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: Anonymous I almost committed murder. 02/08/21(Mon)18:21:50 No.62239682 >Hear someone knock at my door >I have no friends or family in this city >Look out my window >It's some dude wearing a f------ ski mask >Panic and load my .22 caliber airgun >Think about how I might f------ die 110 KB JPG tonight >I wasted my entire life just to get plugged in a f------ house robbery >Unlock the door and run behind my staircase with my gun pointed at the door >"COME IN" >It's my f------ brother. >He looks at me like I'm retarded >Walks past the door and asks if I have any snacks Is loneliness finally taking its toll on me or amI just retarded?

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Anonymous 38 KB JPG 06/08/21(Tue)19:51:50 No.146433504 >have a coworker who is Dutch >we both need to go to the same project the next day >offer to drive and say I will pick him up >he says thanks and gives me his adress >the next day I drive over to his home >he isn't fully ready to leave yet but offers me to wait inside >he asks if I want a coffee >say sure because I didn't have my morning coffee yet >his wife makes me a coffee while he finishes getting ready >drive him to the project and drop him back of at his home in the evening >he says "thank you so much for driving anon!" >get home myself >hear a notification comming in on my phone >it is a 'tikkie' for 0.50 EUR from my Dutch colleague for the morning coffee I had at his place

Anonymous 11/27/24(Wed)23:29:29 No.146551057 1713812614849717.png 1.49 MB PNG ITT: we pretend we're in Gotham Anonymous 11/28/24(Thu)08:34:28 No.146555487 I was waiting at the bus stop and next thing I know Im at Batmans feet with a broken collar bone and three weeks missing. Turns out Mad Hatter put one of stupid hats on me when my back was turned. Work says theyve already filled my position and theres nothing they can do I hate this city I hate this city Anonymous 11/28/24(Thu)08:36:40 No.146555501 I was blowing a dude in crime alley but his c--- tasted funny. Kinda... earthy? I looked up and it was Clayface. Called me a f-- and ran away laughing. 69 KB JPG

Oh my GOD just talk to actual women, we're all horny and unhappy too you're not special you f------ weirdos New York Post @nypost- Apr 15 Tech exec predicts 'Al girlfriends' will create $1B business: 'Comfort at the end of the day' trib.al/XORAIML : Anonymous (ID: P3y3PZCt >talk to women ew weirdo >dont talk to women ew weirdo 11/16/24(Sat)11:35:50 No.488637069

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Anon finds a loophole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.52625171 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male >>52625279 # >>52625320 # >>52625346 # >>52625362 #

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Anon plays RDR2 | /r/Greentext

>playing Red Dead 2 >find woman yelling about voting rights >shoot her in the head 121 KB JPG

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Mom said I could post this this week | /r/Greentext

2:41 Embracing figures at Pompeii 'could have been gay lovers', after scan reveals they are both men f share CD040683-728B-46E2-9C39-6152B03FE828.png 1.67 MB PNG >be me >drinking wine with best bro >served 10 years in army together >saved my life once >named my son after the guy >mountain f------ explodes >find house and hide for shelter >give each other one last bro hug >ash burys us both >1900 years later get found >lol gay bois

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Anon has online classes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)20:55:59 No.846884244 >be me >redditard >start using reddit during zoom classes >all cool for the most part, I still pay attention and do 60 KB JPG classwork >this goes on for a while >ten minutes ago >the usual >find a post that's just a reuploaded eric andre clip >not even that funny, has a lot of swears >still laugh like three hyenas in heat >"oh s---, that was kind of loud, better check if I was muted" >disconnected from the call >too scared to rejoin the cal| what the f--- what if they heard me and just decided they were f------ done with me

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Anon is a decepticon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/01/19(Sat)01:19:31 No.22761156 >>22753938 (OP) # >Sitting at my laptop at night in the living room alone >The front door, which is right across from me, starts f------ 41 KB JPG exploding with knocks >Not like "rapraprap", " SLAM. SLAM. SLAM." >Eventually it stops >Literally all I have with me is a transformed MP-36 Megatron >Slowly approach the door with a fake gun >I see something shift around faintly because it's making a shadowy outline on the blinds >Yell "I have a gun!" and wave Megatron around >The figure backs away without speaking I stayed at that door for a long time f------ terrified about what to do next. But that was the time Megatron saved my ass.

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Anon cockblocks himself | /r/Greentext

File: 1429329565496 jpg (36 KB, 300x360) Anonymous 12/16/16(Fri)13:48:20 No.715442556 [Reply] >>71 ITT: Times you cockblocked yourself like a retard, f'll start. >be me senoir year >no gf but i have a female friend i'm really close to >convince her to come over for some tea >ptoclaim my love for her (and that i want to f--- every hole she's got) >after a bit of talking she declines my advances >i concede >she leaves >the chair still smells like her >j------- to her smell >get a message from her >"Actuaily Anon ive changed my mind let's do this" >i awnser >"Na it's alright i alreafy jacked off" >"Ohh Ok." >wait 2 hour >realise what i did >cry myself to sleep What about you /b/rothers?

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Unconventional warfare | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21 (Mon)16:46:26 No.62238391 >used to dress up as a ninja and throw paper throwing stars >teacher gets p----- i could poke someone's eye out >"a ninja can never miss" >chuck another at a can across 278 KB JPG the room >quietly run out the door while the teacher is distracted watching where it's going >hear the can fall into the garbage as i flee >dumb boomer lecturing me even though i'm not there >notices i'm gone and starts yelling >jump into an empty trash can in the hall >camouflage perfectly with the black garbage bag >hear other kids trying to hide their laughter >later find out he looked behind the door and stormed off to do boomer things >teacher didn't know who i was either >ninjutsu success

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Two parent households | /r/Greentext

File: AFA5D113-CE9C-4541-B867-6(...).jpg (72 KB, 406x434) Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)19:15:40 No.62225441 >>62225465 >>62225485 >>62 >>62226221 >>62226344 >>62226409 >l am a 25 year old KHV >mother always tells me I need to get married and have kids >I say how would that happen if I was not able to get a gf in all this time >dad tells me to stop being a f----- U Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)19:17:49 No.62225465 >>62226286 >>62225441 (OP)# i started dating girls 8 years before that age. O Anonymous 02/O7/21(Sun)19:20:17 No 62225485

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Anon Meets An Artist | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:45:37 No.846837045 >846837279 >>846837288 >>846837578 >>846849366 File: 1595125848475.jpg (149 KB, 800x1200) >>846836294 >be me >caretaker of the molerat folk >be reading a book in the corner, everyone is in bed >coworker gets ready to leave >suddenly marge comes out of her nest >he hand is covered in red and starts fingerpainting on the wall >ask her w-- >says she found her private paint in her underwear while tickling herself >thinks this paint has a nice color and wants to make a pretty picture on the wall >basically she was mastubating and found out she had just started her period >it was chunky with clots so she thought it was paint >she draws a sun thats smiling in uteral lining on the wall as im dry heaving >give her some paper so she can "express her creativity in her room" >she takes it and giggles while going back to her cave >get gloves on and scrape the scabby painting off the wall >cowerker is laughing at me while he leaves for the night

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Anon tastes cum. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)23:19:42 No.846874457 i tasted my own c--, it was salty and i gaged do girls really like this stuff? 41 KB JPG

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Anon takes experimental drugs | /r/Greentext

>be khhv neet >apply to be part of drug trial for some extra money >goes well in the beginning but after a couple of weeks start shrinking >researchers find out it's some genetic defect and nobody else in the trial shrinks >end up staying in research lab in a lab rat cage for further testing >researcher from different division stumbles upon you and thinks you're adorable >she drops by every lunch break and gives you food and picks you out of the cage and plays with you >slowly befriend her over the span of a few weeks >convince her to ask the higher ups if you can stay with her >they agree >you're full on dating at this point and you've picked up a hobby of painting figurines >it's pretty easy since they're basically the same size as you or bigger >eventually the experiments on you end and you move in with her full time >non-disclosure agreement ends and pictures of you leak online >suddenly overnight celebrity >start streaming painting figurines >gf is easily able to quit her job due to all the donations >tfw you're the breadwinner even though you're tiny

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Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're tryin' to be so quiet? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I got a new roommate 01/28/21(Thu)22:04:59 No.62077295 >be me, a few minutes ago >hear knocking coming from my door >open the door >be met with the eerie stillness of the night >mfw I probably let a ghost enter 105 KB JPG my room just now

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Greentext Stories - Anon almost commits murder | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous I almost committed murder. 02/08/21(Mon)18:21:50 No.62239682 >Hear someone knock at my door >I have no friends or family in this city >Look out my window >It's some dude wearing a f------ ski mask >Panic and load my .22 caliber airgun >Think about how I might f------ die 110 KB JPG tonight >I wasted my entire life just to get plugged in a f------ house robbery >Unlock the door and run behind my staircase with my gun pointed at the door >"COME IN" >It's my f------ brother. >He looks at me like I'm retarded >Walks past the door and asks if I have any snacks Is loneliness finally taking its toll on me or amI just retarded?

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