Anon becomes Undefeatable | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

42 KB JPG >be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon descovers the wonder of the tampon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/20/21(Mon)12:45:46 No.863465058 >Be me. Super horny middle school boy >Searching for a--- p---, found some where a girl used a toy on a guy's butthole. He had a massive orgasm >Brightidea.exe. I'll stick something up my butt and j-------. >But what to stick in my butt? >Improvise.exe I got one of my mom's tampons. I figured I could use the string that pull it out >Stick it up there. Fire up some p---. Start jacking off. I guess I clenched my butthole. The tampon shot way up into the dark recesses of my anus. panic.png >Try to find it. Spend a solid 30 minutes with my finger up my ass 130 KB JPG >Figure I'll s--- it out later. I must have shoved it deeper, then the tampon must have expanded. It formed some kind of awful plug. I did not s--- for days >After about 8-9 days the constipation is so bad that I can barely stand up >Parents take me to the emergency. They do an x-ray and see a blockage. The doctor asks what it is. I say that it's a tampon. He asks why I have a tampon up my ass. I explain that I thought it would feel good. >He tries to get it out with me lying on my side, while a nurse is pulling one knee up to my chest. No luck. >He has me get in the face down ass up position, tells me that the lube is making the tampon slippery, and rams three fingers up my ass, while the nurse holds me down. Pulls the tampon out, and I instantly take a massive disgusting s--- that fills an entire bedpan with week old turd. >My parents were in the room the whole time. >The orgasm was average

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Anon descovers the true value of autistic hyperfixation and crustaceans | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Shrimp saved my life 09/12/18 (Wed)18:48:30 No.2813016 >be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel >one day I go to my /aq/f-- uncle's house for some s--- >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before 53 KB JPG >he offers to get me some >throw them in a barely cycled tank with some s----- rock >several shrimp die >realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >do research, learn about water parameters and so on >eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths >notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade >the eggs disappear and I once again think I f----- up >a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp >I suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ >by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos >I spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products >quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending >start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp >grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out >relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself >I see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp >for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake >it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs >cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me >college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp >s--- they're gonna think I'm autistic >they actually think my shrimp are really cool >they start inviting me to their social events >start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that I'm fun and smart >I think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you.

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Anon makes friends?! | /r/Greentext

when your jokes are desperate cries for help but everybody thinks you're just shitposting chad thread Anonymous (ID: gkos >pats me on the back >we played soul calibur 6 >talked about our problems >we became bros mfw chads are there for me >be me >depressed >3 sleepless days >eating alone >2 basketball chads saw me >herewego.png >i knew this day would come >"hey anon, feelin' down" >that was unexpected >i said yes, and told them that im sad >expecting to get mocked >instead they console me >chad 1:"anon, everyone has their ups and downs, hope you hang in there" >chad 2: "I've been there, real tough s---. we got you anon"

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Anon hit his weigh goal (wholesome) | /r/Greentext

...oo AT&T Board /fit/ - Fitness 50 KB JPG 1:35 PM boards.4chan.org WHAT THE F--- ALRIGHT/FIT/ - THIS IS WHAT WE LIFT FOR >we go buy a nice one >carry it around like a slave >mom is happy >feelsgoodman >i lift it into the house 38% >visit dad >asks me to buy a christmas tree >my dad says hes not feeling well >COLLAPSES ▼ Settings Home >W-- >mom panics >dad just laying there knocked out >we put him in a safe position quickly >my heart is racing >i decide to LIFT him up and carry him to the couch >mom calls 911 >im panicking too >figure that the hospital is not so far away >LIFT him back up and carry him into car >mom is screaming at me but i cant hear s--- >race to hospital >LIFT him out of the car and carry him into ER >scream around like an autist >mfw they told me he had a stroke and probably would have died if it wasnt for my lifts

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Anon's dad is a southerner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: y8De0+0A 02/03/18(Sat)20:54:28 No.7275061 >dad buys 2015 Diesel Dodge Ram >6 months later says "I think I'm gonna buy a new truck" >whatthefuck.jpeg >"why you just got a new one" >"I'm gonna buy a 2016. Those diesel Engines last forever" >"then why don't you make your 2015 last forever" >says I don't understand vehicles >tfw he's over $70,000 in debt and doesn't 128 KB JPG understand why Is my dad retarded?

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some things never change | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 71 KB JPG 12/17/22(Sat) 23:28:47 No.890926614 >haven't used /b/ for months >decided to take a look just for fun >first thread is loli p--- some things really never change

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Anon Beats The System ;) | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12 KB JPG 03/16/19(Sat)00:01:17 No.795089854 >Be me >Redditfag >goes on r/greentext >sort by top posts of all time >find first post that's older than 150 days >take a screen shot of the image >post on r/greentext >get over 30k upvotes >mfw I have more karma than 90% of other redditors

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anon needs to smile more | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 20 KB JPG 12/17/22(Sat) 23:42:20 No.890927312 >be me >be working cashier at wagecuck job >old lady comes in >asks me to smile >i gave a fake one >she made me laugh abit so i smile a bit >she says I have a nice smile. Why don't I smile more >i broke up recently and she said it gets better >made my day thanks old lady

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Anon tells the adventures of Neal the Tard - 7 The new wrangler | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Pu51ryFD) 04/09/12(Mon)04:27:45 No.392111692 Neal breaks in the new wrangler >Be in 8th grade >Be about halfway through the year >As ! I said before Neal is the lightning raptard, he is fast as hell >Well he put this particular asset to good use against his new wrangler >While at lunch one day the new wrangler wasn't paying much attention, he greatly underestimated the power of Neal >While the d------- was flirting with one of the substitute teachers Neal slipped the f--- out to go somewhere >tardwrangler finally notices and asks me what happened to him >"I don't know, it's your job to keep track of them" > He runs off down the hall, I follow out of curiosity Cont. Anonymous (ID: Pu51ryFD) 04/09/12(Mon)04:28:25 No.392111762 Finally story of the nights end f------ flood detection >We go out to the main walk way, Neal is no where to be found, but his pants are on top of the trashcan >We hear a scream come from the building we were just in >Turns out Neal had scared some of t f the s walking down the hall >Neal has now been running for a good 15 minutes straight at full speed, this would be hard for anyone to maintain >Neal is finally found by the two by the two of us, the tard guard grabs him by the wrist and pulls him toward the bathroom to put his pants back on >Neal mumbles "Ai dun feal so gud" >Neal engages tardfoo grip onto the tardguards wrist, it is a well known fact that tardfoo grip is unbreakable >The wrangler tries to to free his wrist to no avail >Neal throws up that days lunch he had (Pizza, fries, and juice) all over the wranglers pants and shoes >He sighs in disgust and tosses Neal into the bathroom, Neal begins his Tard screech due to the excessive force used on him (thankfully no tards were nearby to rage) >I help calm Neal down, and he tells the principle that the wrangler hurt him >Wrangler is ultimately fire a week later for this, all cus he was a d------- Don't flirt with the substitutes when you should be watching Neal, they aren't even hot.

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Anon is half-blind | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 51 KB JPG 12/17/22(Sat)11:09:59 No.71436223 >be me straight af >awaken my one-eyed purple headed yogurt slinger >load up sketchy p--- website >'mmm i'd love a piece of some of that' >click video and begin to masturbate til climax >post nut clarity hits >realize cute girl is actually a femboy with tons of makeup >immediately say no h--- so its not gay >Mfw Happens to the best of us, right bros

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Anon on the buss | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Its over 326 KB JPG >pic related Mfw 10/23/22(Sun)16:15:55 No.70698299 >be me on bus >have to fart >bus is full so no one is gonna know its me >fart >s--- myself >everyone knew View Thread

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Anon got ghosted too many times | /r/Greentext

24 KB JPG 12/17/22(Sat) 19:05:11 No.16701614 > be me > meet a girl > we start talking > I get attached > they leave > already happened 10 times sometimes girls even approach me to ghost me later after I develop a crush on them > Honestly I dont have any remaining emotions I am about to disrespect every girl I will meet. Why do they hurt me for no reason? W--? Are all girls sadistic monsters? WHY TF DO YOU APPROACH A GUY WHEN YOU DONT WANT A RELATIONSHIP YOU STUPOID. I am going insane

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