Anon has a fetish | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: panic.png (67 KB, 646x595) f------ flatmate Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)14:37:22 No.64575141 [ >be me >hate flatmate >she's disgusting >but too anxious to talk with her so l'm just passive aggressive >one night >see her sleeping in her room >decide to go in and watch >distgustedlook.jpg >f------ hate her so much >suddenly urge overcomes me >spit on her head >feelinggood.jpg >next night >decide to do it again >becomes a habit >every time she does somethingI don't like, go to her room at night and spit on her >today >same procedure as almost every night >spit on her >she opens her eyes >stares at me >blank stare >scared af >run out of her room and lock into our bathroom >pic rel help it's been 9 hours and I'm still in our bathroom she tried to talk to me, but I don't know about what, just ignored it she won't leave and is probably currently studying in our living room

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Open your heart | /r/Greentext

File: bd8.png (270 KB, 1190x906) U A PT took advantage of my disabled brother Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)01:19:54 No.62578151 >>62578161 >>62578172 >>62578283 >>62578505 >>62579344 >>62579348 >>62579709 >>62579730 >>62579751 >>62579973 >>62580127 >>62580128 >>62580153 >>62581154 >>62581482 >>62581542 >>62581618 LEAST INTELIGENT COMMENT OF ALL TIME >at gym with little brother >He's 20 but had heart surgery as a kit so he's 5' tall and fully grown >No confidence, very skinny, bleached blonde hair as an Asian because our sister likes to bully him by styling his hair >Has no friends offline >Try to get him into lifting >in a mostly Chinese gym and he's doing curls with embarrassingly low weight >Big Bert, one of the strongest guys in the gym, it watching us >Wanders over >"Hi, you kids speak English" >"I'm 20, not a kid" >"Oh, sorry. It's just you're doing a bunch of accessories but no main lifts, do you want some personal training" >"It's fine, I'm training him" >"Look, anon you're a big guy, for you, but training someone else is different, and l've trained a lot of people who look just like your brother" >"Really?" >"Yeah, I'm a PE teacher at a middle and high school, oh no offense buddy, but I've taken kids who look like you and made then athletes" >Brings out his phone and has a bunch of before and after pictures >Offers to train him for free if he can use his before and after pictures >brother agrees >Puts his arm around my brother and drags him into the posing room >Follow >He makes my.brothwr take off his t-shirt and shorts >He's wearing the most pathetic faded red briefs he's had since he was in middle school because I told him to wear old clothes >His face is the same red with embarrassment >He hates people seeing his heart surgery scar >Over the next 3 months he coaches my brother and he gets more confident >Never seen him so happy >Starts spending more time with Bert outside the gym O Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)01:21:09 No.62578161 >>62578182 >>62578184 >>62578472 >>62579344 >>62579657 >>62579730 >>62579751 >>62579768 >>62579798 >>62580128 >>62580923 >>62581154 >>62581482 >>62581618 >>62581695 >>62578151 (OP) # >We go to the pool one day and he wears a speedo, he looks lean and tight like an athletic kid >Haven't seen him swim in less than baggy shorts and t-shirt for years >Showers at the pool, something he's never done since he was 12 and kids bullied him about his tiny d--- which was still tiny but he was suddenly not concerned with it >Starts walking around shirtless or in his underwear >Starts buying new clothes, find out Bert's been helping him dress better >Six months in he says he's going away for a few days to the beach with a friend >Bert turns up in a Corvette >Good to see then getting along >My brother kisses Bert Oh f--- how did I not see this earlier, this was yesterday and l'm upset This is why you never hire a PT, big Bert is named for his huge c--- in the locker room btw he's barely 5'10" I could totally mog him if I worked out as much as him

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anon works at a drive thru | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)08:01:30 No.859045093 >be me >working at restaurant drive-thru, 1 hour til shift ends >customer pulls up, asks for boba tea >impulsively say "boba deez nuts" >realize what I have done >prepare for my demise

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Anon’s been sharing secrets | /r/Greentext

Airplanes. >walk into hallway leading to plane >take a sit >"take off" >wait some time >magically "land" in a "different place" 53 KB JPG How can you retards fall for this s---? Those windows are clearly screens with CGI to make you think you actually went somewhere else.

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Anon found booger | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Booger Time 07/15/21(Thu)09:07:03 No.9788184 >be me >at day job in my cubicle >privacy.jpg >open 4chan on phone so IT can't see me >wait I am IT 39 KB JPG >dumb.mov >reading and picking nose >find GIGANTIC booger >this dude is putting up a fight >pull it out >oh yes.png >feels amazing >flick it. It goes way up to the ceiling and falls down to the ground >no worries.json >coworker yells >gets everyone's attention >oh no >everyone runs out and they evacuate >they thought it was a small roach >company spends thousands to fumigate and let's everyone work from home >week goes by >back in cubicle >another large booger >what do?

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Anon gets a letter | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)12:02:45 No.64576202 File: Honey-Nut-Cheerios_large.jpg (21 KB, 300x395) This just happened this morning Honey Nut Cheerios >Wake up >Having my breakfast >Ready to attack the day >Hear that postman's put something in my mailbox >Go to check it out >It's a large envelope addressed to me >Go back inside and open it >It's literally just the front of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios i'm scared bros. Why would someone send this to me.

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Anon sells out his grandfather | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 1ZOHXFIC) 02/22/13(Fri)08:50:50 No.460464375 Re >Be 15 >Grandfather has dementia >He thinks there's a crocodile in his living room >He sits on the other side of the room with a loaded shotgun > Keeps the door to the kitchen open >Always shouts at you if you close it >Weird because I always got told to close it before >Grandfather f------ hates crocodile >Gets worse every day >He hates it in his house because of crocodile > Eventually parents move him to hospital >He's happy >I go to visit him >He's happy because there's no crocodile > He calls me over to him one day to talk to him >Igo to him and we're discussing the crocodile >He starts laughing >This is what he tells me It's great, I love it here, and I didn't even tell the crocodile where I was going." >This is what I tell him "Yeah, but I told him." >He jumps out of bed looking for his gun > Died from a heart attack a few days later I think I killed my grandfather. This is the first time I've told anyone about this since it happened 8 years ago.

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Not the ending I expected ಠ_ಠ | /r/Greentext

File: 03eadab3f3d8cc943f8ac7319(..).jpg (47 KB, 700x591) O Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)22:54:46 No.859002996 >be me, 27, eternal virgin, social outcast >contemplate suicde >therapist tells me to get a dog >get a female golden retriever puppy >play with puppy, train puppy, get emotionally attached to dog >dog grows older, life is good >dog sleeps in my bed, we cuddle >sudden relization im basically in a relationship with my dog >begin to touch her private parts >dog takes a linking to it >end up f------ my dog >no longer suicidal >tell people online about it >get told to kill myself >sad degenerate noises

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Its not green, its crosspost, but there is a plot twist in responses at r/Finland | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/19(Thu)07:01:48 No.52191467 >>52189174 (OP) # In Finland we have this one sauna game called "Gollum" In Gollum one person goes under the sauna bench while other players sit on top of it. 29 KB JPG Then the Gollum proceeds to put his finger in someone's a------ and the other players who are sitting has to guess who has a finger up in their a------. Whoever guesses right, gets to be the next Gollum. >>52191478 # >>52191524 #

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Anon has daddy issues | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)13:23:40 No.64575859 >go to bed in nothing but chastity Bruh zone cage Bruh >mom must of seen it by accident while I was sleeping >"we need to talk about something I saw last night" What am I in for jesus christ Bruh 97 KB JPG

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Anon never forgets | /r/Greentext

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Anon faps. | /r/Greentext

File: Pepe_feels_good.jpg (32 KB, 600x600) Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)02:10:01 No.859016202 >be me >fapping to p--- >realize that the woman might be someone's mother >l might've fapped to the mother of some random loser >suddenlychad.gif >mfw

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Pakistani anon makes some friends | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/14/21(Wed)19:30:16 No.859014896 >>859014999 >>859015032 Stupidest way you made a friend. >be me pakistani >at some random desi party >meet bengali dude >try to become friends with him >i like history so i try to come up with a fun fact about Bangladeshi >remember my grandfather participated in the Bangladeshi genocide >"um uh did you know my grandfather commited war crimes in bangladesh" >realize im a f------ retard >dude starts laughing >says based in response >both of us become good friends and hang out with each other

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