Anon has a little accident | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

E: Anonymous 07/13/22(Wed)00:29:10 No.881939621 55 KB JPG >be me, 18M, senior in high school >Go to school dance alone >One girl gets left alone and needs a ride home, I'll call her Jamie >I offer her a ride home >Ride back is great, we're laughing, having a great time >We're almost to her place and she asks what I'm doing this weekend >Just then a car makes a left turn in front of me and I T- Bone them, sending Jamie through the wind shield as she wasn't wearing her seatbelt >She doesn't make it out of the hospital alive >Spend the rest of the week mindlessly playing Zelda Minish Cap on my Gameboy.. every night I'd get a flashback to that moment and be stuck awake It's been 5 years, I haven't gotten that close to a female since, does it get better?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon watches the discovery channel | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: vcOLYjqt) >be me >in the living room watching the discovery channel and eating alphabet soup >african tribes uncut n' s--- >all butt naked >really interesting culture >tribe leader's eldest son, baako is showing the cameraman their workouts 47 KB JPG 06/27/17 (Tue)16:04:06 No.1205120 >squats and whatnot >my 15 year old sister walks into the room >look over at her and she's biting her bottom lip >look back at the tv to baako's bbc swinging back and forth >look back at sister and her eyes are moving back and forth in the same pattern >oh no >look down at alphabet soup and sees the word, 'blacked' spelled out >nononono >looks back at baako and he's smiling at the camera and that's how i became a racist, folks Anonymous (ID: (edWzfAGG) = 99 KR 06/27/17(Tue)16:08:25 No.1205167 >>1205120 (OP) # I don't know why but my sides nearly exploded.

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Anon follows Jordan Peterson | /r/Greentext

WASH YOUR PENIS Wash Your Penis Anonymous 01/07/23(Sat)21:34:15 No.21495684>>21495709 >>21495902 >>21495979 >>21496002 >As a man, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself. This includes ensuring that your most intimate areas are clean and well-maintained. I know, I know you're thinking, "Jordan, I already shower regularly, what's the big deal about washing my genitalia?" JORDAN B. PETERSON >But let me tell you, the act of thoroughly cleansing your male anatomy is not just about personal hygiene. It's about self-respect, discipline, and, ultimately, success and personal fulfilment. >First and foremost, washing your genitals sends a message to yourself and to others that you value yourself and your health. A man who takes care of his body is a man who is confident, self- assured, and capable. This confidence will radiate outwards, attracting success and opportunity in all areas of your life. >But it's not just about impressing others. Proper genital hygiene can also improve your sexual health and relationships. No one wants to be intimate with a partner who is unclean or has an unpleasant smell. Showing respect for your partner's body by taking care of your own sends a powerful message and can lead to deeper intimacy and connection. And let's not forget the importance of discipline. Washing your genitalia may seem like a small and insignificant task, but it is a daily practice that requires discipline and commitment. This discipline will spill over into other areas of your life, helping you to become more organized,

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Anon had Liberal Arts | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Life Choices 07/06/22(Wed)02:32:40 No.69302861 >Be me >Graduated High School 2017 > Didnt know what I wanted to do so I went to Community College > Didnt know what I wanted to major in so I picked Liberal arts thinking it was a general education > Didnt realize it was Liberal Arts: Environmental studies 36 KB JPG >Had no idea what that meant > After 1 semester I didnt want my classes to go to waste so I swapped to Environmental Science >I thought It was easier to understand what it was about >I Watched rick and morty and thought I was smart and that major sounded smart >Recently graduated and got a job as a literal Environmental Scientist >I just ride around in ATVS collecting soil >Its okay

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Anon makes easy money by TOPPING males virtually | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)19:19:25 No.850243563 >be me >straight 198 KB JPG >not a lot of money due to covid >gay friend works as a payboy >tells me there are a lot of people looking for young male doms >say f--- it and decide to try it out >only through webcam because of the virus >actually don't care about the virus >just don't want to see naked men irl >somehow get clients >don't know what the f--- I do >just call them pieces of s--- and fot >make close to 5k every month >literally easiest job I ever had W-- /b/ros, why did nobody ever tell me making money could be this easy? 1 Reply View Thread

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anon gets nostalgic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 51 KB JPG /b/? 01/09/23(Mon) 20:22:13 No.892327393 >be me >randomly stumble a song that I haven't listened to in years >get a sudden and intense rush of nostalgia and euphoria >decide to make some food that I haven't had since I was a kid as well Anyone else have moments like this

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How anon lives his life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous skalkwy 133 KB JPG 01/09/23(Mon)16:47:45 No.71763936 >head empty all the time >X thing requires minimum brain power >brain boot up process takes too long >too lazy for that >choose the low effort decision >end up sabotaging myself unintentionally >get angry at myself for a moment >do nothing to change >repeat

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Based Anon fights Beta off | /r/Greentext

IV ●●● >>69538168 (OP) # Anonymous 01/09/23(Mon)21:06:12 No.69538168 167 KB JPG נייט >ILL F------ STAB YOU YOU F------ RAT, GO OUTSIDE. GO OUTSIDE!!!!!! : Anonymous How do you handle this situation? 01/09/23(Mon)21:13:29 No.69538251 01/09/23(Mon)21:13:31 No.69538252 >>69538168 (OP) # >pull my penis out >look him in the eyes as I grow erect >don't make me turn this r--- into a murder

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Anon doesn’t want to be born on earth | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)08:34:00 No.36887885 BORN TO FEEL 14 KB JPG >be american >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is 100 000$ >be african >be african >be european >get beheaded by isis >be asian >suicide because of stress and no gf >be australian >get killed by venomous animal and lose war against emu I guess no place on earth is good after all

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Sleepy medical yoga | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >Are you overweight? >Find it hard to motivate yourself? >Want to lose weight while you sleep? >Look no further, I am a doctor! >This revolutionary new exercise combines medical anesthesia with natural sleep! >You go to sleep using anesthesia and a fully trained licensed doctor will exercise your body for you! >I will stretch your arms, rotate your wrists, move your legs apart, build up tolerence in your neck, toughen up those abs, put your body into weird and wonderful yoga positions! 01/09/23(Mon)06:14:33 No.892309760 >That's right, healthy natural yoga is included for FREE! >If you're interested in a free consultation and you live in the USA, female over the age of 18 with a valid STD test in the past 2 weeks.. >I will fly you out for a consultation, for FREE! >Talk to me directly on discord: ChubbyLover#1692 >Contact me today.. it's FREE! >Terms, NDA and conditions apply 01/09/23(Mon)06:35:26 No.892309999 Anonymous >>892309760 im not female but it sounds like you could do some helpful yoga stretches inside my anus while i am unconcious please check your discord messages my name daniel

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Anon loves the toothbrush | /r/Greentext

File: 1383851557027.jpg-(24 KB, 146x229, 1381396265131.jpg) Anonymous 11/07/13(Thu) 14:12:37 No.514844646 TOP WHY Well I'm f----- /b/. Really f------ f-----. I'll greentext what happened, of course. >be browsing /b/ a couple of days ago >see thread about prostate stimulation orgasms for men >apparently it's some kind of magical ultimate orgasm experience >didn't really think much of it, forgot about it almost directly >fast forward to today, in the bathroom >see my 7 year old sister's vibrating Dora toothbrush (it makes music too) >remember thread >immediately realize how wrong it is to even consider this >f--- it, curious >lubed up and started twisting and s--- down there, no real idea what I was doing >suddenly the f------ door opens, it's my mom >look of absolute disgust and horror on her face >flinched and clenched my asscheeks together >somehow I activated the music with my sphincter >"we did it" song plays as she slowly closes the door >runs downstairs incredibly fast >look at myself in the mirror and realize what a stupid f--- I am >sitting upstairs now, haven't faced her yet Wat do? Replies: >>514844904>>514844978>>514846110>>514846154>>514846419>>514846503>>514846551>>514846601 >> Anonymous 11/07/13(Thu)14:14:30 No.514844842 F------ 10/10 I'm in tears right now >> Anonymous 11/07/13(Thu)14:14:58 No.514844904 File: 1383851698678.jpg-(15 KB, 241x209, 1333422806342.jpg) >>514844646 My sides have taken a vacation to Venus.

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Most helpful advice | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 41 KB JPG with advice? 05/04/22 (Wed)02:14:49 No.68481520 >be me, 19 >gets called cute, funny, smart >both my roommates are women >they wonder why I never had a gf >never felt ready the idea of a relationship seems kinda daunting desu. anyone here 05/04/22(Wed)02:16:54 No.68481538 Anonymous >>68481520 (OP) # idk man but i pooped myself a little today and i think you should know about it

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femanon takes a guys vcard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 163 KB JPG 01/10/23(Tue)12:14:18 No.892368837 >be 25f >want a pure cute boy to mess around with >find a virgin from my class I ended up dropping out of >he rejects me twice after I coyly ask if he wants to have sex >a year later ask him out to dinner and he agrees >I pressure him to drink and he gets drunk >we go on a walk and I take his virginity >It's cold and the grass was damp but he seemed to enjoy it Later I think about a scene I read from chainsaw man and try to reinact it with him >bite his fingers and tell him to memorize my bite >"That's kind of weird Anon but ok" 1 year later we're still dating. Am I autistic?

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