Anon is Pete Davidson if He Were Cooler | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: received 1974516546119619.jpg (24 KB, 541x642) >be me >8 years old >playing around in my dads car >looking at the guages >think the car is empty because the fuel guage says low >remember that he has a important meeting in town the next day >idea.webm >hatch a plan to fill up dads car for him with the garden hose >decide to surprise him in the morning >he starts the car >"what the hell i thought i only had half a tank" >"surprise dad" >car dies >"what did you do?" >explain >dads p----- >going on about how hes going to miss his big meeting >calls taxi >taxi takes forever but arrives >taxi drops me off at my grandparents house 3 blocks away >grandma comes running out screaming like a banshee >she rushes me and dad into the house >look on the tv >911 >tfw dumb s--- as a kid saved my dad

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon Is Insensitive | /r/Greentext

File: 6053da0bb734ba028ea016b63(...).jpg (53 KB, 720x1280) Anonymous 01/23/23(Mon)20:05:58 No.893166262 [Reply] ► >be me >working minding my own >coworker tells me her cat died randomly >I don't give a single f--- >ignore her >get reported to hr >they request to speak to me quick >tell them I'm not getting paid to listen to stories of cats dying >they say they are going to have a meeting and get back to me on this ??? Is this seriously happening?

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Anon hates French cuisine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>893160615 # I visited a pretty little town in the South of France about 15 years ago and they had, on their menu, "a cheese burger with tomato". Being a 15 year old American kid from a small town in the south I ordered that s---. 01/23/23(Mon)15:27:35 No.893160666 These little frog c---- brought me a goddamn patty, with cheese squares and tomato wedges on the side and a f------ little cup of "KaTsUp". I asked if I could get a bun and they brought me a f------ piece of a baguette. It was in that moment I wished Hitler genocide those filthy mongrels. They knew exactly what they were doing. >>893160670 #

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Anon is self-realized | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Am i gay BLESSY Me trying to hide my feelings for you 127 KB JPG 06/02/19(Sun)06:41:29 No.12607358 >be me pulling an all nigther studying >really bored and tired decided to use omegle >mostly just guys looking for female interaction or posting links for female interaction >finally found someone actually willing to talk >it's a guy >it's ok i'm only here to met new people not to make a girlfriend >really enjoy talking to the guy >he actually studies near me >verycool.png >two hours in he tells me he's gay and wants to meet >mfw i just met him >mfw i genually feel an interest in him >am i gay?

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Anon experiences the injustice of war | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: tBMj0qaC) 01/23/23 (Mon)11:50:55 No.413331475 >>413331890 >>413332035 >>413332229 >>413332312 >>413333437 >>413334640 >>413335397 >>413336157 >>413336715 File: download.jpg (5 KB, 225x225) >>413329608 (OP) >cute Ukrainian cosplayer girl on patreon >innocent looking no nudes only did wholesome cosplay >started a $50 feet/implied nudes tier >subbed instantly >asked if she's willing to show more for $500 >she says no, she only did lewds to pay for college and will never show nudity >I still support her for several months in the hopes she might do some custom VIP content for me in the future if I earn her trust >she stopped updating four months into the war >find out later she's been gangraped ITS NOT F------ FAIR THOSE RUSSIAN PIGS GOT TO SEE HER NAKED FOR FREE F--- THEM

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Anon has a question for normies | /r/Greentext

File: 9c4caa9d68846416642fccbfc(...).jpg (61 KB, 1024x576) DD Anonymous 01/23/23(Mon)07:37:37 No.71936791 ► >usual city life >full of fascinating little details ranging from different models of public transport vehicles to crows bickering over pieces of trash >normans wont dont notice any of this >conversation topics limited to literal whos doing literally what >car crash >"oh no, what happened, this is so bad" >proceed to flock to crash site >filming everything for le social media because this is le epic thing that they witnessed >obstruct paramedics and police due to pure retardation why are normies like this?

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Anon is jaded | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 7 KB JPG 01/23/23(Mon)22:09:09 No.71939902 >subscription >subscription >subscription >subscription for subscription >utilities expense increase >buying a house is impossible >everything you buy costs more and people defend it >gas going up >sites track your every move >healthcare is broken still yeah i dont think i wanna help society anymore

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Rule 34 will rue the day they crossed Anon! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/23(Mon)15:47:49 No.71939664 8739487.png 1.1 MB PNG >rule 34 is removing samsung sam p--- They will know pain. : Anonymous >>71939664 (OP) # what will you do without p--- of [generic looking brown haired white woman], anon? it's literally over 01/23/23(Mon)15:49:23 No.71939679

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Anon goes to a cringe gym | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 23 KB JPG 12/01/20(Tue)07:20:53 No.58663104- > looking for a new gym > ask the gym receptionist if their gym is based or cringe > she doesn't understand > pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is based and what is cringe > she laughs and says "it's a good gym sir" > buy a membership > its cringe

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Anon tries to impress | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: hmhOuVd8 ) 06/13/13(Thu)18:56:42 No.486825597 >in high school >10/10 girl invites everyone to house party >go thinking I could make a move on her >get there and can't talk to anyone >even when everyone starts pairing off, making out and grinding each other, I'm just standing by the table taking sips of beer >eventually party dies down, the party girl leaves on a beer run with some older guys >I follow them out to join them being the retard that I was >they let me come with em >get beer, come back to her place, the whole trip I couldn't say anything and I could tell the other guys weren't comfortable with me >decide to man up and talk to her >in back yard, daring each other to do wierd s--- >I join in >one guy tells me to lick the girl's dog's ass >say no >the girl says "if anyone could actually do that id f--- him." >being a retard I didn't know she was joking. >do it >everyone is either laughing at me or giving me a disgusted look >the girl is f------ p----- and screams at me to let go of her dog >"I did it for you." >get literally thrown out of the house >switch highschools

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Anon helps a lady | /r/Greentext

>her fate begins to dawn on her >"um...uhh" >in superhuman state of hyperawarness. >icanseearoundcorners.pdf >she's just frustrated at first that she can't reach her key >looks up >sees me standing there drooling from the mouth >she knows >live in apartment building >walk home from getting coffee >girl from my building is parked at the curb >she's unloading groceries >i mean piles, PILES stuff. 4 free trade canvas bags full of food on each shoulder, holding butterball turkey under one arm, carrying stack of feminazi literature in the other one. waddling with gallon of milk held between her knees >patriarchy mode activate >crush cup of hot coffee in my hand >my granite-hard d--- begins to rip stitches on my jeans >"c-c-c-coould you.....umm" she starts to cry. >i howl to my fellow males in the vicinity >windows in our apartment building start opening, the men know what's up >cars stop, men horny for a display of female oppression get out and watch >seaoftestosterone.jpg >i strut over to her >i grab the doorknob >third degree burns. searing pain just makes me stronger >pupils dilate. hair stands up on back of neck. >d--- starts to get hard >she's sobbing. "c-c-can you....op-p-pen the d-door for me please?" >collapses on the sidewalk. the feminazi literature is soggy from her tears of despair >i roar in victory >the men poised around us start to beat their chests, howling >crush it like in The Incredibles >tear the entire door off its hinges >men are masturbating and grunting like geico cavemen >female oppression levels is up to 11 >she wails in anguish like a wounded animal >i stand over her, stone faced >"it was my privilege." >the men scream and yell in victory >my pants surrendered to my massive boner years ago >she looks up. she sits in the shade of my d--- >"th-th-thank y-y-you....." >i lean down >my mouth next to her ear >closer >it's raining semen and testosterone >this day is declared Anon Day >my coronation is Sunday

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anon’s coworker has an OnlyFans | /r/Greentext

Pytt konselinge get how to unfahamu ni >Be me, college student studying computer science >Have a competitive internship. There are two of us. Only one will get a job when we graduate >The other intern is quitting >A girl from my class is applying >She has an OnlyFans. I found her on the site a few months ago. I'm a subscriber. >She's always better than me in class >Go to the intern manager and let him know that she has an OnlyFans 1.15 MB JPG >Lie and say that she brags about it >Tell him I'm worried about the company's image >MFW she doesn't get the internship Random OnlyFans college girl pic

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Anon knows how hormones work. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: H4k0m0OE) TEEN WHO TRANSITIONED AT 16 NO(...) 08/04/20(Tue)14:33:07 No.271131501 theblaze UK teen girl wanted to be male; got breasts removed, took testosterone. Now 23, she says doctors should have 'challenged' her decision - and is suing. Anonymous (ID: BAvuhMxs) 3 >>271131501 (OP) # >Give woman testosterone >her rational reasoning improves FOLLOW 08/04/20(Tue)14:36:04 No.271131869 >>271132166 # >>271132881 # >>271133223 # >>271134332 # >>271134775 # >>271136263 # >>271136421 # >>271136633 # >>271136659 # >>271136801 # >>271136889 # >>271136910 # >>271136975 # >>271137192 # >>271137688 # >>271137852 # >>271138819 # >>271139068 # >>271139337 # >>271139364 # >>271139495 # >>271139539 # >>271139665 #>>271139676 # >>271139733 # >>271139941 # >>271140571 # >>271141024 # >>271141631 # >>271141918 # >>271141990 # >>271142005 # >>271142025 # >>271142491 # >>271142547 # >>271142555 # 1113000 >>271142674 # >>271143018 # >>271143028 # >>271143099 # >>271143230 #>>271143380 # >>271143477 # >>271143641 # >>271143978 # >>271144138 # >>271144537 # >>271144570 # >>271145019 # >>271145462 # >>271145746 # >>271145891 # >>271146484 # >>271146853 #

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