Anon makes friends?! | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

when your jokes are desperate cries for help but everybody thinks you're just shitposting chad thread Anonymous (ID: gkos >pats me on the back >we played soul calibur 6 >talked about our problems >we became bros mfw chads are there for me >be me >depressed >3 sleepless days >eating alone >2 basketball chads saw me >herewego.png >i knew this day would come >"hey anon, feelin' down" >that was unexpected >i said yes, and told them that im sad >expecting to get mocked >instead they console me >chad 1:"anon, everyone has their ups and downs, hope you hang in there" >chad 2: "I've been there, real tough s---. we got you anon"

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon hit his weigh goal (wholesome) | /r/Greentext

...oo AT&T Board /fit/ - Fitness 50 KB JPG 1:35 PM boards.4chan.org WHAT THE F--- ALRIGHT/FIT/ - THIS IS WHAT WE LIFT FOR >we go buy a nice one >carry it around like a slave >mom is happy >feelsgoodman >i lift it into the house 38% >visit dad >asks me to buy a christmas tree >my dad says hes not feeling well >COLLAPSES ▼ Settings Home >W-- >mom panics >dad just laying there knocked out >we put him in a safe position quickly >my heart is racing >i decide to LIFT him up and carry him to the couch >mom calls 911 >im panicking too >figure that the hospital is not so far away >LIFT him back up and carry him into car >mom is screaming at me but i cant hear s--- >race to hospital >LIFT him out of the car and carry him into ER >scream around like an autist >mfw they told me he had a stroke and probably would have died if it wasnt for my lifts

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Anon's dad is a southerner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: y8De0+0A 02/03/18(Sat)20:54:28 No.7275061 >dad buys 2015 Diesel Dodge Ram >6 months later says "I think I'm gonna buy a new truck" >whatthefuck.jpeg >"why you just got a new one" >"I'm gonna buy a 2016. Those diesel Engines last forever" >"then why don't you make your 2015 last forever" >says I don't understand vehicles >tfw he's over $70,000 in debt and doesn't 128 KB JPG understand why Is my dad retarded?

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some things never change | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 71 KB JPG 12/17/22(Sat) 23:28:47 No.890926614 >haven't used /b/ for months >decided to take a look just for fun >first thread is loli p--- some things really never change

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Anon Beats The System ;) | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12 KB JPG 03/16/19(Sat)00:01:17 No.795089854 >Be me >Redditfag >goes on r/greentext >sort by top posts of all time >find first post that's older than 150 days >take a screen shot of the image >post on r/greentext >get over 30k upvotes >mfw I have more karma than 90% of other redditors

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anon needs to smile more | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 20 KB JPG 12/17/22(Sat) 23:42:20 No.890927312 >be me >be working cashier at wagecuck job >old lady comes in >asks me to smile >i gave a fake one >she made me laugh abit so i smile a bit >she says I have a nice smile. Why don't I smile more >i broke up recently and she said it gets better >made my day thanks old lady

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Anon tells the adventures of Neal the Tard - 7 The new wrangler | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Pu51ryFD) 04/09/12(Mon)04:27:45 No.392111692 Neal breaks in the new wrangler >Be in 8th grade >Be about halfway through the year >As ! I said before Neal is the lightning raptard, he is fast as hell >Well he put this particular asset to good use against his new wrangler >While at lunch one day the new wrangler wasn't paying much attention, he greatly underestimated the power of Neal >While the d------- was flirting with one of the substitute teachers Neal slipped the f--- out to go somewhere >tardwrangler finally notices and asks me what happened to him >"I don't know, it's your job to keep track of them" > He runs off down the hall, I follow out of curiosity Cont. Anonymous (ID: Pu51ryFD) 04/09/12(Mon)04:28:25 No.392111762 Finally story of the nights end f------ flood detection >We go out to the main walk way, Neal is no where to be found, but his pants are on top of the trashcan >We hear a scream come from the building we were just in >Turns out Neal had scared some of t f the s walking down the hall >Neal has now been running for a good 15 minutes straight at full speed, this would be hard for anyone to maintain >Neal is finally found by the two by the two of us, the tard guard grabs him by the wrist and pulls him toward the bathroom to put his pants back on >Neal mumbles "Ai dun feal so gud" >Neal engages tardfoo grip onto the tardguards wrist, it is a well known fact that tardfoo grip is unbreakable >The wrangler tries to to free his wrist to no avail >Neal throws up that days lunch he had (Pizza, fries, and juice) all over the wranglers pants and shoes >He sighs in disgust and tosses Neal into the bathroom, Neal begins his Tard screech due to the excessive force used on him (thankfully no tards were nearby to rage) >I help calm Neal down, and he tells the principle that the wrangler hurt him >Wrangler is ultimately fire a week later for this, all cus he was a d------- Don't flirt with the substitutes when you should be watching Neal, they aren't even hot.

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Anon is half-blind | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 51 KB JPG 12/17/22(Sat)11:09:59 No.71436223 >be me straight af >awaken my one-eyed purple headed yogurt slinger >load up sketchy p--- website >'mmm i'd love a piece of some of that' >click video and begin to masturbate til climax >post nut clarity hits >realize cute girl is actually a femboy with tons of makeup >immediately say no h--- so its not gay >Mfw Happens to the best of us, right bros

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Anon on the buss | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Its over 326 KB JPG >pic related Mfw 10/23/22(Sun)16:15:55 No.70698299 >be me on bus >have to fart >bus is full so no one is gonna know its me >fart >s--- myself >everyone knew View Thread

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Anon got ghosted too many times | /r/Greentext

24 KB JPG 12/17/22(Sat) 19:05:11 No.16701614 > be me > meet a girl > we start talking > I get attached > they leave > already happened 10 times sometimes girls even approach me to ghost me later after I develop a crush on them > Honestly I dont have any remaining emotions I am about to disrespect every girl I will meet. Why do they hurt me for no reason? W--? Are all girls sadistic monsters? WHY TF DO YOU APPROACH A GUY WHEN YOU DONT WANT A RELATIONSHIP YOU STUPOID. I am going insane

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Anon is innocent | /r/Greentext

22 KB JPG >be me >yesterday night >preparing to pull an all nighter gaming >go to the kitchen to get snacks and s--- >parents are out >lil sis has a friend staying over and they're watching some f----- show about drags >Kitchen has to entrances but I pass by the living room so they know I'm here in case they get scared someone may want to break in or something >be heating a couple of hot pockets but quietly walk closer to the living room to over hear their conversation >her friend mentions she's creeped out by me because of how I "stare too much at her" and because according to her I stare at her rack, like bitch i stare at everyone youre not special >be livid so stand in front of them so they know i heard everything >want to bruise their egos so come up with an insult >tell them that the only reason I wouldn't even try to r--- them tonight even tho i totally can is not the r--- or even the statutory r--- charges but because they're disgusting looking both on the inside and the outside >they dont say anything >grab my hot pockets and go back to my room >laugh my ass off and then enjoy my gaming night >be this morning >got a call from mom >they told her I "threatened to r--- them" even tho I explicitly told them I WOULDNT do it >try to explain the situation but they already decided to believe my sister im in deep trouble now anons

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Anon goes to work | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Doh 90 KB JPG 11/08/22(Tue)22:15:18 No.70909357 >be me, going to work this morning >have bag of trash in left hand and work laptop in right >car is parked right next to trashcan >open car door >brainshart.png >throw laptop in trashcan >bag of trash on front seat of car >trash juice spilling all over car seat >dumpster dive for laptop >woman with child sees me and they move to the opposite side of the road >come out covered and smelling like s--- >go home and call in sick >laptop is slow and heats up now >mfw View Thread

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anon tells a NORMal story | /r/Greentext

12/05/22(Mon)15:46:07 No.21346295 we stop at a bar and adam eget says will you take a look at her ass so i look at the waitresses ass and he says tell me thats not going into the book and i say no its not and he says youre telling me that youre not putting that waitresses ass into the book and i tell him no and he says im crazy if i dont put her ass in the book and i tell him hes so stupid he doesnt even know what should be in a book. i tell him it has to be real important stuff especially in the end part of a book and besides no book in the whole world is supposed to be about a waitresses ass and adam eget starts pouting and says whats so special about you that youre better than a waitresses ass and i say im famous thats what and he says whats that ever got you so i look at the stupid idiot and i say ill show you what its got me ill show you right now and i yell hey waiter get over here cause im hungry and he comes over and i ask him what the special is and im lucky cause its chili and not that stupid f------ turkey chili that i hate either but real chili with pieces of beef in it and so i say hmmmmm to stall for time hmmmm and then my finger starts pointing at my name on my snl jacket and some time passes before the waiter says hey arent you famous and i say sure i am and he says you can have the chili for free and i say i want a whole bowl and not a cup and plenty of crackers too and the waiter agrees to the whole thing. im pretty pleased with myself and i look over at adam eget but he isnt sitting beside me anymore cause he is at the other side of the bar standing in front of a tv so i go over to him and he is talking like a robot and he says the toronto blue jays will win their baseball match tonight by two scores and i cant believe what im hearing so i hit adam eget hard on the side of his head and he falls in a crumple out cold. people come around to see what the trouble is and i tell them im a really famous guy and if they dont believe me they can all just read my clothes and i tell them adam eget is a nobody whose life is worth like a hundred words. everyone is cool with that and it makes me think that thats another thing that fame gets you. you can just go ahead and hit a guy hard on the side of his head. i go back to my table and wait for my food and look around the bar to see where the waitresses ass went and then finally the waiter comes back and he says he is sorry but they are just out of chili but that if i want i can have a bowl of turkey chili. can you believe it. turkey f------ chili. story of my life. Anonymous 2.78 MB GIF

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