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Uploaded by Reddit Moments Jun 11, 2024 at 05:21PM EDT
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![File: bXwwNXcqR3-6.png (33 KB, 300x250) $ >she starts working my d--- fast Anonymous 11/04/17(Sat) 17:22:33 No.750014916 [Reply] >>750015448 Don't date cosplayers who bring the costumes to bed /b/ > dating crazy hot girl >whenever we have sex she makes me dress up like Luigi while she goes as anyone else >She says she likes his big jewish nose >one night before she comes in she throws a crumpled red sheet >I uncrumple it and see that its the Nazi flag >she comes in >her mustache is distinct, and the uniform is very realistic >she tells me she got it from a thrift shop down the road >she tells me she's going to make me c-- so hard it'll burn >she sashays over to me >"close your eyes, Anon." >while my eyes are closed she applies some smelly lube to my d--- >"Anon, I am your master, your fuhrer, you will c-- when i tell you to >she goes faster >faster >faster >getting ready to blow >"I didn't tell you to c-- yet, Jew" >try to hold it >can't >c-- all over her Nazi uniform >she gets really mad and starts reaching her hand towards her pocket >"you know what we do with disobedient jews, anon?" >she pulls out a lighter >"we burn them, Anon." >She flips it open and a small flame pops out >she slowly brings it down towards my d--- >I'm paralyzed with fear >she lights my d--- aflame](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/836/308/e69.jpeg "Anon dates the feminine personification of 4chan | /r/Greentext")
![File 1169870637.jpg-(3 KB, 150x150) 01/26/07(Fri)23:03:57 No. 19683185 [Reply] Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A. along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one. >> 01/26/07(Fri)23:05:29 No. 19683269 I...LOVE YOU. >> 01/26/07(Fr)23:06:52 No. 19683341](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/835/777/db3.jpeg "M&M Eugenics | /r/Greentext")
![Anonymous 08/14/12(Tue)10:32:56 No.3420448 QUA >"Son, your the games you are buying are viruses! You need to remove them" >"But Mom! My Sister has Napster and Limewire installed on the computer, and she constantly downloads viruses disguised as music! I bought these games from Best Buy, they are not infected with anything!" >"No anon, Music cannot have viruses, only games can. She took the computer to Best Buy, and the employees told her the same thing after they fixed it. She ignored them and just banned me from using the family computer for two years, because my Mom always needs someone to blame except for my sister. I eventually saved up enough money to buy a near-mint condition Thinkpad, that had a broken Windows installation. I just installed Debian (Linux distro) and called it a day. Replies to this post: >>3420456 >>3422005 Anonymous 08/14/12(Tue)10:33:34 No.3420456 QUA >>3420448 [CONT] >Sister continues to use Limewire to download viruses, since she cannot tell the difference between a 5kb exe and a 5mb mp3 >While I am at school (she is supposedly sick), she takes my laptop and tries to use it for her various online activities, and quickly discovers it is impossible to install Windows programs natively on it. >She talks to my Mom and tells her that I broke my computer, and that I was probably too embarrassed to fix it >They go to Best Buy and have a fellow install Windows on it, along with every junk program on this side of the galaxy >They wiped all of school assignments and notes in the process, even the ones I was working on, AND EVEN THE F------ FAT16 PARTITION THAT WAS NAMED "BACKUP - DO NOT WIPE" >By the time I arrive home my sister has managed to f--- it up with more viruses than a two-bit w---- >My Mom tells me that the laptop is now my sister's property, since "I cannot be trusted with computers" >"But Mom, I bought it with my own money from the jobs I did last Summer. Whether I can use it 'well' is irrelevant" >She tells me that if it wasn't for her status as a local pharmacist I would have never had the jobs, so it was her money anyway >mfw only half the people I worked for knew her name And that /r9k/, is how I became known as the computer illiterate of my family Replies to this post: >>3420493 >>3420505 >>3420529 >>3420535 >>3420539 >>3420540 >>3420552 >>3420628 >>3420679 >>3420681 >>3420743 >>3420834 >>3421440 >>3422005 >>3422184 >>3422346 >>3422413 >>3422695 Anonymous 08/14/12(Tue) 10:51:50 No.3420598 Q! A >>3420529 4 I did, though I locked it in a locked chest instead of putting a lock on it. Of course my Sister though a hissy-fit, and my Mom responded by taking some of my CDs to "see how I feel when someone takes my stuff." They somehow ended up broken (including a backup disk of my sister's data), but I still refused to hand over my laptop because f--- the police, I value my computer more than any other of my possessions (besides memorabilia). Anonymous 08/14/12(Tue)10:42:26 No.3420529 QI File: 1344955346244.jpg-(8 KB, 259x194, 1344309378480.jpg) I I'M BEYOND MAD Replies to this post: >>3420554 >>3420598 >>3420456 >>3420456 >>3420456 3 Why didn't you just take it back and put a lock on it you f------ p----. 10/10 I got so f------ mad My Mom just called a locksmith and got the computer out of the chest and gave it back to my sister, who raged because I had reinstalled debian and apparently deleted her information without backing it up. Being the calm, cool, rational being she was, she through the laptop outside during her fit of rage, and it fell in a puddle while running. I did not mention it earlier because this part is just retarded, not entertaining in the least.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/002/759/577/162.jpeg "Anon's sister downloads viruses | /r/Greentext")
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