Anon tries acid | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: 1428583796655.jpg (142 KB, 835x810) File: okkk.png (175 KB, 500x375) Anonymous (ID: CH/7viy) 07/05/14(Sat)03:31:26 No.554774383 okay /b/. story time >be me >beta 15 y/o >had weed a few times, nothing bad happened >decide to try acid, know a guy >hooks me up, go home >close room door, close blinds >time to f------ party >lying on bed waiting for effects to kick in >ohfuckthereitis.jpg >nothing looks right >decide to play some vidya to see what its like >good of zelda on wii >after 10 minutes get hungry >wake up to screaming >too tired to comprehend >go back to sleep >wake up in hospital >mfw >try to leave, door wont open >find key and unlock door, needed alot of force, must have been stuck >go downstairs >see parents on couch >trying to act cool >howstheweather.png >they leave after a while, success >make some nutella toast >taste like s--- >sudden urge to evacuate my bowels >just make it to the toilet before i start errupting >feels good man >decide to sleep, grab blanket and clock the f--- out what actually happened, according to my family >got out of bed and threw zelda game case at the wall >jumped around in front of my off tv swinging a spoon like a wii remote >after an hour of this i shoved the spoon into the keyhole and threw myself against the door untill the lock and my shoulder broke >went downstairs >made a variety of facial expressions at parents while saying weather over and over untill they left >went to kitchen spread nutella onto bare hand and took a bite >blood trail all the way to my sisters room where i sat on her chair and took a huge dump >fell asleep wrapped in a rug from the floor, where sister found me 10 minutes later

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon watches the beach volleyball olympics | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/10/23(Tue)02:52:31 No.892349753 >>892371482 >>892371958 >>892372139 >>892372830 >>892373531 >>892374208 >>892374379 >>892374504 >>892374831 >>892375245 >>892375595 >be wife who has cancer in her vagina >dying in hospital >doctor walks in the room through the door >he tells you there is an experimental treatment >but we must act fast >ring up husband with the news >Darling, the doctor told me that you need to do something. >Listen to me, this is important! >You need to collect cell tissues from inside a healthy vagina. >The doctor said they can be used to fight the cancer. >You must find someone with no STDs! >This doesn't count as cheating.. I give you a free pass. >Wear a condom and then turn it inside out and bring it to the hospital. >If you need help getting an erection with another women, just use the pictures of me on our bedside table. >I love you. >*hang up* Anonymous 01/10/23(Tue)02:58:47 No.892350055 >>892351911 >>892358619 >>892358962 >>892359498 >>892359738 >>892359848 >>892360353 >>892360994 >>892361697 >>892362444 >>892363094 >>892349753 >be husband >at home enjoying the peace and quiet >drinking beer with a buddy and watching the beach volleyball olympics >phone rings >*wife is calling* >Hey babe what's up? >[conversation happens] >H--------.. >run upstairs >daughter is on her bed reading a book about slugs >explain to her the situtation >she nods and puts down her book >Okay daddy, we h-have to save mommy! >she lifts her crop top over her head >pulls down her butterfly panties and jumps on the bed >we do the cell tissue gathering procedure >i leave out all the sexy details >because you are probably imagining >a 12 year old being r---- by her dad >you horny p------------ >there's a woman dying of cancer in the hospital >and you thought she could be saved by scraping >some vagina cells out using a penis >what is wrong with you >autism retard

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Anon has a date | /r/Greentext

Anonymous women moment 12 KB PNG 01/10/23(Tue)10:30:47 No.892386272 >Get a date with a girl I've been trying to get along with for the past 3 years lifeisgoood.jpg >only 1 more day till date I'm so hyped I finally happines will come >says "oh sorry anon a concert is happening at its mandatory to attend for me" f------ hell /b/ros I think I'm gonna drink myself into a hellhole again

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reddit anot needs karma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I need help <2 O 09/29/22(Thu)12:21:25 No.70395619 I'm gonna have to take a few days off. My little brother drowned in his pool yesterday afternoon A D Did anyone try putting him in rice? Lol just kidding take as much time as you need iMessage 20220930_185254.png 288 KB PNG Read 12:39 PM I sent this to my colleague, how do I recover this? 58 Replies / 5 Images .... View Thread

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Anon is not a cool dude | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/10/23(Tue)17:15:00 No.892380236 ► >>892381377 >>892381620 >>89238 >>892384089 >>892384747 >>892385091 File: IMG_2235.jpg (247 KB, 720x400) >eat a bag of dorito hot chips >feel hot Doritos COOL ORIGINAL >eat a baf of dorito cool chips >still feel hot what other food has false advertising? >>892383243 28669 150ge Anonymous 01/10/23(Tue)17:40:45 No.892381377 ► >>892381475 >>892382138 >>89238 dawn >>892380236 Semen, I've eaten loads of it but I'm still scared of going on a boat.

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Anon dates another 4chinner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 14 KB PNG 01/10/23(Tue)13:58:22 No.892384810 >date goes horribly wrong and she cries >sends me a text two days later to send her a d--- pic females really?

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Anon gets fired | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 22 KB JPG 01/10/23(Tue)20:25:40 No.71773122 >got fired for masturbating during a conference call I didn't think they could see me :/

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Anon wants to be more than a sex toy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/10/23(Tue)06:59:16 No.71769130 52 KB JPG >be me >kinda decent 7/10 guy, barely 6ft tall, full hair, alright face >have girthy magic c--- >want long term gf and real love >go out with girl >think we have a great time, really enjoy the conversation and her as a person >on second date we laugh a lot, get flirty and end up making out >she notices my huge bulge and goes for it >we have sex >like many before she can't believe how good it feels >keeps c------ on my c--- and is literally laughing from euphoria, saying things "do you even know how big you are" and "what are you doing to me what is happening" while I'm having completely normal vanilla sex with her >it's like a ridiculous meme, I'm completely stoic f------ her calmly while she is losing her mind and trembling uncontrollably >have sex like 4 times that night >meet again, sex again, exactly the same as last time she's still in disbelief, actually squirts for the first time and laughs about it and literally goes "wooooo" during sex >next day tells me she doesnt feel an emotional connection but we can stay friends for more of those evenings You think it's amazing to have a god c--- and it's fun in the moment of course but it's really lonely actually. For some reason, something in a woman's brain just switches after we had sex and she doesn't see me as a partner anymore but as a drug or sextoy. I've been the affair and fwb for girls so many times. One time a former fwb of mine actually hooked up with me while she was dating another guy really seriously and falling in love with him but she said she wanted to feel it one more time before settling down. Now I'm closing in on 30, i can meet girls and everything can go great but as soon as we have sex, they just lose their mind and I'm nothing but a c--- to them.

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Anon has anxiety | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 102 KB JPG 01/11/23 (Wed)03:03:21 No.892377402 >be me >go on date with qt girl >anxious and think about myself being awkward, causing myself to become more awkward and nervous >date ends >i want to die, i f----- it all up >i text her apologizing for being awkward >she texts me and tells me that i was chill and if anything she thought i wasn't interested in her >she wants a second date tfw why is anxiety like this 6 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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anon orders a BLT | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >decide to cash out some of my gains to spoil myself for a nice meal at Subway for the first time >"What sandwich do you want?" >Uhhh, I'll have a BLT (I had to google this on my Android Smartphone to figure out what this was [Bacon-Lettuce-Tomatoes]) >"Okay, but what bread do you want?" >I-I said I wanted a B.L.T sandwich! >"Yes but I'm going to need a bread" >Umm, organic? >"We don't have that here" 2.06 MB PNG 01/07/23(Sat)21:08:10 No.18783718 >she points at the board >want to say parmesan oregano but I don't know how to pronounce parmesan >say italian instead >"Do you want that toasted?" >Will that cost me extra? >"No" >say yes because free things are nice >"Okay, what vegetables do you want?" >H-Huh? It's a BLT, Bacon, Lettuce, Tomatoes, why are you asking me this? >"And cheese?" >S-Sure >"What kind?" >Yellow..? >"Sauce?" >The special one? >she wraps my sandwich up and I pay >don't tip her because she was really rude to me >it wasn't even that good anyway

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Anon owns the gym | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous THUG LIFE 41 KB JPG 07/13/21(Tue)23:54:35 No.858941903 STORY THREAD. >be me >walk into gym wearing tiny 80's shorts and fake mustache >see literal 9.5/10 girl running on treadmill with earphones in >walk up to her, motion for her to take her earphones out >tell her she's alright looking but not really my type >walk away and leave the gym >hang out in my car in the parking lot, flying my rc helicopter all over the place >girl walks out >do 30mph fly-bys inches above her head and chase her running and screaming to her car >drink the rest of my nesquik and head home

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Anon reduces his stress with one easy hack. Stop caring. | /r/Greentext

R ONSTE >realize one day that the world as i know it entirely begins and ends inside my own head >all of my insecurities and b------- literally just exist only in my head and nobody else cares/is even aware >everybody else is trapped inside their own head too 8 KB JPG >other peoples opinions of you exist just in their head >basically nobody cares and even if they do it doesn't matter >the world might be real, but everybody is trapped in their own heads >nothing is real except what you can see and touch, etc. no stress, no problems

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Anon has a little accident | /r/Greentext

E: Anonymous 07/13/22(Wed)00:29:10 No.881939621 55 KB JPG >be me, 18M, senior in high school >Go to school dance alone >One girl gets left alone and needs a ride home, I'll call her Jamie >I offer her a ride home >Ride back is great, we're laughing, having a great time >We're almost to her place and she asks what I'm doing this weekend >Just then a car makes a left turn in front of me and I T- Bone them, sending Jamie through the wind shield as she wasn't wearing her seatbelt >She doesn't make it out of the hospital alive >Spend the rest of the week mindlessly playing Zelda Minish Cap on my Gameboy.. every night I'd get a flashback to that moment and be stuck awake It's been 5 years, I haven't gotten that close to a female since, does it get better?

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