What to do /b!? I've been in love with the same girl for basically all my life but the situation is all flicked up now and I don't know how to stop flicking caring about her. Pic related, it's her

>Be crushin on same girl for all my life
>Knew her since kindergarten
>Her parents are poor and live in a one bedroom with four kids so they don't care she sleeps over most nights
>Hang out almost everyday for years
>All our friends joke about us getting married one day
>She knows I'm into her and she says she feels same way but 'doesn't want to label it
>Get her to make out but really not much more
>Says she likes me too much and is afraid well go all the way if we do anything more
>Resigned to being a virgin til I eventually many this girl
>Both of us mainly hang out with two other guys (lets call Eric and Dave)
>Mainly consists of playing Halo at my house
>Sometimes smoke weed when Eric can get it
>Talk about parties but never get invited
>Eric starts hanging out with his oldfag cousin sometimes
>Make fun of him for hanging out with 37 year old
>Says cousin buys beer and lets him smoke at his place
>wellwhydidnlyousaysointhefirstplace.jpg
>Start going to his cousins place to drink and play halo once a week when his wife and kids are gone visiting wife's parents
>He buys the beer. has food. videogames, not bad situation
>He can have a pretty annoying bossy attitude and thinks hes the king of our weekly hangs but whatever
>Start bringing the pseudo-gf to these things
>Cousin is always eyeing the fuck out of her but she's used to being the only girl at our hangs so whatever

Sorry I suck at typing.

>Even though this cousinfag knows that this girl should be off limits he is always flicking hitting on her
>Worst part is she doesn't seem to mind
>One day he asks her why it doesn't say I'm her boyfriend on facebook
>mfw when she says `Oh he's more like my best friend than anything°
>seething anger when he says 'Man you gotta lock that shit down bro. she's banging
>Only really see this cousinfag once a week and she still sleeps over all the time so thinking whatever nothing will come of it
>I keep telling her he's an asshole
>She agrees but tells me 'you know me. I don't even know how to be rude'
>Besides not like we can really stop going, ritual is pretty ingrained at this point
>Eventually start combining Halo and drinking. halo drinking games
>We're retards we didn't think of this sooner
>Old cousinfag instates random different rules all the time
>House rules he says
>Since pseudo-gf doesn't really play, he sometimes has rules involving her
>She has to get the beers if theres a multikill, shit like that
>One day he proposes she has to sit on lap of the guy who wins for the next game
>Randomly this oldfag is the best of us so rule is obviously for him
>I start to say. 'Dude I don't think she wants…"
>When at the same time she laughs and says 'You boys…. implying okay
>Feel like a huge faggot for being too protective, get red and just go with it
>She spends the majority of the next couple of hours on his lap
>Raging as we go home. get in a fight with her. make up as we always do
>Shit continues like this for the next few times
>Mostly lap sitting
>Sometimes they get her to do a joke sexy dance
>Nothing I can get publically too mad about
>My uncle has a wedding on the same day one of these hangs happens
>Ask her not to go
>She says she probably won't'
>Ask her again, basically begging this time
>She says she'll try to get out of it but that the guys are pushy and she's bad at saying no
>Both true statements. but I get mad at her telling her to have a spine
>Get in a fight again
>Don't have time to make up before leaving for wedding
>ihaveareallybadfeeling.jpg
>Fidgeting entire weekend
>Text with her on ride back with the parents. she says to call her once I get back, by the tone I know she feels guilty
>ohfuck.png
>Turns out she had gotten too drunk and they incorporated stripping into the game. cousin. Eric and Dave all saw her completely naked
>Whattheflyingfuck.jpg
>get in another fight
>mfw i realize that they've gotten more sexual pleasure out of her than me at this point
>think its basically over. have to find a new social life
>she calls me really late and comes over
>cries apologizing, says she has a really big problem saying no and will try to fix it
>forgive her and go to bed cuddling
>Really awkward with Eric and Dave the next time I see them
>Don't really address it for a while but eventually we have an awkward apology talk since I'm clearly pissed
>She stops going to the cousinfags for a while
>Eventually starts going again
>"to repair all our broken friendships" she says
>Things slowly but surely evolve back to where they were
>I know I gotta put a stop to this
>Realize booze is really the main difference between my place and oldfags
>Start taking booze out of parents cabinet when we play halo at my place
>Didn't really know what the fuck I was thinking since we still went to cousinfags as much as we used to
>Eventually parents find out
>My grades also been going down also
>Combination gets them megapissed
>Pseudo-gf can't sleep over and I can't go out for a week
>pseudo-gf and I fight over this can't even remember why the fuck we did
>Get text couple of days later from cousinfag telling us he has the place to himself so to come over
>n00000000000000000.jpg
>Try to sneak out but get caught
>Frantically try to call her but she's still pissed, not picking up
>Next day still no contact, weekend so don't see her at school
>whatthefuckwhatthefuckingfuck.jpg
>freak the fuck out, basically having emotional breakdown
>see her at school when Monday finally fucking comes
>she avoids me all day
>she leaves before I can track her down afterschool
>text her a zillion times, tell her grounding is over and I really want to talk to her, if its over she can at least tell me
>find Eric and Dave, too freaked out to be subtle ask them what the fuck happened
>really flicking flicking awkward but basically tell me that they played strip halo again
>Eric quickly leaves but Dave tells me later that Eric and cousin fag were feeling her up while she was half passed out
>says hes sorry and he tried to stop it
>have no one else to be mad at so flip out at dave
>eventually she texts me back eventually saying 'you're acting like there's something to end'
>get this in front of dave and start crying, run away
>so flicking embarrassed to even remember this flicking shit
>thinking life is over
>she comes over that night, no text no call no nothing
>is sobbing at the door
>don't even know how to be mad at her
>I tell her its okay, I heard what happened and I forgive you
>she just keeps crying and we go to bed

sorry I'm so slow. recanting is really affecting me

>middle of the night, she randomly says 1 love you'
>unexpectedbestmomentomylifejpg
>don't even hesitate. say 1 love you to&
>1-no matter what'?" she says
>I say of course
>asking no matter what continues for a while
>eventually get bad feeling
>she tells me that she had no where to go once my parents didn't let me have her over
>that she hated staying at her house and how I knew how much she hated her parents
>eventually admits she was telling oldfag this by text on her way home Friday night (when stripping happened)
>he tells her his house is free until Monday, invites her to stay over
>I am shaking while she tells me this
>The way she was acting all clicks and makes sense in my mind
>Never had a moment of clarity like this
>I don't even have to ask but I do
>She tells me they went all the way
>Not even sure why I asked the details but I had to
>how many times?
>she says I don't know a billion times and then settles down on five
>did you enjoy it?
>she says no but I press her and she says she orgasmed
>what positions?
>missionary and doggy
>condom?
>pause, no
>we're both crying this entire time
>still in state of shock in the morning, get morning after pill though at least
>We're still really weird the next few days but I'm still oddly positive
>She says I love you all the time from never saying it at all
>actually go facebook official
>everyone at school has heard about what happened but I don't give a shit
>hold hands everywhere. we tell each other as long as we have each other it'll be okay
>Finally catch up to yesterday
>Get a text from oldfag saying to come over
>Almost laugh that he thinks we're still going
>After school look for real-gf now
>see her with Eric and Dave
>Still pissed at Eric, so already in bad mood
>MFW They say they are on way over to cousinfags
>I don't even know what to say
>I say I'm not going
>when it's clear they are going to go with or without me I go with them
>just play halo and drink for a while
>so mad but don't even know what to do
>sense of awkwardness is even worse
>feel like I'm not even in the room
>try to get her to go home multiple times, eric and cousin convince her to stay
>she's on my lap the entire time with my arms around her
>end up watching Prometheus
>dave has gone home at this point
>make the mistake of getting up to get a beer
>when I'm back she's on oldfags lap
>I ask her if she's okay
>she says yes
>halfway through oldfag and her start kissing
>eric goes 'dude chill our
>mfw when she says, 'don't worry he knows'
>I tell her that I'm leaving
>She says she's going to stay

This was last night and I haven't talked to her since