God gives his silliest battles to his funniest clowns. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous How to make women laugh 168 KB PNG 08/13/21(Fri)02:01:51 No.64954143 Just make her laugh bro. Girls love funny guys. 46 Replies / 5 Images View Thread 08/13/21(Fri)07:36:50 No.64956807 08/13/21(Fri)07:38:15 No.64956821 08/13/21(Fri)08:02:15 No.64956993 : Anonymous : Anonymous : Anonymous >>64954143 (OP) # >go on date >we hang out all day and goes well imo, she seems to be having fun, and she was literally crying laughing like half a dozen times >sleep over at her place >ask her if she wants to do this again because muh "make ur intentions known early, it's your fault that you're in the firendzone" >"i would like to hang out still but to be clear i'm not really attracted to you that way and just want to be friends" >i said ok or something, but i imagine i was visibly sad >"it's fine we can still hang out" "what's so wrong with being my friend?" she says >change subject and eventually go home >don't contact her again

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is short | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/25/18(Sun)13:57:27 No.44135120 >straight boy >about 5'5 but I don't let it 229 KB PNG get to me >meet 6'5 guy at a camp that I work at >we have to move a bunch of boxes >I pick one up, trip and fall >"don't be such a silly little boy" >instant throbbing boner fuckfuckcfuck please don't be gay I don't want to be gay what does this mean 34 Replies / 5 Images View Thread

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Wholesome greentext | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/03/19(Thu)01:55:21 No.788966543 I know nobody is going to care, but I need to share it with someone 72 KB PNG >be me, 20, never had a girlfriend/been with a girl before (actual sperg) >decide to have a kickback at my house on New Years Eve; 10 or so people just smoking weed and watching movies >one of my best friends, who i've known since 7th grade is there >she's just chilling with her head in my lap, which is since we're pretty close nor >solid 7/10, always had feelings for her, just too awkward to make a move, and i figured she was out of my league >I pass my controller to one of my friends when all the sudden she pulls me down >kisses me on the cheek, and after the initial shock I kiss her back >we end up making out for a couple of minutes, and spend the rest of the night in each others arms >texts me the next day to tell me that she's had feelings for me for a long time, but she was too afraid to tell me >I tell her the same thing We're now dating, and i've literally never been happier before. I know it was a s----- story and nobody cares, but I don't have a lot of friends and I had to tell someone

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Luckiest anon out there | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 1.8 MB JPG 09/10/21 (Fri)22:28:24 No.65334978 >be introverted >coworker talks with me >ask her out >get home and cant get her out of my head >dont want to be friendzoned >text her i want to f--- her >she asks what i mean >tell her exactly what i want >silence for 48 hours >tell her ill go back to being quiet and apologize >she wants to go out some more >says that sort of thing feels better when it just happens can someone decode this for me? 09/10/21 (Fri)22:29:34 No.65334990 : Anonymous >>65334978 (OP) # She is willing to overlook your retarded autistic episode to go on a date with you.

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Anon is an expert at bullying | /r/Greentext

They're disgusting! They don't even consider SUNNY's feelings.......! Do DaHmm Myehn Moreover, he reads only books, has a dark personality and a slender body hahaha. Class 2.png 1.76 MB PNG SUNNY... >>409718174 # He knows they're gonna bully him SUNNY really doesn't live up to his name, isn't he? He's trying to be funny, isn't he? His voice is too small >>409718798 # >>409718824 # >>409719397 # >>409721870 # Anonymous 12/05/22(Mon) 08:31:04 No.409718798 >>409718592 # Why are asians awful at doing bullying scenes? I can never take any of them seriously, I can't believe anyone would bully someone so pathetically like this and someone would feel bullied by these "offenses".

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Anon is a consumer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/01/22(Thu)22:09:27 No.177434147 ► >>177434198 >>177436196 >>177436207 File: hotsoy318.jpg (385 KB, 1080x1309) >>177434085 # >oh, waitress! *snaps fingers* come here, my poppet, I've decided on what I shall dine upon today. >May I have the BEARDY MCBEARDMAN MEGA BEEFY QUADRUPLE BEEF BEER BACON N BOURBON BURGER WITH 3000 MONTH PINK HIMALAYAN SALT CAVE AGED CRUELTY FREE SLAVERY FREE NON GMO FARM TO TABLE CIGAR SMOKED GOUDA >Oh, and of COURSE! My apologies for not realizing that the hot sauce menu was a subset of the MAIN menu (albeit a separate pamphlet detailing the intricacies of each sauce, as well as pairing suggestions, would be a welcome addition (pass that along to your sauce monger)). I shall sample your in- house BEELZEBUTT'S 7,000,000 SCOVILLE HEMORRHOID HOLOCAUST NUCLEAR A--- LEAKAGE XXXXXX FECAL FURY SAUCE; and, my sweet, mayhaps a bottle of it to go? Though I am yet to taste it, I am sure that my buddies at the barcade - yes, a portmanteau of 'bar' and 'arcade, and YES, you can actually DRINK as you PLAY VIDEO GAMES, whatever will they think of next? - will be utterly TICKLED by the label your crew has concocted for that bottle! *taps glass* >and another round of your hoppiest IPA, please!

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Anon aint chasing whamen | /r/Greentext

12/07/22(Wed)10:46:08 No.71295682 >I refuse to ask out the girl myself, but that's not because im a pussyintel, its because all women want 0.000000001% turbo chad to ride a c--- carousel, so if i asked her out she would reject me because im 5.10 balding and autistic (self diagnosed), and even if she said yes, i would betabuxx while she thinks of chad, not because im chadsexual or insecure, but because women are just like that trust me i know first hand! All they want is chad and his juicy c---, they don't care about anything else! And if she wants me, shes gotta make the first move! And i want a real women not a w----! 4 Replies / 1 Image Anonymous 8 KB JPG View Thread Anonymous >>71295682 (OP) # *looks in the mirror* Yeah I'm not asking anyone out. 12/07/22(Wed)10:47:51 No.71295696

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Femanon wants to meet a man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 52 KB JPG 12/06/22(Tue)21:52:16 No.71292680 >33 year old fembot >met a guy and we hit it off but he ghosted me after some hot girl in WOW talked to him >feelslikeshit.jpg >looking for a tall white skelly bf who I can take care of :( that looks like picrel >I am a bit on the chubby side but I've been losing weight 20 pounds down so far! >have severe depression tried killing myself a few times >I do well for myself >live on my own >can cook and clean >have stable income honestly I wonder if life is even worth it anymore, I just want to end it all but f--- killing yourself is annoying and tough. >>71292703 # >>71292704 # >>71293539 # >>71293635 #

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Anon smokes a weed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Reefer madness 76 KB JPG 12/06/22 (Tue)22:51:33 No.890336172 >be dirty potdrugger >hear coughing gets you higher Idea.bongrip >get The Coof intentionally >cough 10x as hard >don't get any higher, permanently damaged taste F--- you Joe Biden

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Anon doesn’t understand run-offs and grammar | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: d5Pp5QGv) [+] 12/06/22(Tue)21:51:35 No.407376083 >>407373628 (OP) # >elections were weeks ago >still not f------ done counting votes The US are a f------ joke >>407376447 #

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Anon is concerned about the ramifications of his unlimited food cheat code | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/05/22(Mon)21:07:20 No.18662470 If I "dine and dash" but also leave a tip, does it go to the server or the restaurant? Hear me out. I live in SF, and shoplifting under $950 is legal (it's not even a misdemeanor, they literally don't prosecute). Dining and dashing is perfect, because it's just some food, you're not even taking physical goods, and nobody can prove you were even there anyway. The evidence is in your stomach. 68 KB JPG However, I don't care about the restaurant, but it kind of sucks to think that a minimum wage server wouldn't get their tip. If I were to leave a tip on the table but otherwise run out on my bill, would my server be able to keep the tip? Or would the restaurant take it and put it towards the food cost? (I'd assume they can't do that, but just checking.) 12/05/22(Mon)21:08:23 No.18662472 Anonymous >>18662470 (OP) # This is exactly the kind of s--- I'd expect from a californian

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anon mocks incels | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/06/22(Tue)07:16:41 No.71283320 >>71283386 >>71283500 >>71283551 >>71283842 >>71284069 >>71284239 >>71284290 >>71284325 >>71284390 >>71284462 >>71284858 >>71285463 >>71285849 >>71286235 >he's still waiting on the incel revolution where millions of men rise up to revoke women's rights and undo the sexual revolution because they can't get laid/find girlfriends/find wives >he doesn't realize all the men capable of committing organized acts of violence are doing perfectly fine in the dating market and only the losers are lonely >he doesn't realize the vast majority of lonely incels would rather just pay prostitutes and masturbate and cope with video games than risk their life in a civil war

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Anon is epic gamer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 272 KB JPG 12/06/22 (Tue)22:29:23 No.890329110 >be school night >playing ps4 with the loner kid from school >alright man I gotta go >awww dude >yea sorry man >cut out my mic >switch to appear offline mode >play doom eternal till sunrise >show up to school half awake Rip and tear until it's done

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