Anon is in a sticky shituation | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

>Be me 8KiB, 227x222, images.jpg Anonymous Wed 16 Jan 2019 12:15:23 No.20468843 >At work taking a s--- during my lunch break >Reading funny greentext on toilet View >Accidentally s---, laugh, and sneeze all at the same time >Sound that was supposed to be a laugh comes out as HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNppppppppppppppp pppth... (plop) >Guy in next stall shouts "JESUS CHRIST! WHAT THE F--- WAS THAT???" >Trying to stay in the stall till they leave, but breaks almost over... What do now boys?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon does side-quests in TF2 | /r/Greentext

R: 34/1:7 >kill furry >press bind >"yiff in hell furfag">repeat

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Anon's GF discovers something crazy | /r/Greentext

[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] File: 160927210830-tk-ah0927-su(...).jpg (57 KB, 1100x619) >The bandits start R----- her character >Instantly closes laptop Anonymous 07/17/23(Mon) 10:35:44 No.644388840 >GF discovers gaming laptop yesterday >Sees that I have Skyrim installed >"I Love that game anon!" >Starts playing it >"Wow you have so many cool mods" >Goes out into the wilderness >Gets attacked by bandits >Looks at me with the most concerned look i've ever seen her make She pretended to act normal the rest of the day but it was awkward as hell. I can tell she wants to talk with me about it. What should I do? Am I f-----? She's a QT gamer e-girl and I really don't want to lose her.

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Surprised Attack | /r/Greentext

Confusedvine49 Parenting 05/27/24(Mon)03:28:15 No.77626719 CHEAT ON YOUR GF YOU STUPID LITTLE CHILD! IMG_7489.jpg 668 KB JPG Why is my mom trying to teach me to cheat on my gf?

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Anon is frustrated cause of gender gap | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: WWbpAQRN) 07/24/21(Sat)11:40:12 No.331224460 Dr Angharad Watson @AngharadWatson My husband has just had a pay rise, which is lovely, but I can't help notice that in the last 10 years, his salary has increased 87%, while mine has increased by 18% I've spent most of that time working on curing cancer. He's been calculating your car insurance. 8:29 AM-Jul 21, 2021 - Twitter for Android 17.3K Retweets 977 Quote Tweets 147.7K Likes Screen Shot 2021-07-23 at 8.34.54 AM.png 146 KB PNG Why is this F------ allowed!? She is LITERALLY curing cancer and this dude works on Car Insurance rates, and he has almost F------ doubled his salary in 10 years while she is barely keeping up with inflation! Anonymous (ID: Ac2P/oy+) >>331224460 (OP) # is cancer cured yet? 07/24/21(Sat)11:41:52 No.331224662 >>331224846 # >>331225089 # >>331225531 # >>331226805 # >>331226825 # >>331227083 # >>331227108 # >>331227940 # >>331228019 # >>331228197 # >>331228259 # >>331228741 # >>331232342 # >>331232525 # >>331232839 # >>331232971 # >>331233259 # >>331233523 #

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anon finds true love | /r/Greentext

Anonymous found true love in a mental ho(...) 05/30/24(Thu)01:17:55 No.77666635 101 KB JPG >be me >have a true love of my life >nonbinary >meet in a mental hospital >one year older than me >the kindest most loving person ever >have similar mental health problems >are friends in the mental hospital, start dating once we both got out >second day of dating asks what my kinks are >willing to do anything sexual for me, lets me do facials, gives b-------, a---, anything else you want >attractive body, nice curves >watches anime >doesnt do any drugs or alcohol >have never fought before >is okay with me doing as many drugs as i like >beautiful singer >offers to do petplay >doesnt care how I look, but thinks im extremely attractive >madly in love with you >both believe we are soulmates, true love >black >adopted by white parents, basically acts white, no hood culture Living the absolute dream >pic unrelated Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)01:20:50 No.77666660 mental hospitals always result in black gfs Anonymous >>77666635 (OP) # 05/30/24(Thu)01:22:04 No.77666666 >is okay with me doing as many drugs as i like now quit those, do better for her

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Gamers gonna game | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/29/24(Mon)21:32:21 No.665354321 IQ est Your 104 The number of correct answers: 1 z 40 Time: C minec Profound Mental Retardation 166 KB JPG >disable chat so I don't get banned for typing >disable voice chat so I don't get banned for speaking >look up meta chars so I don't get banned for picking characters that I like >mute all ingame sounds so I don't get sued for copyright infringement >buy burner phone so I can launch the game in the first place >buy battle pass and xp boost so I can have a reasonable pace of progress Yep, it's gaming time

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Anon is mad because his boring greentext doesnt get the attention he thinks it deserves | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 58 KB PNG posts 06/02/24(Sun)03:15:08 No.77693667 >makes up super duper funny greentext story in my head >posts it to 4chan >waits until afternoon >opens r/4chan and r/greentext >scrolls through all recent >my post isn't there

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Friend's reboot just dropped | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1004 KB PNG 06/01/24(Sat) 15:16:07 No.31365049 >Group of 4 childhood friends in their late 20s >An incel >A butch lesbian with a 50+ body count (all women so I don't know if it counts) >A Chad with the intelectual capacity of a peanut >A Normie (me) >(Don't know the details only they know) But the incel f----- the lesbian > Now she's acting all feminine and somehow fell in love(first make she ever f-----), but he isn't reciprocating. He says he doesn't even think of her as a woman and doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Besides, her past as a slut is a burden. >Chad doesn't want to involve because "he doesn't want to take sides", in trust he is just plain stupid and useless for anything than sleeping with blonde sluts >I'm the only one with the intelligence to make the incel see that if he doesn't correspond to her feelings, the friendship is over anyway independently if he wants to ruin the friendship or the group friend a whole. Besides, he can't afford to be picky because it's not every day a girl likes him back. And between you and me, she isn't ugly when she uses girl clothes she's quite a looker, and she is trying to change her looks for him anyway. In any case. /adv/ any advice here? My friends group is collapsing. If the stupid incel doesn't listen to me it's over, but I think my words and getting to him.

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Anon becomes a dealer | /r/Greentext

1h (06/01/24 15:54) 77692383 - 0 Re - 0 Img JPG 132KB (1125 × 726) IMG_3012.jpg >be me >go to google images >search "toad" >confronted with innumerable images of toads >precisely what i wanted Enjoy some of this crop

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Anons brother will lead the revolution | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: pJ9Q8TP9) My autistic brother hates conc(...) 38 KB JPG 01/09/24(Tue)17:24:04 No.19361067 My autistic brother hates concret, specifically concrete blocks so much that instead of having political discussions at the dinner table we talk about concrete. Well its more of a rant than anything. Noone else engages, its just him sreaming about how concrete blocks were used to replace the way better brick. We had a few incidents where he lost his f------ mind. It first started at about 13 years old when he first became obsessed with traditional german construction (fachwerkhäuser, Reetdächer, etc.). After that "phase", he began acting up in public. >at 14, somehow concrete was brought up in class and he scratched a kids face for not sharing his opinion >at 15, he was found smashing concrete blocks at a nearby construction side with a hammer at night (~1500€) >at 15 he had a mental breakdown, because we went to london for vacation and london had a little to many brutalistic buildings for him to handle

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Anon is great with women | /r/Greentext

65 KB JPEG > be me 25 > decided to ask my old crush to come and hangout > it took years to get over this girl, she's perfect > to my surprise she said yes and actually drove an hour to see me > we chatted about life, walked and talked, chilled with each other and watched some videos > it's coming to the end of the day and she has to go so we say our goodbyes >tfw years of therapy and thousands of dollars have gone down the toilet in a single day

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Anon could have had a glowie gf | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 37pd/2c3) 05/31/24(Fri)19:45:15 No.469792280 File: IMG_1592.jpg (11 KB, 226x222) >>469792474 Glowies actually tried to get me a glowie gf awhile back. I had some wild s--- happen to me right before and after Jan 6th. Had nothing to do with it, but I had been trolling pretty hard. Get some call from an FBI Agent, even gave me his name because he "wanted to talk". Then they tried to send me a gf glowie, not even kidding, she just snuck into my life and was trying way-way too f------ hard. She also had dead give sways like how she walked and carried herself, constantly lied about her age etc. acted like a 12 year old with a crush, but had a tattoo on her inner thigh, had way-way too much disposable income despite her job paying significantly less than mine on paper. There were also tells of past military service-specifically Air Force Protip: Go complete sperg mode. Blast weeb tunes and be completely oblivious to any sexual advances. Just ignore it. Any way, f--- glowies, I wish I wasted more of their time.

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