anon talks about his sex life | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous I'm a lost cause THERAP HELIUM 12/18/22(Sun)00:16:25 No.890928831 107 KB PNG >be me >early 20's >nearly a virgin cause I couldn't get it up with the same girl 2 times >4 years pass by >some opportunities to f--- half- decent females >everytime they always cancelled it 24 hours before. Everytime with no exceptions. They always change their minds >starting to lose hope cause it's always an outside factor not in my control >1 week ago, trying to blend with normies and go to the club with some friends >2 females in their 30's approach us and talked to us in front of the club after >one is blonde, petite physique, 8/10 qt >the other one is smashed and really insist that we talk to her friend and finish her sentence with a wink at me >my friends leaves and I stay with both of them because why not >small talk just to not have a dead silence >they decide to return home >her smashed friend take a different direction >I'm finally alone with her >she finishing the conversation. little silence >Soyboy.exe >can't even have the balls to say "so your place or mine?" even if I had all the green light >doesn't even take her number or anything >say goodbye and just go home like nothing happens Could have f----- a milf but decide the only thing I'll f--- is myself by being a giant cuck. I'm a lost cause anons... : Anonymous put me in the screenshot for reddit 12/18/22(Sun)00:17:50 No.890928898

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon Has a Brain Reset | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 73 KB JPG 10/14/21(Thu)22:40:34 No.865002583 >Been jacking off to increasingly weird s--- as of late >piss drinking >prostate orgasms >arm pit licking >femdom c-- eating >randomly get the urge to watch two cute girls in bikinis kissing >blow the biggest load of the last six months Did my brain just do a factory reset?

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Anon has an experience that I relate to on some level but I'm not explaining what | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 114 KB JPG 01/17/20(Fri)12:47:58 No.56308909 >gf admitted she had a foot fetish a few months ago and gets turned on by me worshipping her feet >had always made fun of foot fetishists, it never once turned me on >indulge her at the time because why not, doesn't hurt me >fast forward 2 months >get instant boners when she takes her socks off and puts her feet in my lap now What have I become

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Anon becomes Undefeatable | /r/Greentext

42 KB JPG >be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy

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Anon descovers the wonder of the tampon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/20/21(Mon)12:45:46 No.863465058 >Be me. Super horny middle school boy >Searching for a--- p---, found some where a girl used a toy on a guy's butthole. He had a massive orgasm >Brightidea.exe. I'll stick something up my butt and j-------. >But what to stick in my butt? >Improvise.exe I got one of my mom's tampons. I figured I could use the string that pull it out >Stick it up there. Fire up some p---. Start jacking off. I guess I clenched my butthole. The tampon shot way up into the dark recesses of my anus. panic.png >Try to find it. Spend a solid 30 minutes with my finger up my ass 130 KB JPG >Figure I'll s--- it out later. I must have shoved it deeper, then the tampon must have expanded. It formed some kind of awful plug. I did not s--- for days >After about 8-9 days the constipation is so bad that I can barely stand up >Parents take me to the emergency. They do an x-ray and see a blockage. The doctor asks what it is. I say that it's a tampon. He asks why I have a tampon up my ass. I explain that I thought it would feel good. >He tries to get it out with me lying on my side, while a nurse is pulling one knee up to my chest. No luck. >He has me get in the face down ass up position, tells me that the lube is making the tampon slippery, and rams three fingers up my ass, while the nurse holds me down. Pulls the tampon out, and I instantly take a massive disgusting s--- that fills an entire bedpan with week old turd. >My parents were in the room the whole time. >The orgasm was average

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Anon descovers the true value of autistic hyperfixation and crustaceans | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Shrimp saved my life 09/12/18 (Wed)18:48:30 No.2813016 >be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel >one day I go to my /aq/f-- uncle's house for some s--- >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before 53 KB JPG >he offers to get me some >throw them in a barely cycled tank with some s----- rock >several shrimp die >realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >do research, learn about water parameters and so on >eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths >notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade >the eggs disappear and I once again think I f----- up >a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp >I suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ >by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos >I spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products >quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending >start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp >grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out >relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself >I see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp >for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake >it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs >cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me >college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp >s--- they're gonna think I'm autistic >they actually think my shrimp are really cool >they start inviting me to their social events >start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that I'm fun and smart >I think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you.

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Anon makes friends?! | /r/Greentext

when your jokes are desperate cries for help but everybody thinks you're just shitposting chad thread Anonymous (ID: gkos >pats me on the back >we played soul calibur 6 >talked about our problems >we became bros mfw chads are there for me >be me >depressed >3 sleepless days >eating alone >2 basketball chads saw me >herewego.png >i knew this day would come >"hey anon, feelin' down" >that was unexpected >i said yes, and told them that im sad >expecting to get mocked >instead they console me >chad 1:"anon, everyone has their ups and downs, hope you hang in there" >chad 2: "I've been there, real tough s---. we got you anon"

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Anon hit his weigh goal (wholesome) | /r/Greentext

...oo AT&T Board /fit/ - Fitness 50 KB JPG 1:35 PM boards.4chan.org WHAT THE F--- ALRIGHT/FIT/ - THIS IS WHAT WE LIFT FOR >we go buy a nice one >carry it around like a slave >mom is happy >feelsgoodman >i lift it into the house 38% >visit dad >asks me to buy a christmas tree >my dad says hes not feeling well >COLLAPSES ▼ Settings Home >W-- >mom panics >dad just laying there knocked out >we put him in a safe position quickly >my heart is racing >i decide to LIFT him up and carry him to the couch >mom calls 911 >im panicking too >figure that the hospital is not so far away >LIFT him back up and carry him into car >mom is screaming at me but i cant hear s--- >race to hospital >LIFT him out of the car and carry him into ER >scream around like an autist >mfw they told me he had a stroke and probably would have died if it wasnt for my lifts

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Anon's dad is a southerner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: y8De0+0A 02/03/18(Sat)20:54:28 No.7275061 >dad buys 2015 Diesel Dodge Ram >6 months later says "I think I'm gonna buy a new truck" >whatthefuck.jpeg >"why you just got a new one" >"I'm gonna buy a 2016. Those diesel Engines last forever" >"then why don't you make your 2015 last forever" >says I don't understand vehicles >tfw he's over $70,000 in debt and doesn't 128 KB JPG understand why Is my dad retarded?

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some things never change | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 71 KB JPG 12/17/22(Sat) 23:28:47 No.890926614 >haven't used /b/ for months >decided to take a look just for fun >first thread is loli p--- some things really never change

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Anon Beats The System ;) | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12 KB JPG 03/16/19(Sat)00:01:17 No.795089854 >Be me >Redditfag >goes on r/greentext >sort by top posts of all time >find first post that's older than 150 days >take a screen shot of the image >post on r/greentext >get over 30k upvotes >mfw I have more karma than 90% of other redditors

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anon needs to smile more | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 20 KB JPG 12/17/22(Sat) 23:42:20 No.890927312 >be me >be working cashier at wagecuck job >old lady comes in >asks me to smile >i gave a fake one >she made me laugh abit so i smile a bit >she says I have a nice smile. Why don't I smile more >i broke up recently and she said it gets better >made my day thanks old lady

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Anon tells the adventures of Neal the Tard - 7 The new wrangler | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Pu51ryFD) 04/09/12(Mon)04:27:45 No.392111692 Neal breaks in the new wrangler >Be in 8th grade >Be about halfway through the year >As ! I said before Neal is the lightning raptard, he is fast as hell >Well he put this particular asset to good use against his new wrangler >While at lunch one day the new wrangler wasn't paying much attention, he greatly underestimated the power of Neal >While the d------- was flirting with one of the substitute teachers Neal slipped the f--- out to go somewhere >tardwrangler finally notices and asks me what happened to him >"I don't know, it's your job to keep track of them" > He runs off down the hall, I follow out of curiosity Cont. Anonymous (ID: Pu51ryFD) 04/09/12(Mon)04:28:25 No.392111762 Finally story of the nights end f------ flood detection >We go out to the main walk way, Neal is no where to be found, but his pants are on top of the trashcan >We hear a scream come from the building we were just in >Turns out Neal had scared some of t f the s walking down the hall >Neal has now been running for a good 15 minutes straight at full speed, this would be hard for anyone to maintain >Neal is finally found by the two by the two of us, the tard guard grabs him by the wrist and pulls him toward the bathroom to put his pants back on >Neal mumbles "Ai dun feal so gud" >Neal engages tardfoo grip onto the tardguards wrist, it is a well known fact that tardfoo grip is unbreakable >The wrangler tries to to free his wrist to no avail >Neal throws up that days lunch he had (Pizza, fries, and juice) all over the wranglers pants and shoes >He sighs in disgust and tosses Neal into the bathroom, Neal begins his Tard screech due to the excessive force used on him (thankfully no tards were nearby to rage) >I help calm Neal down, and he tells the principle that the wrangler hurt him >Wrangler is ultimately fire a week later for this, all cus he was a d------- Don't flirt with the substitutes when you should be watching Neal, they aren't even hot.

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