Hasty retreat | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)10:50:19 No.866392619 >girl ive had a crush for nearly 5 years is at party >she gets really drunk >eventually get the balls to talk to her >after 30min of talking and a friend of mine being the wingman we start 7 KB JPG making out >we go to a room >im hard af already >she puts her hand inside my pants and touches my d--- >instantly c-- >c-- gets all over her hands >she stops for a moment, takes her hand out of my pants and notices the c-- >she says she has to go to the bathroom to clean her hands I wait for 30min in the room and she doesnt come back Why am i like this

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon disbelieves telephone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)23:11:20 No.866386284 >ring ring >click >hello? >various conversations >goodbye >click 42 KB JPG Imagine believing in telephone

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Anon recieves enlightenment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/08/21(Mon)14:29:51 No.866349899 BortomLEsS P11 >be me >Highschool f----- >TikTok has new trend >Stealing s--- >Steal a nice monitor from computer sciences 48 KB JPG >No one notices >No one cares >Post it on TikTok and call it my MoSt DeViOuS Lick >People call me f----- in comments saying it's my monitor and l'm lying >Realize Tikthot is f------ dumb as s--- >Be happy again Tik tok bad anons, really bad

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Anon teaches Anons to socialize | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/09/19(Tue)11:43:38 No.53293438 Rules of Socializing anons >don't be a c--- but if you are do it originally >Normal people don't like 4chan humor, think of something boring >Don't talk about sex or anime, 13 KB JPG f----- Now you know how to exist 22 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon saves water | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/02/21 (Sat)19:07:01 No.843817428 >take first shower in 3 weeks >use the good shampoo and body wash >put on best clothes >do my hair >dig out the $150 cologne 9 KB JPG >going on a date? >yes >with a woman? >no >..with a man? >no >with a newly bought fleshlight? >yes! This...this isnt how i pictured my love life in my 20s.

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Anon shoots the shit | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/20/12(Thu)19:30:01 No.25940361 You nerds don't know the meaning of embarrassment. Let me enlighten you. >be in the third grade at a school assembly >have to s--- real bad, feeling ill and feverish >we all get seated on the gym floor >holy f--- Hugo the Hornet is here! (Charlotte Homets' NBA team mascot back when they were the Charlotte Hornets) >still have to s--- so bad that I'm having cold sweats >wearing gym shorts, no underwear (1 had a phase in elementary school where I just didn't wear any, felt good man) >Hugo the Hormet starts picking up kids and flipping them over in his hands and setting them back down >starting to feel dizzy from holding my s--- >see him walking my way >he's coming RIGHT FOR ME >he picks me up and begins to flip me over >he's squeezing my gut >as I'm upside down, diarrhea begins to fly out of my ass and out the leg of my shorts, arcing through air gracefully >start screaming >gets all over Hugo and sprays all over other kids sitting in front of me, hear it plop on the gym floor as well >Hugo then drops me on my f------ head, into a pile of my own s---, hear him loudly say "WHAT THE F---" >Hugo takes off his head and reveals himself as a black man. He pukes on the floor. >the music has stopped, the room is dead silent >assume the fetal position >covered in my own s--- and can't stop farting/s------- as I lay there >start crying >pass out >wake up with someone carrying me out of the gym, holding me at distance >the tiny breathable holes in my gym shorts work like a s--- colander, leaking s--- water everywhere, leaving the hard bits in my shorts >pass out again From then on I was "The kid who s--- on Hugo the Hornet".

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Anon is waiting for it to get better | /r/Greentext

>it'll get better in high school >it'll get better in college >it'l' get better in university >it will get better when i have a job

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Anon slips up | /r/Greentext

EVEN ON THE COLDEST NIGHTS I.EAT MY OWN C-- >>60925869 F--- it might as well tell you all >work at funeral agency >have to meet up with the family to plan out the funeral >policy at work is to keep an understanding tone and not smile too much >suddenly get overcome by the knowledge of pic related. >my friend showed me this image a week ago and ever since then it has been appearing in my mind >I try my best not to smile >make it through the entire meeting without smiling while the image haunts me >at the end of the meeting youre supposed to say something inspirational and uplifting to the family >i want to say 'even on the coldest nights, the warmth of our loved ones willl let us see the dawn once more" >"even on the coldest nights, i eat my own c--"

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Anons start a war.jpg | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:03:19 No.796709970 >Be KIWI >BE A TASTY F--- >FEEL LIKE FRESHLY S----------- >BE GREEN LIKE SHREK >FULL OF VITAMINS 138 KB JPG >HEALTHY AF > TASTE OF ANGELS C------ IN YOUR MOUTH >F--- ORANGES 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:12:11 No.796710513 >Be ORANGE >BE A SWEET TANGY AND TASTY ASS M------------ >FEEL LIKEA DAMN FRUIT SHOULD FEEL AND NOT LIKE 117 KB JPG SOME HAIRY TESTICLE >BE ORANGE, LIKE A F------ ORANGE, UNLIKE KIWI WHO IS N----- ON THE OUTSIDE AND JEW ON THE INSIDE >TASTE LIKE SUGAR MIXED WITH A 9000 VOLT BATTERY OF MANLINESS, NOT FAGGOTY ANGEL SEMEN >F--- KIWIS, TINY ASS HAIRY N----- FRUIT

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Anon plays Jerkinator | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/21/17(Sun)14:36:47 No.733287790 >go on akinator >say yes when asked if your character is a p----star >answer in accordance to what you want your p----star to look like >akinator gives you a hand-picked p----star to fit your preferences akmator : 14 KB JPG >profit

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I'm sorry if this has been posted a million times. After all these years it's still my favorite. | /r/Greentext

04/29/13(Mon)12:45 No. 187606013 Anonymous File: (3 KB, 126x1 26, 1271706413287.jpg) >187605330 >Some friends are having a birthday for one of their younger brothers >They have a gamecube permanently turned on with pretty much everything unlocked in Smash Bros but no memory card (they were a bit poor) >l got him a memory card for his present >When no one is watching, save the Smash data >Little later, nonchalantly ask what's up with the gamecube, my hand is on the power button >Friend and his little brothers freak out as I turn it off >Smallest one is crying >"just kidding, happy birthday!" >Plug in the memory card and turn it back on >Save file corrupted

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Anon succumbs to his hubris | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/19(Tue)17:19:45 No.814427083 >at work >s------- >on the clock still so feelsgoodman >realize ive been wiping front to back my entire life >decide to do some science 150 KB PNG >fold my toilet paper real nice because im a professional >prepare myself for scientific discovery >reach between my legs >unfamiliar maneuver but i do my best in the pursuit of knowledge >begin wiping back to front >seems to be going well >can practically see my nobel prize >oh no >ive made a miscalculation >too much follow through >wipe s--- all over my balls >i suffer so you dont have to >in the name of science

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anon gets revenge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4|ljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >I break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?

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