Anon almost commits murder | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous I almost committed murder. 02/08/21(Mon)18:21:50 No.62239682 >Hear someone knock at my door >I have no friends or family in this city >Look out my window >It's some dude wearing a f------ ski mask >Panic and load my .22 caliber airgun >Think about how I might f------ die 110 KB JPG tonight >I wasted my entire life just to get plugged in a f------ house robbery >Unlock the door and run behind my staircase with my gun pointed at the door >"COME IN" >It's my f------ brother. >He looks at me like I'm retarded >Walks past the door and asks if I have any snacks Is loneliness finally taking its toll on me or amI just retarded?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon finds a loophole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.52625171 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male >>52625279 # >>52625320 # >>52625346 # >>52625362 #

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Anon plays RDR2 | /r/Greentext

>playing Red Dead 2 >find woman yelling about voting rights >shoot her in the head 121 KB JPG

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Mom said I could post this this week | /r/Greentext

2:41 Embracing figures at Pompeii 'could have been gay lovers', after scan reveals they are both men f share CD040683-728B-46E2-9C39-6152B03FE828.png 1.67 MB PNG >be me >drinking wine with best bro >served 10 years in army together >saved my life once >named my son after the guy >mountain f------ explodes >find house and hide for shelter >give each other one last bro hug >ash burys us both >1900 years later get found >lol gay bois

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Anon has online classes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)20:55:59 No.846884244 >be me >redditard >start using reddit during zoom classes >all cool for the most part, I still pay attention and do 60 KB JPG classwork >this goes on for a while >ten minutes ago >the usual >find a post that's just a reuploaded eric andre clip >not even that funny, has a lot of swears >still laugh like three hyenas in heat >"oh s---, that was kind of loud, better check if I was muted" >disconnected from the call >too scared to rejoin the cal| what the f--- what if they heard me and just decided they were f------ done with me

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Anon is a decepticon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/01/19(Sat)01:19:31 No.22761156 >>22753938 (OP) # >Sitting at my laptop at night in the living room alone >The front door, which is right across from me, starts f------ 41 KB JPG exploding with knocks >Not like "rapraprap", " SLAM. SLAM. SLAM." >Eventually it stops >Literally all I have with me is a transformed MP-36 Megatron >Slowly approach the door with a fake gun >I see something shift around faintly because it's making a shadowy outline on the blinds >Yell "I have a gun!" and wave Megatron around >The figure backs away without speaking I stayed at that door for a long time f------ terrified about what to do next. But that was the time Megatron saved my ass.

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Anon cockblocks himself | /r/Greentext

File: 1429329565496 jpg (36 KB, 300x360) Anonymous 12/16/16(Fri)13:48:20 No.715442556 [Reply] >>71 ITT: Times you cockblocked yourself like a retard, f'll start. >be me senoir year >no gf but i have a female friend i'm really close to >convince her to come over for some tea >ptoclaim my love for her (and that i want to f--- every hole she's got) >after a bit of talking she declines my advances >i concede >she leaves >the chair still smells like her >j------- to her smell >get a message from her >"Actuaily Anon ive changed my mind let's do this" >i awnser >"Na it's alright i alreafy jacked off" >"Ohh Ok." >wait 2 hour >realise what i did >cry myself to sleep What about you /b/rothers?

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Unconventional warfare | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21 (Mon)16:46:26 No.62238391 >used to dress up as a ninja and throw paper throwing stars >teacher gets p----- i could poke someone's eye out >"a ninja can never miss" >chuck another at a can across 278 KB JPG the room >quietly run out the door while the teacher is distracted watching where it's going >hear the can fall into the garbage as i flee >dumb boomer lecturing me even though i'm not there >notices i'm gone and starts yelling >jump into an empty trash can in the hall >camouflage perfectly with the black garbage bag >hear other kids trying to hide their laughter >later find out he looked behind the door and stormed off to do boomer things >teacher didn't know who i was either >ninjutsu success

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Two parent households | /r/Greentext

File: AFA5D113-CE9C-4541-B867-6(...).jpg (72 KB, 406x434) Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)19:15:40 No.62225441 >>62225465 >>62225485 >>62 >>62226221 >>62226344 >>62226409 >l am a 25 year old KHV >mother always tells me I need to get married and have kids >I say how would that happen if I was not able to get a gf in all this time >dad tells me to stop being a f----- U Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)19:17:49 No.62225465 >>62226286 >>62225441 (OP)# i started dating girls 8 years before that age. O Anonymous 02/O7/21(Sun)19:20:17 No 62225485

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Anon Meets An Artist | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:45:37 No.846837045 >846837279 >>846837288 >>846837578 >>846849366 File: 1595125848475.jpg (149 KB, 800x1200) >>846836294 >be me >caretaker of the molerat folk >be reading a book in the corner, everyone is in bed >coworker gets ready to leave >suddenly marge comes out of her nest >he hand is covered in red and starts fingerpainting on the wall >ask her w-- >says she found her private paint in her underwear while tickling herself >thinks this paint has a nice color and wants to make a pretty picture on the wall >basically she was mastubating and found out she had just started her period >it was chunky with clots so she thought it was paint >she draws a sun thats smiling in uteral lining on the wall as im dry heaving >give her some paper so she can "express her creativity in her room" >she takes it and giggles while going back to her cave >get gloves on and scrape the scabby painting off the wall >cowerker is laughing at me while he leaves for the night

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: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)23:19:42 No.846874457 i tasted my own c--, it was salty and i gaged do girls really like this stuff? 41 KB JPG

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Anon takes experimental drugs | /r/Greentext

>be khhv neet >apply to be part of drug trial for some extra money >goes well in the beginning but after a couple of weeks start shrinking >researchers find out it's some genetic defect and nobody else in the trial shrinks >end up staying in research lab in a lab rat cage for further testing >researcher from different division stumbles upon you and thinks you're adorable >she drops by every lunch break and gives you food and picks you out of the cage and plays with you >slowly befriend her over the span of a few weeks >convince her to ask the higher ups if you can stay with her >they agree >you're full on dating at this point and you've picked up a hobby of painting figurines >it's pretty easy since they're basically the same size as you or bigger >eventually the experiments on you end and you move in with her full time >non-disclosure agreement ends and pictures of you leak online >suddenly overnight celebrity >start streaming painting figurines >gf is easily able to quit her job due to all the donations >tfw you're the breadwinner even though you're tiny

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Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're tryin' to be so quiet? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I got a new roommate 01/28/21(Thu)22:04:59 No.62077295 >be me, a few minutes ago >hear knocking coming from my door >open the door >be met with the eerie stillness of the night >mfw I probably let a ghost enter 105 KB JPG my room just now

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