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Anonymous 09/20/12(Thu)19:30:01 No.25940361 You nerds don't know the meaning of embarrassment. Let me enlighten you. >be in the third grade at a school assembly >have to s--- real bad, feeling ill and feverish >we all get seated on the gym floor >holy f--- Hugo the Hornet is here! (Charlotte Homets' NBA team mascot back when they were the Charlotte Hornets) >still have to s--- so bad that I'm having cold sweats >wearing gym shorts, no underwear (1 had a phase in elementary school where I just didn't wear any, felt good man) >Hugo the Hormet starts picking up kids and flipping them over in his hands and setting them back down >starting to feel dizzy from holding my s--- >see him walking my way >he's coming RIGHT FOR ME >he picks me up and begins to flip me over >he's squeezing my gut >as I'm upside down, diarrhea begins to fly out of my ass and out the leg of my shorts, arcing through air gracefully >start screaming >gets all over Hugo and sprays all over other kids sitting in front of me, hear it plop on the gym floor as well >Hugo then drops me on my f------ head, into a pile of my own s---, hear him loudly say "WHAT THE F---" >Hugo takes off his head and reveals himself as a black man. He pukes on the floor. >the music has stopped, the room is dead silent >assume the fetal position >covered in my own s--- and can't stop farting/s------- as I lay there >start crying >pass out >wake up with someone carrying me out of the gym, holding me at distance >the tiny breathable holes in my gym shorts work like a s--- colander, leaking s--- water everywhere, leaving the hard bits in my shorts >pass out again From then on I was "The kid who s--- on Hugo the Hornet".

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File: Screenshot 20241127-155712.png (228 KB, 742x721) Something Happened Anonymous (ID: HG6Lars) 11/27/24(Wed)17:35:15 No.489774321 ► >Polls all indicate a Harris victory, though close >Ann Selzer poll, known as a canary in a coal mine, indicated Harris winning lowa >Trump campaign suspiciously quiet nearing the end of the campaign >Harris campaign had significant energy >North Carolina predicted to be close >Virginia unusually red >The four countries willing and able to f--- with US democracy (Iran, China, Russia, NK) stand to benefit from a Trump win (cause it's destabilizing) >Billionaires cozy up to Trump despite a Harris victory being predicted >TRUMP WINS THE POPULAR VOTE >FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 20 YEARS A REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE WINS THE POPULAR VOTE >WITH AN APPROVAL RATING EQUIVALENT TO CANCER Bros, I'm telling you, something funky happened

☐ Anonymous 11/25/24(Mon) 10:39:13 No. 17295889 >>17295909 >>17295925 >>17295935 >>17295976 >win independence >DON'T devolve into military dictatorship or absolute monarchy >start off with fresh land and an unusually high literacy rate >neighbors are retarded savages who live at the mercy of nature >large ocean between them and European chimpouts >shitgoesdown.jpg >"here tovarish buy my land I need to fund a chimpout" >ok > "here America buy my land, I need to fund my own le chimpout" >ok >"hey America there was a chimpout in Texas we'll join you (and won't secede later) if you help" >ok >*doubles land in two years* It's amazing how well they took advantage of what they had. Many nations have completely fumbled the bag during their development. What went so right?

Anonymous (ID: Lvuvmf4p 11/21/24(Thu)03:45:24 No.489109549 16 KB JPG >4chan known as a right-wing Nazi haven >allows all types of opinions and rhetoric >X known as a right-wing Nazi haven >allows all types of opinions and rhetoric >reddit known as a left-wing haven >bans anyone posting anything even slightly right of center >bluesky quickly becoming known as a left-wing haven >bans anyone posting anything even slightly right of center Really makes you think.

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Anon is waiting for it to get better | /r/Greentext

>it'll get better in high school >it'll get better in college >it'l' get better in university >it will get better when i have a job

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Anon slips up | /r/Greentext

EVEN ON THE COLDEST NIGHTS I.EAT MY OWN C-- >>60925869 F--- it might as well tell you all >work at funeral agency >have to meet up with the family to plan out the funeral >policy at work is to keep an understanding tone and not smile too much >suddenly get overcome by the knowledge of pic related. >my friend showed me this image a week ago and ever since then it has been appearing in my mind >I try my best not to smile >make it through the entire meeting without smiling while the image haunts me >at the end of the meeting youre supposed to say something inspirational and uplifting to the family >i want to say 'even on the coldest nights, the warmth of our loved ones willl let us see the dawn once more" >"even on the coldest nights, i eat my own c--"

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Anons start a war.jpg | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:03:19 No.796709970 >Be KIWI >BE A TASTY F--- >FEEL LIKE FRESHLY S----------- >BE GREEN LIKE SHREK >FULL OF VITAMINS 138 KB JPG >HEALTHY AF > TASTE OF ANGELS C------ IN YOUR MOUTH >F--- ORANGES 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:12:11 No.796710513 >Be ORANGE >BE A SWEET TANGY AND TASTY ASS M------------ >FEEL LIKEA DAMN FRUIT SHOULD FEEL AND NOT LIKE 117 KB JPG SOME HAIRY TESTICLE >BE ORANGE, LIKE A F------ ORANGE, UNLIKE KIWI WHO IS N----- ON THE OUTSIDE AND JEW ON THE INSIDE >TASTE LIKE SUGAR MIXED WITH A 9000 VOLT BATTERY OF MANLINESS, NOT FAGGOTY ANGEL SEMEN >F--- KIWIS, TINY ASS HAIRY N----- FRUIT

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Anon plays Jerkinator | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/21/17(Sun)14:36:47 No.733287790 >go on akinator >say yes when asked if your character is a p----star >answer in accordance to what you want your p----star to look like >akinator gives you a hand-picked p----star to fit your preferences akmator : 14 KB JPG >profit

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I'm sorry if this has been posted a million times. After all these years it's still my favorite. | /r/Greentext

04/29/13(Mon)12:45 No. 187606013 Anonymous File: (3 KB, 126x1 26, 1271706413287.jpg) >187605330 >Some friends are having a birthday for one of their younger brothers >They have a gamecube permanently turned on with pretty much everything unlocked in Smash Bros but no memory card (they were a bit poor) >l got him a memory card for his present >When no one is watching, save the Smash data >Little later, nonchalantly ask what's up with the gamecube, my hand is on the power button >Friend and his little brothers freak out as I turn it off >Smallest one is crying >"just kidding, happy birthday!" >Plug in the memory card and turn it back on >Save file corrupted

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Anon succumbs to his hubris | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/19(Tue)17:19:45 No.814427083 >at work >s------- >on the clock still so feelsgoodman >realize ive been wiping front to back my entire life >decide to do some science 150 KB PNG >fold my toilet paper real nice because im a professional >prepare myself for scientific discovery >reach between my legs >unfamiliar maneuver but i do my best in the pursuit of knowledge >begin wiping back to front >seems to be going well >can practically see my nobel prize >oh no >ive made a miscalculation >too much follow through >wipe s--- all over my balls >i suffer so you dont have to >in the name of science

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anon gets revenge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4|ljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >I break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?

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Anon disappoints his father | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/18(Fri)19:43:41 No.43426628 >be me around 5pm >Dad comes home from construction job >sees me sitting at computer still in dressing gown with naruto hat >let's out the longest sigh ever and goes to his room and shut's door 64 KB JPG >mfw 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon gets caught | /r/Greentext

File: 1378927628429.jpg-(10 KB, 391x362, Kaos.jpg) Anonymous 09/11/13(Wed)14:27:08 UTC-5 No.505488847 >meeting online contact to buy some stuff >park at McDonalds >get out of my car >wait in the hot sun >my contact is late >keep waiting >sofuckinghot >some dude walks up and asks for change >"sorry, I don't have any money" >keep waiting >car finally pulls up >l give them the money, they give me the goods >get back in my car and start to drive away >another car pulls up and blocks me in >the dude from before comes up to my window >shows me his badge >he's an undercover narcotics officer >"Sir, can I see what you just purchased?" >l show him >He frowns >It's a bag of Skylanders figures >My contact was a Mom and her 7 year old son >MFW the first time I get pulled over by a cop is because I was buying toys

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Anon turns around 360 degrees | /r/Greentext

48m (11/9 6:44) · 866383926 14 Re · 5 Img · PNG · 112KB · (360 × 360) 2 Replies APU >be filling up gas in my car >watching the money counter get close to $30.00 >slow down >$29.84 >$29.95 >$29.98 >do i risk it? >go for it >$30.00 BOOM >go in to pay and the cashier is a cute girl >she smiles at me and says that'll be $30 please >i give her the money >she hands me a receipt with her phone number on it >call me, she says, i like a guy who is good with his fingers >me turn around 360 degrees and walk away i am too scared to call her, but man do i feel good for hitting those 000 trips 43m (11/9 6:49) · 866384071 7 Replies >>866383926 (OP) >turn around 360 degrees and walk away you are still walking in the same direction retard

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Femanon doesn't recycle | /r/Greentext

IT ENDS NOW >be me >working at movie theater >"hum hello, i'd like 5 tickets for end game" >5 fat neckbeards looking at me >they're like super excited >"thank you mam" >"excuse me, i've got to check 84 KB GIF your bag" >open his bag >5 empty bottles of water >"recycling you know.." >"ok have a good day" >3 hours later movie's done >"anon go check if the room is empty" >room is empty >pop corn everywhere as usual >money and keys on the floor as usual >5 bottles full of piss as usual >5 BOTTLES FULL OF PISS recycle my left nut f------ neckbeards

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Anon suffers from excessive daydreaming | /r/Greentext

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Greentext Stories - Anon shoots the s--- | /r/Greentext

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Anonymous 09/20/12(Thu)19:30:01 No.25940361 You nerds don't know the meaning of embarrassment. Let me enlighten you. >be in the third grade at a school assembly >have to s--- real bad, feeling ill and feverish >we all get seated on the gym floor >holy f--- Hugo the Hornet is here! (Charlotte Homets' NBA team mascot back when they were the Charlotte Hornets) >still have to s--- so bad that I'm having cold sweats >wearing gym shorts, no underwear (1 had a phase in elementary school where I just didn't wear any, felt good man) >Hugo the Hormet starts picking up kids and flipping them over in his hands and setting them back down >starting to feel dizzy from holding my s--- >see him walking my way >he's coming RIGHT FOR ME >he picks me up and begins to flip me over >he's squeezing my gut >as I'm upside down, diarrhea begins to fly out of my ass and out the leg of my shorts, arcing through air gracefully >start screaming >gets all over Hugo and sprays all over other kids sitting in front of me, hear it plop on the gym floor as well >Hugo then drops me on my f------ head, into a pile of my own s---, hear him loudly say "WHAT THE F---" >Hugo takes off his head and reveals himself as a black man. He pukes on the floor. >the music has stopped, the room is dead silent >assume the fetal position >covered in my own s--- and can't stop farting/s------- as I lay there >start crying >pass out >wake up with someone carrying me out of the gym, holding me at distance >the tiny breathable holes in my gym shorts work like a s--- colander, leaking s--- water everywhere, leaving the hard bits in my shorts >pass out again From then on I was "The kid who s--- on Hugo the Hornet".

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