Anons retarded friend | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 04/09/19(Tue)21:58:28 No.797021790 Autistic technology stories I'll start >be me 14 at the time >maths teacher let's our class go to the computer 4 KB PNG room >fuckyeah.jpg >download and play runescape on one of the computers >friend sitting next to me starts panicking and looks over at me >his screen got unplugged >howthefuckdidyoudothat.jpg >he tells me to plug it back in for him because he does not know how >and he says do NOT look at the screen >plug it in >mfw it's f------ furry p--- >mfw it's sonic vore This is why I can't be friends with that tardI have countless stories of him and his autism

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon thinks about something big and starts feeling good | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 804062733 11 min. fa •.• >be me >named David >be depressed for the past 4 years, almost killed myself a couple times >one day while eating with my mother she says that she gave me my name by the David and Goliath story >think about it 203,4 kB JPG >My depression is my Goliath >No matter how weak and insignificant I am I will prevail my Goliath and kill it >Start feeling better about myself Thanks mom.

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Rip............. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)09:06:41 No.10531852 >walking home at night >pass a group of youths >one of them tells me I dropped my gay card >I look down for it and realise I've been the victim of a practical joke >l am unmoved, I tell the youth that his provocations are futile because I am a stoic >he bursts out laughing and says it's pronounced stow-ic, not stoike >break down and cry in the street >>10532164 # >>10532217 # >>10532453 # >>10532459

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Anon knows his friend from TOP to BOTTOM | /r/Greentext

AnonymouS No.643300058 1 minute ago >Be me >Best friend and I move into a house together >Neither of us have GFs >F--- each other because it's better than masturbating >Decide to get married for tax benefits >Adopt a kid to be our little bro >One day while we f--- our balls touch >He doesnt stop and say "no h---" Am I married to a f-----? How do I tell our son? 1 reply

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Anon finds love | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: eQot91c+) 05/01/13(Wed)18:34:43 No.477045509 File: 1367447683568.jpg-(9 KB, 480x360, yui.jpg) >>477043204 >be me >be 16 >be a total beta >have few friends nothing special >total weaboo >be doing duke of edinburgh award >for the volunteering decide to help a paralyzed girl and her mum >her dad was fighting over seas at the time >first day listen to the mum about what i'll be doing idgf >meet girl >10/10 >DAYUM.jpeg >say hello how are you the usual s--- >get started helping the mum cook >me and her get talking about her daughter >ask what she does all day >she just lies in bed watching t.v. >feels bad man >don't think much other of it though >go in to take her food and to her feed her etc >SHE'S WATCHING DEATH NOTE >we start talking like crazy >discuss other anime >become friends quickly >keep up DoE award >keep talking to her >become very good friends >DOE ends >keep on visiting her after school >go out with her,with her in a wheel chair >go to park and stuff >she's never been outside for a prolonged amount of time >start dating kind of >keep on visiting and helping out >watch anime together for a couple of weeks >get onto angel beats >episode ten >find out Yui was paralyzed >keep quiet >marriage proposal scene >engageovérfeel.png >10/10 girl asks if i would like her more if she could move >tears rolling down face >throw my arms around her >softly say "you are perfect the way you are, don't ever change" that was the first time i ever hugged my wife

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Anon sees the future | /r/Greentext

> be me in 2025 > wake up > brush my teeth > stick government mandated COVID testing toothbrush down my throat for mandatory morning test > be negative 22 KB JPG > old piece of bread and water for breakfast because no more food > go shopping > need to do blood test before entering super market > wait in queue for two hours > super market shelves basically empty because no more supply chain > buy more old bread > bread now costs $299 per loaf because inflation > go to get daily mandatory booster > need to do noon COVID test before getting booster > no more rapid tests, so doctor sticks toothbrush down my throat again > COVID variants ran out of Greek letters in 2022, names now sponsored by companies > test negative for Pepsi Light variant, but have only had seven boosters against new Snickers Extra Crunchy variant > get my eight booster > win booster bingo because this was my 50th vaccination with Pfizer in a row > get free ice cream > haven't had any sweets since the great dairy and sugar shortage began in 2023 > mfw this is literally the best day in years

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Anon deceived by a lady | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 6 hours ago 772881820 >Working graveyard. >Little skank walks in to buy cigs. >She's wearing a thong bottom and a bandana for a top. >She gets Camel 99's, needs matches. >She strolls outside, lit up a smoke. >l follow, light up my own. >Smoking together, like nothing. >She takes off the bandana, and reties it. >Nice t---. >Are you gay Anon? >No lady, I'm liking the show. >That isn't the show, what happens when you lay me down is the show. >Hands me hotel key. >Walks away. >Get off work, head up street to hotel. >Open door to room, she's asleep. >Now what? >Note on TV, take a shower and crawl in naked. >What the hell >Take shower. >Crawl into bed naked, she's naked. >She turned over, not the right girl. >She screams, I run. >Nightly news says young lady got her purse stolen at bar, then attacked by naked man at hotel. >Police sketch sucks, no worries. >Lived in fear for 5years. >Never got popped.

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"It‘s evolving, but backwards" | /r/Greentext

No. 870496006 01/11/22(Tue)23:36:12 57YSZLF.png 95 KB 364x308 >be me >stupid redditfag that browses r/greentext constantly >thinks theyre hilarious >decides to visit 4chan for the first time to see whats up >ffw a week >now addicted to browsing hard p--- and gore with occasional /b/ scroll to laugh at f--- >still only ever lurked, never posted/replied >see stupid dumb ass post about guy wanting to smoke a cigar >try to make a reply calling him a kek and a f----- ni**er >completes captcha >hits "reply" >"you have mistyped the captcha" >try again >try again >keep trying for over a minute, can never get the stupid captcha right >give up 4chans s----- unreadable captcha prevented me from becoming fully corrupted and completing my transition into one of you incels. It allowed me to step back and look at myself. Never going on this site again, f------ f---. 3 replies, 0 images

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Christmas Money Well Spent | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/12/22(Wed)08:39:59 No.870499079 >be me, 19 >friend gave me $25 for christmas >get excited cause free fun money >realize that I actually don't want anything >just used it to buy gas god f------ damnit is this what growing up 60 KB JPG feels like

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Anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)21:07:25 No.62950365 The Virgin Chad >hire a h----- >tell her I'm a virgin >not actually a virgin, have had plenty of sex >but when she thinks it's my first time, she's very gentle and sensual, and I get to act nervous and submissive, which really turns 34 KB JPG me on >when I act all amazed when I touch boobs "for the first time", it actually feels more special to me >I love how caring she is and how she takes the lead if she thinks she's deflowering me >when I finish, she cuddles with me and calls me a good boy I've done this with about 20 different hookers now and I can't stop.

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Anon decides to not have depression | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/06/21 (Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me >have deppression >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never worked 9 KB JPG >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked 1 Reply View Thread

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Anons wife has a bun in the oven | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/01/18(Wed)18:07:40 No.775962516 So my wife is pregnant and we dont know the gender of the child yet. we were talking about names and she asked what names like the most 30 KB JPG >said sarcastically Chad and Stacey while trying not to laugh >mfw she said she likes those name >mfw she said that this could be the names of popular children in school >mfw when she told my and her parents and they also like them fml : Anonymous 08/01/18(Wed)18:24:06 No.775963397 >>775962516 (OP) # Inb4 babyanon will be the first autistic Chad/Stacy

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Anons a wizard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/26/16(Mon)12:08:04 No.31679831 >be autist >have nothing to do >decide to cast a magic spell because you gotta try every so often in case you DO have those secret anime powers >read 7 is magic number 13 KB PNG >make text document called 77777777777777777777 7777 777777777.txt >write a bunch of names while chanting b------- >next day neighbor is found dead AMA

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