I found this gem scrolling through my phone | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: 1352501900004.jpg-(130 KB, 650x813, sads.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Z/jgpDx3) 11/09/12(Fri)17:58:20 No.435969427 Replies: >>435971345 >>435971635 >>435971949 >>435972123 >>435972254 >>435972291 >>435972559 >>435972704 >>435973158 >>435973159 >>435973326 >>435973549 >>435973950 >>435974179 >>435974538 >>435974676 >>435975137 >>435975236 >>435975307 >>435975408 >>435975448 >>435975862 >>435975875 >>435975909 >>435975973 >gf is prego >we like to get kinky anyways >one night things get particularly saucy >I'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird f------ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights >w-- it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period >i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering >ohshitohshitohshitohshit >i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital >she's still bleeding everywhere >by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much more, but all color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent >oh s---, she looks like she's in a vegetative state >storm into to the emergency room, carry her to the nearest doctor and explain everything >he takes one look at her and says >"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" >"WHY THE F--- NOT???" >"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce" >mfw

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is mentally sane. | /r/Greentext

Anon, I'm lonely! I needs hugs and kisses... 20m (2/7 14:29). 72132605 1 Reply >>72132596 (OP) You need meds and a harsh talking to

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The wrong gymbros got to him fr | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/30/22(Sun)04:02:15 No.68797824 >lil bro goes through his first break up >lil bro "wants to" start lifting >lil bro starts roiding because he doesn't want to wait >visit him on an evening to see how he's doing >he spends hours at the gym talking to half naked dudes about lifting 9 KB JPG >fantasizes about being a pro despite having spent little over three months in the gym >goes on omegle with a skin tight tank top trying to get mires >goes nuclear on random people when they're not impressed by his body >he posts 20 stories on instagram everday, all lifting >all he ever watches is random retards deadlifting with titles like "when you remember HER midset" I lost him bros didn't l?

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We all lift together | /r/Greentext

All of you robots are a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for Seriously. Just look at the average robots life: >painfully lonely >outcasted all your life >all sorts of mental illnesses >may or may not have supportive families Yet some of you still managed to get a college education. Some of you still drag yourself to the gym even when you're an unemployed basement dweller. Some of you are still working. Hell, some of you haven't done any of the above but you still manage to get income, either from investments or self-learning. But the most important thing? All of you are still here. Normies cannot even fathom being alone for a week straight. Normies go batshit insane after only a few hours of pure isolation. Normies can't stand silence not even for a moment. You may have that one blabbering co-worker who will never shut up, not because they have anything useful to say, but because they will do anything to avoid silence. Normies hate self-introspection and isolation more than anybody else. They will resort to drugs, homelessness, suicide as soon as things go south with their relationships. Ever heard about those people in your life or on the news who committed suicide as soon as they were left alone for a few days after a breakup? After losing their friends? Those are normiecides, not suicides. All of you are a lot tougher than you think. The fact you're still standing here, still breathing is a testament. I encourage all you robots to just go out and try s---, trust me, you're more resilient than you think. You guys are a step above betas but below alphas. The real betas are failed normal f------.

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anon works as a teacher | /r/Greentext

File: 349.png (237 KB, 870x683) Anonymous 02/06/23 (Mon)20:35:41 No.72122888 [Reply] >>72125965 Any other anons /teach/ here? >work in private girls school >easily popular because in my 20's, 6/10 and not a fat f--- >basically zero effort job, kids usually just need to be given a 10 minute intro and 60 mins working out of a textbook. >super oblivious, skirts practically cover nothing and will brush up against me whenever I walk past them >usually spend lunch running "chess club" with two or three girls Subo >when I mentioned I lifted weights and played guitar I thought one of them was going to cream her panties right there >did I mention how cute the girls are oh my f------ god >long holidays I can spend doing whatever the f--- I like >practically hero-worshipped by society for doing this all-important job and raising the next generation

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Anon takes Mario Kart very serious | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/13/21 (Mon)15:21:07 No.862999559 >be me on school trip >girls at the back of the bus are playing mario kart together >invite me to join them >join their lobby >proceed to win every race by about thirty seconds >never get asked to play with them again nothing stops the grind, boys

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Get ShReKd BItchEs | /r/Greentext

File 135778258628.jpg - (6.12KB, 220x338, 220px-Shrekcharacter.jpg) chich 13/01/09(Wed)17:49 No. 13674 >working at McDonald's >customer asks for big mac >says to hold the onions >put onions in it anyway >spit in it for disrespecting shrek >customer sees me spit in his burger >complains to manager >get fired on the spot >go home >pray to shrek >tell him what happened at work >hear a whisper >"dont worry, your problems will be ogre soon" >wake up next day >turn on the news >story on a double homicide >my ex manager and the customer were the victims >anchorman says both were beaten to death with an onion >hear another faint whisper >"they should've checked themselves before they shrek'd themselves"

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I admire Anon's commitment to making literally every other man in the world seem a little bit more chadlike. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 227 KB JPG 11/10/21 (Wed)04:30:35 No.66100083 >in vc with egirl in a discord server >everyone left, its just us >i ask her to add me on steam >"no" >???? >"why?" >"i just wanted to add you?" >she goes quiet for a second >"beg." >"what" >"if you really want me to add you then beg me for it" >IMMEDIATE BONER guys i think there's something wrong with me

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Anon is coachpilled | /r/Greentext

53 KB JPG >be me at 9 years old >Baseball game >I'm up to bat, bases loaded, our team is down 3-0 >I swing as hard as I can and the ball goes flying >My coach starts yelling at me to run >I am so excited about my hit that I throw my bat >It hits him right in the thigh, connecting with his left ball >He ends up on the ground screaming >Fast forward 14 years >I'm working at a sit down pizza restaurant/bar >I see my old baseball coach at the bar and I go up to him excited >He sees me and laughs >Tells all his friends while laughing "this is the kid that hit my nuts with a baseball bat by accident" >His friends laugh, I laugh I hope your balls are doing well coach, if you ever need someone to empty them I'm right here

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anon plays it cool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)11:52:52 No.52918475 >>52918093 (OP) # Not sure if this is funny or cringe, but here it goes >Do my squats >Make an audible fart 210 KB PNG >A trio of young girls behind me are giggling >Try to play it cool >"Hey, at least I got this entire area to myself" I shout at them while smiling >They look at me with confusion and one of them goes "what?" >"Well now it smells bad here so nobody will disturb me" >"Um what are you talking about?" >"You know, the fart that I just made smells pretty bad" >"...okay" >Realize they were laughing at something else >Mfw I can never return to that gym

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Anon thinks he's special | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 69872280 99.4 kB PNG >do cardio every day to prepare for an Ironman >lift every single day 3.0 MB WEBM >am now extremely self-disciplined in every other aspect of my life (except 4chan) >hate almost everyone in my life now due to no longer respecting their pathetic lifestyle of constantly eating s--- and boozing up 6 REPLIES 2 IMAGES 49 min ago ... I'm not sure how I feel about this. Do I just need to find higher level people to be around or am I just destined to feel this way towards out-of-shape normies? Anonymous | 69872447 3 REPLIES REPLY 33 min ago .. >>69872280 (OP) cool now work on gaining an ounce of emotional maturity. you arent nearly as hot s--- as you seem to think you are. pretty much peak dunning kreuger f--

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Is there a discord server for this subreddit? | /r/Greentext

Stopped getting bullied stories >be me >constantly picked on because of my size >kids kick me and taunt me and s--- >one day in class chad tells me to kill myself 25 KB JPG >"oh I guarentee im gonna kill myself pretty soon I mostly just wonder how many of you I'll take with me" >class goes silent >mfw never got bullied again

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Anon orders a burrito | /r/Greentext

File: 1672530105030529.gif (593 KB, 370x335) Anonymous 02/06/23(Mon)21:43:47 No.72122976 >Order takeout from burrito place >Somehow end up with a second burrito in my bag, only ordered one >Already home when I notice it so might as well just eat it >It's f------ disgusting, like 50% queso, no meat, no vegetables Even when I get lucky, I get unlucky.

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