Hasty retreat | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)10:50:19 No.866392619 >girl ive had a crush for nearly 5 years is at party >she gets really drunk >eventually get the balls to talk to her >after 30min of talking and a friend of mine being the wingman we start 7 KB JPG making out >we go to a room >im hard af already >she puts her hand inside my pants and touches my d--- >instantly c-- >c-- gets all over her hands >she stops for a moment, takes her hand out of my pants and notices the c-- >she says she has to go to the bathroom to clean her hands I wait for 30min in the room and she doesnt come back Why am i like this

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon disbelieves telephone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)23:11:20 No.866386284 >ring ring >click >hello? >various conversations >goodbye >click 42 KB JPG Imagine believing in telephone

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Anon recieves enlightenment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/08/21(Mon)14:29:51 No.866349899 BortomLEsS P11 >be me >Highschool f----- >TikTok has new trend >Stealing s--- >Steal a nice monitor from computer sciences 48 KB JPG >No one notices >No one cares >Post it on TikTok and call it my MoSt DeViOuS Lick >People call me f----- in comments saying it's my monitor and l'm lying >Realize Tikthot is f------ dumb as s--- >Be happy again Tik tok bad anons, really bad

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Anon teaches Anons to socialize | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/09/19(Tue)11:43:38 No.53293438 Rules of Socializing anons >don't be a c--- but if you are do it originally >Normal people don't like 4chan humor, think of something boring >Don't talk about sex or anime, 13 KB JPG f----- Now you know how to exist 22 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon saves water | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/02/21 (Sat)19:07:01 No.843817428 >take first shower in 3 weeks >use the good shampoo and body wash >put on best clothes >do my hair >dig out the $150 cologne 9 KB JPG >going on a date? >yes >with a woman? >no >..with a man? >no >with a newly bought fleshlight? >yes! This...this isnt how i pictured my love life in my 20s.

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Anon shoots the shit | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/20/12(Thu)19:30:01 No.25940361 You nerds don't know the meaning of embarrassment. Let me enlighten you. >be in the third grade at a school assembly >have to s--- real bad, feeling ill and feverish >we all get seated on the gym floor >holy f--- Hugo the Hornet is here! (Charlotte Homets' NBA team mascot back when they were the Charlotte Hornets) >still have to s--- so bad that I'm having cold sweats >wearing gym shorts, no underwear (1 had a phase in elementary school where I just didn't wear any, felt good man) >Hugo the Hormet starts picking up kids and flipping them over in his hands and setting them back down >starting to feel dizzy from holding my s--- >see him walking my way >he's coming RIGHT FOR ME >he picks me up and begins to flip me over >he's squeezing my gut >as I'm upside down, diarrhea begins to fly out of my ass and out the leg of my shorts, arcing through air gracefully >start screaming >gets all over Hugo and sprays all over other kids sitting in front of me, hear it plop on the gym floor as well >Hugo then drops me on my f------ head, into a pile of my own s---, hear him loudly say "WHAT THE F---" >Hugo takes off his head and reveals himself as a black man. He pukes on the floor. >the music has stopped, the room is dead silent >assume the fetal position >covered in my own s--- and can't stop farting/s------- as I lay there >start crying >pass out >wake up with someone carrying me out of the gym, holding me at distance >the tiny breathable holes in my gym shorts work like a s--- colander, leaking s--- water everywhere, leaving the hard bits in my shorts >pass out again From then on I was "The kid who s--- on Hugo the Hornet".

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Anon is waiting for it to get better | /r/Greentext

>it'll get better in high school >it'll get better in college >it'l' get better in university >it will get better when i have a job

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Anon slips up | /r/Greentext

EVEN ON THE COLDEST NIGHTS I.EAT MY OWN C-- >>60925869 F--- it might as well tell you all >work at funeral agency >have to meet up with the family to plan out the funeral >policy at work is to keep an understanding tone and not smile too much >suddenly get overcome by the knowledge of pic related. >my friend showed me this image a week ago and ever since then it has been appearing in my mind >I try my best not to smile >make it through the entire meeting without smiling while the image haunts me >at the end of the meeting youre supposed to say something inspirational and uplifting to the family >i want to say 'even on the coldest nights, the warmth of our loved ones willl let us see the dawn once more" >"even on the coldest nights, i eat my own c--"

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Anons start a war.jpg | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:03:19 No.796709970 >Be KIWI >BE A TASTY F--- >FEEL LIKE FRESHLY S----------- >BE GREEN LIKE SHREK >FULL OF VITAMINS 138 KB JPG >HEALTHY AF > TASTE OF ANGELS C------ IN YOUR MOUTH >F--- ORANGES 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:12:11 No.796710513 >Be ORANGE >BE A SWEET TANGY AND TASTY ASS M------------ >FEEL LIKEA DAMN FRUIT SHOULD FEEL AND NOT LIKE 117 KB JPG SOME HAIRY TESTICLE >BE ORANGE, LIKE A F------ ORANGE, UNLIKE KIWI WHO IS N----- ON THE OUTSIDE AND JEW ON THE INSIDE >TASTE LIKE SUGAR MIXED WITH A 9000 VOLT BATTERY OF MANLINESS, NOT FAGGOTY ANGEL SEMEN >F--- KIWIS, TINY ASS HAIRY N----- FRUIT

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Anon plays Jerkinator | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/21/17(Sun)14:36:47 No.733287790 >go on akinator >say yes when asked if your character is a p----star >answer in accordance to what you want your p----star to look like >akinator gives you a hand-picked p----star to fit your preferences akmator : 14 KB JPG >profit

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I'm sorry if this has been posted a million times. After all these years it's still my favorite. | /r/Greentext

04/29/13(Mon)12:45 No. 187606013 Anonymous File: (3 KB, 126x1 26, 1271706413287.jpg) >187605330 >Some friends are having a birthday for one of their younger brothers >They have a gamecube permanently turned on with pretty much everything unlocked in Smash Bros but no memory card (they were a bit poor) >l got him a memory card for his present >When no one is watching, save the Smash data >Little later, nonchalantly ask what's up with the gamecube, my hand is on the power button >Friend and his little brothers freak out as I turn it off >Smallest one is crying >"just kidding, happy birthday!" >Plug in the memory card and turn it back on >Save file corrupted

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Anon succumbs to his hubris | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/19(Tue)17:19:45 No.814427083 >at work >s------- >on the clock still so feelsgoodman >realize ive been wiping front to back my entire life >decide to do some science 150 KB PNG >fold my toilet paper real nice because im a professional >prepare myself for scientific discovery >reach between my legs >unfamiliar maneuver but i do my best in the pursuit of knowledge >begin wiping back to front >seems to be going well >can practically see my nobel prize >oh no >ive made a miscalculation >too much follow through >wipe s--- all over my balls >i suffer so you dont have to >in the name of science

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anon gets revenge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4|ljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >I break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?

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