Nobody Is As Ready For Pillowy Mounds Of Mashed Potatoes As Uncle Phil
'Thanksgiving Grandma' Plans To Reunite With Mistaken Friend For The 9th Year Since 2016
Blessed By The Gift Of Prophecy, This Headline By 'The Onion' Has Been An Inspiration For Schadenfreude Memes
People Are Joking About How Korean Mahwa 'The Ki Sisters' Is Like 'Baki For Women'
The Slang Term 'Degen' Has Become A Staple Of Meme And Crypto Culture Over The Past Few Years

>be 19 >alone in own house >house is grade Il listed building in england - at least 500 years old >cat and labrador keeping me company in living room >gets to midnight >start hearing foxes out in garden scratching and screaming (foxes scream like banshees - that's the sound a fox makes) >suddenly they stop >cat and labrador raise heads and look toward garden window >lab growling, cat just stares >something scratching at front door >stops scratching >hear knocks a couple of times >notleavingmyseat.avi >hear the letterbox being opened >something being pushed through it >shut room door and bolt it the f--- shut >thing outside starts growling >weird lights at window >hear it rubbing up at house walls >close curtains and blinds >turn off room lights >turn on outdoor lights >see outline >s--- self >immediately dig out ecstasy and take tablet >ferociously message friend on Facebook >call police >say "f------ monster in garden pls send help" >lab is going crazy at this point, whining and burying its face in the sofa >cat is in my lap, under dressing gown >thing outside is quadruped, bout the size of a car >neighbour yells out to shut the f--- up >presumably sees it >nopes the f--- back in and calls police >apparently police don't ignore two separate prank calls >police car shows up >officer sees thing in driveway >thing in driveway sees officer >thing f---- off over hedge >friend pulls up, runs to door >officer screaming for backup, can hear him s------- himself >feeling effects of drug now, don't care >open living room to door to let friend in >arse end of fox with entrails sticking out lying on floor >open door for friend >spend entire rest of night telling terrified officer I like him and he's a good man, while officer struggling to calm down >unmarked vehicles show up a few hours later >fix damage to wall and porch roof >clean up inside >offer to overlook drugs possession in return for silence >friend and me say sure

Share Pin Download More

reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext font

Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

File type: jpg

Resolution: (738px x 877px)

File size: 45.5 KB

: Anonymous 10/26/24(Sat) 10:58:14 No.204864976 maxresdefault (3).jpg 73 KB JPG >you're gaslighting me! >you're love bombing me! >you're stonewalling me! >you're mansplaining to me! realistically, how do you respond to this?

GE Anonymous "I will refund 11/27/24(Wed)23:23:27 No.695792406 Valve Just Put Game Publishers On Notice. 1.1M views 5 days ago Bellular News your game." aa 17:58 IMG_7847.jpg 332 KB JPG >DUDE, IM THE WHOLESOME VIDEO GAME SANTA, WE DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT MONEY LMAO >destroys indie devs by forcing them to accept refunds even though the small game they released was literally under the 2 hour threshold for playing and being able to refund F--- Gabe. He's a scumbag. Anonymous >>695792406 (OP) # 11/27/24(Wed)23:25:51 No.695792505 The customer is ALWAYS right >>695793068 # >>695794602 # >>695795310 # Anonymous >>695792406 (OP) # 11/27/24(Wed)23:26:12 No.695792525 If your game is s----- enough that even people who bought it on steam instead of pirating demands a refund it's your fault Anonymous 11/27/24(Wed)23:26:42 No.695792549 Be thankful for Gabe. The second he dies, a brainless profitbot 9000 takes his place, undoes everything he did, and guts Valve like a fish for private equity wealth.

Anonymous 89KB JPG 01/18/20(Sat) 12:25:09 No.818739837 >be me >been having a s--- week >take long shower >lay on back buck naked on bed and close eyes >try not to cry >feelsbadman.jpg >doggo snoozing on bed suddenly wakes up and stretches >Starts walking over my legs but stops over my genitals >shakes head and violently slaps my d--- and balls multiple times with floppy ears >laugh uncontrollably for 5min straight Instantly feel better. Thanks doggo bro.

View All 43,941 Images

Moar:

Anon is a deep thinker | /r/Greentext

74 KB JPG One day, someone will think about you for the last time in eternity. You will be forgotten by the world and the universe.

Pin

Anon forgot to take his meds again | /r/Greentext

768x1024) ☐/fit/ Mire thread Anonymous 01/12/23(Thu)13:13:19 No.69569408 [Reply] >pull day >doing my usual set of deadlifts >start warming up >2pl8 >3pl8 >3.5 >I notice a guy and his gf start using the nearby leg press >start loading up 4pl8 >guy looks in disbelief that I can lift it >both him and his gf watch as I lift 4pl8 >dude looks visibly upset >caught his gf looking at my crotch later

Pin

father son moment | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: q1S8wdt2 07/20/14(Sun)00:27:43 No.557553041 >>557551179 (OP) # >walk by the den one day >computer is within view of the door >dad is on the computer, doesnt 55 KB JPG hear mewalk by >viewing some creepshots of milfy news anchors thighs on google images >can see his has 3 other pages pushed to the side from other p--- sites. He's viewing them all at once in a frenzy >chuckle, and walk away >week later I come in late at night, stoned like a cheating muslim women >dad is standing in the kitchen with a baggie from my stash >"anon, just what the hell is this?" >"...well, I can tell you what its not.... a google search of your favorite news anchors thighs" >dead silence hangs in the air, he gives me a nod and leaves the room >mfw >never speak about ethier incident again probably the closest father and son moment we've ever had

Pin

anon falls for a girl | /r/Greentext

File: CDC8FA19-3CC2-4A08-9123-B().jpg (47 KB, 648x617) Anonymous 02/07/23(Tue)09:22:39 No.893968272 >be me >lonely 28 year old virgin >post on Reddit about feeling lonely >random onlyfans girl messages me >start chatting >she's cool >tell mom I have a girlfriend and need money for a date >get $300 >start sending money to onlyfans girl >chat with her daily now >talk about more than just sex stuff >were hitting it off >mom says she will be in town on the weekend >wants to go to lunch with me and girlfriend >tell her my girlfriend isn't around this weekend >ask onlyfans girl to pretend to be my girlfriend on FaceTime with my mom >she starts acting weird >log in 4 hours later and she deleted her account >mom thinks I spent the money on drugs and alcohol >this was over a week ago and I haven't talked to her or heard from her since What should I do anons??

Pin

anon is cringe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/23(Tue)14:05:08 No.893968570 >be me >watch internet historian on youtube >watch his videos about 4chan, and how they conquered the internet, from HWNDU, to epic pranks like hacking into Agile etc >they even protected some dude who was been blackmailed by CNN and some f----- on 4chan made up a whole plan called operation (can't remember the name) 76 KB JPG >think 4chan is funny cool >think i can do the same thing >go on 4chan, and make a post about invading some misandrist subreddit called r/femaledatingstrategy and trolling the f--- out of it >"we aren't your personal army" >w-- i thought 4chan was based and redpilled >remember the one time i saw someone on 4chan say: "the great replacement will happen, when the majority of 4chan users are just normies" >tfw when im that normie

Pin

Anon slowly transitioning to normiedom | /r/Greentext

09/20/21(Mon)10:03:28 No.65452461 Anonymous >>65451793 (OP) # NGL, I used to think this was insane until >COVID made me realize I could work without leaving my room, got a remote phone job. Saved every nickle. >My mom put out the word that I was looking for my own place and someone from her church agreed to rent me the apartment over their garage, had been their mother in laws place until she died. Rent is great, only 1/2 walk to a bus stop, and I can work from the tiny apartment >Neighbors are a young couple, he's 26 and works in repair work, she's 25 and a stay at home mom >She is very pretty with red hair, already had three kids when I moved in 9 months ago >My landlady introduced me and he is the 6'3" deep voiced Chad, and she is prettier in person with a big smile and bright blue eyes and a really cure voice >My little balcony looks over their deck and about 1 month in I was drinking a beer and looked down and she was breastfeeding their little one. She just smiled and waved to me >And I changed. It wasn't sexual seeing her like that, all I wanted to do was keep her safe forever. Right then to keep her and that baby safe I would have set myself on fire with a big smile, proud I could help. >Suddenly I like little kids and want to talk to women because I want to see MY wife breastfeeding My kid >About 4 months ago she told me she is expecting her fourth and she laughed at the look on my face and said "We gotta find you a wife!" I do, I need a wife and kids >

Pin

Anon is definitely not misogynist | /r/Greentext

File: b8cf73eabb5b7eac522e410a0(...).webm (1.78 MB, 576x1024) Tik Toke Showing all replies. ☐ It literally isn't possible to have a civilization unless women are treated like slaves Anonymous (ID: XrnzNL1q 02/07/23(Tue)12:22:29 No.415217213 [Reply] ► >>415217758 >>415217790 >>415217792 >>415217322 >>415217450 >>415217535 >>415217747 If women are given ANY control over their own reproduction whatsoever then society effectively falls apart: -Women choosing to not have babies in favor of work or partying: Birthrate is destroyed -Women choosing to simply f--- the best looking men without regard for his intelligence: More lower IQ babies and thus lowering of IQ overall -Allowing women sexual freedom with the side effect that dumber women get pregnant on accident while smarter ones use birth control: Yet more lowering of IQ So basically by allowing women to have any say in their own reproduction at all, you end up with either 1 out of 2 things, or both: Destroyed birthrate, and lowering of intelligence. Both will destroy your civilization over time. So basically, civilization can't coexist with human rights for women. You are either an ultra-conservative dictatorship that treats women like cattle, or your society fails. Anonymous (ID: zRcRlt7t) 02/07/23(Tue)12:25:37 No.415217450 >>415217213 (OP). there are normal girls who deserve basic freedom like my sister and mum

Pin

I found this gem scrolling through my phone | /r/Greentext

File: 1352501900004.jpg-(130 KB, 650x813, sads.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Z/jgpDx3) 11/09/12(Fri)17:58:20 No.435969427 Replies: >>435971345 >>435971635 >>435971949 >>435972123 >>435972254 >>435972291 >>435972559 >>435972704 >>435973158 >>435973159 >>435973326 >>435973549 >>435973950 >>435974179 >>435974538 >>435974676 >>435975137 >>435975236 >>435975307 >>435975408 >>435975448 >>435975862 >>435975875 >>435975909 >>435975973 >gf is prego >we like to get kinky anyways >one night things get particularly saucy >I'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird f------ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights >w-- it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period >i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering >ohshitohshitohshitohshit >i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital >she's still bleeding everywhere >by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much more, but all color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent >oh s---, she looks like she's in a vegetative state >storm into to the emergency room, carry her to the nearest doctor and explain everything >he takes one look at her and says >"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" >"WHY THE F--- NOT???" >"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce" >mfw

Pin

Anon is mentally sane. | /r/Greentext

Anon, I'm lonely! I needs hugs and kisses... 20m (2/7 14:29). 72132605 1 Reply >>72132596 (OP) You need meds and a harsh talking to

Pin

The wrong gymbros got to him fr | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/30/22(Sun)04:02:15 No.68797824 >lil bro goes through his first break up >lil bro "wants to" start lifting >lil bro starts roiding because he doesn't want to wait >visit him on an evening to see how he's doing >he spends hours at the gym talking to half naked dudes about lifting 9 KB JPG >fantasizes about being a pro despite having spent little over three months in the gym >goes on omegle with a skin tight tank top trying to get mires >goes nuclear on random people when they're not impressed by his body >he posts 20 stories on instagram everday, all lifting >all he ever watches is random retards deadlifting with titles like "when you remember HER midset" I lost him bros didn't l?

Pin

We all lift together | /r/Greentext

All of you robots are a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for Seriously. Just look at the average robots life: >painfully lonely >outcasted all your life >all sorts of mental illnesses >may or may not have supportive families Yet some of you still managed to get a college education. Some of you still drag yourself to the gym even when you're an unemployed basement dweller. Some of you are still working. Hell, some of you haven't done any of the above but you still manage to get income, either from investments or self-learning. But the most important thing? All of you are still here. Normies cannot even fathom being alone for a week straight. Normies go batshit insane after only a few hours of pure isolation. Normies can't stand silence not even for a moment. You may have that one blabbering co-worker who will never shut up, not because they have anything useful to say, but because they will do anything to avoid silence. Normies hate self-introspection and isolation more than anybody else. They will resort to drugs, homelessness, suicide as soon as things go south with their relationships. Ever heard about those people in your life or on the news who committed suicide as soon as they were left alone for a few days after a breakup? After losing their friends? Those are normiecides, not suicides. All of you are a lot tougher than you think. The fact you're still standing here, still breathing is a testament. I encourage all you robots to just go out and try s---, trust me, you're more resilient than you think. You guys are a step above betas but below alphas. The real betas are failed normal f------.

Pin

anon works as a teacher | /r/Greentext

File: 349.png (237 KB, 870x683) Anonymous 02/06/23 (Mon)20:35:41 No.72122888 [Reply] >>72125965 Any other anons /teach/ here? >work in private girls school >easily popular because in my 20's, 6/10 and not a fat f--- >basically zero effort job, kids usually just need to be given a 10 minute intro and 60 mins working out of a textbook. >super oblivious, skirts practically cover nothing and will brush up against me whenever I walk past them >usually spend lunch running "chess club" with two or three girls Subo >when I mentioned I lifted weights and played guitar I thought one of them was going to cream her panties right there >did I mention how cute the girls are oh my f------ god >long holidays I can spend doing whatever the f--- I like >practically hero-worshipped by society for doing this all-important job and raising the next generation

Pin

+1

Greentext Stories - Anon sees something he wasn’t supposed to see | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

>be 19 >alone in own house >house is grade Il listed building in england - at least 500 years old >cat and labrador keeping me company in living room >gets to midnight >start hearing foxes out in garden scratching and screaming (foxes scream like banshees - that's the sound a fox makes) >suddenly they stop >cat and labrador raise heads and look toward garden window >lab growling, cat just stares >something scratching at front door >stops scratching >hear knocks a couple of times >notleavingmyseat.avi >hear the letterbox being opened >something being pushed through it >shut room door and bolt it the f--- shut >thing outside starts growling >weird lights at window >hear it rubbing up at house walls >close curtains and blinds >turn off room lights >turn on outdoor lights >see outline >s--- self >immediately dig out ecstasy and take tablet >ferociously message friend on Facebook >call police >say "f------ monster in garden pls send help" >lab is going crazy at this point, whining and burying its face in the sofa >cat is in my lap, under dressing gown >thing outside is quadruped, bout the size of a car >neighbour yells out to shut the f--- up >presumably sees it >nopes the f--- back in and calls police >apparently police don't ignore two separate prank calls >police car shows up >officer sees thing in driveway >thing in driveway sees officer >thing f---- off over hedge >friend pulls up, runs to door >officer screaming for backup, can hear him s------- himself >feeling effects of drug now, don't care >open living room to door to let friend in >arse end of fox with entrails sticking out lying on floor >open door for friend >spend entire rest of night telling terrified officer I like him and he's a good man, while officer struggling to calm down >unmarked vehicles show up a few hours later >fix damage to wall and porch roof >clean up inside >offer to overlook drugs possession in return for silence >friend and me say sure

View Gallery Random Image

Image Details

385 views (13 from today)

Uploaded Feb 07, 2023 at 04:42PM EST

Origin Entry

Greentext Stories

Source

Tags

Claim Authorship Edit History

About the Uploader

Reddit Moments

Treasurer & Media Maid

Textile Embed

!https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/528/262/ac2.jpg!

Today's Top Image Galleries

Wifejak meme format depicting a female wojak character with red hair and a grey shirt.

Wifejak

Queen Never Cry meme.

Queen Never Cry

Movies Without CGI

Movies Without CGI

The Social Contract

The Social Contract