Anons start a war.jpg | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

:Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:03:19 No.796709970 >Be KIWI >BE A TASTY F--- >FEEL LIKE FRESHLY S----------- >BE GREEN LIKE SHREK >FULL OF VITAMINS 138 KB JPG >HEALTHY AF > TASTE OF ANGELS C------ IN YOUR MOUTH >F--- ORANGES 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:12:11 No.796710513 >Be ORANGE >BE A SWEET TANGY AND TASTY ASS M------------ >FEEL LIKEA DAMN FRUIT SHOULD FEEL AND NOT LIKE 117 KB JPG SOME HAIRY TESTICLE >BE ORANGE, LIKE A F------ ORANGE, UNLIKE KIWI WHO IS N----- ON THE OUTSIDE AND JEW ON THE INSIDE >TASTE LIKE SUGAR MIXED WITH A 9000 VOLT BATTERY OF MANLINESS, NOT FAGGOTY ANGEL SEMEN >F--- KIWIS, TINY ASS HAIRY N----- FRUIT

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon plays Jerkinator | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/21/17(Sun)14:36:47 No.733287790 >go on akinator >say yes when asked if your character is a p----star >answer in accordance to what you want your p----star to look like >akinator gives you a hand-picked p----star to fit your preferences akmator : 14 KB JPG >profit

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I'm sorry if this has been posted a million times. After all these years it's still my favorite. | /r/Greentext

04/29/13(Mon)12:45 No. 187606013 Anonymous File: (3 KB, 126x1 26, 1271706413287.jpg) >187605330 >Some friends are having a birthday for one of their younger brothers >They have a gamecube permanently turned on with pretty much everything unlocked in Smash Bros but no memory card (they were a bit poor) >l got him a memory card for his present >When no one is watching, save the Smash data >Little later, nonchalantly ask what's up with the gamecube, my hand is on the power button >Friend and his little brothers freak out as I turn it off >Smallest one is crying >"just kidding, happy birthday!" >Plug in the memory card and turn it back on >Save file corrupted

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Anon succumbs to his hubris | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/19(Tue)17:19:45 No.814427083 >at work >s------- >on the clock still so feelsgoodman >realize ive been wiping front to back my entire life >decide to do some science 150 KB PNG >fold my toilet paper real nice because im a professional >prepare myself for scientific discovery >reach between my legs >unfamiliar maneuver but i do my best in the pursuit of knowledge >begin wiping back to front >seems to be going well >can practically see my nobel prize >oh no >ive made a miscalculation >too much follow through >wipe s--- all over my balls >i suffer so you dont have to >in the name of science

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anon gets revenge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4|ljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >I break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?

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Anon disappoints his father | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/18(Fri)19:43:41 No.43426628 >be me around 5pm >Dad comes home from construction job >sees me sitting at computer still in dressing gown with naruto hat >let's out the longest sigh ever and goes to his room and shut's door 64 KB JPG >mfw 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon gets caught | /r/Greentext

File: 1378927628429.jpg-(10 KB, 391x362, Kaos.jpg) Anonymous 09/11/13(Wed)14:27:08 UTC-5 No.505488847 >meeting online contact to buy some stuff >park at McDonalds >get out of my car >wait in the hot sun >my contact is late >keep waiting >sofuckinghot >some dude walks up and asks for change >"sorry, I don't have any money" >keep waiting >car finally pulls up >l give them the money, they give me the goods >get back in my car and start to drive away >another car pulls up and blocks me in >the dude from before comes up to my window >shows me his badge >he's an undercover narcotics officer >"Sir, can I see what you just purchased?" >l show him >He frowns >It's a bag of Skylanders figures >My contact was a Mom and her 7 year old son >MFW the first time I get pulled over by a cop is because I was buying toys

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Anon turns around 360 degrees | /r/Greentext

48m (11/9 6:44) · 866383926 14 Re · 5 Img · PNG · 112KB · (360 × 360) 2 Replies APU >be filling up gas in my car >watching the money counter get close to $30.00 >slow down >$29.84 >$29.95 >$29.98 >do i risk it? >go for it >$30.00 BOOM >go in to pay and the cashier is a cute girl >she smiles at me and says that'll be $30 please >i give her the money >she hands me a receipt with her phone number on it >call me, she says, i like a guy who is good with his fingers >me turn around 360 degrees and walk away i am too scared to call her, but man do i feel good for hitting those 000 trips 43m (11/9 6:49) · 866384071 7 Replies >>866383926 (OP) >turn around 360 degrees and walk away you are still walking in the same direction retard

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Femanon doesn't recycle | /r/Greentext

IT ENDS NOW >be me >working at movie theater >"hum hello, i'd like 5 tickets for end game" >5 fat neckbeards looking at me >they're like super excited >"thank you mam" >"excuse me, i've got to check 84 KB GIF your bag" >open his bag >5 empty bottles of water >"recycling you know.." >"ok have a good day" >3 hours later movie's done >"anon go check if the room is empty" >room is empty >pop corn everywhere as usual >money and keys on the floor as usual >5 bottles full of piss as usual >5 BOTTLES FULL OF PISS recycle my left nut f------ neckbeards

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Anon suffers from excessive daydreaming | /r/Greentext

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Anon dunks like no other | /r/Greentext

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Don't stop believing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)06:25:39 No.866383431 Has anyone else got any funny stories from when they were younger? >be me 10 years old, it's 2001 in the UK 12 KB PNG >playing in the street with my good friends >the road is a hill & my house is near the top >woman comes speeding down road so we all scatter & call her a bitch >she lives half way down the hill & parks at the side of the road >gets out & calls us little s---- etc. & goes inside >one day I notice some keys outside her house & because l'm a good boy I knock her door to give them back to her >she doesn't even open the door, just tells us to f--- off her property >get an idea >wait until night time, unlock her car & let off her handbrake >car begins to roll down hill & we all run away >car picks up speed & goes straight into a house at bottom of the road >all s--- our pants but go home & deny all knowledge >police come & arrest woman as she's really drunk & accuse her of leaving handbrake off >never got in trouble for it >be nice to kids

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Anon is onto something | /r/Greentext

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