Anon takes experimental drugs | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

>be khhv neet >apply to be part of drug trial for some extra money >goes well in the beginning but after a couple of weeks start shrinking >researchers find out it's some genetic defect and nobody else in the trial shrinks >end up staying in research lab in a lab rat cage for further testing >researcher from different division stumbles upon you and thinks you're adorable >she drops by every lunch break and gives you food and picks you out of the cage and plays with you >slowly befriend her over the span of a few weeks >convince her to ask the higher ups if you can stay with her >they agree >you're full on dating at this point and you've picked up a hobby of painting figurines >it's pretty easy since they're basically the same size as you or bigger >eventually the experiments on you end and you move in with her full time >non-disclosure agreement ends and pictures of you leak online >suddenly overnight celebrity >start streaming painting figurines >gf is easily able to quit her job due to all the donations >tfw you're the breadwinner even though you're tiny

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're tryin' to be so quiet? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I got a new roommate 01/28/21(Thu)22:04:59 No.62077295 >be me, a few minutes ago >hear knocking coming from my door >open the door >be met with the eerie stillness of the night >mfw I probably let a ghost enter 105 KB JPG my room just now

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Grave digger | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)16:28:00 No.305665585 File: 1fe.png (59 KB, 658x662) >>305663403 >be me >9 years old >elementary school >20 min drive from Columbine in CO >Columbine happens >everyone freaking out all the time >leave my backpack in hallway >get pulled into principals office >"Whats this anon?" >Principal pulls out plastic sandbox shovel with rounded edges >"A toy shovel" >"It's a weapon, isn't it anon?" >"What, no, it's a toy" >"Yeah but someone might think it's a weapon" >"What how" >Principal holds up toy shovel in the air >"What if you held it up like this and threatened someone from across the playground? Wouldn't it seem like a weapon then?" >mfw true story.

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Anon is fucked | /r/Greentext

>Start studying for an exam I have in two weeks >Can't concentrate hard enough >After two hours I give up and stop studying >Try to do something else as can literally feel my brain burning for all the things I have to study in just two weeks >Try opening a game >Get stuck in the main menu as I tell myself I should study for the exam >At the same time just remembering how much I have to study makes me feel anxious and I do not want to study anymore >Get stuck in this loop of "I should study but I do not want to study" >Do nothing for the next five hours and the anxiety just rises up even more Why am I like this?

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Anon is under 6'0 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/06/21(Sat)13:03:11 No.62205732 >wake up >5'10 still 31 KB JPG

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Anon loves Robocop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/19(Mon)12:28:07 No.807496699 Feeling cute. Might maul the neighbor's child later. IDK > Be me, 21 year old virgin, early 1990's > Mom's friend's daughter comes to stay with us while see is looking for work > 19 yo qt with long black hair > We spent a lot of time together as I had to drive her around 65 KB JPG > One day we are alone at home > We are watching videos, Robocop > She stops the movie and says she has something to show me > Puts in another video, smiles and press play > P----. Never seen a p---- before, don't know why she is showing me this > Tell her to put Robocop on again > Watch Robocop in silence > Awesome movie View Thread

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Anon gets a phone book | /r/Greentext

most retarded moments thread ? > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate

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Anon meets a woman | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)19:40:17 No.846875874 >be me, 25, bored on a friday so l go to a bar as one does >a quite passable woman walks up to me, starts to jokingly make fun of my old beat up leather jacket >s---, never been negged before >end up talking more, she's legit smart and interesting, we've got a lot of mutual interests >she mentions she has a son, he's 7 >l do some quick math, f--- she had a kid at 19 >he's on a sleepover at a friend's place so she's free for the night >her apartment is quite nice >exchange numbers, keep texting >once I complain that the crackheads next door are fighting again, and she invites me over >she pulls the dog into another room so he won't try to eat me >f---, her kid is there, I have no idea what to do with kids >what if I show him how to make quesadillas from scratch >she just sits at the table, smiling while watching us cook >l end up coming over more often, even when my s----- neighbors are quiet >she's the most sensible woman I've ever met, saying if you have a problem, either you can do something to fix it or you can't, and either option, there's no use in complaining >the kid shows me minecraft OC drawings he's made, he's got a surprisingly good grasp of perspective and shading >the guard dog who hates men slowly grudgingly decides to make an exception of me >one day she calls me, with that voice like she's been laughing herself to tears >they were just shopping for clothes for the kid for the past 3 hours >they found everything he needed in the 1st hour, but he kept looking for something else from shop to shop for two hours before giving up >he was trying to find himself a leather jacket

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Anon is a hero | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21 (Mon)18:28:51 No.846871295 i f----- up /b/ im scared >walking down the street to go to shop >hear loud painful howling sounds from a dog >walk towards sound into a park-like 8 KB JPG area >theres 2 teenagers throwing rocks at a dog >they are laughing their asses off >dog is trying to hide behind a trashcan in a laying position >feel EXTREME utter rage >have never in my 31 years of life on this planet felt so much anger >walk up behind the teenagers, they dont see me >punch one in the back of the head as hard as i can >kick the other one between the legs, also very hard >both fall to the ground >look at me in utter shuck >they walk away without saying a word >adrenaline still pumping >pet the dog, sit next to him for a few minutes then pick him up >carry him to a neighbour who lives 3 minutes away who has vet experiences >tell him found dog like this alone on the road they looked around 16-18+, how f----- am i if they go to the police? what should i do?

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Anon and the piss party | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Have a piss fetish >A fellow piss fetisher invites me to a piss party >"cmon Anon there will be a pool full of piss omfg there will be so much of it!" >Can't say no to that 462 KB JPG >When l'm there the piss for some reason repels from me >Mfw I'm the only one who can't enjoy it >Why have the piss gods cursed me?

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Anon discovers revolutionary image saving method at the expense of a relationship | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:54:18 No.846801710 File: 2943D6F6-8C0A-4F1D-BDB1-1(..).jpg (121 KB, 614x518) >> >>846797625 (OP) pepe story tiem >be me >be on /b/ in 2012 >pepe blowing up >see thread of rare pepes but computer is broken and so is cell >being the autist i am save as many as humanly possible to my gfs phone to email to myself for review later >she finds them later and flips out The relationship didn't end there but I feel that was the catalyst for our inevitable separation

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Anon prepares for the day | /r/Greentext

Me preparing for a long day of racism and antisemitism R: 158 / I: 48 Ismg/ - Stock Market General: Investing in white stocks edition

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Anon makes a prediction | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)13:45:57 No.62232199 >2026 >most of population of Earth had covid, it's no longer a threat and mostly no one cares about it >2029 >suddenly scientists discover that every male who had covid is now completely sterile 428 KB JPG >humanity is on the verge of extinction >active searches for any male who had escaped covid >it appears that basement dwellers and hikkikomori are the only one who wasn't touched by covid >there's so little hikkis that countries considers it the most precious resource in the world >tension between world powers, nuclear war incoming >UN summit. Most of the strongest countries of the world decide what to do >Decision - let every country had their basement dwellers, and there's no need to declare war to take them. Instead fertile women from all over the world would be sent for these male to impregnate them >Hikkis are so rare, that the only way to make the plan work is to send the best, the most genetically successful and the most beautiful women >Still every hikki need to f--- at least 5 women a day to save the humanity >Million of dollars spend to make life of hikkis as comfortable and healthy as possible, excluding any possible stress, eating perfect food. >hikkis now has to eat Cialis every day and f------ non- stop. >they can only sleep with one girl once Uhm, anon, are you ready for that? You have to start to take care of your health starting now, or humanity won't survive.

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