f---- off over hedge >friend pulls up, runs to door >officer screaming for backup, can hear him s------- himself >feeling effects of drug now, don't care >open living room to door to let friend in >arse end of fox with entrails sticking out lying on floor >open door for friend >spend entire rest of night telling terrified officer I like him and he's a good man, while officer struggling to calm down >unmarked vehicles show up a few hours later >fix damage to wall and porch roof >clean up inside >offer to overlook drugs possession in return for silence >friend and me say sure

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Anon is a deep thinker | /r/Greentext

74 KB JPG One day, someone will think about you for the last time in eternity. You will be forgotten by the world and the universe.

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Greentext Stories - Anon goes on a cruise | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 360 KB PNG 08/08/20(Sat)21:36:09 No.59475320 >on a Swedish cruise ship >I have to s--- really badly >take a nice huge dump and try to flush the toilet >toilet's broken >no matter how hard I try, the s--- won't flufh >go find a cleaning lady >I don't speak Swedish, she doesn't speak English >grab her hand and pull her to a man's toilet >point at the giant s--- you took >the only word I know in Swedish is "titta" ("look") >s--- flushes normally >mfw

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