Anon didn't get proper sex education | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

274 KB JPG >be me as a preteen >Sheltered, innocent >One day at school I hear the phrase "suck my d---" >I am confused as to what this means and I ask a friend >He says it's something adults do during sex >In my head I imagine a woman inserting a straw into a man's urethra and slurping the urine out >Fast forward a few years, enter puberty >Have feeling to masturbate >Remember people saying that sucking d--- feels good >I get a pack of straws >Tape a few together creating one long straw >Start inserting straw into urethra, it hurts like f--- >I can't take it anymore and let out a scream, my dad barges in >He screams >Fast forward another few years, my dad has taught me all I need to know I'm not the only one right

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon wants to become trans | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/29/23(Sun)23:01:53 No.893496216 29 KB JPG >be t----- >ask doctor for diagnosis so i can get estrogen >have to take some tests >iq test >abit strange but ok >mental evaluation >full of questions like "do you have secret knowledge of high importance" and "are there people out to get you" View Thread

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Anon has Hep C | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Im finally getting there boys! 01/29/23(Sun)23:16:19 No.72022764 1 Reply 1651653507109.jpg 31 KB JPG >yellow patches developing on my skin >my s--- is getting more pale >on and off pains in my kidney and liver >spewing every morning Health scare is right around the corner now. Cheers robots, I can think of worse ways to die. View Thread

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“Shower daily” Id fuckin hope so, do you really want credit for that? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11 KB JPG 11/29/21 (Mon)10:25:40 No.66351436 >be 6'5 >work hard every day for my looks >shower daily >lift weights and eat lots of protein >have a decent amount of muscle >"WOOOW anon you're so tall" I'm more than my height you know... : Anonymous 11/29/21(Mon)10:27:26 No.66351438 : Anonymous 11/29/21(Mon)10:29:04 No.66351446 >NOOO I HAVE AN OVERWHELMING ADVANTAGE WOE IS ME kys

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Anon isn’t fond of doctors | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Suppositories 32 KB PNG 01/30/23(Mon)12:58:53 No.893528767 >Go to doctor >"Here, let me stick this pill in your a------, you'll feel better" People believe this s---?

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Anon is curious about Chads "Fruit Roll" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 8 KB JPG 01/30/23(Mon)00:14:55 No.72023224 >current girlfriend shows me chats she had with her ex because they are supposedly funny >a bit weird but whatever >the guy is suprisingly handsome >for stat comparison, I am 5'4 dweeb twink, he is a 5'9 somewhat /fit/ man >read the actual chatlogs >"you want to hang out?" >"whats up?" >"uh?" >Any and all conversation attempts from the girl crashes against "uh-huh" and "k" and "cool" >not remotely involved and at best acts surface level questions and then replies with "k" >Fairly bigoted and /pol/-tardy, few more progressive statements from the girl actually provoke a reaction >Invited her somewhere once and once as an attempt to gain back her trust after she dumped him for me >under the pretence of "making a fruit roll" It keeps me up at night, what the f--- is a fruit roll?

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Anon fucking cooks his coworker in the office | /r/Greentext

File: file.png (21 KB, 251x201) نے 09/30/18(Sun)09:23:11 No.47829822 >>47829862 >>47829884 >>47829907 >>47829939 >>47829951 >>47829956 >>47829960 >>47830118 >>47830125 >>47830163 >>47830168 >>47830182 >>47830452 >>47830501 >>47830536 >>47830601 >>47830697 >>47830737 >>47830847 >>47830857 >>47831328 >>47832066 >>47832229 >>47832302 >>47832353 >>47832354 >>47832513 >>47832696 >>47833199 >>47833530 >>47833818 >>47833850 >>47834179 >>47834587 >>47834632 Anonymous >female coworker makes a joke at my expense about something I can't control (being bald) >I make a joke back about something she can control (being fat) >she goes home early and everybody is mad at me How was I the bad guy here? Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)09:56:06 No.47830163 >>47830238 >>47829822 (OP) # What was her joke? And what did you answer? Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)10:06:34 No.47830238 >>47830163 # >broke up with gf a few weeks ago (I ended it) >coworkers were talking about their exes (working with women is Hell) >>Anon, why don't you ever talk s--- about your ex? Didn't she break up with you because you were bald ha ha? >Ha ha, good one. Didn't you have a miscarriage because you're so fat?

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Anon has a thought | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 142 KB JPG 03/11/20(Wed)09:58:52 No.57114027 >driving down the road >thinking about how thin the line between life and death is >I could literally just turn the steering wheel and die >or would I? >throw the wheel to the left and fly into the ditch >don't die >car stuck in ditch I feel so retarded it's almost empowering

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Anon wishes he was black | /r/Greentext

[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [Auto] File: 6d26d28193c3da1bf41721206(...).jpg (874 KB, 3024x4032) I unironically wish I was born in the black community. Anonymous 01/29/23(Sun)15:35:52 No.72017353 ► >>72017369 >be black man in his 20s >wake up on a saturday >finally get a weekend break from your warehouse job >text back all your homies and homegirls from the night before >groom yourself, hygiene is very important in a black mans life >put on some drip, durag, shoes >tell your laid back baby mama that you'll be out for a bit while she cooks that good s--- >your mama is chill and doesnt care what you do as long as you graduated high school and have any job >hang out around the block with your homies >playing or making music, smoking weed, working out at the gym, playing some basketball, driving around >evening time and you're sitting at the porch philosophizing about random s--- with your boys >gotta get ready for that block party you going to tonight with the homies >you meet up with felicia at the party >she's still bad as f--- >you f--- the s--- out of her and get wasted >get home at 2 in the morning >sleep like a baby because you got tomorrow off too >it was a damn good day 3/0/2/2 I wish I was black so f------ much. I didn't realize how soulless my life was as some chronically online NEET white kid with no family or community or friends to help lift me from this void. It's either go to college or get shamed forever. Black people live on easy mode it's not fair.

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Search for your lost youth. Search for your second mommy. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous YIKES! 105 KB JPG 12/18/21 (Sat)08:40:18 No.66612518 >39 year old girl flirts with a 25 year old guy >she wants to feel young, innocent, naive and foolish again >he just wants a second mother many such cases 12/18/21 (Sat)08:41:51 No.66612528 : Anonymous Post step by step guide on how to get this mommy gf you speak of t. 25 yr old

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Anon gets lung cancer. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Nicotine conspiracy THE ONE TH Gener WHI 01/25/23(Wed)13:02:44 No.33926480 Why are there so many ads telling us not to smoke cigarettes and vape? I mean what is the real reason? California banned flavored tobacco, the US government banned JUUL. It seems to me that the elites in the US don't want the masses using nicotine, and we all know they don't care about our health considering the poison jab. 76 KB JPG It almost makes me think that nicotine is really good for you, even Harvard says nicotine has benefits, for reaction time, mental focus, even protection against Alzheimer's. So is nicotine actually really good for us and not as dangerous as they say? 142 Replies / 5 Images View Thread

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Anon Is Employee Of The Week | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 205 KB PNG Anonymous Anonymous 30 MINUTES IT'S OVER IT'S SO F------ OVER I'M GOING TO GET FIRED 548 KB PNG Anonymous Anonymous 01/30/23(Mon)15:51:42 No.72023451 >typing up a shitpost on /adv/ >"how do i stop touching my d--- to puffy loli c----" >press enter >don't realize i was still focused in ms teams >so i accidentally send this r---- ass message in my work chat >delete that s--- in 5 seconds I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF MY COWORKERS SAW IT BUT NOBODY HAS SAID A WORD IN CHAT FOR 01/30/23(Mon)15:56:33 No.72023475 01/30/23 (Mon)15:58:49 No.72023485 Purge your SSDs and skip town buddy It's over Screenshot_1.png 14 KB PNG 01/30/23(Mon)15:59:04 No.72023488 01/30/23 (Mon)16:00:47 No.72023500 3:55 PM Hey man, if you've got a moment I'd like to talk to you about a message you sent earlier WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY DO I JUST ABANDON SHIP AND GET A NEW JOB THERE'S NO WAY I CAN SHOW MY FACE AT THE OFFICE AGAIN

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PolAnon makes an question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Niemieccy żołnierze w terenie 97% 25 Nimice poma Top MH Amatok Wojska Amateur Military German Soldie Ⓒ140 800 05:39 324 KB JPG AU 01/29/23(Sun)20:10:10 What's the German military like? And why do they have so much gay seks? : Anonymous >>177204206 (OP) # >What's the German military like ask you grandpa No.177204206 01/29/23(Sun)20:11:43 No.177204252 >>177204316 # >>177205741 # >>177206109 # >>177206164 #

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