Anon buys a gun | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)03:16:59 No.63446820 >turn 18 >decide it is time for me to buy weapons >read gun laws and look what I can buy >go to gun shop and buy a bolt action rifle and some ammo, ill 6 KB PNG shoot at cans in the garden >cute shop assistants asks me to prove im 18 >i show her my driving license that has an old pic >"wow, you lost a lot of weight anon, you look much better now, great job." >go bonkers and shoot her because its the nicest thing a person has ever said to me

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon doesn't know when to hold 'em | /r/Greentext

File: loss.jpg (7 KB, 294x172) Anonymous 01/03/16(Sun)18:48:42 No.661200318 Greentext stories, I'll begin >be me, 16 >lazy saturday at home >sitting at computer >have to fart >not sure if it's poop or gas >roll the dice ADAL >start pushing >watery diarrhea soaks my jeans >wasn't wearing underwear >shuffle to bathroom in shame >change jeans a little while later. >be in my room >butt cheeks start to clench >still not sure if it's s--- or fart >figure there's no way I can lose twice in one day >"hit me" >relax cheeks >immediately s--- myself >absolutely dumbfounded >shuffle back to bathroom, clean up >put on new pair of jeans and still later that day... >standing in my living room >screwing around or something >the same urge comes >clench booty tight >think really hard about my odds >still not wearing underwear >bathroom is literally four feet away >"triple or nothing, baby" >as soon as I push, diarrhea comes out >runs down my pant leg >mfw absolutely devastated I bet on a fart three times and lost every time, all in one day. Seriously, what are the odds?

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Anon is chad now | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)22:05:13 No.49510637 JESUS >be me D--- >first year of college >people for some reason are still being as edgy as they were in 10th f------ grade >phones somehow determine social status 1.65 MB PNG >acquire OnePlus 6T over thanksgiving break >phone has Gorilla Glass 6 (this is important later) >chad with XS Max laughs at phone >"Imao he got a f------ android" >mfw benchmark says it outperforms his phone >deliver him the news >chad does not believe >"at least my phone doesn't explode" >mfw a iPhone X exploded from a system update >deliver the news again >"mine has the toughest glass in a smartphone ever" says the chad >bet >have dropped phone face first, no cracks on mine before >"you sure about that buddy" >"haha yeah" >"alright bet" >"bet" >we drop our phones from same height face first onto marble floor >no screen protectors on either btw >my phone lands face first with a "whumpf" >his lands with a breaking sound >pick up phones >my screen has no damage >his screen is completely shattered >mfw made a chad break his phone and got away with it >mfw android is better

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Anon is sadist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:06:13 No.62513700 >Be me on bus >Middle of winter so bus is heated to 90 degrees >Crammed full of people standing shoulder to shoulder >Feel a tummy grumble >Lean a bit to spread cheeks so no noise escapes >Nice and quiet >Know it's going to be RANK >First pasanger starts to notice and wrinkles her nose >Then 5 >Then 10 >People now gagging trying to get away from the smell >Join in the theatrics but secretly laughing as they all gag on my gas F----- turned that bus into an Auschwitz shower stall

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Anon needs to lose weight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:57:40 No.737628777 >be me. 5'11" 260 pounds. Yes I'm fat. >my life consists of cleaning out the trashcans and wiping s--- off of hospital floors >know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks 61 KB PNG now. >he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently >"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that f------ weight so you don't die a fat slob" >he died today I don't know how to feel : Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:59:10 No.737628906 Lose the weight fgt >737630720 #

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Anon doesn't know what to do | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/13/21(Sat)15:10:49 No.849496971 >be me >32 year old single dad >have 15 year old son >he's a total social outcast, SON...WHY? stays online until 1am after ODO school 42 KB JPG >past few months he's been more feminine than usual >be eating dinner with him one day >"hey son, i've noticed you're behaving more feminine lately. do you something to tell me?" >says "you wouldn't understand" and leaves the table upset >ffw a few weeks later >he's going to meet a friend or something after school >investigationtime.bat >sneak in his room before he arrives >check his discord, all chats are roleplay conversations and servers are named stuff like "femboy hub" or gay s--- like that >check his browser history >amazon page shows up, it's some pink and white stripes high thighs >more amazon pages, this time with various anime women figurines >realize all the packages have been ordered a while ago and are arriving in half an hour, son won't be here in 4 hours wat do

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Anon is no longer sad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/21(Mon)08:20:17 No.852447592 >be me >sad about small d--- >buy clone a willy >make my c--- into a dildo >suck my own cockdildo >w--.jpg >this s--- feels huge in my mouth 7 KB JPG >i no longer feel sad about my d--- >i appreciate my c--- now >thanks clone a willy

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Anon doesn't need GBP as it isn't invented yet | /r/Greentext

File: CaveBoy.png (76 KB, 207x195) O Anonymous 09/13/20(Sun)13:58:22 No.60027826 >Be me, mamas 275 lb caveboy >No can fit out of cave >Mama hunt for me >She get small bird and boil it with fat and fine grains >She crush small seeds and mix with honey for dip >Also mix water and sour green fruit with honey >No eat anything else >Mama come to cave one day >"Me no eat for half day, tum tum hurt while you away" "Sorry anon, no find small bird. Me find elk instead" 000000000000000000000OGA >Me grab club >"If no small bird for the tum tum, you will be this caveboy's yum yum!" >Bonk mama hard on head >get flint knife and chop mama into pieces >boil in pot >OMNOMNOM.gif >That teach bitch

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Americans will measure with anything but the metric system | /r/Greentext

04/29/21(Thu)10:12:07 No.63434046 : Anonymous = >tfw no big d--- >d--- is the same length and girth as a wiimote how f----- am l? 50 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)10:20:43 No.63434134 >>63434079 # The wiimote is most certainly not 6.3 inches. 931 KB JPG >>63434154 # >>63434254 # : Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)10:22:37 No.63434154 >>63434134 # Oh s---, I thought the wiimote was a lot bigger. You're probably still fine though, like the girth seems pretty good.

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Hold the salami | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)10:10:06 No.16025656 File: 1615107116300.jpg (54 KB, 793x786) >>16025778 >working at subway >l'm up front cleaning off tables >cute coworkers in the back talking >"anon is kind of cute" >"yeah but he's kind of gay or something" >mfw I was interested, I was just really shy

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Anon is cool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/21(Sun)17:43:08 No.843898968 ZONE cool 1607458244680.jpg 92 KB JPG >going into store >see some rough looking fellas just outside entrance >nervous >walk by and say 'yo' >one says 'sup g? >mfw im a cool guy now Well since im cool now this will be my last time on 4chan, later f---

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Anon isn't bright | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)15:04:14 No.63435820 Am I retarded? >be me >Final year in high school >chatting with friends in class >girl who sat beside me gives me her number on a rolled-up piece of 3 KB JPG paper >"oh, neat" shove it into my pocket and forget about it >next semester >teacher lets us sit wherever we want >no friends in class so no one to sit beside, pick back row because I can f--- around without teacher caring/knowing >same girl sits beside me >whatever.mp4 >one day she rests her head on my shoulder >"damn, she must be tired" >just let it happen >be me now, 2 years later >realize she wanted the D : Anonymous 04/29/21 (Thu)15:07:22 No.63435842 >>63435820 (OP) # Yes you are a retard or at the very least, a eunuch f----- : Anonymous 04/29/21(Thu)15:07:45 No.63435846 >>63435820 (OP) # Jesus Christ. Yes.

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anon works at dunkin donuts | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)21:14:20 No.62961471 >Be me >Wagecuck >Work at dunkin donuts >Every morning this a------ drives up in his truck and orders a hot coffee >Makes a big deal about it being fresh and "piping hot" >becomes known around the store for being a pain in the 87 KB PNG ass to serve >one morning it's just me and another coworker >Truck guy pulls up and demands that we make it "fresh and hotter than yesterday" >Coworker makes coffee then he gets an idea >Takes the lid off and immediately dunks his balls in the coffee >Falls to the floor screaming, steaming coffee all over his balls and the floor >manager comes in and takes him to the hospital >Turns out he has second degree burns on his balls >Next day manager takes me aside and says if I tell anybody Dunkin will sue me >Pic related

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