Anon likes to help others. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 7 KB JPG entertainment. 08/19/18(Sun)13:30:30 No.777598427 ITT: Good deeds you've done in your life. >Be me. >Go for a walk because I'm not a shut in virgin. >Walk by trailer park for some human >Girl comes running up to me. >Tells me her dog is dying and she needs help. >F----- jumped in the pool and didn't know how to swim. >Luckily I'm an EMT in training. >Grab big ass golden retriever out of pool. >Pretty sure its dead. >Give the dog CPR. >He's not responding but I keep at it. >Girl calls 911. >Turns out they don't send ambulances for dogs. >Just before I'm about to carry it to her car he starts coughing. >Throws up all over me. >Girl comes running over and hugs dog. >His tail starts wagging. >Girl thanks me. >Gives me a hug. >Tells me she'd kiss me if she didn't have a boyfriend. >Respect her relationship and leave with my head held high. I like helping people. It makes me feel good!

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon wins a trip to America | /r/Greentext

O to tasty in seconds Rustlers DEUS EX HUMAN REVOLUTION COMING SOON TO PS3, XBOX 360 & PC WIN AN ACTION PACKED TRIP TO DETROIT Full terms & conditions and How to enter visit www.RUSTLERSONLINE.COM/DEUSEX Open to all residents in the UK/ROI/1OM/CI/NL/BE/DK Closing date 31st May 2011. See website for full terms and conditions. © SQUARE ENIX LTD. flame grilled QUARTER POUNDER with NEW SAUCE 11052/3 09:08 USEBY 18 MAR KEEP REFRIGERATED 190g SERVING SUGGESTION MUST MICROWAVE FOLLOW COOKING INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY Anonymous 04/29/12(Sun)22:24 No. 137811126 File: 1335752694.jpg-(19 KB, 320x240, 1334702813764.jpg) >eat Rustlers burger >win trip to detroit >get deported to america >thrown into the harsh streets of detroit >get r---- by n------ until I'm more c-- than man Anonymous 04/29/12(Sun)22:57 No. 137814125^ File: 1335754631.png-(14 KB, 327x367, 1333837118221.png) >nip down to the shops and pick up a rustlers beef-burger >snip off the tin, spy a shiny golden ticket >call me old mum >"wassit say then fargus?" >we's won a trip to america, mum "coo, fancy that! a holiday to florida! i'll have your father nip round the chemist tomorrow to pick up some sun cream and a--" >blimey mum, it says detroit america not florida >me mum and i douse the ouse in petrol and set spark to it >next 3 days we's on the dole, hiding in cubbards >scotland yard rounds us up, puts us on a skycar to America well we's right snoggered now, mum

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Anon takes a shower | /r/Greentext

alamy THAM ALERTY GORDON, G. LINKIN 252 KB JPG feeling better > Get COVID in 2020 > Get lots of complications, back hurts like hell, had a nasty flu and headache > Doctor gives me lots of medications for a week treatment, he also tells me I can't shower for at least 10 days > 4 days of treatment go by, start > On the 6th day of treatment feel really icky with myself, can't resist the urge to take a shower and having in mind I was feeling better do it > After the shower change my clothes and lay in bed. After a minute or two start to get really numb, my arms and legs feel really sore to the point where I can't even lift them, try to scream but can't, feels like if I was in some kind of dream paralysis. Start to get dizzy and pass out. > Wake up at midnight very sweaty but apart from that feeling very normal. Fall sleep again thinking of what happened. Did I almost f------ die just cause I took a shower or is there some other explanation of why I felt this way that day?

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Anon is regarded | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: kuwod9X1 Never talk about politics on a(...) 87 KB PNG > Be me. 06/29/23(Thu)08:38:51 No.432546445 > Spend two years longing for this girl that works at my local comic book store. > Humping my pillow madly every night. > Decided to do something about it. > Enrolled on Andrew Tate's course. > Spent literally thousands getting myself a little confidence. > Finally have the courage to ask girl out. > She agrees to come for dinner with me. > We go to Denny's. > We both ate pancakes and bacon and spoke at length about manga. > At one point we started holding hands under the table and I'm suddenly feeling really hot. > Start to think that this would be the day I kiss my first girl. > Ask for the tab. > I pay the full bill. > Girl then says something like why are you not tipping? > I make a casual comment that tipping is Jewish. > She's stunned and ask what I'm talking about. > I tell her again that tipping is Jewish and if she wanted to she could come back to my place and watch some YouTube videos on their history in Africa and Europe. > She sighs and walks out the restaurant. > I follow her outside and shout that she's an ungrateful fat bitch who has only used me for a free meal. > She drives away.

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The secret ingredient is sweating. | /r/Greentext

WHEN THE F--- ARE THESE ASSHOLES GETTING NERFED WHEN THE F--- ARE THESE ASSHOL(...) 02/03/24(Sat)21:37:29 No.665907732 Ancient-humans-superpredatorsQuora1-compressed.png 382 KB PNG >No fur >Only two legs >No claws >S----- jaw that can't bite anything >Can just throw sticks and walk >Throw stick, ow it hurts! >Run away haha get wrecked apecucks Imao >Stop for a rest >As i try to regen hp apeman comes walking over hill >Have to run again, can't get as far stam already taken a hit >Not long into rest sure enough ape is back again >Hes still just walking >Can only run so far >He just keeps walking This is f------ b------- and i'm sick of the server admins doing f--- all about it. This is a clear infinite stamina exploit and this F tier character should not be taking on S tiers and winning just because of one piece of its kit. I am starting a change.org petition so the devs sort this b------- out because i'm just going to stop playing until this b------- is fixed!!

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Recolonization Blues | /r/Greentext

Board /bant/ - International/Random Anonymous (ID: VZMMn1V0) 53 ▼ Settings Mobile Home 05/30/24(Thu)18:35:54 No.20417872 NORF.FC 259 KB JPG >Be me >Bong :( >Looking for visa sponsored jobs in the USA so I can get out before laybor cuts off mine and my sons balls and gives my house to a family of 12 feral Bombistanis. >Look on indeed >"Visa sponsored" in search >Job advertisements don't explicitly state visa sponsored unless its nursing >I'm not a nurse, don't ever want to be a nurse, don't want to wipe arses and clean d---- for a career >Believe me, I've been a patient >Find a website specifically for visa sponsored jobs in the US >Have to pay 50 quid for a years access >Cash RegisterNoise.WAV >Find a job that tailors towards me >Click apply >Link send me to indeed job >"Visa sponsored" in search >Applied through that instead What the actual f---? >Contact their customer services >Non refundable ACK!

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Anon misses out on the mighty WAAAGH! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Getting into 40k 59 KB JPG > Be me. 06/14/22(Tue)01:30:49 No.69033129 > Magic: The Gathering player. > Move to a different town for uni. > Not a single Magic player exists here. > HOWEVER, there are a fuckton of sweaty 40k players here. > F--- IT. > Decide to give 40k a go. > Spend >$100 on paints, like 20 orks, brushes, primer, glue, etc. > Assemble all orks. Learn to paint properly, spend a lot of time on my orks the coming week. > Listen to 40k lore while painting. > Watch vids of how to play. > Get hyped to finally go to a FLGS on the regular again. > A week later: > I go to the nearest gamestore and try to play with someone. > Everyone is already midgame with hours left to go. > One guy is ready to play tho. > I go up to him and ask him to play. > Tell him I've got like 20 boyz ready. > Show them. He compliments my painting, he especially liked the facial details I managed to paint. > :D > Mf then turns, looks me dead in the eyes, and goes: > "Hey anon if you wanna play 40k you're gonna need bigger orks to control the smaller ork squadrons, and a huge one to control the bigger orks. Also you should get more orks so that you reach 500p so we can have a skirmish battle." > Mfw I need to spend at least $100 more to even try the game and see if I like it. > I leave. Bro I just wanna play Magic even harder now.

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It seems today, that all you see | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 56 KB JPG 01/23/21(Sat)11:13:36 No.27427172 >read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >I can lucid dream >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" I immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >I can't control them >I have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >I have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes 14 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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A decent bartender would spit in their drinks | /r/Greentext

Anonymous tall unemployed doesn't raise brown any kids multiple baby mamas violent 193 KB PNG >the guy accepts 05/30/24(Thu)13:30:36 No.77670546 >working as a bartender in a party with rich people >waiter gets approached by a group of girls >rich girl hits his face >he won't even flinch >co workers rush to interviene but she says that she will pay 5 hundred dollars for every hit >she hits his face around 10 times paying him every time >he stops her hand around the 11th time with an ice cold face and she chimps out >turns out the guy got enough money to pay for his sister's cleft lip surgery (he already had savings but needed this amount to get the complete amount) >guy left the party crying but smiling

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Anon sees the future | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/24(Tue)22:39:42 No.38017353 4NE NEURALINK 172 KB PNG >Neuralink becomes safe (enough) for widespread use. >Soon enough those who don't have it are unable to work most non-minimum wage jobs because they're suddenly competing with applicants that can work at insanely boosted levels of productivity due to Neuralink. >At the same time, governments across the world use the opportunity to install backchannels / flat out buy the psychic information of their citizens obtained by Neuralink. >Citizens with dissident ideas/agendas are suddenly prosecuted for literal thought times as governments fabricate evidence to get them put in perma-reeducation camps. >Anyone who complains about this is a "Communist" who wants to go back to the slow-paced world before everyone could think nearly as fast as computers. There's the future. Thanks, Musk. : Anonymous 05/28/24(Tue)22:45:06 No.38017375 000 00 +

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Anon fake it, but didn't make it. (https://www.pinterest.com/pin/465770786452329692/) | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_0601.jpg (57 KB, 736x736) Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:12:27 No.77665560 >>77665579 >>77665587 I made it, bros. I finally did. WAGMI. Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:14:11 No.77665569 >I'm a normalfag bros! I'M A NORMALFAG! Good for you? Nobody gives a s---. Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:15:10 No.77665579 >>77665637 >>77665560 (OP) Good for you, now please, kindly leave Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:16:08 No.77665587 Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:18:14 No.77665597 >>77665560 (OP) Hey man, I'm proud of you. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/465770786452329692/ >>77665645 LMFAOO all the n----- malding cus they know they neva pullin a bitch Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:22:32 No.77665637 >>77665579 this. this board is no longer for you, kindle remove yourself from the premises Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:23:44 No.77665645 >>77665597 You're a white virgin, typing like a hoodrat doesn't fool anyone.

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Anon doesn't like the Breakfast Club | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/24(Tue)07:33:17 No. 199571068 2dd3d80cdc7110c9fc5b3442913ca973.jpg 37 KB JPG >le weird goth girl is actually a LARPing normalfag who hooks up with the jock >the rich stacy girl makes the poor thug think he has any kind of chance with her >the nerd gets nothing, misses out on teenage love and becomes an overworked salaryman who dies young and unmarried This movie was blackpilling propaganda.

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What did anon do wrong? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous STOP FEARTS FO YOR PR 898 KB PNG 05/29/24(Wed)20:50:59 No.77663683 >Be me, sperg f--. About to cross street corner with stop sign. >See a car approach too. >Dont like crossing the street and making the car wait. >Signal to the car they can go ahead. >Some fat she-boon is driving >Her windows are down, so I hear her start to complain. >Something about how the stop sign means I have right-of-way. >Pretend to ignore her and keep signaling her. >She finally drives off while flipping me off and yelling something incoherent. What did I do wrong?

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