Anon slips up | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

EVEN ON THE COLDEST NIGHTS I.EAT MY OWN C-- >>60925869 F--- it might as well tell you all >work at funeral agency >have to meet up with the family to plan out the funeral >policy at work is to keep an understanding tone and not smile too much >suddenly get overcome by the knowledge of pic related. >my friend showed me this image a week ago and ever since then it has been appearing in my mind >I try my best not to smile >make it through the entire meeting without smiling while the image haunts me >at the end of the meeting youre supposed to say something inspirational and uplifting to the family >i want to say 'even on the coldest nights, the warmth of our loved ones willl let us see the dawn once more" >"even on the coldest nights, i eat my own c--"

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anons start a war.jpg | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:03:19 No.796709970 >Be KIWI >BE A TASTY F--- >FEEL LIKE FRESHLY S----------- >BE GREEN LIKE SHREK >FULL OF VITAMINS 138 KB JPG >HEALTHY AF > TASTE OF ANGELS C------ IN YOUR MOUTH >F--- ORANGES 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:12:11 No.796710513 >Be ORANGE >BE A SWEET TANGY AND TASTY ASS M------------ >FEEL LIKEA DAMN FRUIT SHOULD FEEL AND NOT LIKE 117 KB JPG SOME HAIRY TESTICLE >BE ORANGE, LIKE A F------ ORANGE, UNLIKE KIWI WHO IS N----- ON THE OUTSIDE AND JEW ON THE INSIDE >TASTE LIKE SUGAR MIXED WITH A 9000 VOLT BATTERY OF MANLINESS, NOT FAGGOTY ANGEL SEMEN >F--- KIWIS, TINY ASS HAIRY N----- FRUIT

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Anon plays Jerkinator | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/21/17(Sun)14:36:47 No.733287790 >go on akinator >say yes when asked if your character is a p----star >answer in accordance to what you want your p----star to look like >akinator gives you a hand-picked p----star to fit your preferences akmator : 14 KB JPG >profit

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I'm sorry if this has been posted a million times. After all these years it's still my favorite. | /r/Greentext

04/29/13(Mon)12:45 No. 187606013 Anonymous File: (3 KB, 126x1 26, 1271706413287.jpg) >187605330 >Some friends are having a birthday for one of their younger brothers >They have a gamecube permanently turned on with pretty much everything unlocked in Smash Bros but no memory card (they were a bit poor) >l got him a memory card for his present >When no one is watching, save the Smash data >Little later, nonchalantly ask what's up with the gamecube, my hand is on the power button >Friend and his little brothers freak out as I turn it off >Smallest one is crying >"just kidding, happy birthday!" >Plug in the memory card and turn it back on >Save file corrupted

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Anon succumbs to his hubris | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/19(Tue)17:19:45 No.814427083 >at work >s------- >on the clock still so feelsgoodman >realize ive been wiping front to back my entire life >decide to do some science 150 KB PNG >fold my toilet paper real nice because im a professional >prepare myself for scientific discovery >reach between my legs >unfamiliar maneuver but i do my best in the pursuit of knowledge >begin wiping back to front >seems to be going well >can practically see my nobel prize >oh no >ive made a miscalculation >too much follow through >wipe s--- all over my balls >i suffer so you dont have to >in the name of science

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anon gets revenge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4|ljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >I break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?

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Anon disappoints his father | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/18(Fri)19:43:41 No.43426628 >be me around 5pm >Dad comes home from construction job >sees me sitting at computer still in dressing gown with naruto hat >let's out the longest sigh ever and goes to his room and shut's door 64 KB JPG >mfw 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon gets caught | /r/Greentext

File: 1378927628429.jpg-(10 KB, 391x362, Kaos.jpg) Anonymous 09/11/13(Wed)14:27:08 UTC-5 No.505488847 >meeting online contact to buy some stuff >park at McDonalds >get out of my car >wait in the hot sun >my contact is late >keep waiting >sofuckinghot >some dude walks up and asks for change >"sorry, I don't have any money" >keep waiting >car finally pulls up >l give them the money, they give me the goods >get back in my car and start to drive away >another car pulls up and blocks me in >the dude from before comes up to my window >shows me his badge >he's an undercover narcotics officer >"Sir, can I see what you just purchased?" >l show him >He frowns >It's a bag of Skylanders figures >My contact was a Mom and her 7 year old son >MFW the first time I get pulled over by a cop is because I was buying toys

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Anon turns around 360 degrees | /r/Greentext

48m (11/9 6:44) · 866383926 14 Re · 5 Img · PNG · 112KB · (360 × 360) 2 Replies APU >be filling up gas in my car >watching the money counter get close to $30.00 >slow down >$29.84 >$29.95 >$29.98 >do i risk it? >go for it >$30.00 BOOM >go in to pay and the cashier is a cute girl >she smiles at me and says that'll be $30 please >i give her the money >she hands me a receipt with her phone number on it >call me, she says, i like a guy who is good with his fingers >me turn around 360 degrees and walk away i am too scared to call her, but man do i feel good for hitting those 000 trips 43m (11/9 6:49) · 866384071 7 Replies >>866383926 (OP) >turn around 360 degrees and walk away you are still walking in the same direction retard

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Femanon doesn't recycle | /r/Greentext

IT ENDS NOW >be me >working at movie theater >"hum hello, i'd like 5 tickets for end game" >5 fat neckbeards looking at me >they're like super excited >"thank you mam" >"excuse me, i've got to check 84 KB GIF your bag" >open his bag >5 empty bottles of water >"recycling you know.." >"ok have a good day" >3 hours later movie's done >"anon go check if the room is empty" >room is empty >pop corn everywhere as usual >money and keys on the floor as usual >5 bottles full of piss as usual >5 BOTTLES FULL OF PISS recycle my left nut f------ neckbeards

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Anon suffers from excessive daydreaming | /r/Greentext

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Anon dunks like no other | /r/Greentext

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Don't stop believing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)06:25:39 No.866383431 Has anyone else got any funny stories from when they were younger? >be me 10 years old, it's 2001 in the UK 12 KB PNG >playing in the street with my good friends >the road is a hill & my house is near the top >woman comes speeding down road so we all scatter & call her a bitch >she lives half way down the hill & parks at the side of the road >gets out & calls us little s---- etc. & goes inside >one day I notice some keys outside her house & because l'm a good boy I knock her door to give them back to her >she doesn't even open the door, just tells us to f--- off her property >get an idea >wait until night time, unlock her car & let off her handbrake >car begins to roll down hill & we all run away >car picks up speed & goes straight into a house at bottom of the road >all s--- our pants but go home & deny all knowledge >police come & arrest woman as she's really drunk & accuse her of leaving handbrake off >never got in trouble for it >be nice to kids

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