Anon has a s----- jeans | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous A curse upon my anoose 160 KB JPG 11/17/22(Thu)14:21:54 No.71020058 >have a pair of jeans like picrel >wore them twice after i bought them >first time i was driving to work >fart >feel ass all greasy and moist >turns out i s--- myself >go home and switch pants, no witnesses >second time im at a bar ,mildly drunk >go to bathroom stall to piss >fart, s--- myself >quickly leave bar and ditch friends,think no one noticed >yesterday i was moving stuff to new apartment >i just spilled coffee on my pants >open drawer, the only pair of jeans left is the ones i s--- myself in TWICE I have a job interview in 30 mins and this is the only pair of pants i have to wear. Already feeling my guts churn and stomach hurting Im going to s--- myself today, arent l?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon likes MASH | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/13/23(Fri)13:31:14 No.179155419 >>179155284 I have fond memories of this despite being younger > Come down stairs one night at age 9/10 at like 2am > Hear the TV on in the lounge > My Dad is watching MASH, Can't remember the episode but Trapper and Hawkeye were stealing blood from Frank whilst he slept > See Hawkeye in a hawaiian shirt and cowboy hat > Episode finishes, expect Dad to shuffle me off to bed > He asks me if I want to watch another > Spend the next few hours watching MASH until the sun comes up > The next day when having tea he brings me a glass of water in a martini glass and calls me Hawkeye Thanks OP for reminding me of this memory

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nick anondams goes to bodega | /r/Greentext

File: mgwxg33oytba1.jpg (40 KB, 640x438) Nick Adams (Alpha Male) @NickAdamsinUSA I was at a bodega this morning when I saw a small boy ask his mother for some candy. As I saw her hand reach for a package of M&Ms, I cried out and left my place in line to stop her. Once I informed her M&Ms had gone woke, she thanked me profusely and opted for a Twix instead. 9:46 AM Jan 13, 2023 42.5K Views 84 Retweets 69 Quote Tweets 715 Likes alpha activities >at bodega >waiting in line blubbering at the mouth wetting myself waiting to scream at something >see infantile child getting some m&ms by their suffering mother ⠀ (ID: /cKcbQQn 01/13/23(Fri)11:05:29 No.16845282 >lessgo.jpg >begin sprinting towards them at Mach 10 >shove the 5-year-old out of the way, concussing him >begin screaming and beating the mom for infecting their Christian child with woke communism gay m&m queer grooming >she and her now-disabled child run off >envelopes detailing her eviction fall out of her purse This is how you stop the woke neo-Marxist mob

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Anon had a peculiar date experience | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 14 KB JPG >next day >date arrives 04/22/18(Sun)16:19:55 No.766669688 >3 days ago >Find girl on meet me >great convo >get along great >she is 19, average build with a cute dorky smile >agree to go on a date next night >5 minutes in she shows me a picture "Oh did you little sister draw that!?" "Lol no I did Anon!!!!" >poker face >shows me a picture of her fridge full of stick figure drawings of her family "....oh very nice." "Lol right!" >shows me her Devianart Page >furry p--- >leave the table >swear off dating for a while

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Anon gets a compliment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous brootal 01/13/23(Fri)15:19:50 No.71807626 >be me >20 yo >getting some papers for work >lady on the counter is in 40s moderately attractive >"Hello, your id, anon." >"Hmm, why are you bald on your id and now you have hair?" >"I used to shave my hair back then." >"Don't do it again, you have a prettier face now, baldness never brought anything good. Take care." >mfw 135 KB PNG View Thread

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anon gets banned from reddit | /r/Greentext

>soon I will ascend >soon سامة Anonymous (ID: 9iouC1xA 01/12/23(Thu)22:59:15 No.411993822 >be 10th tier jew lord >shekel keeper >sitting in my cave surrounded by gold and jewels given to me by the German government >nobusinesslikeshoahbusiness.jpg >my Palestinian child servants enter my feeding chamber >"L-Lord Rosensteinshekelberg... t-the reuben crops aren't growing" >WHAT?! >how dare they bring me such news >"Myehh!" I screech as I rake a talon across their little faces >after I become bored with beating my servants I slither across my lair and soak myself in a nice warm tub of freshly harvested foreskins and consider how to best remedy the lack of reubens >feelsgood.jpg >I can feel myself growing stronger from the foreskins' essence

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Anon hates processed OJ (you should look at how it's processed and stored) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 75 KB JPG : Anonymous 142 KB JPG >>892505259 # 01/12/23(Thu)11:52:46 No.892504427 >orange juice from concentrate you shouldn't even be allowed to call this stuff orange juice it's an entirely different product : Anonymous QUACK !!! 01/12/23(Thu)11:54:05 No.892504760 >>892506657 # >>892504427 (OP) # Go f--- yourself : Anonymous >>892504760 # what's the matter dude 01/12/23(Thu)12:07:22 No.892505259 : Anonymous 01/12/23(Thu)12:40:51 No.892506557 >Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice >It said concentrate on the carton 01/12/23(Thu)12:42:09 No.892506619

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Anon and his best friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 1.24 MB GIF 01/13/23(Fri)12:30:57 No.71806451 >Be me 20min ago >Ask my best friend if I am her best friend >She ask me if she is my best friend >She responds that she thinks of me as a good friend >My heart is ripped out There is no sexual tension btw, I don't see her like that and I am too young for her (about 15 years younger I think) 1 Reply View Thread 01/13/23(Fri)15:16:56 No.71807609 : Anonymous >>71806451 (OP) # where are you getting these best friends that are 15 years older than you

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Anon is not joining | /r/Greentext

How E-girl influencers are trying to get Gen Z into the military LIFE & CULTURE - FEATURE Cosplay commandos are posting nationalist thirst traps to mobilise the SIMPs - but why? 10th January 2023 genz.png 134 KB PNG Roasties are encouraging their beta simps to throw away their lives to protect Chad's harem from foreign forces.

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Anon gets a core memory | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 195 KB PNG 03/24/21 (Wed)19:36:28 No.62896081 >girl in 11th grade once said I have pretty eyebrows and the girl next to her agreed >still remember it to this day

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Anon helps with dinner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 121 227 KB JPG 01/13/23(Fri)21:04:11 No.892540321 I recently nutted in a batch of cake mix my gf's roommate was making then proceeded to watch them and their friends eat the cake after a backyard bbq.

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Anon voices the funny Rick and Morty gun | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/12/23(Thu)19:23:28 No.624111423 >>624109649 (OP) # 26 KB JPG >Aww geez looks like I hit you again, you know I wouldn't have to keep doing this if you weren't such a stupid bitch, like do you think I wake up every morning thinking "oh boy am I excited to commit some domestic abuse today, gonna get some good smackerinos in on her this morning", no, that's, that's not me I'm not into this but uh, you, you just keep being a stupid bitch, like what do you think is going to happen, I've hit you three days running now, like three days, come on, there's a patern there can't you pick up on that? I mean I guess not because you're a stupid bitch who can't do anything right which is like the whole f------ problem, I mean geez, I, I see the irony here but this is all I've got, If you weren't such a stupid c--- I wouldn't have to keep doing this and like, we could both just go about our days like normal people, and- Stop f------ crying, shut the f--- up, like why do people cry, what's up with that, like think about it logically, how is making the most annoying noise in the world not going to make me not want to hit you more? >>624112265 # >>624114358 # >>624115698 # >>624116554 # >>624119442 # >>624121580 # >>624124153 #

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Anon Has An Unrealistic Dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 100 KB GIF 01/12/23(Thu)19:49:11 No.71801561 >dreamed about having a gf again

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