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: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)23:19:42 No.846874457 i tasted my own c--, it was salty and i gaged do girls really like this stuff? 41 KB JPG

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Anonymous 38 KB JPG 06/08/21(Tue)19:51:50 No.146433504 >have a coworker who is Dutch >we both need to go to the same project the next day >offer to drive and say I will pick him up >he says thanks and gives me his adress >the next day I drive over to his home >he isn't fully ready to leave yet but offers me to wait inside >he asks if I want a coffee >say sure because I didn't have my morning coffee yet >his wife makes me a coffee while he finishes getting ready >drive him to the project and drop him back of at his home in the evening >he says "thank you so much for driving anon!" >get home myself >hear a notification comming in on my phone >it is a 'tikkie' for 0.50 EUR from my Dutch colleague for the morning coffee I had at his place

Anonymous 11/27/24(Wed)23:29:29 No.146551057 1713812614849717.png 1.49 MB PNG ITT: we pretend we're in Gotham Anonymous 11/28/24(Thu)08:34:28 No.146555487 I was waiting at the bus stop and next thing I know Im at Batmans feet with a broken collar bone and three weeks missing. Turns out Mad Hatter put one of stupid hats on me when my back was turned. Work says theyve already filled my position and theres nothing they can do I hate this city I hate this city Anonymous 11/28/24(Thu)08:36:40 No.146555501 I was blowing a dude in crime alley but his c--- tasted funny. Kinda... earthy? I looked up and it was Clayface. Called me a f-- and ran away laughing. 69 KB JPG

Oh my GOD just talk to actual women, we're all horny and unhappy too you're not special you f------ weirdos New York Post @nypost- Apr 15 Tech exec predicts 'Al girlfriends' will create $1B business: 'Comfort at the end of the day' trib.al/XORAIML : Anonymous (ID: P3y3PZCt >talk to women ew weirdo >dont talk to women ew weirdo 11/16/24(Sat)11:35:50 No.488637069

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Anon takes experimental drugs | /r/Greentext

>be khhv neet >apply to be part of drug trial for some extra money >goes well in the beginning but after a couple of weeks start shrinking >researchers find out it's some genetic defect and nobody else in the trial shrinks >end up staying in research lab in a lab rat cage for further testing >researcher from different division stumbles upon you and thinks you're adorable >she drops by every lunch break and gives you food and picks you out of the cage and plays with you >slowly befriend her over the span of a few weeks >convince her to ask the higher ups if you can stay with her >they agree >you're full on dating at this point and you've picked up a hobby of painting figurines >it's pretty easy since they're basically the same size as you or bigger >eventually the experiments on you end and you move in with her full time >non-disclosure agreement ends and pictures of you leak online >suddenly overnight celebrity >start streaming painting figurines >gf is easily able to quit her job due to all the donations >tfw you're the breadwinner even though you're tiny

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Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're tryin' to be so quiet? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I got a new roommate 01/28/21(Thu)22:04:59 No.62077295 >be me, a few minutes ago >hear knocking coming from my door >open the door >be met with the eerie stillness of the night >mfw I probably let a ghost enter 105 KB JPG my room just now

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Grave digger | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)16:28:00 No.305665585 File: 1fe.png (59 KB, 658x662) >>305663403 >be me >9 years old >elementary school >20 min drive from Columbine in CO >Columbine happens >everyone freaking out all the time >leave my backpack in hallway >get pulled into principals office >"Whats this anon?" >Principal pulls out plastic sandbox shovel with rounded edges >"A toy shovel" >"It's a weapon, isn't it anon?" >"What, no, it's a toy" >"Yeah but someone might think it's a weapon" >"What how" >Principal holds up toy shovel in the air >"What if you held it up like this and threatened someone from across the playground? Wouldn't it seem like a weapon then?" >mfw true story.

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Anon is fucked | /r/Greentext

>Start studying for an exam I have in two weeks >Can't concentrate hard enough >After two hours I give up and stop studying >Try to do something else as can literally feel my brain burning for all the things I have to study in just two weeks >Try opening a game >Get stuck in the main menu as I tell myself I should study for the exam >At the same time just remembering how much I have to study makes me feel anxious and I do not want to study anymore >Get stuck in this loop of "I should study but I do not want to study" >Do nothing for the next five hours and the anxiety just rises up even more Why am I like this?

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Anon is under 6'0 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/06/21(Sat)13:03:11 No.62205732 >wake up >5'10 still 31 KB JPG

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Anon loves Robocop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/19(Mon)12:28:07 No.807496699 Feeling cute. Might maul the neighbor's child later. IDK > Be me, 21 year old virgin, early 1990's > Mom's friend's daughter comes to stay with us while see is looking for work > 19 yo qt with long black hair > We spent a lot of time together as I had to drive her around 65 KB JPG > One day we are alone at home > We are watching videos, Robocop > She stops the movie and says she has something to show me > Puts in another video, smiles and press play > P----. Never seen a p---- before, don't know why she is showing me this > Tell her to put Robocop on again > Watch Robocop in silence > Awesome movie View Thread

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Anon gets a phone book | /r/Greentext

most retarded moments thread ? > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate

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Anon meets a woman | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)19:40:17 No.846875874 >be me, 25, bored on a friday so l go to a bar as one does >a quite passable woman walks up to me, starts to jokingly make fun of my old beat up leather jacket >s---, never been negged before >end up talking more, she's legit smart and interesting, we've got a lot of mutual interests >she mentions she has a son, he's 7 >l do some quick math, f--- she had a kid at 19 >he's on a sleepover at a friend's place so she's free for the night >her apartment is quite nice >exchange numbers, keep texting >once I complain that the crackheads next door are fighting again, and she invites me over >she pulls the dog into another room so he won't try to eat me >f---, her kid is there, I have no idea what to do with kids >what if I show him how to make quesadillas from scratch >she just sits at the table, smiling while watching us cook >l end up coming over more often, even when my s----- neighbors are quiet >she's the most sensible woman I've ever met, saying if you have a problem, either you can do something to fix it or you can't, and either option, there's no use in complaining >the kid shows me minecraft OC drawings he's made, he's got a surprisingly good grasp of perspective and shading >the guard dog who hates men slowly grudgingly decides to make an exception of me >one day she calls me, with that voice like she's been laughing herself to tears >they were just shopping for clothes for the kid for the past 3 hours >they found everything he needed in the 1st hour, but he kept looking for something else from shop to shop for two hours before giving up >he was trying to find himself a leather jacket

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Anon is a hero | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21 (Mon)18:28:51 No.846871295 i f----- up /b/ im scared >walking down the street to go to shop >hear loud painful howling sounds from a dog >walk towards sound into a park-like 8 KB JPG area >theres 2 teenagers throwing rocks at a dog >they are laughing their asses off >dog is trying to hide behind a trashcan in a laying position >feel EXTREME utter rage >have never in my 31 years of life on this planet felt so much anger >walk up behind the teenagers, they dont see me >punch one in the back of the head as hard as i can >kick the other one between the legs, also very hard >both fall to the ground >look at me in utter shuck >they walk away without saying a word >adrenaline still pumping >pet the dog, sit next to him for a few minutes then pick him up >carry him to a neighbour who lives 3 minutes away who has vet experiences >tell him found dog like this alone on the road they looked around 16-18+, how f----- am i if they go to the police? what should i do?

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Anon and the piss party | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Have a piss fetish >A fellow piss fetisher invites me to a piss party >"cmon Anon there will be a pool full of piss omfg there will be so much of it!" >Can't say no to that 462 KB JPG >When l'm there the piss for some reason repels from me >Mfw I'm the only one who can't enjoy it >Why have the piss gods cursed me?

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Anon discovers revolutionary image saving method at the expense of a relationship | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:54:18 No.846801710 File: 2943D6F6-8C0A-4F1D-BDB1-1(..).jpg (121 KB, 614x518) >> >>846797625 (OP) pepe story tiem >be me >be on /b/ in 2012 >pepe blowing up >see thread of rare pepes but computer is broken and so is cell >being the autist i am save as many as humanly possible to my gfs phone to email to myself for review later >she finds them later and flips out The relationship didn't end there but I feel that was the catalyst for our inevitable separation

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Anon prepares for the day | /r/Greentext

Me preparing for a long day of racism and antisemitism R: 158 / I: 48 Ismg/ - Stock Market General: Investing in white stocks edition

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Greentext Stories - Anon tastes c--. | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)23:19:42 No.846874457 i tasted my own c--, it was salty and i gaged do girls really like this stuff? 41 KB JPG

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